Небеса и Ад @cursed-machete - Tumblr Blog

ishowdespair-deactivated2026012

how are you people alive.

im an abbot and tbh if i dont vibe with one of my monks i call the vatican and tell them he's tempting the other monks to most profane and unnatural couplings and they just take him back and send a new one no questions asked

italo-disco-calvino

papa keeps those for himself

evilvillain123456789

papa keeps those for himself

licenseddoctor

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

bigandretired-deactivated202501

homeboygirl

im gonna getcha! im gonna getcha!!!

omg stoppp!!! hehe ^_^ !!!!

benjaminbadger

The funniest thing I have read tonight

escuerzoresucitado

aspiringwarriorlibrarian

You know what? I don't want to change my VPN every six months cause it was caught selling information. I don't want to go deep into the settings of every website I so much as look at. I don't want my internet browsing to be a constant leap through hoops so that companies can't do things which should be illegal anyway. I want privacy to be the default and for it to be difficult to take it away, not the other way around. Is that too much to ask?

athetos

They just don’t assassinate politicians like they used to anymore

athetos

I need everyone to know that 2 months after I made this post, Shinzo Abe was killed with the Splatoon weapon.

If we bring this back, maybe we can make the funniest possible outcome right before the US election.

speedlimit15

indeed search easy jobs for losers

spngirlpolls

there's a lot to bitch about re: supernatural but at least it was made in 2005 starring teen soap actors on the cw with one million episodes per season. that's real television. if they made that shit now it would be like six episodes on apple tv and glen powell would be in it. so count your fucking blessings.