My Little Queer Space @compassionmakesushuman - Tumblr Blog

Vintage LGBTQ photos are so beautiful

people will say “they’re only friends” and then show me two people who would crawl through broken glass to hear the other laugh once. two people who have memorized each other’s coffee orders, fears, childhood stories, and emergency contacts. two people who would haunt each other’s houses as ghosts. be serious.

scribeherself

Just an FYI—the original intention of this post was to challenge the way people say only friends, as though friendship is somehow lesser than other forms of love. As if being deeply known, cherished, and chosen by another person could ever be a small thing. Normalize profound platonic love. Some of the most fulfilling, transformative, and enduring relationships we will ever have are friendships. 🫶🏼

tboy-cock

"men, women, and they/thems" man if only there was a word for people who dont identify exclusively as binary men or women. damn. if only

tboy-cock

i have people commenting and saying the things they say to include everyone but theyre still dividing people into gender categories, like saying "ladies and gentleman, and (everyone else)" and its like ok, thats probably better than just saying they/thems, but maybe I'm just southern but idk why people cant say "yall" and "folks" and other words that are made to refer to a whole group without just dividing everyone by gender. maybe in a more professional or formal setting, "esteemed guests" or just "everyone". "people"? idk why we need to do this at all. like there can be funny ones but there are words specifically the purpose of referring to a group of people of mixed/unknown genders

this-is-varsexism-transphobia

i’ve been thinking about this a lot. and i wanted to share it somewhere, and i like this blog a lot, and maybe you’ve heard this before in which case i’m sorry, but anyway i think the unwillingness for people with PMOS to self-identify as intersex is rooted in intersexism a large percentage of the time

Oh absolutely. Most of the time, when a person with PMOS declines the idea of being intersex, there's some weird explanation behind it.

I've seen this quite a few times with women who have PMOS. I've seen many of them say "I am not intersex, I am a woman" as if those are two distinct things.

The other thing I often hear is "well, hormones aren't enough to make me intersex", which just spreads misinformation about what intersexuality is, and also downplays people with other hormonal variations.

If someone chooses not to use the intersex label purely because they feel no attachment to it, that's one thing. But saying it's because it "devalues your gender identity" or "isn't enough to be intersex" is intersexist.

(Note: PMOS is the new name for PCOS. More on that here [link.])

this-is-varsexism-transphobia

Its just sad, the lack of education on what the word "intersex" really entails, and the othering of intersex people. Being intersex doesn't make anyone less (or more) of a man, woman, or enban.

homunculus-argument

"But won't children be confused by all the LGBT-"

Yesterday I saw a mother with a baby carriage, being followed by a girl of about 4-6 years old on a bicycle. The kid started ringing her bike bell like RING RING RING RING RING RING RING, and the mother turned to look behind them to see whether they were being followed by a cyclist who desperately needs to pass them for the sake of everyone's safety.

And the little girl - who just rang the goddamn bell herself 5 seconds ago - also turned to look.

Kids are confused by everything at all times. They don't know jack shit. About anything.

jumpingjacktrash

i remember being like 8 or 9 and being told that my dad’s ex-wife was no longer diane and we were to address her as daniel now. my reaction: “ok.”

me and my brother later had a small discussion about whether that could happen randomly (conclusion: no, he probably had to file papers or something) and whether daniel should now be referred to as dad’s ex-husband (conclusion: yes but only to see the face he’ll make) but at no point did we find it like... alarming? the world is big and weird. we were used to it.

finding out a sorta-relative could just change genders off camera, as it were, was a whole lot less head-splodey than finding out there were no squirrels in australia!

scattered-to-the-winds

There’s no what

ashfae

"Won't they be confused by all the--" So what if they are? Life is often confusing. That's part of how we learn. Part of the job of an adult is to help confused kids learn and understand things. There's no obligation to protect the kids from the confusing things. Quite the reverse.

