but not like i love you

tori. 20s. she/her. main for @wildmelora

[danascullly]

What was your mother's name? Irina.

[emziess]

HANNAH DODD as FRANCESCA BRIDGERTON Bridgerton, S04E04

[televisiongifs]

The X-Files Terms of Endearment | 6.07

[sooperlative]

Absolutely fascinated by Ryan Guzman’s (correct) belief that Eddie is entirely unaware of the romantic undertones that are peppered through his relationship with Buck. Or he’s not exactly unaware, but all those pieces of pepper are individual details and he can’t see the bigger picture, like putting a puzzle together while only looking at the pieces but not at what he’s got so far. He’s too naive to put things together. He’s never once considered it. If Buck were to confess to him, he’d be genuinely shocked. And Buck won’t, of course, confess, because if Buck is in love with Eddie, that’d break all the rules he’s set for this relationship. So Buck is ignoring the elephant in the room and Eddie is so zoomed in on specific parts of the elephant that he doesn’t even know it’s an elephant. He thinks that microscopic view of maybe-skin-or-an-iris is normal best friendship. Buck is “I’m not in love with Eddie obviously but if i was i wouldn’t be able to care about that rn bc I have a job and it would ruin the friendship rules I mentally gave us if he knew”. Eddie is “I want Buck to be with me all the time and I often think of him as my husband in my head and I want him to touch me and stay with me and I’ll do anything he asks of me and I worry about him a lot and whenever I think of growing old Buck is right next to me every step of the way also growing old. We’re such platonic best friends :)”. And that creates their wonderful dynamic where Buck dances around it all and Eddie is taking his hand and dancing with him because yay, they’re dancing. He loves dancing with Buck. Buck’s such a bad dancer. Ha ha.

[robertfagden]

i think eddie knows but he doesnt Know. he knows that the way he feels about buck is the same way hes always felt about buck. he knows that buck is essentially his life partner he knows that he needs and relies on buck he knows that buck is wonderful and amazing he knows that when hes around buck he feels happy and secure but beyond that he doesnt question it because thats just buck. he doesnt feel like he needs more from buck than he already has. when he wants to talk to buck he calls him. when he wants to be around buck he finds him. when he needs something from buck he asks him. but he doesnt think "im in love with buck romanticstyle and i want to kiss and marry him" . because in his mind Subconsciously they are already married. and sometimes maybe hes laying in his bed alone he thinks man it would be nice if buck was here too. if buck could sleep next to me every night. but he doesnt think too deep into that bc hes aware that theyre a bit codependent so of course he misses buck even at night when hes trying to sleep. especially then. the same way as when you make the room cold on purpose so you can have a blanket on you. you could just make the room warm instead and have no blanket but its not about the warmth, its about the feeling of the blanket being there.

[depsidase]

[timberwind]

you can post on tumblr even when you're trying to take a break from social media it literally doesn't count. it's like pepsi max, or pescatarianism

[juicydangler]

[boringkate]

It's not too late to suppress all of your wants and desires and to die unfulfilled and afraid without anyone ever having really known you.

[blacksheepcolorfulskin]

I gotta go to bed. I’m gonna pass out.

[weird-goodbyes]

And here's the tweaks I, PERSONALLY, would've made to the season to make it more cohesive (besides taking out the hiatuses, I'm aware that that's just the way it is)

I think Athena got the best consistent arc. It was about finding your people and allowing them to help you. It was about learning to not live in fear and enjoy your family and friends while they're here. Personal tweak I would've made it that when May was panicking about not knowing what to do with her life, I would have had her ask Athena why she stagnated in her career and how she knew where she landed was the right place to stop climbing. And I would have had Athena answer, and slowly realize that her answers are no longer true to how she feels. Because that would've made the connection in a way more satisfying way than her coma dream partner guy sparking it in her.

I think Chimney got the second most consistent arc. I was soooo nervous that they would end the Captain Chimney arc with his ceremony, and I'm super glad they didn't. A tweak I would've made is I would have had the woman who's leg he had to amputate come back and thank him, and had an epic Chimney crashout (I still think it should've been only Ravi that witnesses it) about how he'd been passively trying to get blamed for things because he has all this guilt and nowhere to put it and he doesn't feel punished enough. And genuinely I would've eaten up a Ravi moment a la Eddie/Bobby where Ravi says "you want to take the blame for Bobby, at least take credit for getting me back here" but obviously different situations. I just think it would've been neat. I also think we should've gotten a scene in the finale of Chimney apologizing to Eddie for, as his captain, not knowing he was missing and Eddie being like "how could you know, I said I was getting coffee, that's not on you, but thanks" so Chimney can be like "okay, I'm okay. It's okay."

