High Standards
Throughout my life, I’ve been taunted by the phrase “Your standards are too high”.
At a young age, I took a liking to romance. I was infatuated with infatuation. I would seek out romance media, looking for that pairing or character that would make my heart flutter. I was heavily drawn to the prince charming, golden retriever types.
In time, I began thinking “Could I be in a relationship?”
Romance didn’t come easy for little me. I never understood others when they’d call certain boys attractive or nice when I didn’t perceive them as either. I was aware the former was a personal preference, but I didn’t understand wanting to be with someone who’d treat you unkindly. I recall having one or two playground boyfriends, but I didn’t find them cute despite their benevolence. I just assumed that was normal, and that romance would make more sense the older I got.
But did it?
Going forward a few years, to around the beginning of my teen years, I found myself crushing on a girl. My first ever real crush. It was reciprocal, fun, but short lived. We were both going through a lot of personal growth, so romance exactly wasn’t a priority, we decided to just remain friends. Despite the lack of longevity, this was what affirmed that romance wasn’t out of my reach, that I could find myself attracted to and wanting to pursue a real person.
Only a few months later was it that I developed my first romantic feelings for a boy. He was everything to me at the time, and I basked in the way he made me feel. As starry-eyed as I was, he was lovely, truthfully. The kicker though? Everybody wanted him. It wasn’t hard to tell why either; attractive face, magnetic aura, silky voice, charming personality. Trying to win his affection felt like being a horse in a race. Yet, as girl-next-door-sy as I was, I won. Out of a plethora of girls, a lot of which I perceived as prettier than me, I won. Though, once again, circumstances had their way. This I consider my first heartbreak, maybe even my only true one at that. His lack of presence left such a staggering void in my vicinity that I felt for quite a while. This experience is (what I presume) shaped my perception of romance and relationships.
It felt like, from then on, I was being frequently sought after. Every experience more shallow than the last. It eventually dawned on me that most boys were just fixated on wanting to be in the concept of a relationship, not to love someone and be loved in return. They were addicted to the performance of it all. As for the odd few I found myself attracted to, they were miraculously always out of reach. I, arguably rightfully, started to complain about this.
“Why can’t nice boys be attracted to me?”
“Why can’t I just have a natural connection with someone again?”
“I’m not attracted to these boys, I prefer x, x, x, and x.”
“Brown hair, glasses, and respectful. It’s that simple, universe.”
“This I want, not that.”
All I heard in return?
“Your standards are too high.”
“Physical attraction isn’t that important, if they’re nice you should just date them.”
“If they’re attractive, personality won’t really matter.”
“You’re never gonna find a person like that.”
“I can’t be that perfect guy you want.”
All I wanted? Someone morally sound, someone attractive. That’s it. Cut and dry.
It was at that point that I realised “Oh, the bare minimum is seen as an imposition.” I debated with myself for awhile, thinking, maybe, my standards are too high, but no, I was being gaslight into thinking basic human decency was an egregious want. Shortly, I had that epiphany.
That dating culture is terrible, and no amount of experience or aging could change that. If people won’t change, why should I? My standards have most likely helped me evade countless unpleasant scenarios, they aren’t hurting anyone that wouldn’t hurt me.
Ultimately, do not let people trick you and believing in you deserve anything less. Do not settle because others say you should. You are entitled to your “high” standards. As impossible as it seems, no matter what anybody says or tries to convince you of, there will be someone who ticks every box.
