The loneliest
chapter 1
synopsis: A mission gone wrong, with you as the sole survivor. Confused and injured, doctor Zayne will have to be strong enough for the both of you and help you get through this, but things don’t always go the way we want them to.
warnings: fem! reader, somewhat dark themes, overworked! reader, mentions of depression and psychosis, author is miserable and will bring everyone down with them (hello!)
a/n: this will be a series which I will update monthly like clockwork, enjoy :)
The freezing air doesn't really get to you, despite only wearing a hospital gown. It's the snow, soft and delicate, yet so hurtful. You lay down on your back, your whole body burning.
You can barely feel your heart. Maybe it's because your ears are ringing, or because you are in shock.
"Linkon City is taking extreme precautions now more than ever after a mission involving almost thirty hunters ended brutally, with only one survivor, who will remain anonymous. The hunter's association is trying their best as of now, but with so many losses-"
There it is again. You can feel your heart, it aches in your chest as you recall what you heard.
When you woke up you weren’t particularly concerned, but then you noticed no one was by your side.
Something felt off, as if the worst still was not over. Yet, despite how much you tossed and turned before fleeing the hospital, you couldn’t really recall the events that led to this.
"Damn it..." tears you hadn't felt building up in your eyes start gradually rolling down your cheeks. It felt like your very existence was an unbearable pain you were burdened with.
You angrily get up, kicking some snow as you walk furiously in a random direction. Many thoughts cross your mind as you walk, your feet slowly reddening and your lungs burning.
‘There is no way they are all dead’ you thought. Maybe you had misheard, or your mind was playing tricks on you. But as you ventured into the forest this restless feeling of despair was eating you alive, feeding off of any hope you initially had.
You had come up with many theories: somehow, this is a massive prank being pulled on you. Or, as you had thought most likely, you were dreaming.
Yet each time you stepped forward the snow burning your feet felt more and more real, and it seemed like your body was starting to give up.
As you approach a tree, your tears start making your vision blurry.
"It’ll be over soon. I’ll be okay. Maybe I’m in a coma".
Your throat stings. Each word becomes harder to say, and each breath becomes heavier.
You waited a few seconds before thinking about burying yourself underneath this tree. At least, in this weird dream, you could do anything and not get hurt, right?
Yet your body seemed to slowly give up. ‘That’s odd’ you think to yourself as you slide down next to the tree, sitting by it.
The moonlight caught your attention.
‘What if they did all die?’. A forbidden thought crossed your mind.
You vaguely remembered some things. A dangerous situation that no hunter would want to face, yet you rushed to the scene to help.
It didn’t matter how much you tried to recall the events. Your head hurt anytime you thought too much about it.
You felt your body getting increasingly tired, which was weird for a dream. So, looking down at your hospital gown and exposed skin, you noticed some bandages you had ignored earlier. A trace of blood, leading back to the hospital, was also present. You couldn’t quite tell where the bleeding was coming from, but it didn’t matter. At this point, you realized this was not a dream.
Those people had died and now here you were, in a snowy forest, fading away as the freezing night claimed you.
As your eyelids grew heavy, you tried getting up to no avail.
Not even tears could come out of your eyes as your body was shutting down due to the temperature.
As your ears ring and you begin to fade, you thought about your friends. How would they react? Would they be horrified, or ashamed?
Maybe, just maybe, it didn’t matter. As your consciousness faded away, you thanked the moon for keeping you company in your last moments.
Although when you were awake and wandering in the forest you felt like a while had passed, it hadn’t even been that much.
But now, your body lied there. Cold. Your heart trying its best to keep you alive.
You had not taken into account several things. Mainly the fact that, as soon as one of the nurses noticed you were gone, she called for help. And of course she warned your primary care physician, as he had instructed any of the medical team to do, whether day or night, if they had any problems with you while he wasn’t there.
The rescue team searched for you desperately. They knew it was a matter of minutes until your inevitable hypothermia reached a point of no return.
That is why Zayne- as well as the others- was running. When he received the call his heart dropped.
And now, as he followed a trail of blood he believed to be yours while screaming for help, the same heart that held you dear was full of worry, beating frantically.
Your childhood friend was able to find you seconds after you fainted due to exhaustion amongst many other things.
He had thankfully brought warm clothes and some equipment, which proved to be useful for this situation.
As soon as they all brought you back to the hospital, they had to put you into assisted ventilation while also administering liquids and checking the severity of your frostbites.
Luckily, the bleeding from your wounds not related to this incident wasn’t severe, so they were able to at least stop adding stuff to the list of worrisome things about your situation to keep an eye on.
Zayne stayed with you until morning, when he felt your body becoming warmer. While he adored you dearly, he was still a doctor. He felt like he had done enough- or at least, what he could do.
As he left your room, he looked back at you one more time. His heart aching while he examined your state one more time.
His drive home was painful. He had seen you get injured before, and although he somewhat always mentally prepared himself for you to be fatally injured due to the nature of your job, doesn’t mean he would actually be ready to see you in that state. It hurt him deeply.
The doctor tried sleeping, but the moment he found your freezing body in the forest kept replaying in his mind.
Zayne sighed. It would be a long month.
"Assisted ventilation seems to be helping. The fluids have helped to raise the body's temperature, but it does not mean she isn’t at risk anymore. Heart rate seems somewhat stable, although we do have to consider this patient's already existing problems"
Although Zayne was not the doctor assigned to your case, seeing he had rescued you, the doctor taking care of you had no problem briefing him about your status.
