whoever invented beds was a fucking genius im just all cozied up in here like u don't even know how cozy i am
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@lastroseofspring
whoever invented beds was a fucking genius im just all cozied up in here like u don't even know how cozy i am
On the phone at work with the woman born in '37 and she was apologizing for complaining about her pain and I was like oh no worries I got fibro I get it and she was like "oh we're in this together then" and as we were laughing about it she unprompted said "so who are we gonna kill about it" and because this is exactly the energy I wish every customer had i instantly replied "well I can't plan that on a line my bosses can hear" which she got a real kick out of. Anyway go grandma
why is ao3 is blocked on the hospital wifi????
It’s not even the public hospital wifi. I’m on the staff wifi. which one of you anesthesiologists was reading omega verse on the clock.
Thankfully, I am saved by the power of having a total of 7 followers on this blog.
The power of having a total of 7 followers on this blog has failed me.
marvel characters who are false advertising
ant-man: he can be ANY SIZE not just ant-sized
cyclops: this fucker has TWO eyes not just one
winter soldier: he is there all year round
wolverine: doesn’t wear a wolverine fursuit. you’d think he was a furry but no he isn’t
Iron Man: suit made out of a gold-titanium alloy
Spider Man: only four limbs, doesn’t shoot web out his butt
mr. fantastic: he is awful
Black Widow: also only four limbs, also doesn’t shoot web out her butt, white
The Incredible Hulk: has 7 Ph.Ds when not angry and therefore is in fact actually quite credible
“actually quite credible“
I like how he only has the Ph.Ds when he’s not angry. Like, every time he gets angry they take away his Ph.Ds and he only gets them back when he calms down.
healing is when you have an intrusive thought and instead of having a meltdown you go “girl what?? shut up” and move on
this ones for the girls
the water warriors fighting for access to clean water for all
the teenagers imprisoned for fighting back against oppressive regimes
those fighting for access to education for all
for the future of the planet
for gender equality
for safety and protection from gun violence
for governmental representation and engagement for youths
for the rights of immigrants
for syria and the rights of refugees
for literacy and the representation of WOC in books
for trans and queer rights
for protection of girls against forced marriage and child slavery
i hope that one day we live in a world where children are allowed to just be children, where they dont have to fight tooth and nail for their rights and their futures, but i could not be prouder of this generation
(from top to bottom: Autumn Peltier, Amariyanna “Mari” Copeny, Ahed Tamimi, Malala, Greta Thunberg, Melati and Isabel Wijsen, Artemisa Xakriabá, Ridhima Pandey, Jamie Margolin, Rowan Blanchard, Jaclyn Corin and Emma Gonzalez, Shamma bint Suhail Faris Mazrui, Sophie Cruz, Bana al-Abed, Marley Dias, Jazz Jennings, Sonita Alizadeh, Payal Jangid)
I was at a ren faire with my mom and I saw a belt with cool leather pouches on it for $3759 and I whispered to her, “You know, if it weren’t for the price tag I’d totally get that,” and she was like “Go for it! It’s only $3000! That’s nothing!” And I was like *surprised pikachu face*.
When you’re at a ren fair but you forget it’s Argentina
my grandpa was a good man. and it really wasnt his fault - recreationally lying to kids is a proud family tradition - but he told me, once, that cutting a worm in half resulted in two worms.
i think he said it so i'd be more morally okay with fishing? i actually dont remember the context.
point was, he told me this, and he understimated (by a very large margin) how much i liked worms. i was a worm boy. very wormy. and after hearing that, i went home, and i dug through the garden, flipped over every rock, did everything i could to gather as many worms as i could, and then i uh.
i cut them all in half. every worm i could find. all of them. with scissors.
i then took this pile of split worms, and i put them in a box with a bit of lettuce and some water and stuff and went to bed expecting to double my worms overnight. i have math autism, so i had a vague understanding that if i did this just a few times in a row, i would eventually have a completely unreasonable amount of worms.
i was very excited to become this plane's worm emperor.
