Wassup bitches

For everyone who has liked my fics, please know I would die for you

[beardedmrbean]

[theman]

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

[tattooedzombigirl]

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

[imanutcase-10]

Then bring me luck

[thirddeadlysin]

the day after I posted this last time I was notified that I was selected for a really cool mentorship gig and got an unrelated glowing review at work

[icantbearsedtothinkofone]

Hey Potato, cure my -ing cold so I can have a good time while away.

[dduane]

Here's the potato. Make what use of it you will. :)

[selkypostergirl]

love my downward spiral :) #myspiral #descending

[midnightvrose]

[tooiconic]

both of them are me

[daddyisastateofmind]

Headcanon on why Ilya started to call Shane random russian words as pet names. Spoiler alert: it was bc it was sexy

A/N: It seems I really like messing around with languages when it comes to Hollanov. This fic was powered by google translate and the time before my edible hit. I've added in translations, but let me know if they are incorrect, or if the formatting is off.

Shane is lying back on his bed with Ilya propped up above him and slowly fingering him open. Lifting his head from where he was nibbling on Shane's neck, he dragged his lips up and start whispering russian words into his ear.

It's only been a few months post-cottage so while Shane is proud of the progress he is making, his comprehension of the language is not the greatest. But it's enough that Ilya will sometimes switch to russian in the middle of a conversation and see if Shane can work out the meaning.

Ilya's stomach flutters every time he remembers that he can test Shane like this - that the person he loves, loves him in return enough to try and understand Ilya's native tongue.

Shane manages shake off the fog of fuck yes fuck that's good fuck yes yes yes to parcel out the words Ilya just said

"Ty sobirayesh'sya eto vzyat'?"

You going...take

He's saying i'm gonna take something?

Before Shane can respond, Ilya continues, "Ty sobirayesh'sya prinyat' moyego khuy, kak malen'kaya shlyushka?"

You going...??...my...??...as a small...???

Am I going to what? Take? Receive? Suck? Touch? Cum?

Going to something to something of his - am I only getting his fingers? Does he want me to suck his cock? Does he want me to cum on him? Is he asking that I touch him somewhere?

As a little something? What did he call me? A whore? A fag? A cocksucker? A champ? A sweetheart? Did he just call me a canadian slur?

God, Shane wishes his online courses included more dirty word segments. He's been watching movies with russian dialogue and english subtitles - maybe he should start watching porn videos in russian too? Does russian porn come with english subtitles? Will he even be able to find any gay russian porn?

Shane gently pushes Ilya away and shakes his head. "What?"

Ilya's lips pull back into a sharky smile "Ty menya ne ponimayesh', lyubov?"

You me not understand, love?

"No," Shane whimpered "What did you say?"

"Aw, ty chto, ne ponimayesh', chto ya nazyvayu tebya shlyushka?" Ilya says before pressing a chaste kiss against Shane's mouth. Aw, you don't understand that I'm calling you a slut?

Shane doesn't bother trying to translate "Ilya"

Ilya places another chaste kiss against his collarbone before pulling back to stare at Shane with a toothy smile. One that Shane learned to take as an omen that Ilya was about to have fun at his expense.

"Ya mogu nazyvat' tebya kak ugodno, da?" I can call you I want, yes?

Shane whined "Tell me what you're saying..."

Taking his fingers gently out of Shane's ass, he started to place kisses down his chest.

"Ya chto, nazyvayu tebya moya suka?" Kiss Am I calling you my bitch?

"Ili moya vozlyublennyy?" Kiss Or my beloved?

"Moya gryaznaya malen'kaya dyrochka?" Kiss My dirty little hole?

Ilya shifted so he was between Shane's legs and his mouth hovering above his cock. He giggled softly to himself before placing kisses on Shane's balls as he spoke "Mne dazhe ne nuzhno starat'sya byt' seksual'noy. Ya mogu nazvat' tebya liftom, i ty dazhe ne poymesh'.." I don't even have to try to be sexy. I could call you an elevator and you wouldn't even understand.

"Ilya, please" Shane wasn't sure what he was begging for - for Ilya to translate what he's saying, or for Ilya to shut up altogether and use his mouth to start sucking instead.

Ilya did wrap his lips around Shane's dick and started to blow him, but pulled off after a couple of seconds. "Ya mog by nazvat' tebya divanom." I could call you a sofa.

Lips back to sucking him off for a couple of seconds, before pulling back again. "Moya malen'kiy kusochek khleba" My little piece of bread

He went back to sucking off Shane, and pulled off yet again.

