Jojo

[cozyjojo]

First Draft Dilemma

Apparently, all the thinking comes out at 2:00am because I just realized something about myself and the story I've been trying to craft for four years, and it's 2:00am.

It's no secret that I've scraped my book many times in the past. I realized never finished a first draft for my book, they always get scrapped before I can finish it. When I make my return, it's usually to write a final draft for a first draft that doesn't exist. I don't have an outline, usually I come up with ideas on the spot as I'm writing, otherwise, I write any ideas that pop into my head down in my notes app for later use. In other words, I have a general idea about what my story is, but no planning how to get it there. So all the other times I started working on my "final draft" without ever finishing a first one meant I was writing a story with no clear path to reach the destination. When I'm not working on it, I tend to think about everything I had written up the point I reached. What I find are bunch of lost chapters. I tell myself it's fine, I just have to finish it, then edit, but that's the point of a first draft write the bad stuff to get to the good stuff. This time was no different. I went into this thinking it will be the final draft, when I have to approach it like a first draft. Not like. This is my first draft. If I want this version to survive, I can't think of it as the final version of a story that is constantly evolving.

[cozyjojo]

How and when do these authors have time to write an entire book series, while I'm here struggling to write one. I realize they have deadlines which forces them to finish a book, and they have the time to sit and write, unlike me, but seriously, how many books are these authors writing per year, and how can I do that? Here's hoping I have a finished manuscript by the end of the year.

[cozyjojo]

Suddenly, she's grown up

It's 2:00am where I am right now, and my little sister's stomach hurts her. She's fourteen and has yet to have her first period, it didn't happen, but that's immediately where my mind went.

It hits me every once in a while that she's growing. I remember how adorable she was as a toddler, I remember dropping her off at her kindergarten class before heading to my own. Now she's a fourteen-year-old brat who's asking mom for a phone. It feels like she took lifetimes to grow up, but also sudden and out of the blue at the same time. Makes me wonder how my older feels about me. Did she feel the same things I am right now growing up, or was it different because she was studying abroad for six years? This line of thought always makes think wonder what mom feels when she's us. I always come up empty, though, I can't imagine the feeling of seeing all your kids growing up right before your eyes. To all the big sisters out there, hang in there, and please pray for me. My sister's teenage years are gonna be brutal, and I see no end to the hell that is my dramatic, bratty, spoiled, I often want to murder, little sister.

For a little context. My older sister is 31, my little sister is 14, and I am 21. Mom somehow managed to birth three girls for every gen, and I just realized that.

[cozyjojo]

You know what the only good thing about studying is? Binging a show or putting on a movie I haven't seen, so my brain can take in as much information as possible without getting tired, otherwise nothing is gonna stick. I specifically enjoy putting on early 2000s movies, and the shows I watch are usually K-dramas. If I haven't started a new drama, I put on The Mentalist

[cozyjojo]

Off-Campus, the less aggressive review

I was a bit too harsh with my initial review of the Off-Campus show, and now that I sat with it for a few days, I see it in a different light. I enjoyed the show, it was really well-made, and the actors did a great job bringing the characters to life. The way Hannah and Garrett got together was so cute, and the breakup was heartbreaking. It had more positives than negatives. I was mostly upset with how they handled Garrett and Logan's friendship because it was one of my personal favorite things about the books, and the unnecessary changes in his story. Like I said in my last review, Logan's book was my favorite before converting to a Dean girl, so all the changes to his story really bothered me. All the key features and things that made up his character were changed. His story and character are unrecognizable, and I'm almost dreading his season because of it. I haven't read Tucker's book yet, so I can't really comment, but I didn't like the way they handled his character either. The biggest crime of all was Garrett not invoking the campus-wide hands-off rule. I really liked the breakup itself, it was so good, Belmont and Ella did a fantastic job, but there were many ways they could have handled it. You could have had Logan put his feelings aside and talk to him. or stuck too what they did Hannah talking to him then Garrett makes up with Logan, who in turn tells him you're not your Garrett does the hands-off thing, boom, back together. I will never forgive Amazon for taking away my favorite chapter from my screen, and ruining Logan.