(i think i was...six?)
anyway, i did not become the inheritor of the worm crown. i instead woke up to a box of dead worms and cried. a lot. i got diagnosed with panic attacks as a teenager, but i think i had them as a kid, i just had no idea what they were. i was kind of processing that a.) i had killed what i had assumed was every single worm in my yard, and thus would have no more worms, and b). i was going to like, worm hell.
(six year babylon spent a lot of time worrying about god.)
so i kind of freaked out, and i climbed a tree, because god can only smite you if you're touching the ground (?) and i sat up there mostly inconsolable until my mom came out and asked, hey, what's up? what happened?
so i explained to her that i had killed all of the worms, forever, and was also Damned, and she took me to the compost pile, and we dug for all of five seconds and found like twenty more worms.
the compost pile was full of worms.
she then told me that a). there were more worms, and we could put them back under rocks and stuff and recolonize our yard and b). that one day, i would die, and go to heaven, and be able to talk to the worms face to face. that i'd be able to tell them all that i was very sorry, and that i killed them on accident, driven only by excessive Love, and that she was positive they would forgive me because worms have six hearts and no malice.
at that point, i think i was sixty percent tear-snot by weight, and i had no choice but to gather enough worms that i could hug them. which my mom helped with. and then after that she helped me put some worms back under each rock.
and for my epilogue: i spent a significant portion of my childhood in trees. and for many years after, even when my mom didnt know i was watching, i would catch her giving the space under the rocks a light spritz with the hose. not because she loved worms.
but because she loved me.
It's so wild to me how they gave vi such beautiful features but we'll probably never hear them be praised on screen bc only femmes are allowed to be admired for being beautiful
Like they really gave her such big pretty eyes, gorgeous heartshaped lips, long lashes, a soft heart shaped face, a pretty voice and I doubt it'll ever be addressed.
Exactly why I'll continue to talk about how beautiful and special she is to me.
this isnt necessarily good news but i hope we can all agree that if you are attacked by a puma and you kill it with your bare hands it should be socially acceptable to wear the pelt wherever you damn well please
spoken like a future puma victim
….why didn’t he shoot the mountain lion?
lol what are you, a gun cuck? cant kill a large predator with your own hands?
yr locked in a room alone with three adult men but you feel perfectly safe. who are they
I mean, I feel safe from them but I’m suddenly EXTREMELY worried about what shenanigans I’ve stumbled into
“These men mean me no harm”
“So you feel safe now?”
“Oh, absolutely not”
I feel like any aliens that were prey at some point in evolution would have an odd fear of humans. Mostly cause they look like predators, act a bit like predators, and ARE predators. One perfect example is when we're focused on something like a mosquito that's been bugging us for a long time and we are just done.
Alien: "What. What..?"
Human: *HUNTING down a mosquito it saw*
Alien: ".... yeah I am really uncomfortable...."
Human: *quiet footsteps, pupils dialated, intense focus,*
Alien: *WAR FLASHBACKS*
Human: "Found you." *absolutely desimates the mosquito, squashing it into a million pieces as it's guts and various body parts liquidize into blood of the bloodthirsty, now stained on the palm of the human. A living being now reduced to a useless corpse as the human wipes the remains on their pants*
Alien: "I feel like I've just gained trauma."
okay fucking fun addition to this post. Hunting instincts in humans absolutely still exist and are usually triggered either by fascination or anger. The polar opposite of flight is pursue. An anecdote for this is that the other day my sister, who is an avid "take the bug outside in a cup" rescues kittens in her free time kinda person, looked out the window and saw a chicken in the middle of our driveway. which is a very unusual occurrence despite us living in the country.
All she had to do was say the words "there's a chicken" and her as well as my own body language immediately shifted. We were out the door and in the yard already sorta hunched over and walking on the balls of our feet, fucking flanking this chicken. No words were exchanged. We just slowly circled this chicken like a couple of rabid dogs. totally single-mindedly focused on capturing the prey.