"Moya zubnaya shchetka" Back to sucking Shane My toothbrush

"Moya dver'" Back to sucking Shane My door

"Moya khokkeynaya mayka" Back to sucking Shane My hockey jersey

"Moy cherdak" My attic

His lips just grazed the tip of before pulling back again with a chuckle "Nyet, ya dumayu, ty budesh' podval" Back to sucking. No, I guess you would be the basement.

Ilya settled into this new rhythm, satisfied with his new method of tormenting Shane in bed.

Shane held onto Ilya's curls and tried not to moan too loud so that he could still hear Ilya's words.

He distantly thought that if he memorize some of the words he could look them up later. But each time he tried to catch a word, his brain would be wiped clean each time Ilya made his lips extra tight around the head of his cock.

Shane eventually gave up. He would just have to suffer watching straight russian porn to tell if his boyfriend was calling him a cum dumpster or not.

"Moya romashka" My daisy

"Moya podushka" My pillow

"Moya malen'kaya biblioteka"

Shane's head shot up at the familiar sounding word.

"Wait, did you just call me a fucking library?!"

[jeffthemagicdragon]

Post TLG, Shane and Ilya get weird questions and attention of people saying they don't "look" gay and questioning their identities. In retaliation, Harris starts a TikTok trend. It's pretty simple: he goes up to a (gay) player, says "wait, you're gay? But you don't look gay 🤨," and they do something in response. Luca looks bewildered at the camera for a moment before playing Lady Gaga from his phone and doing little dance moves with his hands. Harris catches Troy for the video as he's putting on his winter clothes to leave the rink, so he responds by flicking the tail of his scarf dramatically over one shoulder and silently strutting away while Harris cracks up behind the camera. Shane gives the camera his flattest, most unamused stare before giving a textbook z-snap and lookjng back at his phone. Ilya instantly falls into a perfect death drop on the ice with one skate in the air

[daddyisastateofmind]

lmao Shane hitting Harris with a

[bloombound]

[daddyisastateofmind]

I promised myself to use this blog as a way to scream into the void.

So painful thought of the day : the times I spent as a kid looking after my younger cousins is going to be the only time I will ever experience anything similar to motherhood in my lifespan

[kosmogrl]

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all

[daddyisastateofmind]

Sidney Crosby has the power to do the funniest thing ever and accept a role in heated rivalry s2.

Preferably as Coach Weibe

[daddyisastateofmind]

I have a NEED to see Hollanov bringing the rivalry back in a All Stars game post-TLG.

Like playing on the same team and occasionally the same line is amazing. They are so in sync and can keep up with each other - it's great!

So a year when the league decides to make them captains of different teams at the All Stars one year, makes both Shane's and Ilya's competitiveness goes brrr. Fuck the Stanley cup - they both have never needed to win as badly as they do that weekend.

And All Stars is just for one weekend - at the end of it, they go back to being teammates. So they savour this opportunity be rivals if only for a short while.

And I don't want it to be nice! Like during their hook up era and their somewhat long distance relationship years, they were so desperate to enjoy the scant hours they could together, that it turned into explosive sex.

So I want explosive hockey - dirty hits and plays, checks into the boards that make the glass crack. I want the broadcasters hoping the mics don't pick up the sound as they scream every curse word in 3 languages they know at each other, Ilya making chirps at Shane that go low, and Shane replying with stats and exact times when Ilya made embarrassing mistakes. I want them to be yelling at goalies and breaking sticks in frustration. I want the audience to be genuinely concerned about the state of their marriage.

Hell I want them to drop gloves and tussle a bit. Like Ilya's team are up by 1 towards the end of the game, and Ilya is being his cocky asshole self, and makes some joke that makes Shane see red. He has dropped gloves and his fist is mid-swing towards Ilya's chin before he even realises he is going to punch HIS HUSBAND!!! And it's too late to stop.

Luckily Ilya is used to provoking hockey players into taking a swing, so is able to dodge enough that Shane hits his shoulder instead. But then Ilya's own instincts kick in and before he knows it he's got Shane's collar in a fist.

They whole scuffle just dissolves into pushing and screaming at each other.

Did you really just take a swing at me, Hollander?!

Well, I wouldn't have if you weren't being such a dick!

So I beat you in a game and you decide to just punch me instead?

