Cryptic Cravings

30. Icon by mimipippin. Fanfiction are tagged "Cryptic Fic". Kpop, Miraculous, and MXTX/danmei.

[wifegideonnav]

“bits to use in everyday conversations”

[blightowl]

Snake Oil seller doesn't get why folks at the market aren't taking her seriously :(

[blightowl]

Snake oil seller gets a big crowd of folks (including one dragon) at the market and sells out her entire stock!

[ayyy-imma-ninja]

I love happy endings qwq

[anexperimentallife]

[labelleizzy]

Everyone reblog this. Mandatory.

[robertreich]

Your regular reminder that trickle-down economics is a cruel joke designed by the wealthy.

[theunicorncomic-blog]

[randomushroom]

HE FOUND TUMBLR??????

[robertreich]

I’ve been here the whole time.

[spinningthehamsterwheel]

Dear god, he's not kidding...

[parkchanwoohoo]

This man's an expert

[dozingpeach]

PEER REVIEWED, THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE ADDITION

[thulium]

[c3rvida3]

The last time I played Puck, the director was a huge freak about not letting us wear shoes on stage because it would "ruin the look", but we all kept eating shit, and instead of just letting us wear skintone dance shoes or something with grip, motherfucker poured Pepsi on the floor so it'd be sticky and we had to schlorp around. I fucking hate you, David.

[saltykingsalty]

Why couldn't this have been a one time I dreamt

[c3rvida3]

Coking the stage (mopping it with diluted soda so it's a little sticky) is a legitimate low-budget tactic for slick floors, but he just poured so much Pepsi on the floors that for about a whole week, it was audible.

Maybe the course of true love would run a little fucking smoother if we didn't have to ford your Pepsi river, DAVID.

[spontaneous-avocado]

I would just quit. Fuck people like that. It's easy to walk away

[c3rvida3]

No it's not. Didn't you read the post? There was dried Pepsi everywhere.

[bestoftweets]

[radiofreederry]

[thegreatgrumbolia]

[crusaderfortruthiness]

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[chilewithcarnage]

[ten-and-donna]

the utter ecstasy of “is that lavENDER?” is what sells it for me

[pulling-aggro]

a level of appreciation for charcuterie the likes of which has never been seen before

[lesbianshepard]

Current twitter drama is Europeans confidently declaring that they don't need to drive or use overpriced public transport to get to the MetLife stadium for the World Cup; they will simply walk down the highway to get there. Girl it's New Jersey. They're gonna splatter you for fun.

[lesbianshepard]

If you manage to get on the turnpike before the cops stop you, a soccer mom is gonna do the Jersey slide in a RAV4 and turn your entire group into a wet speedbump

[bunjywunjy]

this? you want to walk down this????

please say sike

[bunjywunjy]

IT'S NOT A FUCKING STREET ITS AN 8-LANE SUPERHIGHWAY THAT GOES OVER A SWAMP

[hapalopus]

footpath

[bunjywunjy]

that is grass. just like ur ass, if you try to walk this thing

[phantomomo]

Image me gently taking your hand as I tell you the following:

This is ABSOLUTELY a perfectly fine footpath.

In fact, with how much space I’m seeing here, it is entirely plausible, that the European hordes will just create a temporary little Wanderweg right next to the highway. With that much space they might not even have to interfere with traffic.

But also have you seen the space between your highways? I‘d say the gaps each easily fit another whole stream of European walking hordes. Or maybe even two going opposite directions :D

[bunjywunjy]

tightly grips your hand with both of my sweaty hands.

the grass is not a permanent feature. there just happens to be a chunk of it there. the side of the road can vary from grass to swampwater ditches to steep embankments to absolutely nothing within a very short distance.

they will call in every highway enforcer in the state and mass incarcerate the lot of you before they allow you to Darwin Award yourselves across 6 lanes of traffic into an international incident or, (their real concern) impede the progress of the single most important north-south interstate corridor in america, ball kicky game be damned.

(I'm starting to believe that a fair number of you in the notes have We're Better Than Stupid Americans embedded so deeply into your cultural identity that you will Just Not Listen to anything we say to you about the material circumstances about the place we live in, rather than taking us at our word that there is a reason that most Americans travel the way we do and it's a good reason.)

