Cookielovingbadass

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

decay exists as an extant form of life

not-available-for-comment

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

teathattast

notactuallythebrand7up

icedlondonfrog

babyfoxcollectionthings

iosonomer-blog

hemingwayiii

Unmute

hemingwayiii

I've posted this before, but every time I've seen it since I can't stop watching it repeat over and over. Like the man says, "Unmute"

should-be-sleeping

Mutuals do this.

paper-mario-wiki

this guy is so unbelievably good at making music videos of himself dancing with himself in different outfits

girlmuppet

Do any of u have decent recipes that are like 5 ingredients (not including spices) and take 45 mins or less to prepare i gotta stop eating sandwiches for dinner

batmanisagatewaydrug

yeah hang on

batmanisagatewaydrug

ignore the title of this google doc because it's a long story but it's a really solid recipe for southwest chicken alfredo

this is a vegetarian potato curry recipe that's about 75% spices; once you get the potatoes in there you can really do whatever you want with it

this is literally just pasta, broccoli, and cheese babey and you can live off that shit for DAYS it makes such a big portion

bro this spinach/pesto/3 cheese flatbread is so fucking tasty bro

also you can make the flatbread yourself it's super quick!!

oh hey I'm eating this white chickpea chili right now, much like the curry it's mostly spices and you can do p much do whatever you want with it

don't let the name fool you these potatoes are delicious any time. not just breakfast.

this is slightly more than five ingredient when you add them together but if you have time and really wanna fuckin treat yourself I recommend these chicken strips + this cornbread + either these potatoes or these buttered veggies on the side.

dragonforsale

These are my two favorite comfort foods. They're very easy to make and dont take long to cook.

Garlic butter rice

Orzo mac and cheese (comes out a little bit soupy)

shadowblinder

this recipe for gogumabap (sweet potato and rice) saved my life when i couldn't eat hardly anything for a long time. the recipe itself calls for a heavy bottomed pot but you can absolutely use a rice cooker and put the rice and diced sweet potato in together and just let the machine do its thing

Time for me to beat my little clown drum again for Indian-ish by Priya Krishna, aka The Easiest Recipes I Have Ever Fucking Made. Dal that takes 15 minutes. Easy aloo gobhi. Easy saag feta. Buy. Cook. Eat.

redstonedust

always blows my mind as a european when people talk about states like “yeah theres nothing in ohio/montana/wyoming/etc” because i look at a map like but. but theyre so big. every state could qualify as its own country what do you mean theres nothing there. and then i ask people from those states and theyre like “yeah theres nothing here” what do you mean theres nothing there!!!

yokelfelonking

What’s in the steppes of Russia, or the northern forests of Scandinavia? What’s in the Sahara desert?

redstonedust

id like us to sit here and identify some key differences between the sahara desert and ohio for a moment

yokelfelonking

as a former Ohio resident I think that the key difference is that the sahara probably has more jobs unrelated to meth

redstonedust

untapped meth market in the depths of the sahara desert

katelyn-danger

redeyye

[ID: the cover of the book Dune by Frank Herbert. /end ID]

Beyblade

Girls will see this and say "Fuck yeah!"

penny-anna

Can I please ask for your top five theories on why the Ringwraiths become so much more powerful over the course of the LotR trilogy? By the end of the books a single Ringwraith holds an army of 6000 men in paralysing dread from a height of a mile, they're dismaying hosts of men, etc. And in the beginning, they're easily defeated by "jumping behind a tree," "pretending to be in a different room," "getting on a little boat," "man with a stick on fire," etc.

hmm ok

1) their power depends on how physically close they are to sauron/mordor

2) they consciously weren’t unleashing their full power early in Fellowship bcos it didn’t seem worth it when they were just dealing w hobbits

3) they just woke up from a REALLY long nap and it takes them a while to fully come ‘online’

4) their power just waxes & wanes sometimes

5) hobbits are their One Weakness

YES okay adding more

6) they have essentially no bodily power - in addition to their sight, their abilities are also mostly derived from their mounts, so when they were on basically-dragons, one of them could force an entire military city to its knees just by flying over it; mounted on horses,they were Quite Intimidating in Bree, and eight of them gave Glorfindel a run for his money; on foot they could be defeated by Farmer Maggot's barking dog

7.) They kindly levelled up as the heroes did so it would be fair

8.) Sauron explicitly gains power throughout the series and possibly has more to share with his minions

9) the Shire exerts a dampening effect on all attempts at majesty... genius new theory in which the Ring is nearly harmless, Gandalf known mostly for his fireworks, the Witch-King of Angmar is reduced to interrupting tea parties, etc because the land is just not very magical at all

10) Bilbo wrote the first book and a half and could not resist making chase scenes into slapstick comedy, Frodo wrote the rest and didn't even bother trying to hide his moods

elanorpam

I'm pretty sure the wraiths were laying low because the Shire was constantly watched by the Rangers, of which there were far more than nine, each of whom was a Diet Aragorn also something something tom bombadil, yeah

botanikablue

I like theory 9. It also has implications on why hobbits in general have an odd take on things with no obvious purpose, aka manthoms. It becomes a giant game of hot potato to avoid getting cursed.

All of which could be attributed to the nearness of Tom ‘Anti-materialism’ Bombadil.

At the beginning of The Hobbit when Bilbo recognises Gandalf as "Gandalf who gave the Old Took a pair of diamond cufflinks that only come off when they're ordered" (and are never referenced again despite being a fairly startling item, in a universe where intelligent jewelery is something to be highly suspicious of). In the framework of theory 9, these cufflinks could be immensely powerful items - haunted, precious gems that obey the will of their owner! - who have an ENTIRE series worth of their own lore, which were recovered during the hinted-at adventure of the unrepentant Gandalf and The Remarkable Belladonna Took, and delivered to a place of perfect safekeeping, where they would never cause any problems at all. The Old Took just has magic diamonds what of it? And just like Mad Baggins became a local fairy tale and Frodo never received recognition in his homeland, we will never ever ever know what exactly happened there.

earhartsease

If I might suggest

11) Sauron's connection to the Ringwraiths is like wifi, and the signal in the Shire is like half a bar because it's bloody far and there are mountains in the way, and the rings at Imladris and Lothlórien (and on Gandalf) are like strings of Elven fairy lights that interfere with the wifi signal - so the Ringwraiths' awful wailing screams heard in the journey from the Shire are them unsuccessfully trying dial-up modem

Hnnnnnnng every single one of these takes is so GOOD

Galadriel: you're back early

Gandalf, loading gun: bag end is a Faraday cage

Reblogging to link

sailor-hobbiton

I love the idea that the Shire is full of random magical objects that have been reduced to junk by the anti-magic lands, now passed around as useless mathoms.

OR the magical items are just as magical and manipulative, hobbits are Just That Resistant to corruptions.

A visitor to The Mathom-House at Michel Delving being like. sorry. Hello. Are those the lost silmarils. That mithril corselet is worth more than your national GDP. I thought the remaining four dwarf rings were eaten by dragons? Is this not historically curséd dragon treasure that has over long ages absorbed all the malice and greed of the wyrm?

And the hobbit who opens the museum for visitors is like, um, sorry, we don’t actually catalogue most of this stuff apart from noting who left it here, it’s mostly just here to avoid the political difficulties inherent in regifting birthday presents on too short a cycle? Like people get mad if they instantly get back the same present they gave, or if one appears too many years in a row.

The visitor, nodding goes: Is that a fucking palantir

- oh the garden sphere. nobody likes getting that one. It looks like a nice garden sphere but it screams when birds land on it. Do you want it

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

decay exists as an extant form of life