i am the cheesemaster...

|| dee || they/them || gryffindor || aussie || taurus || im a forgetfull smol queer who just wants cats and pizza and maybe a million dollars and all the rt merch in the world

[totoro-crossing]

some stuff that would be cool in the next animal crossing:

having your other characters be active in the town while you play on your main (see them walking/fishing/talking to villagers, etc..)

being able to take pictures with villagers (think of the Sims 4 camera skill) and frame the pics

placing public works projects the way you place furniture in ACHHD

l o n g e r h a i r s t y l e s

official gyroid section in the museum!!!

being able to play the live version of KK’s songs in your house

a path building system that’s something more developed than placing patterns on the ground one by one

mean villagers that you really have to work hard to get to like you/having to work harder for friendships in general

you know how sometimes a villager is like “oooh I heard _____ and _____ were together on the beach” I want those things to be REAL. i want DRAMA. give me the hot gossip being able to go in the river

placing villager houses (obviously)

bring back notes in a bottle, have them be something that you can receive from random players all over the world

seeing NPCs around the town when their shop is closed

ISABELLE GETS SUNDAYS OFF

[mysharona1987]

Like, I know he is only eight.

But the movie makes a big deal of saying he an incredibly smart eight year old. MENSA- levels of IQ.  Some of those traps were ingenious. 

One 911 phone call saying ‘Help me.’ All it would have taken for this whole mess to get sorted. 

The police come in, take good care of Kevin till the family arrives.  Arrest Harry and Marv.  

But, no. Kevin chose the dark path of cruel sadism. 

[klubbhead]

Kevin was a Sith

[refurbishedchild-blog]

How can anyone both see the Home Alone series, and think gun control will reduce violence?

[klubbhead]

GIVE👏MINORS👏ACCESS👏TO👏GUNS👏

[greater-than-the-sword]

Let me just come back in defense of Kevin. If Kevin was so smart, he must have known that calling the police would cause his family to get in trouble for leaving him alone at the house. Given Kevin’s other actions in the movie, such as pretending that he was shopping for his mom who was in the car, it seems pretty evident that he took pains to keep adults, even responsible ones, from knowing that he was alone in the house. This shows a distrust of the establishment, and it’s possible that Kevin was even aware (as I was at the age of 8) of the general concept of a CPS investigation. By refusing to call the police, Kevin was acting selflessly to keep his family from being split further. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[celtic-pyro-deactivated20230725]

A couple of bandits come to rob some poor eight-year-old’s home and you call him a sadist for taking direct action. If some mofos came and invaded the safety of MY domicile you bet your sweet ass I’d concoct the most brutal means of retaliation imaginable to ensure those bastards never set foot in another home ever again.

[that-catholic-shinobi]

Broke: Kevin was a sadist

Woke: Kevin didn’t trust the establishment and didn’t want CPS to investigate his parents

Bespoke: Kevin had a God given right to defend his property

[imonlyadumpling]

I’m almost 100% certain the phone lines were all cut lol it’s why the parents couldn't contact him

[insomniac-arrest]

movies about apocalypses: it’s every man for himself!! you can’t trust anyone, it’s a wasteland of solo travelers and sad families, we’re alone out here

humans irl: *pack bond with strangers*

*pack bond with large carnivores*

*pack bond with robots in space thousands of miles away*

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Apocalypse preppers who fantasise about all our artificial rules and governments falling away in times of chaos seem to forget that we invented those rules and governments. Over and over. When you put humans near each other, they group up and make a society; that’s why those  governments exist. Do they think we magically stop doing that in dangerous situations? Because… we don’t.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Nazi-puncher fined $1

Jeffrey Winder appealed his guilty verdict after punching “Unite the Right” organizer Jason Kessler in Charlottesville the day after protester Heather Heyer died. A jury determined Winder should serve no jail time and pay the lowest fine possible.

https://boingboing.net/2018/09/07/nazi-puncher-fined-1.html

[wilwheaton]

Keep punching Nazis.

[natural--blues]

Turns out punching Nazis isn’t just moral, it’s shockingly affordable.

[drst]

Finally a hobby milennials can afford.

[i-am-a-fish]

2019 is gonna be a slutty year I promise you

[pyronoid-d-deactivated20181217]

/r/choosingbeggars is the only good Subreddit I’ve decided

[pyronoid-d-deactivated20181217]

[pyronoid-d-deactivated20181217]

[pyronoid-d-deactivated20181217]

[moth-unit-00]

This is one of the best ones I’ve found from there

[queen-of-dirt]

Damn you’re right

[curiooftheheart]

This is so cursed I swear I lost five years of life

[applejackcat]

It’s missing the best one. NEXT!