The point of this review is I am still disappointed but I'll admit it was pretty good.

[cozyjojo]

Off OFF! Campus

The fact that I am writing this review on the same day is not a good sign. It means I was so disappointed in the show- and I haven't even finished it yet- I needed to complain to people who might have. This is going to be a long one, folks so get your tea and let's get into it. Spoiler Alert for those who haven't read or watched the series.

I honestly don't know where to begin. It feels like watching a show inspired by the books instead of being based on the book. And yes, I am watching it as I am writing this blog. Like I get it, I expected changes of course but more often than not, I was questioning if what I was watching was Off-Campus. There were so many unnecessary changes. Dean might be the saving grace of the show. Stephen did a very good job, I absolutely loved him. Allie too.

First off, I hate what they did with Logan, which is a shame because his book was my favorite for a while. Anyway, hated the changes. The whole point of Logan's book and why the cop-out about his feelings for Hannah works is because he only catches feelings for her after she and Garrett start dating. She represents what he wants, a relationship and someone to love him. Hence, Grace. Also, I'm not sure where they are going with his relationship with Garrett, but I draw the line at a fight. I refuse. It was one of my favorite aspects of both books.

Next up, Garrett. I don't like that they changed his relationship with hockey. Like that was a pretty big aspect in the books. I'm not sure how to feel about Hannah's story changes. One thing that they definitely shouldn't have changed was making the karaoke party before Hannah told Garrett about the rape. The whole reason that night was one of the big events of the book, because Garrett kind of knew about the rape. In the show, Garrett doesn't even know why she doesn't drink in public, that whole scene felt unearned, but it was very fun I enjoyed it.

I'm also not sure how to feel about the speed running of Dean and Allie's story, but it is my favorite episode so far. The CHEMISTRY is insane, there is a reason I became a Dean girl. Anyway, I'm done now. Thanks for reading.

Garrett doesn't even start the campus-wide hands-off rule!!! Now they did it. I'm mad.

[cozyjojo]

I've been feeling burnt out and uninspired lately, and I haven't written anything in a few weeks now. What I did write, I hate. Couple that with upcoming exams, so I decided to just step back for a bit. I am a little scared of myself because this is usually the point where everything I wrote up to this point floods my head, and I realize how bad it is, which leads to me scrapping the book and restarting a year later. I don't think I ever finished a full first draft. There are chapters, and some things that definitely need to change in the draft I'm working on, but I really like what I did so far, so the chances of me scrapping it are pretty low. I kinda know where it's heading, but making them get to where they need to be is a lot harder than I expected. Pacing is also a struggle sometimes I feel like the story is moving too fast, and other times not fast enough. This burnout is mostly because of the ultra long to do list of things I need to do for uni. Wish me luck. And pray I make it to the end of the draft.

I was reading fanfic last week, and I was thinking whether I should write one. It's probably a bad idea, though, I don't even have a plan for the story. It might help me get out of this funk, or I'll add more pressure on myself to finish something I started.

[cozyjojo]

The Great Divide by Noah Kahan

This is my favorite release of the year so far. It completely overshadowed Conan's deluxe album, like I haven't listened to the Wishbone deluxe since it came out, because I have been listening to The Great Divide over and over again. That and Abba, but that's a whole other can of worms. It took me a while to really digest his lyrics, once I did, it felt like he was feeding my soul. There were also a few moments in there where Noah put my feelings into words in a way I never would have been able to. Like every other artist I listen to sings about romantic relationships, while I love those songs and artists I'm so over breakup songs, and Noah released this record that describes life after fame and how it affected his relationships, and a story about two friends who drifted apart. This is what music should be, and this is one artist I'm grateful went viral.

My favorite songs on the record are "Haircut", "End of August", I literally play it every morning on the way to school. Aaron did a phenomenal job producing it. "Staying Still" and "Orbiter".