He plopped down in a chair next to you with curious eyes.
They moved from your face, to your hands, back to your face, and then back to your hands again.
Slowly, he brushed his hand against yours, finding comfort in the warmth of your body.
Pulling out his phone briefly, he checked the time.
‘Around ten minutes until my next patient’ he sighed as he took your hand in his and got closer.
Anytime he tried to look at your face, he dissociated. Not because he found your state pitiful. You would always look lovely in his eyes no matter what.
Maybe, out of need, his brain did not want him to remember every single wound and the state you were in.
As he tried to concentrate while looking at your face, his mind went blank.
So many things had crossed that brain of his prior to visiting you, yet now, even though you were unconscious, as usual you had this calming effect on him and his turbulent life.
However this time, the silence in his mind wasn’t accompanied by your laughter, nor your sarcastic remarks. You were just there, barely out of a risky situation, hooked to a machine.
He looked back down at your hand that was being held by his, the latter shaking ever so lightly. He always tried his best to be composed in front of you no matter what, but seeing you like this broke him.
The doctor shook his head and slowly stood up, letting go of your hand gently after kissing its back.
He looked at you, brushing your cheek with his thumb, accompanied by a bitter smile on his face.
“I need you” he whispered, his voice on the verge of breaking. As he slowly left the room, wishing he had more time with you, he thought of the inevitable moment you’d wake up.
As a doctor, you waking up was the best thing that could happen, of course. He couldn’t wait until then.
However, as your friend, he knew that once you woke up, someone would have to explain to you all that had happened.
The incident, your admission to the hospital, your escape…
Zayne knew you were strong. It was one of your most admirable qualities- being so empathetic, yet so strong when needed.
But he was no fool. He knew better than anyone else how many times you would inevitably break as you recount things as they went, and he wasn’t ready for that.
After all, no one is ever ready to see their beloved go through hell.
But you had him. And he hoped that would be enough for the time being.
He’d take care of it. He’d take care of you.
“Morning” he greeted some of the staff he spotted as he walked down the corridor, heading to do some checkups on the patients he had treated.
‘According to my schedule this should not take long. I can be back by her side in two hours or so, hopefully’.
Zayne tried to fit you into his schedule the best he could. He knew that you hesitated to count on him because of him always being busy, which although he recognized he couldn’t exactly change, he still felt a pang of guilt. Now, more than ever, you needed him. The doctor didn’t care whether or not you would know he was there as you were asleep, but he wanted to make up for every time you wanted him to be by your side but he couldn’t be, no matter how much he tried or wanted it.
Time went by pretty fast, much to his delight. At the end of yet another day, before going home, he stood next to you once more. It had been a long week.
He stared at you, checked your wounds, but no matter what he did, nothing managed to ease his heart.
“Doctor Zayne” a nurse called. “I see you are worried, and that I can understand” the nurse started changing some of your bandages and changing your IV bag.
“You are one hell of a doctor, might I say” he said, while doing his job.
“And a good friend, too. She will be okay. We plan to assign a psychologist to help once she wakes up” as the nurse left the room, Zayne’s gaze remained fixated on your hand, which he was holding gently.
It didn’t matter how much the staff tried to subtly comfort him without overstepping. Zayne felt an immense amount of guilt.
His plan, when you were admitted after your mission, was to go home and rest for a while to then come back and check on you.
He blamed himself for the fact that you ran away. He knew that if he had been by your side once you had woken up, you would not have fled the hospital and injured yourself further.
Your childhood friend felt as though he had failed. Sure, he knew your established relationship was just a platonic one, barely at times.
But anytime he saw you frown, sigh or walk into his office even with a small scratch he felt this overwhelming urge to protect you.
“I failed to protect you” while his left hand holds yours, his right hand gently caresses your face.
“You are… stubborn. Sometimes dramatic. You are a good friend and as much as I hate the career you chose, you are an amazing hunter” Zayne whispered, hoping his warmth would reach you somehow.
“However, you are not alone. You never were and I am sorry you have felt like you were. I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have comforted you whenever a mission went wrong and I wish my care for you went beyond scoldings when you wouldn’t take care of your health”.
He lowered his head, making it almost touch your hand.
Zayne thought of that time you referred to him as your “one and only doctor”.
He chuckled silently, tears slowly running down his cheeks as he remembered how much he wished you had just called him your “one and only”, wondering if you wished the nature of your relationship could be different, too.
As he steadied his breathing, he felt something soft touch his cheek. At first, the touch didn’t register.
But then he looked up, his eyes widening.
Before saying anything he pressed the button on your bed to call for help.
The moment he had been waiting for had arrived.
“Do not panic. I know you might feel discomfort because of the machine but we will get that fixed for you-“ before he could even get through halfway of his explanation in hopes to calm you down, you weakly squeezed his hand that was holding yours.
As some nurses and a doctor rushed in, Zayne stepped back, giving you a soft and almost unnoticeable smile and nod.
Despite the chaos of that moment, his heart finally felt at ease. He finally felt like he could sleep better at night knowing you weren’t just awake but the first gesture that you thought of was to squeeze his hand, something full of hope.
He knew that things wouldn’t be easy, but he was sure he would help you get through this.
But folly spares no soul.
