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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
art blog(derogatory)
gracie abrams
Monterey Bay Aquarium
One Nice Bug Per Day
Today's Document
RMH
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Show & Tell
ojovivo
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
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EXPECTATIONS
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Claire Keane
blake kathryn
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@dealingwithaddiction-blog
Hey you know I don't know you, and I don't know how long ago you got your six months, but congratulations. You can do it. I know how fucking hard it is, just don't give up.
Thank you so much! My year is actually 2/20, and it is SO exciting. I really appreciate your support...it means more to me than you probably know.
I got a job!!!
I finally got a job!! I am SO excited. I left my last job in November, so I have spent almost three whole months looking for something new. I am so grateful for this right now, I really needed it. I'm doing front desk at a hotel, which is great for me because I have probably 6 years of experience (4 of which were at one hotel) and it's a job I enjoy and know I am good at. Right now I'm doing 2nd shift for training, but I was actually hired for 3rd shift...and full time! I'm sure this may seem insignificant to a lot of people, but it is huge for me. It gets me out of the house, I am doing somethibg productive with my time, I am making my own money (and can therefore pay my probation fines and fees), and it improves my sense of self-worth more than I can say.
#asheville #blueridgemountains #blueridgemoments #clouds #cloudporn #hendersonville #instagood #lifeincolor #mountains #naturelovers #northcarolina #nature #trees #visitnc #explorenc #828isgreat #nc #wnc #sky_perfection #scenery #landscape #blueridgeparkway #myhome #skylove_ #green #lake
Taking pictures has been very helpful for me. I love to just go to beautiful places and walk around and try to capture some of the beauty in the world. If you want to, follow me on instagram @ashleydevino thats where I post all my pictures, including this one. Also, let me know...What creative outlets do you have?
Gratitude List #1
-My family- They are an amazing support system. Even though they make me mad and we fight...that's just life and I love them. They have been here for me through everything...jail, drugs, rehab, sober living facility, coming home (in to their home), everything. I am so lucky to have them. -Finding my interests- I actually enjoy doing things now. I read, watch movies, write, play with my dog, go for walks. I didn't have time for that when I was always using or looking for ways to get more. I didn't even know what I actually enjoyed doing when I got clean. -Honesty- Life is 100 times easier when you don't have to keep up with your own lies or constantly cover your tracks. I can actually be honest today because I don't have to hide my truth or my life from anyone. -Church/My Higher Power- I know church isn't everyone's thing, but I actually love it now. I have such a strong relationship with my HP today and I feel very secure in it. It gives me hope and strength. -Stability- I always know where I am going to sleep at night. I always know I won't go hungry. I know I am safe. I know the cops aren't looking for me. I make commitments and keep them. People can rely on me to do what I say I will and it feels awesome to say that and mean it. That's what I'm grateful for today. What about you?
Gratitude
Its easy for me to use tumblr as a platform to vent my fears and frustrations. I can get all the negativity out and not feel like I am putting it on to someone else. Or to just get a quick release by not holding feelings in. But that's not what recovery is all about! Recovery is beautiful and inspiring. It is life changing and life saving. It is a blessing and I can't take it for granted not even for one second or I could lose it and, in the process, lose myself. Of course I have shitty days. That's life on life's terms. But I also have so many things to be grateful for. I don't want to forget that just because I can't see all of you that you are all human like I am and sometimes we need to be encouraged. So I am going to make it a point to list at least 5 things I am grateful for on a regular basis. (I won't say daily or weekly because I forget shit. We will just keep it at a vague "regular basis.") Look for that post right after this one.
I wish I knew what it was about me that makes people (family members) feel like its okay to put their hands on me. Just walked 2.3 miles in 8 degree weather because I freaked out. I just took off out the front door on foot. And no one called to see where I was or if I was okay even after 1am when I was gone for 3 hours. I will not use over this, but it definitely makes me feel pretty useless, pathetic, and sick. Physical abuse is NEVER okay. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow will be better. Letting it out and letting it go.
"The Anonymous People"
If you have a chance to watch this documentary, please do. It's on Netflix. So much awesome.
New Year
I KNOW everyone is sick of "new year, new me" posts (including me lol), but oh well. Since I got clean I have gained SO much weight. Like 60 pounds. And I was already overweight to begin with. So I am officially giving up carbs. I think I'm more afraid to give up carbs than I was to give up drugs lol. But I seriously need to lose weight...and a lot of it. I need to lose about 150 pounds in order to be at a "healthy" weight. It is honestly humiliating to admit that. I don't know how I let myself get so unhealthy and so overweight. I just ate all my feelings. Ugh. But, I am convinced I can do this. My mom has gone on this no carb diet before and lost over 100 pounds in a year. And she is going to diet with me and help me. I just want to be the best and healthiest version of myself possible. I didn't get clean to be unhealthy. I wanted to save my life and I still do. I need to do this for myself and I am really excited to start another new journey. I know that I can make life changes because I've done it before. I just have to stick to my goals. So, fuck yeah, new year!
This is like my new hobby. I've been having a hard time sleeping at night, so to kind of clear my mind I do my nails. I'm not exactly great at it, but it keeps my hands and mind busy.
Clean Christmas
This is my first clean Christmas. Last Christmas I wasnt allowed to come spend the day with my family, they didnt want me here. The Christmas before that I was told that I ruined Christmas (and if I am being honest, I probably did ruin it). I am so excited for this, but also SO nervous. I feel like my whole family will be watching me and waiting for me to fuck everything up. Or that they will take any little thing I do and blow it up. Like if I accidentally offend someone I think they might think I am intentionally trying to hurt them. This is scary as hell for me...I just want them to be comfortable with me and to have a good day. Thanksgiving went really well, so that is a good precursor for this. I hate to let my fears or feelings of guilt over my actions in the past get the best of me...but I just dont want to let anyone down anymore. I know in my heart that everything will be okay. I just love them so much and dont want to be the cause of their pain ever again.
"Lead You On"
This is by far the realest song I've ever heard about addiction. When I listen to it I get chills every time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brAG_w1Z0Lk
It can be triggering, though. So if you're sensitive to that please use caution.
Hey girl! Just came across your tumblr and saw that you're in recovery! That's so amazing! My boyfriend has been clean since 1/26/2014 and he always talks about how life is so much better. You're almost at a year!!! Stay strong :)
Thank you! Its really awesome finding a new way to live. I appreciate the support and love more than you know.
hey idk if this is the place to ask but i was wondering if you know if dxm can be addictive? some people say it is and some say it isn't and im worried i have a problem.
I definitely think that it is addictive. I am not a professional, counselor, doctor, or nurse..just as a disclaimer. Im just an addict, living clean. If you think you have a problem, try to change. Try not doing it and see if you are able to stop. Or check out a local Narcotics Anonymous meeting. The only requirement in NA is the desire to stop using, so no one can really say if you should be there besides you. Just be careful and give yourself the chance to be clean. It has been my experience that using started out as being fun, but before I knew it I couldnt live without it. Dont let things get that far if you can help it.
What is your favorite thing about being in recovery?
Tell me what your #1 favorite thing is about being in recovery. I'd like to spread some positivity today =]
If you would rather I not publish your answer make sure you say so!!
Recovery is a conscious choice. It’s not something brought about by repeat hospital visits and pills and forced therapy sessions. Those things only supplement it. But what recovery really is, is a conscious choice to wake up tomorrow and want to live. It’s a choice to drive across a bridge and not want to jump into the water, but to admire the view.
Megan on choosing recovery (via expresswithsilence)