[cozyjojo]

It's been a while, and if anyone followed me for consistency, then they are in the wrong place. I kind of burnt myself out and have not been able to get out a single word for a few weeks. Also, uni is sucking the life out of me, and that also affected my writing and my will to do anything. I was feeling stuck and depressed, right now I'm still feeling stuck, but I'm not as sad anymore. The feeling comes and goes like I'll get a week where I just lie in bed scrolling Instagram because I just don't have it in me to do anything else. I try to force myself in those days before it gets too bad, and usually the feeling fades away for a few months before it gets bad. I have tried on more than one occasion to talk about how I'm feeling and why I always chicken out, mainly because I don't know how to let it out, and my expectations for their response won't help me stop me from ever saying anything. Lastly, book reviews, I don't think I'll review every book I read because that's too much for me if I read a book I really want to talk about, I will.

[cozyjojo]

This is a mini blog post where I want to apologize for my long posts, because my god, are they super long. If you don't read the whole thing, I don't blame you. If you do read all of it, thank you so much, it means a lot to me, and I am so sorry. Like you would not find me reading something that long, and I usually don't have anything to say, hence why I just disappear for a few days, when I do it's usually too much, and the result is long posts. I promise I'm trying to work on making it shorter. The Conan Gray post was my attempt, and I tried to make the last post as short as possible, but as you can see, it did not work. I will keep trying. Also, about book reviews, I read a couple recently, and the reviews are coming soon, probably.

[cozyjojo]

Backstory

I realized today that I only ever talked about my struggles with writing my book, but never about the book itself. I want to remedy that. The story I wanted to tell kept evolving as I wrote it, so technically speaking, there is no first draft because I always end up coming up with better ideas and hating everything I wrote and deleting it and starting over again. Rince and repeat that for like four years, which brings us to the current draft I'm working on, so far, I'm enjoying it, there are definitely some parts that could use some work, but it is my best work yet. The story itself is far from a masterpiece, though.

Anyway, backstory on the story. The idea actually started because of Taylor Swift, specifically the love triangle in Folklore. It was interesting to me because of how differently she and the fans view the story, and I was in my senior year at the time, so the idea just came together in my head. I would also like to give Jenny Han some credit because it was during that time that TATBILB Forever and Always came out, and it was what pushed me and gave me the inspiration I needed to go back to writing. It did not inspire any ideas, though. The problem was that I don't like triangles. I think it's the worst trope to ever exist, right next to miscommunication.

I was going to write it in third person pov and go into the psyche of all the main characters, plus the story just kinda came to life and developed itself until there was too much happening. It ended up being a terrible draft that I hated, but was stuck with it and writer's block it gave me. Then I made the decision to scrap it, and y'all, it was like escaping prison. I also made executive decisions like removing the love triangle because no matter how much I wanted to challenge myself in writing something I don't enjoy, it just did not fit with the way the story turned out. There are remnants of the triangle, so it's not completely gone. The other decision was writing it in first person, I was genuinely disappointed in myself for not being able to do it in third person, but I got over it, even in first person, I can make the other main characters stand out with their own backstories. From there, it was a matter of trying to fit the puzzle pieces together, and my god did it suck. I scrapped maybe three versions, and I gave up. It started to feel like I was forcing something that isn't for me. I wanted to become a published author, that was the dream. But it felt like the universe was trying to tell me something, that this isn't the right dream for me. I spiraled for a year, unsure what to do with myself now that writing was off the table.

One day out of the blue, during dinner, my little sister asked Mom what she thinks I should do with my life, and she answered confidently with writer, and how she has ideas on how I can evolve, and so on. A first-time occurrence, to my knowledge, she never did that with my older siblings, she just supported whatever they wanted to do. She didn't know how much I was struggling with it, she doesn't even know I'm writing this book, yet somehow she said the words I needed to hear. Really, it was her belief that this was the path for me that made me return. Which brings us to the version I'm writing now.

