I guess I should make a pinned post for this account again. link to my art blog + a general about me blurb? something like that? idk man it's really weird having two active accounts now.
maybe I should post some of my more regular art on this blog or something again. it's just gotten to be a bit of a hassle
didn't want to just dump it in the tags of that last post but re: how the fuck do you talk to family members
man. I'm gonna have to figure it out since we're going to my grandma's funeral on Friday. I'm a little fucked up about it ngl
we haven't been super close in a long time but still.... she was my Granny.... my family has never been huge either so like. idk it's just starting to really hit me harder tonight. we lost my uncle too in 2023, we never got a super clear answer on what happened there. he just went to take a nap and never got back up. and then Granny had a stroke right before Christmas in 2024, we literally spent Christmas day at the hospital. she spent a while in physical therapy after that, but she was bedbound when I last saw her this past Christmas... augh. my mom and grandad are dealing with so much right now. apparently my great uncle passed a couple of weeks ago too, so my grandad has now lost his son, his brother, and his wife. my mom told me he's been going downhill lately... isn't there some statistic out there about older couples tending to die within 6 months to a year of each other? I don't think I'd be surprised at this point. they were together for what, 55ish years?
...it's going to hurt more when we lose him. I was always closer with him. I loved Granny, I still do, but Grindaddy was always the one I spent more time doing things with. part of me is already mourning him too, alongside her. he hasn't been the man I knew as a kid for a long time now. but I think of him, and I think of the time we spent in the woods, or in the workshop, or in the floor playing with whatever toys I dragged out and insisted on.
I had good moments with Granny too, but she had less patience, especially as we got older... I still should have tried to connect with her more. I did try, too late, at the very end this last Christmas when she was stuck at home in the bed. I tried to talk to her. but I just didn't know what to say. I told her about my new job. asked her what she wanted for Christmas. new books, a new sweater... I don't know if she ever got them. my mom was the one visiting her every weekend, and I passed along the requests, but I never followed up.
I haven't been a very good granddaughter, or daughter, or person in general. I feel like I've just been moving through life in a haze of stress. who hasn't, these days? I still should have tried to call or text more, or go in person more than twice a year, three hour drive be damned.
and yet I know when I get down there tomorrow, I'm just going to start feeling the frustration of being around my family again. I miss them, but not fully, not wholly. I know it's okay to not be close with them, in theory. but I still feel like a terrible person for being so... detached.
maybe if my dad wasn't a conservative asshole and my mom could participate in a conversation without dominating it I'd feel differently. maybe I should have more patience. maybe.
Happy Moon Landing Eve! Remember to leave out milk and cookies for Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong, and don’t let Michael Collins convince you to prank NASA!
I love this addition 💖 Remember to do it metaphorically if you need to! Do it with your fingers or with a video game character if your legs aren’t an option, or if it would hurt to do so! Hell, do it mentally if that’s what it takes! But it seems like a fun way to celebrate Moon Day, at any rate.
Being a calm, gentle, non-reactive person is really hard work, which is probably why many people are none of these things. Personally I think it’s worth it but sometimes one does want to just roll around on the floor wailing at the top of one’s lungs
People in my notes who think I’m repressed or dissociating: you will feel better when you learn emotions are not a binary of Not Feeling It vs Being Overwhelmed By It
So my FIRST piece of information if you’re still a teen is that genuinely as you get older it will get easier to regulate your emotions. During adolescence our brains are undergoing a lot of growth and change that genuinely does make it harder to do this, on a scientific level. However, practicing emotional regulation skills can still help a lot and if you can find something that works it will make life easier going forward
This page has more information and recommendations for some basic exercises:
Discover effective strategies for teens to manage intense emotions, develop emotional awareness, and improve overall well-being. Expert tips
many women are excited to get old and weird, but i have great news that it's fully possible to become weird now, before you get old. just imagine the heights of weirdness you will be able to reach in fifty years if you get started now. that's what I think