You haven't won yet asshole! Plus that last goal shouldn't have counted! That ref is just blind to your team's obvious goalie interfer-

And the whole stadium just stops cause whoa. These are the first husbands of hockey. They spend their interviews and social media posts talking how much they love each other. Wtf is even happening?

Eventually their teammates wake up and gently pull them away from each other.

But then they confuse everyone further - bc after the game they just go back to normal without a word said about it. Ilya is ducking into Shane's team locker room when the game is done and they go back to fluffy lovey dovey nonsense.

Oh moya lyubov, you were so good out there!

Not as good as you babe. Congrats on the win

Yes yes, but that your goal in the first period? soooo sexy

Yuna, Harris, & Farah team up against them and force them to record a video explaining that yes they are ok, no they don't hate each other, their marriage / home life is perfectly fine, but the game just got away from them.

Shane is very sorry he swung at Ilya. Ilya understands that Shane can sometimes care way too much about hockey, and accepts the apology. But not before leveraging it to get Shane to agree to let Ilya spank him in return 😈😈

[autistobrat]

this too shall pass but the fuck was that for

[rozandhollzy]

Moments after Shane and Ilya pull away from Yuna and David's house:

When the car had pulled back onto the main road, David turned back toward the house. “We knew it was a possibility that he was gay.”

Yuna sighed. “I know. I am trying not to be disappointed. I don’t know why I am disappointed. I had hoped with Rose Landry… she just seemed like such an appropriate choice. Do you think she knows?”

David sat down at the table again and gestured for Yuna to take the seat across from him. He reached across and took her hands. “Probably. They still talk.”

“You don’t think she’ll say anything to the press, do you? I could—"

David squeezed her fingers. “I don’t know what she’d have to gain from it. And Shane has kept this secret very well. It doesn’t seem likely that he would trust just anyone with it.”

“Ilya Rozanov, though,” Yuna said, pulling her hands away and leaning back in her chair. “You don’t think this is some mind game on his part? Getting to Shane early? The summer before rookie season? For God’s sake, Shane was only 18 years old.”

“So was Rozanov. And no. I cannot imagine that a 18 year old boy planned to enter into a years long homosexual relationship in order to mess with Shane’s hockey game. Shane’s hockey game is perfectly intact.”

“But he hasn’t stopped seeing women. And he’s kept Shane a secret.”

“Well, but Shane hasn’t exactly been advertising this either. And you have to imagine it has the potential to destroy both their careers.”

“Yes, but with his reputation, he could always just say that he was messing with Shane. Like it was some kind of tactic. And then Shane would look—"

“It’s been almost ten years,” David interrupted. “That would be a hell of a long game. Shane has as much power over Rozanov’s career as he has over Shane’s.”

“I just… he’s always been so cocky. Like he thought he was God’s gift to hockey. Like he thought he was better than Shane.”

“You don’t have to like him,” David said. “You just have to trust Shane.”

“I know. But you like him.”  It was almost a question.

“I don’t know what I think. But I saw that he didn’t leave Shane to clean up their mess on his own. And I saw that Shane cares enough for him not to crumble under your disapproval.”

“David!”

“You told the boy he was disloyal for being willing to leave Boston!”

“I’m just not sure he’s not strategizing somehow.”

“If he were strategizing, wouldn’t it make more sense to get Shane to leave Montreal?  Instead he’s the one talking about signing with an inferior team.”

“Yes, but maybe that’s an advantage. Ottawa would pay a lot for a star. And it would be a heck of legacy, to raise the Centaurs from the dust.”

“And if he can do it, then good for him. But it’s a huge risk. And one he is apparently willing to take.”

Yuna huffed. “Because he thinks he’s God’s gift to hockey.”

“Yuna. Can you not see that he loves our son?”

“Ok,” she said, raising a hand in acquiescence.  “But I just think that for Shane, someone more…. Shane’s never gone for flashy. He’s steady. He’s—"

“That is exactly why I think we need to support this.”

“Why? So Shane can ‘sow his wild oats’? So he can jeopardize what he’s built for some kind of thrill?”

“Thrill? Look at him! He wouldn’t even eat tonight because you served pasta.”

“I served pasta because it’s bulking season!”

“Yes, I know. It’s why I love bulking season.  But he probably ate his carbs at breakfast. And he will not deviate. Tonight, he will still spend one hour and thirty five minutes in the gym, despite this being one of the most difficult afternoons of his life. Shane doesn’t allow for aberrations. He treats his life like an equation he can solve to get the right answer.”