[cozyjojo]

The song that always hurts

I have a new obsession with an artist I started listening to last year. Conan Gray. How come no one told me how good this guy is? The guy writes sad songs like he is depression personified, like I've heard sad songs from other artists before, and even though I can never relate, they end up being my favorite songs. Then I heard Conan, and I realized the sad songs I've been listening to are nothing compared to what comes out of this guy. I want to simultaneously hug the guy and keep hurting so that I can keep getting songs that stab right in the heart. He released a new single a few days ago, and it has been playing nonstop. I bet the Spotify people who track everything are questioning my sanity from the number of times I've listened to "The Best". The bridges destroy me every single time. They are easily my favorite part of every song that contains one. All his bridges elevate the songs, and I replay them because I just can not get enough of them. He definitely went to the Taylor Swift school of Bridge architecture, and in my opinion, he surpassed the master. That might be a controversial hot take, I don't care, I'm stating that opinion as a proud Swiftie. Swifties can bully me all they want won't affect me or change my mind.

[cozyjojo]

The Hunger Games update

I want to start this by saying that my favorite out of all the movies was Catching Fire, and my favorite character is Finnick. I went into the sequels kind of knowing what happened, but not as much as the first movie. I only knew that the winners would be going against each other, the rest of it was a surprise, and that was a big reason I was so underwhelmed by the first movie I knew more about the plot than the other three, but I still expected something to shock me. I guess the rule change was sort of surprising, not the kind I was hoping for. It's not really the movie's fault. I'm just saying that knowing the plot of the movie hindered my enjoyment when watching. Spoiler Warning I guess

The Mockingjay part 2 is ranked third because Finnick died in it, and I will never forgive Suzanne. Yes, I knew he would die at some point, but I fell in love with him anyway because my dumbass falls for the characters who will cause me pain. In all honesty, though part 2 is actually ranked second, part 1 is third on the list. Part 1 was a little boring, like it was building up to something that wasn't paid off. I was hoping for action and Katniss fighting. What I got was let's make Katniss suffer so she can perform. Wouldn't it have been better to show Katniss fighting for them on the front lines rather than just say inspiring words, or maybe this stems from my desire to see Katniss fight. Part 2 shit was actually being done. I honestly have no notes on it. It was a 10/10 ending. The score in Part 2 might be my favorite but I wasn't listening to the other three, so I can't be sure, part 2 was so good I couldn't not listen to it.

Can I just say I saw the Coin plot twist from like a different planet. It was so obvious she was a tyrant, that is arguably worse than Snow. I mean, it didn't feel like anyone was free in the base, and it's not because they were in hiding. They were being controlled by Coin with pretty words. Snow knew he was a terrible guy, he just couldn't give two shits about it, which is why I love him. He literally tells Katniss I'm not above killing kids, but even he has standards. Coin pretended to be the fair ruler who would bring justice to all of Panam when all she ever wanted was Snow's position and power. She was threatened by Katniss' influence and power when she couldn't control her anymore, and like Snow, she tried to get rid of her, at least that's my assumption. I'm not sure if this was confirmed or not, but I think she killed Prim on purpose to show Katniss she's more powerful. She honestly gave me the heebie jeebies the minute Katniss stepped into the room with her. I am so glad it wasn't spoiled for me.

My thoughts on the romance since the last post have not changed. I still think it's forced. The relationship between Katniss and Peeta was a little better. I guess Katniss was trying to force feelings for Gale, so their lack of chemistry makes sense. Also, Gale telling Peeta he should have volunteered in the Hunger Games just so Katniss falls for him was diabolical, and in Peeta's place, I would have been stunned into silence. Like that is actually insane. He wouldn't have survived one minute in the games. I think the biggest plot twist was Haymitch and Effie having a relationship. Effie is in my top five characters. She was great, I loved having her on my screen. I loved every scene she was in. Her genuine love for Katniss is beautiful.

Final thoughts. It was a great series. I can understand why it has such a huge following and why it was so loved. I didn't end up becoming one of those fans, though. I don't know if I will ever revisit it again, but I appreciate it for what it is. I had fun watching it there were great characters, and it was a great story. I'm sure the books are better, maybe one day I will read them for now, I bid farewell to The Hunger Games until Sunrise of the Reaping comes out in theatres and may the odds be forever in your favor.

