Roggie likes Music @d1zzygr3y - Tumblr Blog

I think they should have let Bradley dean perform Soviet Machine at the Tonys. As a treat for me specifically.

hate it when pets learn words, my dog flips out when he hears "greenie" so we had to start saying "G word" but now he knows G word so we have to say shit like "are we out of emerald indulgences"

jaubaius

nabi3000

narcissistcookbook

the second eel at the end in its little cuck shelter 💜

derinthescarletpescatarian

eel deets from @whitefangthefightingwolf

reikomakoto

noknowshame

can he be in a normal situation for like 5 minutes

forthegothicheroine

I'm a corset centrist. I think it's reasonable for historical fiction characters to not like corsets, but I reserve the right to roll my eyes in that scene in Bridgerton where they tightlace the girl before putting her in an empire waist dress.

inimoose

Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

hauntedbystorytelling

Anonymous photographer, Japan, 1954 / Courtesy Galerie Lumière des Roses / source

aukkenopsia

pajama idea i had last night in bed while rolling around in pain from cramps

sergal

everyone shut da fuck up this is the only thing that matters

sergal

Oh My God Damn

nether-demon-warthog

i like the choncert ver,,

giggling at this

he lasted a total of five seconds before going on about the russians

npdclaraoswald

A doll youtuber I watch has made a video about the history of Polly Pocket, and she's describing the plots of the dvd specials, one of which features an elderly woman named Ms. Throckmorton, and my reaction was

monster1994

happy june everybody i hope you get fucked and/or sucked this month

kazokuhouou

what if we don't wanna be?

monster1994

then i hope for peace

unpretty

some dudes like to talk a big game about how comedy suffers when people are afraid to offend but man, Mitch Hedberg was a white dude working in the era of peak offensive edgelord and his shit holds the fuck up so while most comedians will never come up with anything as timeless as “if carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up” they could at least make an effort

unpretty

siphersaysstuff

Every McDonald’s commercial ends the same way, right? “Prices and participation may vary.” I wanna open a McDonald’s and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald’s owner. I’ll say “Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets! We are not affiliated with that clown.”

Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read.

I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments and one fuckin’ complicated payment. We can’t tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch! The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination! Good luck, fucker! That last payment must be made in wampum!

Hey, if you wanna talk to me after the show, I’ll be… fuckin’ surprised.

awa64

This shirt is “dry-clean only”… Which means it’s dirty.

One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is of you when you were younger. “Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.” “You son-of-a-bitch! How’d you pull that off? Lemme see that camera… What’s it look like? ”

An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order” sign, just “Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I play golf. I’m not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole-in-one. But I did hit a guy. And that’s way more satisfying. You’re supposed to yell “Fore!” but I was too busying mumbling “There ain’t no way that’s gonna hit him.”

When you’re in Hollywood and you’re a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things besides comedy. They say “All right you’re a stand up comedian, can you act? Can you write? Write us a script.” They want me to do things that’s related to comedy, but it’s not comedy. That’s not fair. It’s as though if I was a cook, and I worked my ass off to become a good cook, and they said “All right you’re a cook… can you farm?”