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@deanspunchingbag
my mom said i was allowed to have a supernatural blog so i post funny stuff sometimes
main/like from @expiredpokeball
911 @buckspunchingbag
happy pride month to coach wiebe. he won rainbow capitalism with those criminally low contracts.
plans for the summer
JERK IT
WRITE RPF
DRINK ALCOHOL
BLOG LIKE IVE NEVER BLOGGED BEFORE
job ?
LISTEN TO RECORDS
to the people who said “this except alcohol”: i support you & your sobriety/preference for other substances. i hope all goes well and you have the best summer ever.
to the few people who said “this except rpf”: sorry this isn’t about you. this post is for real rpfers only and if you can’t get behind that then you aren’t invited to the BDY summer plans
see personally, when it comes to rpf discourse i keep my mouth shut because i was knee deep in the emo trinity side of things circa 2015
sometimes you just gotta fuck up your sleep schedule by reading all 100k words of a fic you're not even enjoying, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise
it’s their first season playing together and a video goes around of ilya calling shane sweetheart on the ice. it sparks a dumb controversy where people are calling them unprofessional and speculating that their teammates are uncomfortable having a couple on the team.
cut to their next game where the centaurs have assigned each of their players their own unhinged pet name. bood is big daddy. hayes: snookums. troy is doll face. luca is obviously baby boy.
when asked about it in a press conference, coach weibe is just like, "every player in hockey gets a nickname or two. the centaurs are just a little more creative than most teams. why, is it making people uncomfortable?"
A lot of people ignore the absolutely radioactive levels of frat boy coming from Shane Hollander because it’s inconvenient to their hyper feminized bottom stereotyping
i have a headcanon that shane has a very prominent queer fanbase wayyy before coming out. he’s got a speedo sponsorship and he’s an underwear model, the gays are frothing over him constantly. he’s relatively unaware of this cause he’s not on social media but at some point he hears someone refer to him as a gay icon and he nearly has a panic attack.
post skip ice kiss, people are revisiting the infamous shane/scott fight and a rumor starts that him and scott used to be an item. ilya thinks its hilarious and teasingly asks if he fucked scott hunter, which leads to shane explaining why they actually fought, which only makes ilya happier.
Toxic old man yaoi alert!
I need more Ilya out freaking other players when they chirp about his relationship. Some hockey player says "you're just Hollander's little bitch" and he answers "yes we have leash and collar with my name" in such a straight face no one can tell if it's a joke or if he's serious. Or he makes a goal and someone says "does he reward you for being good later" and he says "yeah I'm only allowed to cum when I score".
I mght actually end up writing this if I can figure out better/more examples.
More HR as textposts:
ilya being the biggest “my husband” guy ever makes my heart feel so warm. he never really had a family who he could claim as his own all the time like this and so all of that repressed love and ownership for his husband comes through in every conversation he has with literally anybody. shane hollander has him on a leash, yes, but it was tied on by ilya himself and handed it to shane.
“hey roz, lets go out and celebrate tonight.”
“can't, my husband wants me home by 8.” (shane doesn't care, he literally asked ilya to go out and have fun)
or
“okay rozanov, fuck, marry, kill—”
“fuck my husband, marry my husband, and kill anyone who looks at him for more than 5 seconds. done? okay bye.” (i mean...)
or
“rozy we gotta catch up soon man, let's meet this weekend.”
“okay, i will ask my husband and let you know when i can meet you.” (again, shane does not have single problem with ilya meeting cliff whenever the fuck he wants but, oh well)
or
“ilya, did shane really figure his birthday surprise out by himself or did you tell him, huh?”
“what can i say yuna, my husband is a very smart man :D” (he definitely told about it to shane because he knows shane hates surprises)
everyone around them is fucking tired (no they're not, they actually secretly love it.)
(shane's response to being called "my husband" )
go check on your cowboy au obsessed friends rn. we are NOT OKAY. i cannot stress this enough. conner storrie the MAN YOU ARE
Shane comes out on the ice as a centaur with a rozanov jersey, everyone cheers bc they think this means he changed his name, then Ilya comes out in a hollander jersey. Then you look closer and realize they just mixed their jerseys up.
this fucking picture. shane and his husband, captain ilya rozanov. on the same team. happy, free, open. they can now smile at each other on the ice with no inhibitions. they can touch hands in the locker room. kiss in front of their teammates if they want. dominate and lead the nhl together, the way they were always meant to.
i just know ilya rozanov and cliff marleau ran some CRAZY 2 mans in their day.
Hayden when he gets out of the voyagers/metros and needs to move to Ottawa: hey man, can you please help me find a new home?
Shane: *vibrating in place because his best friend asked him for help in his special interest*: yeah for sure