“well if sexuality isn’t defined by attraction to biological sex then what is it???????”
vibes. this is not a joke. it’s literally vibes.
when you look at someone and find them attractive, you don’t know what genitals they have or what gender they are. you might assume, but you don’t know. you are going off aesthetics and vibes.
another reason it’s all about the vibes is because it’s very common for queer men to mostly be attracted to other queer men, and queer women to be attracted to other queer women, and just queer people in general seeking each other out, based on the aesthetic and cultural tells we’ve curated over decades (centuries even.) we’ve gotten really good at finding each other.
though honestly, and this may be a hot take, i don’t think sexuality is about initial attraction. i don’t think it’s about who you look at on the street and think is hot. otherwise any lesbian who saw a femme twink on the street and accidentally thought he was hot and vise versa would probably be bullied by the internet into identifying as bi.
i think it’s about what kind of person you see yourself with and what kind of dynamic you want to have with that person. are you a femme who absolutely loves the idea of settling down with a nice butch? are you a trans guy who sees yourself connecting mostly with other trans guys? are you a gay guy who loves bears? what do you like to do in your free time and what other demographics tend to be into that? clubbing? roller derby? dnd? what kind of sex do you most enjoy having? do you prefer not to have sex? do you prefer sex without the expectation of romantic attraction?
what kind of life do you want and what kind of person do you want that life with? that’s what it’s about, not what someone has in their pants.
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