In my experience anyone using this BS excuse isn't worried about a child's potential confusion, but their own, which they don't want to admit to having.

indieninja92

theres no squirrels in australia???

marleythegoldfish

Aussie here, I DIDN'T KNOW SQUIRRELS WERE ACTUALLY REAL FOR THE FIRST EIGHT YEARS OF MY LIFE NO JOKE I THOUGHT THEY WERE A MYTHICAL ANIMAL LIKE UNICORNS

alostpan

WHAT??

mariposakitten

Also kids are far less likely to be confused by something the younger they learn about it. Kiddo had queer people in his life and casual references to queerness before he could even talk. It was never confusing for him. It was normal.

galadriel1010

Squirrels were an invasive species to Australia but they never managed to gain a foothold and were eradicated within a few years of their arrival.

maimonideznuts

I remember the Palm Squirrels in Perth... But I think they've been eradicated too.

Also my older sister thought Narwhals were mythical for an embarrassingly long time.

mossy-aro

sometimes finding aromanticism in media isn’t literally about aromanticism… sometimes it’s about the deconstruction of love as a concept and the subversion of its perception as inherently humanising. it’s about the decentering of romance as a driving force in the narrative. and also sometimes it’s about love being central to the narrative but in a way that defies all traditional categorisations of romantic / platonic / anything else. it is the secret third thing yet so much more and less at once. the point is aromanticism is everywhere for those with eyes to see

rock-kandyshark

I think you're actually allowed to headcanon a character as trans for any reason at all. It's absolutely bullshit the way people act as if you need to write a dissertation every time you want to make blorbo transgender

whimsical-catacombs

they call me the sex toy assassin on account of the way i can effortlessly kill a vibe

prokopetz

The whole "we're a diverse company, Susan from accounting is a goth" thing doesn't even hit as a meme for me. I've worked government and corporate IT, and in my experience a lot of work sites will in fact cite the fact that they don't make the desk jockeys cover their tattoos or remove their nasal piercings during work hours as proof of their commitment to diversity. It's actually, genuinely Like That.

sudaca-swag

the demonization of condoms as a method by younger gens is awful because when speaking about sexual health no method is as safe, as easy and as complete as prophylactics, stop thinking about just preventing pregnancies, there's millions of things you need to be protecting against that are not reversible unlike pregnancies

a-polite-melody

Within current systems, trans people of all genders, as well as intersex people of all genders, are subject to the bigoted multi-framing of our sexes and/or genders, based on whichever is most convenient to the bigot, which can manifest as any one or multiple of:

- that the trans person is a privileged, intrusive, purely sexually-driven, abusive, predatory, beastly, and dangerous “male/man”

- that the trans person is a frivolous, air-headed, whiny, hysterical, bitchy/cunty, but too innocent and frail-minded to be trusted to make their own choices “female/woman”

- that the trans person is a flaky, self-absorbed, delusional, special-snowflake, disgusting, ugly freak of a *slur*

If you think any of this treatment is exclusive to any particular gender of us, you’re not listening hard enough to, or to a varied enough sample of, trans and intersex people of all genders speaking on their experiences.

captain-price-returns

transfemme-shelterdog

Oh yeah Paul Elam, creator of the Voice for Men project.

Yeah, he's a bit of a character.

sodomit

I have actually heard this story, and he was violently abused his entire childhood, physically and emotionally. This specific incident involved him being restrained on the floor and having medicine forced into him.

He grew up into an asshole and made asshole conclusions from it, he should have analyzed the power dynamic between him and his mother in terms of oppression of children by adults, but his current behavior doesn't make what was done to him any less horrible.

hyperlexichypatia

Misogynists will grow up abused by their mothers and conclude that they should rightly have been getting abused by their fathers instead.

taelenne-deactivated20130920

how do u know the porn you’re watching is totally consensual

that these women weren’t forced into this work

that these women are of age

that these women were treated properly on set

that these women are okay with it being released in the format it has been released(onto which website/etc)

you fucking don’t

polarbong-deactivated20230616

IF YOU’RE WATCHING HIGH-PRODUCTION PORN FROM MAINSTREAM COMPANIES, YOU CAN NOW BE CERTAIN OF ALL OF THESE THINGS. The major companies require an STD test every fourteen days, and some even require WEEKLY tests. They go to great lengths to make sure the performers feel comfortable on set and their actions are consensual, before and after filming.

