ugh

[thebootydiaries]

concept: u come over and i cook an apple for dinner. we are in love as we look at each other. a single tear hits the ground as i morph into an almond (slightly smaller than the average size). u are running as fast as u can.

[teenscoolest]

[mockwa]

[disclaymore-deactivated20230920]

Real life footage of GTA Jeremy

[disclaymore-deactivated20230920]

Reblogging this because I find it hilarious and think about it constantly

[tukut]

ur mom hands u a glass of orange juice. u take a sip. its not orange juice. its stirred egg yolks. u spit them all out. u ask ur mom why. she turns around. its not ur mom. its me. ur mom is gone. im ur mother now

[nishlo-deactivated20151015]

these old spice commercials have been getting really crazy lately 

[nonamecody]

[morefunthanb4]

[bewbin]

Choose a pill

Red pill: the ability to read anybodies mind and control their thoughts at will

Blue pill: tastes like raspberry 

[tastefullyoffensive]

[jumex]

me at the bar: hey ill have two on the rocks Bartender: two what? me: thanks :)

[gaypussyretard]

[turing-tested]

i want to fucking die i was at the dollar store and i carefully picked up an orange gatorade and went “sexy boy….” because i thought no one else was around but it turns out i was WRONG

i know because i heard a quiet “what the fuck bro” from the next aisle over

[mollycolliex-deactivated2019041]

my question is why were you calling an orange gatorade “sexy boy”

[turing-tested]

how i feel about orange gatorade is none of your buisness

[ahead]

From WeHeartIt

[thisnameisfalse]

[sp0nchy]

[just-shower-thoughts]

I’m convinced that some girls with ponytails move their heads a little more enthusiastically because they like how their ponytails swing around.

[l1ng3l1n]

we do. 

[fuckkkkkkkktumblah-deactivated2]

I’M NOT GOING TO SAY THIS AGAIN.

Yes, I AM Fergalicious, and so delicious.

BUT

I 👏 ain’t 👏 promiscuous 👏

(and???? if you were suspicious? ?? All that shit is fictitious)

[dominospizzadelivery]

“Hey can u check if that milk went bad?”

*opens fridge*

*milk has leather jacket on smoking a cigarette*

“It’s bad alright”

[jimmypopisgod]

[miridai]