The chicken could feel it, it immediately began counter maneuvers to avoid us and it was faster. But there were two of us and we knew the land better, we knew how to herd it into a corner, carefully watching it's body language and lurching to counter it's escape attempts. And it was fucking thrilling.
Of course, when we both closed in on it and finally got our hands on the poor thing we simply took it into the back patio away from the cats and the vultures that wanted to actually finish the job. No harm came to the bird. We located its owner and returned him to his flock but still. From an outside perspective, it was a bit unnerving. And for the chicken, it was no different than being hunted. He was just lucky enough that we were predators who appreciated the companionship of pets and were more concerned with returning him to his humans than eating him.
Now imagine any fucking alien species watching a pair of humans, who literally rehabilitate animals in their free time, who are not soldiers and seem to be totally domesticated, just absolutely flip a switch and turn into pack-hunting pursuit predators? On a single word.
(felt like the bulldog from Rio's bird chasing monologue hit a little too hard after this)
I would even argue that humans need to do this, so much so that we’ve invented a million and one ways to satisfy this instinct.
Photography.
Ball games.
I Spy.
Playing hunting games with the fellow predators we keep as pets.
Hide and seek.
Many hobbies that involve prolonged seeking behaviour or watching something to make sure it’s moving right.
I 100% feel myself slipping into “hunt mode” doing jigsaw puzzles, changed movement and all—same as when I’m out birding—and my mental health seems to get better afterwards.
The Gaang (plus Uncle Iroh)
context (via @mellorocket)
doubly funny that I saw a compilation of all the corporate accounts like "aw thanks elmo, we're doing well" meanwhile all the flesh and blood real human people are extremely not okay
Okay but Elmo had actually the best and sweetest response to all this trauma dumping:
And then all the other Sesame Street character accounts joined in:
And now I’m thinking maybe we’re gonna be okay… 💗
(Comment compilation from this Twitter)
I kinda feel for the poor person running Elmo's Twitter.
"So, boss... I may have messed up."
"What did you do, Ray?"
"Well, I made a post for Elmo saying 'Hi, how's everybody doing?'"
"I mean, that's kind of what we pay you for."
"Yeah, but.... <sigh> it turns out pretty much everyone is hanging on by a thread, badly enough that they needed to tell Elmo."
"Oh."
"God help me, boss, I think Elmo needs to be there for them."
"Get the others."
this is the energy that jim henson would be proud of.
and important addition
Source: instagram
my brother and I don't say "mcdonalds" when referring to the fast food chain. we've always said "mcnaldo's", then it became "naldo's". now it's simply "nald". and we always refer to it as a single unit. like "do you want a nald?"
Big Mcthank
so my apartment building got a notice board to post fire alarm tests and maintenance announcements and such. the building is pretty well-maintained, so we rarely get notices. the board is big and grey and to think it would be empty like that 99% of the time was a bland boring sin i just couldn't bear, so i vandalized the corner of its empty canvas with a teeny tiny Guy
and within a few days, there was a sudden addition from my one of my neighbors along with a Bunch of thumbtacks. this was an unexpected, but welcome surprise!
well there was still so much space, i figured i'd add another crumb to the art hoard. i'd been playing genshin that day so i drew my favorite grandpa
and like clockwork, new art manifested!! this person is gonna grow to be a great artist i know it. the detail in those stones? hell yeah that's cool.
we're two weeks into it. more neighbors have joined in with their artwork. who knew there were so many artists in my building?? we're onto somethin great here i just know it.
update: ONE OF MY NEIGHBORS DREW VENTI TO GO WITH MY GENSHIN GRANDPA I'M —
WHO DID THIS
i am retaliating i NEED to know who did this
JOJO HAS ENTERED THE CHAT
This is what 'living in a community' is supposed to mean
Crow Doodles of the Week ~ ❤️