[library-seraph]

"Jaywalking is not a thing in Europe" may I suggest this is less about the laws of America and more about the laws of inertia

[wanderingthunderstorm]

Trolley problem:

You are a US American motorist driving along i-95 during rush hour. You see a pedestrian dart in front of you. You have 2 seconds to make a decision:

Attempt to stop (cause multi-car pile up and kill pedestrian anyway)

Attempt to swerve #1 (cause semi truck next to you to jackknife, cause pileup, kill pedestrian anyway)

Attempt to swerve #2 (into ditch/swamp/retaining wall, 85 mph/137 km per hour, killing yourself, your passengers, and a bunch of other people on the road when your car inevitably sends pieces shooting off into traffic. Also, the pedestrian gets run over by the person behind you, who was NOT expecting a pedestrian and didn't even see them)

Run over the pedestrian and hope you can at least stay in your lane and not cause a worse accident while you slow down

[thatlittleegyptologist]

Okay so this has been a fun thing to watch unfold over the last week and I guess it’s finally reached here. Just like a game of telephone the argument no longer resembles the origin. There was a Reddit thread about it and tbf a lot of the Europeans on there were very confused as to why anyone thought they were going to walk it. Where had all this come from? Who was actually saying this?

So, Reddit being Reddit, had already tracked down the origins. Turns out there were some disgruntled Europeans that were unhappy with the fact that the train operator was price gouging the tickets that were usually $12 so that they were $150+ to get from the hotel to the MetLife stadium. Roughly 900m away (through a swamp). The European complaining was like “it’s 900m I’d rather fucking walk it”. Not that he was going to walk it, just that he was pissed off at the price enough that he’d jokingly consider it.

In swoops a blue check mark rw dude who, like the above, took him literally and explained swamps and how roads work in a very condescending manner (not like the above). The European response was so clearly sarcasm (paraphrasing: “I’m strong! I can make it across a swamp! I’m not paying $150 dollars for a 15 minute train ride”) but it went over the blue check mark guy’s head.

So he doubles down, insisting that they’ll all get run over on the I-95 and Europeans are arrogant and stupid. So what did the original guy do? After a bit of back and forth about terrible infrastructure he starts Smooth Sharking the blue check mark guy! No it’s totally fine! I’ve crossed big roads before! Swamps are nothing! Blue check guy does not recognise the sarcasm or the obvious rage bait so doubles down again.

By this time, it’s got enough traction that more Europeans show up to rage bait this one guy with stuff like “nah the whole Dutch fan walk is gonna walk alongside the I-95!” “You can’t do that you’ll get killed by trucks!” “It’s fine they can’t kill us all there are too many! Some will make it to the match!”

Of course it make blue check mark guy very angry and he started ranting about Europeans being arrogant enough to walk. He was also equating it with them not helping with that Special Operation Tango Toddler has going on, which like okay dude. But others only saw his rants about it and that began to spread. Once it reached TikTok and folks were making videos accusing Europeans of white supremacy (yes that is a thing that happened) it genuinely spun out of control to what we’re seeing now.

I don’t doubt some idiot Europeans have indeed tried to justify doing this, there’s one on this post (along with one person clearly smooth sharking. Like c’mon, circling grass and writing “path” is not a serious response, it’s rage bait) but the idea that “European football fans think they can walk this” isn’t real. No one has earnestly being saying they’ll do it. More people have been shocked by the dominance of car led infrastructure than have thought “yeah I can cross an 8 lane interstate highway.”

Tl;dr: This is manufactured outrage based on one guy getting smooth sharked because some other guy thought a $12 ticket suddenly being $150 was a bit fucking much for such a short journey and he’d rather walk than pay that.

Can we all chill out now?

[sheet--metal--girl]

if youre transgender you have to live. i love you.

[poetry-protest-pornography]

This is the best one

[ruffboi-mags]

(in case anyone needs context, since i know there's a bunch of younguns who didn't even know the "It's gonna be May" meme... The song playing is NSync's song "It's Gonna Be Me", the guy in the mint green t-shirt is NSync member Lance Bass, and the guy in the pink hoodie is his husband Michael.)

[elephino-but-i-need-a-name]

I need to you all to know that the original caption for this is : “POV your friend mispronounces a word once and now it’s a national holiday.”

[wolfkitten]

The additional context is everything.

[whereserpentswalk]

Fuck hostile architecture, I want unhostile architecture. I want benches to be designed to be as easy as possible to sleep on. I want little places for pigeons to nest to be purposefully put on buildings. I want people designing public spaces to think about what they'd be like to skateboard on. I want "Please loiter" signs. I want people to be kind. I want...

[awritersbro]

We need cities that do not resent the fact that people live in them

[the-haiku-bot]

We need cities that

do not resent the fact that

people live in them

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[bloodyfries]

I love how Xie Lian is "The crown prince that pleased the gods" yet is known for said gods hating him

[thehummingbirdsmatter]

I love when a meme gets so many steps away from its source material that it would be completely incomprehensible if I didn't know what today's date was

[wajb]

ragebaiting lemonade stand owner with one simple order