They go to very, VEEEEEEEERY, perhaps annoyingly great lengths to verify age. If I lose ONE of my government-issued ID’s, I’m totally fucked fr work with these people. We also have to sign a LOT of paperwork, on video, while LISTENING to someone tell us “this will be published on the internet. is that okay?” to which we answer YES. More into amateur porn? That’s okay! You can still take measures to ensure that you’re buying safe, consensual porn! By buying it DIRECTLY from female performers on websites like MyGirlFund. Then, you don’t even have to give money to one of the big porn companies, which many of us understandably have some qualms with. It goes straight to her! I realize there are problems in sex work. NONE OF THEM GET SOLVED BY CONVINCING PEOPLE TO STOP PAYING US. YOU ARE STARVING SEX WORKERS WHEN YOU DO THAT. But hey, when have radfems ever given a fuck about the women they actively harm with their misguided efforts?

ftmtftm

Actually wrt my tags on this post, does anyone else remember when 4chan used to raid Tumblr and send queer teenagers gore? Because I distinctly remember being like 14 and having to turn my submissions off because I got sent gore in a 4chan raid.

I also distinctly remember the 4chan troll accounts pretending to be queer people, mostly trans people, with the explicit intent of causing discourse and infighting and recruiting people into hating other queer people.

I just. see all the channer and incel language getting tossed around in some self proclaimed """transfeminist""" spaces right now and can't help but wonder sometimes if there's a vocal minority of 4channers trying to pull the same shit trying to target us against each other again.

genderkoolaid

was thinking about this re: your tags: while there have always been plenty of criticisms to be made about tumblr, and no less so in the 2010s, i feel like the overall culture of pride in being weird cringe nerds who care deeply about social justice was actually pretty important. that was, iirc, a major reason there was this whole 4chan vs tumblr thing; 4chan is a deeply cynical and meanspirited website and tumblr (while again, not without problems) overall had an attitude of "it is important to care about people and fight for the world to change for the better and being weird isn't a bad thing."

i don't know if its a plot by 4channers but i do think that, especially with ace discourse, there's been this backlash to that older site culture and a shift towards tumblr's own type of cynicism and meanspiritedness, where being cruel and mocking people for being cringe has become a central part of a lot of people's humor, and even though there's still a strong focus on left-leaning politics and social justice, its a lot more hostile and exclusionary. and whether its caused by people coming to tumblr from 4chan or if the cultural shift has just made the site more accommodating for people like that, but like. i think its fucked up that there's people on this site being like "REAL gay people do ketamine at the club and fucking hate you loser tenderqueer neurospicy tme fucks" when so many people who made this site what it is found a home here. specifically because they cared about other people and wanted to genuinely enjoy their interests and their personalities that were treated cruelly everywhere else.

this-is-weird-behavior

"how dare people say that being raped to 'correct' their asexuality is corrective rape. only lesbians ever get raped to punish them for not being sexually available." what the hell are you talking about. are you fucking stupid.

transfemme-shelterdog

Are they saying that forcing someone to have sex who doesn't want is isn't rape?

Corrective rape is *literally* rape, it's in the name.

genderkoolaid

They think that because corrective rape was initially coined to describe lesbophobic corrective rape in South Africa, asexuals aren't allowed to use it. One of many completely bullshit beliefs people only adopted to avoid having to admit that the people they were doing a lateral violence to didn't have a point. Its the same as what people are doing right now to trans men; people insisting that forced pregnancy isn't that big of an issue because they can't deny that trans men are affected by it.

Acephobia is written off by acephobes as non-existent or, at most, online bullying, unlike homophobia which involves REAL harm -> asexuals & allies point out examples of how acephobia can be undeniably harmful and targeted at asexuals, such as someone being raped in an attempt to correct their asexuality -> instead of acknowledging that acephobia does involve serious real-world harm, discoursers switch to "well ACTUALLY corrective rape only applies to lesbians, so asexuals are lesbophobic for insisting they can experience it!"