[tailsandco]

i saw this in a bp group and cackled too much not to keep it

[thedesertmother]

I completely lost it at “then don’t buy an accordion!!”

[ambermcqueen]

These make me so angry

[triplehamburgerjack]

NEXT!

[queenqueso]

OK BUT THE VIDEO COMPILATIONS

[ankle-beez]

House of Mouse is underrated

[inkthecryptid]

Mickey is a fucking convict

[theawesomeadventurer]

T’AIN’T NOTHIN’

[dxactivatxdusxr]

A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad

[fitzefitcher]

#this is team skull

[its-just-a-phage]

The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying “You can pet me, but don’t pick me up!” One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him “did you see the sign?” He said “yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don’t pet them!” Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said “I didn’t read it right did I?” And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said “its ok, i know you’ve got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits” And I still haven’t gotten over that interaction.

[yallmightt]

I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He’s a little thing tbh we call him short and long. So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like “hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your’s is so small I think it’s a good place to start.” Ofc I was like “yes he’s very friendly!” So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks “can I pick him up?” And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two’s lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes “hey man, it’s okay just relax I’d never let anything hurt you. He’s a good boy.” I’ll never forget it ever bc I know that man looked at me (5'3 , glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like ‘ah yes the two least intimidating living things I’ve seen in Boston all day he’ll feel relaxed around them’ and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

My husband had this Dungeons and Dragons group ages ago, and one of the guys was TERRIFIED of cats.  The moment he sees one he freezes up and can barely breathe.  Said guy is almost seven feet tall and solid wall of muscle.  Whenever he came over I’d put the cats in the bedroom and chill out with a book because my cats don’t like being shut away without one of us. 

One of my cats was pawing at the door and meowing loudly, an indication she REALLY needs to use the litter box.  I let her out and decide, hey, I’m hungry, and decide to the kitchen.  I forgot to shut the bedroom door. 

Next thing I hear is the group going completely silent.  My husband very calmly asks me to come over and help him gather our two cats up.  I go over to where the group is and my black cat, Cacoa, is rubbing up against the guy’s leg, purring, and doing her “let me on your lap” meow.  The other cat, Jasper, is sitting at the window, chilling out.  I go over and pick up Cacoa and tell the big dude she’s harmless, loves laps, and would be thrilled if he pet her.  Very slowly he touches my cat’s face, and she leans right into his hand.  He then pets her back and sighs because she’s really soft and purring like mad.  After a few minutes he asks how to pick her up and if it’s okay if she sits on his lap.

He spent the next six hours spoiling my cat.  The next week he showed up with cat treats and toys because he fell in love with the cats.  He told me he was doing some research on house cats, and even talked to a vet about them.  A couple months later he adopted two cats and was as thrilled and excited as a new parent. 

[ruffboi-mags]

Oh no a new one!!!

[jack-the-lion]

Blessed post.

[anaalihelmisimpukka]

I used to work at this stable for icelandic horses and every now and then this man would turn up by the field to just watch the horses. One time I walked by him as I was going to get the horses inside, and he went ”I always wanted to learn how to ride but I’m afraid of horses because they’re so huge. If I could ride ponies like this, maybe I’d dare but now I’m too big and heavy for them.” You should have seen his face when I told them that actually they’re not ponies, just small horses and they could totally carry him. His face just lit up. Next thing I’m helping him to get on back. Today he knows how to ride.

[stealthclaw1]

A few years ago my sister and I were in Daytona Beach, and we saw this huge, burly biker. Looked like the stereotypical biker: big black beard, the goggles, leather, and a bandana. He also had a baby carrier, and in that baby carrier was a tiny little orange Pomeranian. We complimented his dog and he said, in one of the deepest voices I’ve ever heard, “thanks, his name’s Little Bear!” And he told us about how he’d take Little Bear out on his motorcycle everyday and how much the dog loved it.

[depressedanxietydeath]

Such a lovely post.

[typecozey-deactivated20201222]

I talk to myself way too much like I’ll be pumping gas or in the grocery store, then I’ll be thinking about some dumb meme that was like “spare dick sir?” And say it out loud to myself and be like “that shit killed me” and i know seeing me from afar im giving crackhead energy probably

[typecozey-deactivated20201222]

This is the one that kills me

[brainstatic]

[brainstatic]

We have an update 

[bethanyactually]

there’s more!

Pieter Hanson’s original tweet 

donate to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society

donate to Make-A-Wish

[soundssimpleright]

Force people to look at your cats and suggest they donate to charity: This guy is using his 15 minutes correctly

[professorsparklepants]

Cinderella “plot holes” I am tired of hearing about

“Why didn’t her step family recognize her?” Because royal balls were basically the candle lit equivalent of clubbing in terms of both lighting and sheer numbers. Even if they were right next to her, they probably wouldn’t get a good look, especially since it would have started after sundown. Also, she was the help; they probably hadn’t looked at her in years.