Don't boo me, but I do think upon a rewatch that Eddie had the third most consistent arc. Like I think the most damage was done to his theme this season by the breaks. Because almost every Eddie storyline was about the expectations and assumptions people make about him and how Eddie finds his way to no longer be chained by those expectations. And I know everyone's mind immediately goes to sexuality, but I think it was done the best through religion. Like Pepa and his Abuela are both two people he LOVES dearly. He loved Bobby dearly and he thinks they expect him to believe in God, and in the end he finds his own way, a belief that HE feels comfortable in. So of course when it's people he doesn't give two diddly fucks about (the sheriff, Abigail's parents' lawyer) he's also able to take their expectations and assumptions about him (as a violent person) and be like "um, actually no." My tweak is that I think they should have stated it explicitly that this is what Eddie's doing. It was perhaps too subtle, to the point where I'm like "well, I don't know if they did it on purpose but this is what they did" and that's like Not Great for tv purposes. I think this would've made the finale feel more connected. Like I jest and joke about Eddie praying and something terrible happening. But it would have been really good if he SAID that. If Eddie was like "Hey, I'm doing what Abuela and Bobby would want me to do, so let me get what I want this time" and then have it not work out, but he has a moment in the elevator where he speaks to Chris, not God, the real thing he believes in and that's what gets him through.

Hen got the fourth best arc (or second worst). I just think that more could've been done with Hen feeling lost in her role. Eddie calling her a teacher, Athena making the sacrifice without telling her in space (like hello!!!!! Bobby callback, wasted opportunity to discuss), her illness, and her questioning if she's even a paramedic/firefighter anymore. I just think it needed to be more explicit and longer lasting. PERSONALLY, I would've had her come back and immediately lose a patient and be like "WHAT the FUCK am I doing here????" because I think she still had some meat on the bone around her own insecurity and place at the 118 now. She was sort of this paramedic badass, but what happens when she isn't a superhero? Is it the illness? Or just bad luck and a too big injury? And lowkey we could've gotten good Hen/Harry if it was like Harry's first loss on the job and Hen being like "okay, I am empathetic, that's WHO I am."

I do think Buck's was a bit of a mess. WHICH I think COULD have been good, if they ended him with a like "I've jumped from trauma to trauma, identity crisis to identity crisis, thing to thing, and I STILL don't feel at peace." like it would've been a bit redundant, but better than like the "everything has happened to me, so this also might as well happen" we got. OR they could've like...focused on one thing. I personally fuck with the "Buck is trying on so many hats because if he stops for a second, if he doesn't software update himself, then he has to face the fact that he no longer has Bobby to steer him" And truthfully everything up to Mother's Boy could've been that. Buck looking for Bobby everywhere and finding him nowhere. And then Mother's Boy could've been the real moment where Buck is like "hell, maybe I AM Derek because I sure as hell don't know who Buck is and I don't even have Bobby to tell me" and then had his pill dependency be explicitly tied to that instead of Bobby Grief, it could've been more like "I AM grieving Bobby and right now, mostly, I'm grieving who I was in relation to him, but these pills are helping me not think about it" and then have the rest of the season be about him trying to parse out what he actually is vs. what he thinks he should be. And I would've had him talk to May, like...at least once one on one.

I do think a lot of my tweaks are just like...they needed more time, but I would also have taken out the fourth space episode to make room (like cut the guy who needed CPR in space so that there was room to wrap it up and then have an extra episode to move things around, BUT what do I know I do not work in the industry, I'm just making wishes and dreams on tumblr.com)

Honorable mentions: I would have had Maddie matchmake her toxic book club friends, talk with May, and shown how she's dealing with being a mom of two and promoted and her husband is now a captain (like we can let her be overwhelmed without a full Boston Arc revisit). This season really focused on identity and I would have loved for Maddie to be like "well, is this who I am now? Mom and boss?" and then had her like quit the bookclub and join a roller derby or something. I would have given May less Harry scenes and (I mean this sooooo kindly) I would have had her be an Uber driver that Eddie imparts wisdom to, while she's on her journey. I actually think they did great with Harry, but that makes sense because it was Harry heavy for a bit. Also more Baby Robert Nash Han.

[politijohn]

Source

Source

[jess-abides]

This is it, this is the one

[in-a-faradaze]

every episode of LOST + faceless | 1x04 Walkabout

[oscarcaselart]

Finally finished this whole set and took the opportunity to revamp the older ones. It’s been fun. Prints can be found here. https://oscarcaselart.tumblr.com/

[vanityfaire]

mens professional ice hockey is truly THEE losergirl sport. obsessively physical. sweat everywhere. intricate superstition rituals and blood sacrifices to gods who can't hear or don't care. hating your father. eating like your mother. going into the gladiator arena every night literally green with envy that everyone else is somehow faster and smarter and better than you. getting that one lame little gametime win-- arm cocked back and firing like a sniper, gunpowder on your stick, artificial windchill biting the back of your neck as your man collects your pass, landing the dirtiest filthiest most teeth grinding hit-- and suddenly a friendly face wearing familiar colors is crashing into your arms and licking your cheek and calling you a beauty. you're beautiful. holy shit. you're really beautiful.

[smsomah]

From the book Cut these words into my stone: ancient Greek epitaphs (Wolfe, Michael)

[shanerozanov]

shane & ilya by todoga_k on twitter!