Anyways, the HRW also has said in this report:

Much of the recent media coverage of violence against lesbians and transgender men has been characterized by a focus on “corrective rape,” a phenomenon in which men rape people they presume or know to be lesbians in order to “convert” them to heterosexuality. While the focus on “corrective rape” draws attention to an important aspect of the problem, it also detracts from the larger set of issues fueling violence and discrimination against lesbians and transgender men. A narrow focus on “corrective rape” can give the mistaken impression that only “butch lesbians” are subject to sexual assault, or that rape is the only issue of concern, or that sexual assault faced by a lesbian is qualitatively different from and more serious than sexual assault against a person who is not identified as a lesbian. Local and international campaigns have condemned the practice and state responses have also focused on so-called “corrective rape.”

Most people insisting corrective rape is a lesbophobia-only term would, I imagine, also get mad if it was used as an example of transandrophobic violence, and yet it is very clear that any person taking this issue seriously would acknowledge trans men are targets of corrective rape for being trans men. No one who isn't motivated by reactionary queer conservatism would act like asexuals aren't subjected to corrective rape for being asexual. This is as logically "blood-boiling" as people fuming about immigrants causing the death of Western civilization. Because it is absolutely absurd to act like it matters that only lesbians are ever allowed to use this word because lesbophobia is the specialist worst oppression in the world and no other queer person can ever suffer like they suffer.

this-is-weird-behavior

and on some level it's understandable why people would feel defensive over language like this when their communities are in danger and the issue is under-discussed by wider society. it's a wounded animal response. but that doesn't make it acceptable; we're all wounded animals. it takes nothing away from the struggles of lesbians to point out that another group faces similar struggles.

particularly during ace discourse people would frequently wiggle all over the place trying to requalify why aces might face sexual violence without it being bigotry against asexuals. someone would share their experience and, if the discourser didn't feel comfortable calling them a liar to their face (though sometimes they did) they would say well that's just misogyny! someone would say actually my rapist said directly that it was because I was asexual, and the discourser says well that sucks but it doesn't make it oppression, does it? lots of people get raped. if the person continues to push, or points out that they are not a woman or their rapist was a woman, they are called a lesbophobe and told to just shut the fuck up.

because they have decided already that a certain category of people do not get to have experiences. that no matter what you tell them, your experience is either a) fabricated or b) belongs to a more important category and simply splashes onto you unintentionally. it is epistemic violence that compounds the physical violence faced by "non groups" like aces aros and bisexuals, poly people, and trans men.

queerhollyleaf

Found a post by a South African bi woman who'd been correctively raped saying that it was fine to be broadly used

What I remember from this time period was seeing some South Africans who'd faced corrective rape saying that actually it's fine to use broadly, especially because no one asked them if it could be used regarding non South African lesbian & bi women. Meanwhile I saw a Lot of non South Africans saying that oh no non lesbians couldn't use it

Similar to allistic people who said that oh aspec couldn't be used by ace & aro people!!! It was totally widely used by autistic people. What proof did they have? Maybe a couple of recent tumblr posts by people who hated ace & aro people. Or no proof at all

violent-autoandrophilia

Sometimes I feel like people think the patriarchy is copied and pasted, and you just have to add "trans" before "woman/man" and now you know how it works for trans people. But like. That sounds ridiculous, because we are not cis, it is not going to function the same

genderkoolaid

people hear "being trans isn't just being a cis man or woman but a little different" and immediately jump down your throat about how you are third gendering all trans people. & its like. take that up with patriarchy babe! its kind of fundamental to understanding patriarchy & transphobia to understand that the categories of "man" and "woman" are not neutral but heavily policed and defined around being physically and socially in binary opposition, and trans people are oppressed on the basis of violating these categories and their rules and thus the justifications for patriarchy. like how are you gonna call yourself a transfeminist materialist and then just copy + paste shitty cissexist materialism and get mad when anyone actually talks about transphobia as its own force under patriarchy & not just as a subsection of misogyny

asters-28

what’s the aromantic version of “you deserve a kiss on the mouth” for when. You really like something

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