“Looking for someone based on their shoe size is stupid!” See above.

“Was he going to have every size seven in the kingdom try the slipper on?” Prior to industrialization most garments were made by hand to fit the buyer’s measurements, including shoes. It’s why poor people only had one pair. It’s a lot smarter when you consider that they would’ve fit her like a glove.

“You can’t run down stairs in heels!” I know this is a misconception resulting from historical revisionism and disneyfication, but high heels were not originally women’s shoes. They were worn by men. Women wore slippers, which were basically ballet flats. So it’s debatable.

“Glass shoes don’t make any sense!” Okay first of all, it’s called the suspension of disbelief, and secondly, they’re gold in every other version but Perrault decided to change them to something else expensive.

“She just went to the ball to find a man!” I know this isn’t a plot hole but listen. As the daughter of a widower Cinderella would’ve been running the household finances and acting as hostess if he hadn’t remarried. By demoting Cinderella to a servant, her step-mother essentially guaranteed that she would never escape the house, because the only way for her to escape and maintain her status was to marry well, and no one was going to marry a servant. It was essentially the historical equivalent of your mom stealing your college acceptance letters out of the mailbox.

[frognonbinary-deactivated202412]

this was not an analysis i was prepared for, i’ll tell you that

[mulaney]

Anonymous: Did you ever go back to the Salt and Pepper diner?

[honeybunash]

at my show he told us about this!! and then he also said that he got arrested with the same friends he went to the salt and pepper diner with and they were all named john and the police officer had them all lined up on his car and he asked the first guys name and he said john and then he asked john mulaney and he said john and then the officer said “if you say your name is john youre all going to jail” and then he said his name is john and the officer lost his shit

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

So today this kid yelled Nani the fuck?!? in the middle of a test and I felt compelled to share this to the world.

teachers, share the weird crap your kids have done!

[ralsalot]

I’m not a teacher (yet) but I do work with students and one of them had the nerve to look me dead in the eye and ask me “why would it be a bad idea for me to eat this entire marker?” They’re 11

[official-lyzzystardust]

An 4th grader asked for a high five by saying, “A little slappy to make daddy happy?”

I did not give him a high five.

[myathesleepyoctopus]

A student during break had her head in her arms and was shaking a bit, so i asked the kid next to her whether she was laughing or crying and this 8 year old stared me in the eye deadpan and said “im crying on the inside”

[myathesleepyoctopus]

Wait i take that back, I cant believe i forgot about the time i brought in a small stuffed octopus as a class mascot because why tf not. It was a class of high schoolers and i didnt imagine theyd actually care much, but one student snuck in a snack and gave it to the octopus as a tribute. Which led to other students doing the same thing, until every day there was a pile of of offerings to Fweej the Overseer, mostly consisting of things like string cheeses and small bags of chips, but sometimes there wouldd be a couple bucks in quarters, one kid brought in some giant pocky i think, and at one point there was a cold stone gift card. This stuffed octopus gained a cult following.

Later i brought in another stuffed octopus that looked exactly the same but bigger and told the class that Fweej the Overseer accepted their offerings and became stronger. These highschoolers lost their goddamn minds.

[dykes-deactivated20200607]

she’s gonna get flagged

[theworstmelodies]

who

[dykes-deactivated20200607]

the nipple reading this

[gaycism]

Enter your URL into this site to see if your blog has content that warrants permanent deletion

[trans-angel]

:0

[coffins-archive-deactivated2019]

okay im going through the rules and stuff on matsodon rn and

sexworkers are good here as long as what they post is tagged. the gore thing is :// but like the person said sexworkers are supported here.

all of this. all of this is hot as hell. 

they actually have specific rules disallowing pedophiles and nazis+the terfs from the last screenshot.

dogpiling and harrassment and stalking is listed as a no go thank fucking god??

there is not one specific staff account as each member of staff has their own thing so it’d be most likely easier to get in touch with them

and the best part

a peek at the list of blocked domains?

ive legit been on this site for ten minutes and i feel safer on this site than ive ever been on tumblr. again im not like, leaving tumblr but this place is nice as hell.

the site itself is https://mastodon.social/  and im @extinction on there lets get this bread in a safe and orderly manner gays

[coffins-archive-deactivated2019]

btw this is okay to rb so more people know how sexy this place is

[transdemyx]

now that tumblrs pg13 we can only say fuck one more time so we better use it for something good

[transdemyx]

wait