no seas chismosa !

hi im cristina and im an absolute mess bi|cis she/her a chicana ho

[schauspielerin]

this is legendary

[louserz]

I can’t wait until it’s 2030 and one direction is having their comeback tour and I’ll hear it announced on the radio before work and my kids will run down the stairs and see mommy sipping a morning mug of vodka instead of coffee and all just /know/ but my sixth child will be too young to understand and he’ll come up to me and be like “what’s wrong mommy?” and I’ll cringe before I say it but “nothing. go get ready for school Kevin”

[greekiegeekie]

Aw I was expecting an ending like

“what’s wrong mommy?” and I’ll cringe before I say it but “Daddy’s going on tour Kevin”

[louserz]

i don’t want to marry any of those mayo ass fuckers I’d be dead from stress by 2031 smh

[karkatjpg]

why the fuck are princess doll toys and pet shop shit commercials always putting these weird theme songs in like they cant even rhyme them  theyre always like “sparkles and glitter right before your eyes!!! she talks and dances and!!!!!!!!!!! spins and flies!!! Magic Surprise!! Horse” 

[turing-tested]

just learned that my “pupil” is a muscle and that means that fact about your eyes dialiting when you see someone you like actually means that you’re subconsciously and uncontrollablely flexing at your crushes whenever you’re seeing them

[metrophobic]

Kind of like a butthole!

[turing-tested]

thanks

[lordura-deactivated20211125]

[reversewerewolf]

things i say that confuse and worry my coworkers:

“happy birthday” every time i hand them something

“well, that’s not ideal” whenever something is going wrong

“we are in the timeline that god abandoned” whenever i’m mildly inconvenienced

“can’t you see that your fighting is tearing this family apart?” whenever two or more coworkers are arguing

referring to taking medication as “eating medicine”

“time to go back to prison!” when putting animals back in their cages

referring to inanimate objects as (s)he, particularly when i break something and say “oh no, he’s dead.” this concerns them especially when i follow it up with “that’s not ideal”

“what are they gonna do, fire me?”

[dwarvesandrobots]

I work in a blood bank, and constantly refer to blood types as flavors, such as “Oh, you need two units? What flavor is he?” And my older coworkers just look at me confused but my coworker that’s my age doesn’t miss a beat and responds “A Pos”

[reversewerewolf]

this is probably my favorite comment on this post so far

[macden-byebitch]

nothing summarizes dennis’ dramatic gay ass better than these 8 seconds

[thecoolgaymac]

That “yes bitch” killed a thousand people

[fluffymcmuffins]

I need a bf

B - billion

F - fucking dollars

[gahdamnpunk]

lmfaoo unmute this

[penicillium-pusher]

my counselor: how are you doing?

me: good, how are you?

my counselor: good, what brings you in today?

me: im doin real bad karen

[lightlybow]

When you deal with mental illness it becomes painfully obvious that “How are you” is a greeting rather than an actual inquiry into your well-being, so the first one is a canned response but the second one gets real

[vladtheunfollower]

:)

[emotionalempowerer-blog]

[mrdsc1010]

Same Energy

[bunjywunjy]

toddlers are too powerful to be reckoned with

[misgenderisms-deactivated202010]

Let trans men be as feminine or as masculine as they want

[likealittleraccoonthing]

also let trans women be as masculine or feminine as they want

[misgenderisms-deactivated202010]

reblog this version too cowards.

[podencos]

I may be a dumb bitch but at least I’m a smart dumb bitch

[thexfiles]

something: *is none of my god DAMN business* me: 🔍👀📝

[tastefullyoffensive]

[oncesingingalways]

Quality. Content.

[totalparksandrec]