heart broken
today is monday the 17th. I reached out to trevor on tuesday the 11th (after two weeks of trying to not talk to him >again<) and met up with him on Wednesday the 11th. We ate chipotle and madeout in my car, making me late for my SLAA meeting. Friday after work we met up at Barnes and Noble, where we made out all over the store and then made out in my car and dry humped. Saturday the 15th (two days ago) we met up at the mall after i got out of work. we had sex in the bloomingdales parking lot in my car, then we had sex in his guitar practice room in FAU, and then we did it in my car some more in the mall parking lot again. And we just fooled around in my car, laughing, whatever, just having fun. I was really happy, you know, despite sneaking around and hiding and lying to my parents.
Last night i asked him two interview questions. the first one was about why he continued to talk to me even after one of my best friends told him to avoid me if i tried to contact him. his response was good enough for me (for my addict). Then i asked him something inappropriate, followed by, “do you have any questions for me?” and he said:
*nervous*
Do you want to sedate me?
*date
and I said “what?”
and he said “idk.”
So I said “are you asking me to date you or are you asking me if *I* want to date you?
and he said
“I’m asking you to date me.”
So for a second I was on cloud 9 and found the holy grail, because finally, after 7 months, trevor wanted me back (whether it was genuine or not, i digress).
Today he asked me to come over to his apartment so he could make me dinner. He called me when he was on his way back from school, because calling and biking is safer than texting and biking. and I told him about how happy i am that i and the beatles both speak english, that im so lucky, and language and phonetics, and blah blah blah. I told him that I thought his studious nature was attractive, and i meant it, blah blah, he was like, “Well...I have a pencil in my pocket, and...my glasses are...on my face in position,” something like that. And I was sleeping in the holy grail.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
I texted my therapist and asked her if she could see me today, yes she’ll see me at four.
I texted my mom and told her i was seeing my therapist at 4.
Mom: In addition to Wednesday or in place of?
Me: In addition to.
Mom: Is there something you want to talk about?
So I call her and tell her that I’ve been talking to trevor.
She freaks the fuck out.
My therapist and i send trevor a real-real goodbye text.
ive been crying since then and ill be crying myself to sleep tonight.