“Shane is disciplined. And talented. And he is a serious young man who understands—"

“Shane is 26! He is a young man who keeps himself under such rigid control that we thought it was possible he just didn’t date because it would interfere with his training.”

“He will have plenty of life after hockey to explore whatever… entanglements he chooses.”

“Yuna, would you stop being his manager for just one second and be the kid’s mother? Our son has finally chosen something for pleasure.”

Yuna looks horrified.

“Yes, I said for pleasure. Our son who refuses wine, who refuses dessert, who refuses pasta. Our son who only eats salmon and brown rice in perfectly weighed portions. Our son who trains all but two weeks of the year, and then agrees to use that time to take us to Wimbledon even though he doesn’t want to. Our son who never misses a practice, let alone a game, who plays injured, who wears his Rolex and his Reeboks, and never fights on the ice. Never disparages the other team—"

“David—"

“—I’m not done yet. Our son who has never chosen a goddamned thing for himself has chosen this. And has been willing to jeopardize all the meticulous training and grooming and money—"

“I never wanted any of Shane’s money. I only wanted the best—"

“Ilya Rozanov is the best.” David laughed ruefully and ran a hand over his face. “Can’t you see that? Even in this, Shane chose the very best, the only person who could possibly match him.”

“On the ice, maybe,” Yuna said grudgingly.

“Or maybe off it as well. Did you see how quickly Rozanov was able to reach him? I know he doesn’t come around that quickly for me. For you either.”

Yuna looked hard at her husband. “You really think this is a good idea?”

“I don’t think it makes any difference whether it is a good idea. This is what Shane wants. For once, I see my son letting himself have something he wants. If that something is Ilya Rozanov… then I guess I need to invest in some better vodka.”

[daddyisastateofmind]

Unpopular opinion: I'm so sick of ppl assuming that everyone follows their country of origin's norms.

Newsflash - not everyone likes or fits in with the 'omg everyone does this' culture. If I see one more "Ilya would absolutely demand Shane remove his shoes, and Shane would take them off without asking" or "Svetlana would never call Ilya but his name, and would call him Illyusha"

Point A - It is well established that Ilya does not hold incredible love for his home country. Plus he only lived there full time for this first 18-ish years of his life. When he actually lives by himself he's a fresh young adult in a country where none of the adults around him would likely yell at him for leaving his shoes on

Point B - Shane is Canadian. Like he only really seems to think of himself as asian in regards to other ppl thinking him as such. Shane is Canadian, with half a white canadian family. He's also someone who lived alone from a young age, including in hotel rooms you might not want to walk barefoot on. I know fanon has established Shane as this OCD neat freak, but cmon guys.

Point C - Just bc you can give someone a nickname, doesn't mean they like it. My co-worker is Steven, and will correct you every time you try to call him Steve. Plus I've met Bobs that hate it when you call them Robert.

I'm just tired of ppl assuming a character trait is OOC, bc of their pre-concieved notions of what someone from that background would be like. Just let the characters come as they are.

[daddyisastateofmind]

Made the mistake of going into the Hudson tag to look at gifsets of the Madwoman video.

Forgot how crazy fangirls of actors are. Like I like discussing a character's hole, but show a little decorum when discussing an actual person. So stupid to be acting that way at their big ages

[akashicrecord]

I have never been more fine

[moonlitmartyr]

I hate ruminating on what could have been. Out here thinking "if only I locked in when I was 13" are we serious

[daddyisastateofmind]

I think it would be helpful if Shane replaces gay sex with junk food.

Walk with me here:

We all know about his internalized homophobia during the hook up years and the way he thinks 'I'm not gay, I just fuck around with a dude occasionally'.

But the thing is, this thinking actually works for him. He wins two cups, excels in his sport and in being a spokesman. And while a bit lonely and deeply in denial, he's relatively OK (until tunamelt gate ofc)

But during that time, he can stomach his gay urges as long as it's a once every 1-2 months.

And I know there are deeper issues that cause Shane to cling to a restrictive diet, but I want to see Shane to use that mentality to start to eat a bit healthier.

And so every month or so, just like he indulged in getting railed by a hot Russian, Shane now indulges in whatever he wants to eat. For that night he gets to have red meat, he gets to have his veggies sautéed with butter, he gets to have white wonderbread, he gets to have a slice of cake!!!

For that night, his brain allows him to feast on food the way he feasted on Ilya's flesh.

And then hopefully, with time, just like his relationship with his own sexuality improves so that he can have a life where he can be gay every day, his relationship with food improves to a point he can eat a cookie at Christmas again.