[cozyjojo]

Hunger Games from a new fan's perspective

I just watched the first Hunger Games movie fully for the first time ever a few days ago. *gasps in shock* I know I didn't exactly have a dystopian future phase in middle school. I couldn't tell you anything I liked in middle school, everything I enjoyed was something that was shown to me not because I was actually interested. No one showed me Hunger Games, therefore, I never thought about watching or reading it. I'm still not sure if I will read it, I have a hard time reading dystopian and fantasy books. You guys will have to let me know if it's worth reading and watching.

I had a vague idea of the world and characters going into it. I did really enjoy it, and I get the hype. It was a good movie. It did not cement itself into my brain, and I didn't get the feeling of wanting to rewatch it again immediately after finishing it, like I do sometimes. I kind of just felt underwhelmed after it ended though that might be because in my mind I thought it would like Dune where the story surprised me because like Hunger Games I just wanted to see what all the hype was about and I also went in with a vague idea, Hunger Games felt predictable, again that might not the movie's fault because I know the plot of this movie more than the sequel, so maybe they will surprise me, and I'll enjoy them more. I am pretty excited about the second movie. President Snow was not happy about Katniss winning, and I want to see how he tortures her next.

This might just be me, but I feel the romance between Katnis and Peeta was a little forced. To me, Katniss cared about Peeta because they were from the same district, and because of the new rule they added during the game, not because she had feelings for him. It felt quick, like one second they were barely friends and the next they're ready to sacrifice their lives for each other. Peeta always had feelings for her, he made that clear, it was Katnis' feelings that felt fake to me like she was only saying what Peeta wants her to say because she needed him to win. Not once did she try to find him or make sure he was alive even before she found out he was helping the alliance track her down until the rule was added, suddenly she's willing to die for him. Maybe I missed something because I was studying whilst watching it. The other characters were exactly what I imagined they'd be from my knowledge of the story. I think the most shocking thing about the movie was finding out that Clarisse ended up in the games after leaving Camp Half-Blood.

All in all, I did genuinely enjoy the movie. I liked the fact that the music wasn't obvious, it felt like I was with her, surviving the suspenseful silence she was living. Stanley Tucci is a treasure, honestly, like he is in every movie he is in. I want to say he's a national treasure, but I'm not American, so he's actually a global treasure. I loved every scene he was in, and I am so excited for more. I'm not sure if I'll give an update after every movie I watch or if I'll watch the rest and give my overall thoughts.

[cozyjojo]

Scandal Makers sorry I meant Bridgertons

I want to start this by saying that once all the Bridgertons get married, the queen will be so bored. None of the other families have to create scandals to fall in love. There would be no gossip for her. She'd have to wait for the third gen Bridgertons to grow up and make the season interesting again.

My burning question after I finished season four is, what does Lady Danbury leaving mean? Is she not going to appear in future seasons because that would be a tragedy?

This is definitely my favorite season, and I don't think it's recency bias, I found myself enjoying this season more than the last three. My one complaint from this season would be not enough Kate and Anthony. I get it, Jonathan and Simone were probably busy filming other movies, I know Jonathan was filming Wicked at the same time, but I wanted more of them. I wanted more of the supportive brother we got last season, like I would loved if Anthony was with them when they interrupted the trial. I loved Benedict from season 1 and have been looking forward to his season since. I relate to some aspects of each sibling, like Fran being the quiet one, and enjoying silence, or Eloise's disgust of men, but Hyacinth's excitement to find someone. Benedict hits closest to home because of his relationship with drawing. I love to write, that will never change, but there are times I hate it, and I have quit multiple times only to find myself typing again. Benedict also starts this season lost and not knowing what to do with his life which again hits me like a slap because that's where I am currently in life stuck and unsure what to do.

I loved Sophie's character, her strength and will is inspiring. I think what really cemented her in my top spots is the way she never compromised on her standards even though she's a maid. I think this season did a good job of balancing the main story with the other storylines. It didn't feel like they were stealing time or the spotlight from Benny and Sophie.

[cozyjojo]

Was supposed to post this on Valentines day, but completely forgot.

As always, if you have a romantic song that you think I should add let me know.

