hm

i don't even know what this blog is anymore.

[bloodbending]

peter parker in the 2002 movie is fuckin…. incredible. he gets bitten by a fuckin jacked red blue spider and he doesnt say “hey someone should take me to the hospital mayhaps?” he just goes home. then the bite swells to the size of a fuckin jawbreaker but he’s like “nah i just need a nap.” then he wakes up the next day and discovers that he DOESN’T NEED HIS GLASSES ANYMORE and he has a fuckin six pack. does he flip his entire Fuck? no. he says, “cool.” iconic.

[laughingfish]

2002 peter parker had no health insurance

[unpretty]

there was a golden age superman comic where someone called a hit out on clark kent, and so a sniper tried to shoot him while he was out having lunch with lois

except he’s fucking superman so the bullets just fell off his chest into his lunch and clark just had to pretend nothing happened and hope lois wouldn’t notice that someone just fucking shot him

the hitman thinks maybe he just missed and gets ready to shoot him again, but then he’s watching through the scope as clark starts to eat the fucking bullets to hide the fucking evidence, acting like everything is totally normal as he noshes down on lead

dude just packs his shit up and leaves town because reporters in this city eat bullets for lunch and he’s not fucking with that no way no how

[galagawiki]

Jokes on this site are getting smaller and smaller half lives. I first saw that Zootopia comic yesterday around noon and since then I’ve seen every single possible meme format for it culminating in that “I’ve had enough with this dude” Always Sunny picture.  We’re reaching a singularity, folks.  Soon, every joke and every permutation of those jokes will be told in an instant, dying and being born at the exact same time.

[meshugenist]

this post is made every time there is a meme

[obesitycore2-deactivated2018120]

id like to personally thank whoever it was who first decided to mash the potato 

[lord-kitschener]

Obviously I want you to take care of your pets and make sure they get food and fresh water on a regular basis, but cats being huge drama queens and screaming hysterically at you and acting like they’re tragic famine victims who haven’t eaten in weeks and are about to drop dead from starvation right mcfuckin now, because you’re 10 minutes late feeding them is always going to be one of the funniest things to me

[artaeum]

the cat who lives at the vet clinic i volunteer at was mad yesterday because his dinner was half an hour late due to a busy day. he proceeded to go to all the (empty dw) garbage cans and tried to knock them over and started desperately scavenging for scraps of food because obviously no one loves him or cares about him and if he must eat garbage to survive then so be it

[instructionsfordancing]

not food related, but one time my cat cried at me for 20 minutes before i worked out that the reason why she was upset was because there was a coat hanger on her favourite cushion

[lord-kitschener]

This is absolutely beautiful and changed my life, thank you so much. Please protect her from hangers at all costs

[catsuggest]

wow. am STORVING and humaines here making joke laugh at cate honger ?!

[goldenmeme]

My cat is a social eater who is not food motivated at all, so I was baffled when I first got him because he didn’t seem to care about food but he would SCREAM at me for hours when I knew his bowl was full. Any time I went to double check that he did indeed have food, he’d book it to the bowl and snarf like his life depended on it, but as soon as I walked away he’d follow me screaming again.

Eventually I figured out that he just wanted a dining companion and was screaming about how we’re a family and families eat together, god damnit! I moved his food bowl under my computer desk and it fixed the problem. But if I’m ever out for more than 12 hours I’ll come home to find him in a passive-aggressive kitty huff because dinner has been ready for hours but he’s been trying to be considerate (unlike some humans) and waiting for me to eat it. 

[teashoesandhair]

Things my cat has cried at:

I wouldn’t let her jump on top of the burning hot stove

I moved my coat so that she couldn’t scale the kitchen chair and jump on people’s shoulders when they walked past

I didn’t scratch her cheek firmly enough

She ate her entire meal allowance for the day in one sitting at 9am and was famished by 10am

I didn’t let her sit behind me on the toilet seat

I wouldn’t let her eat toothpaste

I wouldn’t let her eat the cork from a wine bottle

I wouldn’t let her eat the straw that my rabbit had pissed on 

Cats are inherently ridiculous creatures and this is why they are perfect.

[bob-belcher]

[yellowjuice-deactivated20190512]

The next time someone tries to argue with you about “disrespecting the flag/troops by kneeling” show them this.

[sighinastorm]

Good post.

[crunchie-morris]

Does anyone else have this insecurity where you consider people friends, but you don’t know if they consider you a friend? Like, my super close friends, the ones I talk to every day, I don’t have doubts about, but like my friends in theatre or ones I just see at school, etc., like…do they think of me as a friend?? Like, I almost get the temptation to be like, “Hey, are we friends??” But that would be weird because if we are friends, why would I question it, and if we aren’t, then why do I think we are???

[jame7t]

reblog this post to literally teleport

[demonessss]

where to?

[jame7t]

yeah

[thestanconfessions]

[papatwd]

Because Lindsay Lohan had a twin sister and once the movie was finished being filmed, they murdered her to make sure Lindsay was the main rising star.

[korracrat]

Question: Why when the shoplifting alarms go off do baby boomers just keep walking? 

Like 9/10 I have to chase down a baby boomer to make sure they are not stealing compared to those of the younger generations who normally stop and prove without asking that they are not shoplifting? Even when they are the only ones to walk through and the alarms go off, they still keep walking and become  very rude when you ask to see their receipts to make sure and it’s normally the opposite with millennials.

Like no ma’am I do not think you are a shoplifter it’s just that the machine thinks you are and I have to verify or discredit what the machine is saying. 

Am I the only one who notices this?

[korracrat]

[eue]

[hoemami-deactivated20171229]

[redsatinsheets]

i can’t believe lebron james is president now

[averagefairy]

honestly you know why people centuries ago were so extra in the way they spoke and so dramatic it’s because they were listening to classical music. go turn on some johann sebastian bach and tell me you don’t suddenly feel like composing a hand written love letter to your dearest annabelle and using the word melancholy

[htiafaithtiaf-blog]

None of you know what you’re talking about. Bach is not of the Classical period. He is Baroque. Chopin is romantic. Classical is not a genre, its a time periodd of music.

[averagefairy]

wow that’s interesting. also just wondering how do you walk around with that huge stick up your ass ??? is it uncomfortable or have you gotten used to it after years of being intolerable

[ritdiculous-deactivated20240505]

every real life costco is a fantasy costco if ur dissociating hard enough

[ritdiculous-deactivated20240505]

this has ten thousand notes and the majority of the tags are “i dont know what this means but same”

[merry-go-round-jailhouse]

[blossomeboy]

What the fuck did spaghetti-o’s post

[ragemovement]

This

Uh Oh Spaghetti-o!

[blossomeboy]

I didn’t think this could possibly be funnier than it was but hell was I wrong