I'm a traveller

Ich träume so viel, doch tue zu wenig. Ich denke so viel, doch rede zu wenig. Ich will mich ändern, doch weiß nicht wie. Wenn ichs recht überlege weiß ich eigentlich gar nichts. Das will ich ändern, doch weiß nicht wie. Also fang ich doch nur wieder an zu träumen, von einer wunderbaren Welt, in der ich tue, rede, weiß.

[daydreameratmidnight]

The worse I feel the bigger is my smile when I leave the safety of my room.

09.02.2020

[daydreameratmidnight]

Some days ago I realized that I haven't felt really bad since I came here, I finally feel good about myself and haven't yet felt the urge to relocate pain, there simple is none that is bad enough. Just amazing how a change of surroundings can change a self-image!

10.11.2019

[daydreameratmidnight]

"Maybe he needed people around him for company, but from a safe distance?"

- "So just like you?"

"Well... yeah... kind of."

29.10.2019

[daydreameratmidnight]

Sometimes, I just want to be somebody else, have a different character, other problems to deal with or at least just turn off my mind, stop my thoughts. I want to stop hesitating and start taking action, start talking.

But everytime I try, the inner voice is so loud and stops me from doing anything.

28.07.2019

[daydreameratmidnight]

A forced smile is always sadder than an honest tear.

Mine

[daydreameratmidnight]

I never would have thought that talking about my feelings can be this helpful to sort my thoughts and emotions!

[daydreameratmidnight]

"Weißt du, du darfst auch mal nur an dich denken. Wenn du merkst, dass dir etwas nicht gut tut, musst du es nicht aushalten. Und gib dir bitte nicht die Schuld an der Situation!"

- Mitbewohner

[daydreameratmidnight]

I'm constantly reminded of the scars anyways, so why do they have to itch on top everything going on already?

[daydreameratmidnight]

Have you even thought about the consequences that your confession has on me? Since that day I am constantly blaming myself for hurting the people that are important to me by just existing and being who I am. You knew damn well that I am thinking too much anyways, so why did you think it was okay to tell me all that stuff?

[daydreameratmidnight]

Alles was bleibt sind die Erinnerungen. Aber auch sie werden langsam weniger, verschwimmen, verblassen, verlieren an Schärfe. Und was bleibt ist eine Leere, die wir versuchen zu füllen, ein Schmerz, den wir versuchen zu unterdrücken, zu begraben unter Nichtigkeiten, damit wir die Wichtigkeiten nicht mehr spüren, sehen, fühlen. Was bleibt also von uns? Was hinterlassen wir?

[daydreameratmidnight]

I got a situation

I'm living in a place that fucks me up

A bunch of wrong decisions

Can you get up here?

Can you get up here?

Leoniden, Nevermind

[daydreameratmidnight]

There's so much I want to tell you, but I don’t know how. It starts getting in my head. And now I can only watch you vanishing from my life again.

[daydreameratmidnight]

I'm already afraid of feeling out of place again when I meet you guys next week.

[daydreameratmidnight]

So I almost told you how I felt, how all these thoughts sometimes make me feel blind and numb inside, although there is so much going on that I simply can't put into words.

[amargedom]

“If you ask an introvert a question, wait until she thinks about it. Introverts think before speaking, not through speaking. If you want to get to the good stuff, you need to slow down.”

— Laurie Helgoe (via naturaekos)

[daydreameratmidnight]

Today you realized I wasn't okay. You kept asking. You really wanted to know what was going on.

And I, stupid as I am, didn't have the courage to finally tell you all the things I've been wanting to tell you for weeks now.

Please keep asking, I know it's tiring but I think I need you to do that for me. I need to feel that you'll be there for me and listen to me, no matter what. And one day I am going to tell you, I promise!

[daydreameratmidnight]

If you don’t want to listen anyways then just don’t pretend to be interested in the first place.