[cozyjojo]

This is more of an author review than a book review, but I just need to get this off my chest. Disclaimer, I'm not shaming you for enjoying this author, but I am judging the hell out of you.

Ana Huang. Big author with multiple successful series and lots of fans. I don't get it. I don't see the appeal in any of her books. Granted, I only read two and DNF'd one. I have finished books that I hate just to see how it ends, I don't DNF a book unless I hate it and myself for picking it up. I'm not saying Ana is a bad author; I just don't understand her success. Her female characters are boring, and her male characters are god-awful, the plot of the books are not that bad, had I actually liked the characters I would have enjoyed the books alas that is not the case.

The two books I read by her are The Striker, I'd give it 3 stars, it wasn't the worst thing, the characters are fun, and the MMC was kind of interesting, he wasn't a complete ass, so that was a nice change of pace. The FMC was boring. I predicted everything about her after one chapter. Romance is not a genre known for its deep characters, but make her a little interesting, she was so boring I wanted to skip her chapters. The plot was also different from anything else I was reading, so that was nice. I really enjoyed the dynamic between the MMC, no, I don't remember his name, and his rival. It was nice to see how it developed. I'm not going to read the rest of the series. I liked the characters, but not that much.

The other book I read was King of Greed. Yes, I am stalling to reveal which book I DNF'd. Yes, you will hate me. It's one of the more popular ones. Anyways, King of Greed. I was relieved when I finished it. Both leads were boring in this one, and I hated the plot. I picked it because I wanted something different, and Bookstagram was raving about this series. Now I'm wondering how the hell I can get rid of it, it's dragging down the others on my shelf. My biggest complaint is them divorcing for NO REASON! I swear they were divorced for like a week, then got back together. If you were going to do it that way, why make them get divorced why not let them get separated and then have them work through their issues, maybe show them going to couples therapy and so on. But no, she left him just to have sex with him the next day. Speaking of sex, none of it felt deserved, like okay, I get it, your shitty husband is hot but come on, get a grip, woman, he ignored you for a decade. He didn't even give her a chance to try dating other guys. At least something a little fun happened by the end. All in all, this was a 1-star read.

Now for the DNF book. Twisted Love, but the only thing twisted about it was the thoughts I had while I read it. I made it to almost half the book? It's been a while, I don't remember. I did consider rereading it for this review, but uni tortures me enough as it is. I do know what happens, and its unfornate that I put it down before I got to the fun part, honestly, though I wanted to put it down after the paragraph description from FMC's point of view in the first chapter. Ava wasn't all bad I didn't hate reading from her point of view only flaw I picked up on was her attraction to Alex, who made me want to smack my head on the wall. If you want me to actually care about this relationship, show me them going on a date and getting to know each other by talking. Show me them being vulnerable with each other. Show me Alex being her safe space so the heartbreak actually hurts instead of me thinking 'I knew it'. I'm not going to read the rest of the series. I watched a summary video on YouTube, and I have a vague idea of what happens from what I do know the other MMCs do not get better. Except maybe Rhys, my research revealed that he was not a dick to his girl, which puts him in number one the others don't get a ranking. Josh made me wish I never learned how to read. Christian made me regret learning the English language. The girls were actually fun and interesting. The plot of each book sounds like a fun read, but the only way I'm reading them is if I want to die early. Extreme? Maybe.

Ladies, I need you to bend down so we're eye to eye. Stalking is not fun in any media. STOP Romanticizing. Stella should not have forgiven Christian for stalking her she should have reported him to the police. Also, you don't need morally grey men and shitty, toxic relationships to write interesting books and shows. You can have men so green they are practically a forest, and still have an interesting story. Just look at the cute K-dramas and Romance animes. They have drama, but none of the characters are toxic or unhealthy.

Parting thoughts. If anyone out there wants to kidnap me, you should know the best torture method is making me read Ana Huang books. Ana, if by chance you read this. I'm only a little bit sorry, and you shouldn't let my opinion of your work bring you down because I can sit here and bitch about your shitty characters, but you're the successful published author. To the fans. Come at me.