whatamidoing

[littlegentlewoman]

Maedhros and the little creatures Maglor decided to adopt

My tt acc: @l1fe_sucks613

[balrogballs]

Sorry for Germanposting on main, but frankly there is nothing that encapsulates 5000 year old elves born in Middle Earth hearing “the cry of the gulls” for the first time more than Udo Jürgens belting his 1974 hit schlager Griechischer Wein with his entire heart, soul and German uncle combover ☠️

and this headcanon is so dear to me that it beats out my other headcanon, which is that the reason Maglor doesn’t ever return to Valinor is because he doesn’t want to face and thus deal with his multi-Age transformation in the eyes of Amanyar music-heads, from Taylor Swift (his sordid youth) to Madonna (his much publicised post-kinslaying child adoption era) to, well, Udo Jürgens…

[talyris]

[silmalope]

Biomechanical elves, feat. Maglor and Galadriel! Because you don’t live for ~5000 years on one hröa without needing some maintenance.

Additional thoughts below the cut!

Okay, here’s the logic:

1.) Elves live forever unless killed

2.) Elves cannot grow back limbs like starfish (c.f. maedhros)

3.) Elves, due to their preternatural endurance, are very likely to survive having limbs hacked off (c.f. maedhros again)

4.) Elves, especially in the First and Second Ages, spend a lot of time trying to stab each other and/or fighting things that want to rip them to shreds (orcs, werewolves, etc.)

Rinse and repeat long enough, and by the Third Age, most older elves would have several serious permanent injuries. Conveniently, elves also have a cultural predilection for a.) the healing arts and b.) magic smithery, which gives us an excellent fast-track to automail-type fantasy prostheses.

I drew Maglor and Galadriel, who have decent odds of rocking the most metal-per-hröa by the time of LotR.

Maglor has a vocal prosthesis (maybe for smoke inhalation during the War of Wrath, specially calibrated for singing-laments-upon-the-shore purposes); a cranial implant/helm (I like to think Elwing chucked something heavy at him); a gauntlet (to restore fine motor control to his Silmaril-chucking and harp-playing hand), and a prosthetic leg.

Galadriel has several implants and a prosthetic arm. The crown-with-circuitry is a helm designed to offset migraines (a common side effect of peering into things that are, once were, and have not yet come to pass.) It was made for her by Celeborn, who is her husband AND her mechanic, and is also why he gave her the nickname Galadriel.

For obvious reasons, prostheses are wayyyy more common in Middle Earth than Valinor! There are some prosthetic and mobility aid craftspeople in Aman who make tools for elves who were injured on the Great Journey back in the Years of the Trees (or born with conditions that necessitated it!) However, I think the technology probably advanced a whole lot faster in the East, so skilled mechanics arriving in Valinor would be warmly welcomed. I drew the prostheses with exposed metal for the Aesthetics, but I do think elves would develop some kind of grippy skin-like surface for functionality.

[stillnotsquashed]

Tim: Hey, Dick, what's my surname?

Dick: Drake?

Tim: No, I mean as Robin. I have to fill out these forms for a new hero team but it won't let me submit it without a surname and they don’t know who I really am yet so...

Dick: Oh, it's Knight. That's actually Bruce sanctioned.

Tim: He agreed to it?

Dick: Not exactly. He had to full name me in the field once in front of Lex Luthor and said 'Robin the Boy Wonder Knight, if you do not get down from there this instant...'

Tim: Does he use it?

Dick: I think so. After I started using it. He's sentimental like that.

Tim: And it has nothing to do withthe fact that it means he can write alias: Batman, forename: The Dark?

[dictearchive]

[tb-png]

Id like to imagine he uses the poor baby as a ranting and yapping buddy LOL

[chaoticbatfam]

so turns out the batfam has accidentally and unknowingly been going viral, and not in the way you’d expect. Nope, their names aren’t even attached to it. Whose fault is this, you might ask? Bruce. Bruce, who has a social media page devoted entirely to shit his children do, and no one realizes that said children are Gotham’s princes and princesses.

Damian paints his room. He spends over two weeks on the murals. Bruce, walking in to ask Damian about patrol, snatches a couple pictures before he leaves and absently posts them. Within the week they’ve gone viral and people are asking for commissions, but Bruce never answers.

Jason’s been annotating his copy of pride and prejudice so hard that there’s more handwriting in the margins than actual text. Bruce thought it was adorable, so he posted a page. There are now literary professors asking if his son has been to college and if he would like to.

Steph and Cas wrote their own song on a dare from Dick. Bruce posts a short audio clip of it and his secretary has to rush to copyright it because people are using it as audio in All The Videos

Bruce doesn’t even realize what’s happening, really. He posts is ‘cause he’s proud, then pretty much doesn’t check the page again. It’s more a blog to him than anything else. He has no idea that he’s become almost an internet celebrity/cryptid. There are Reddit forums dedicated to the “dad with way too many fucking skilled children”. Some people say that there’s no way he has this many kids who are so good at things. Some people think he’s just one really crafty person posting a bunch of his own stuff and claiming to be a proud dad.

Tim Drake, resident Reddit Addict, is LOVING it.

Jason: *lugging a body down the street* dammit, someone took a pic back there. Fuck, this is NOT what I want to go viral for Tim: so being a Jane Austen fangirl was the better option? Jason: *trips* what—

[sarriathmg]

"Murder on the Orient Express" with the Batfamily (2/8, keep reading)

Done for AU5K 2025

[bruce-wayne-enjoyer]

The JL doesn't know Bruce has kids AU but in the context of Batlantern getting together

Bruce and Hal like each other, okay? They're each funny! And okay, Bruce is handsome, smells nice, a gentleman... so maybe Hal is freakishly in love.

One thing Bruce consistently talks about is his babies. That man loves his babies so much. Hal respects that Bruce can never show him pictures, but his descriptions of the kids paint a really sweet image of Bruce's "civilian" family

"My eldest, Dick! Oh yes, he just mastered a new technique with his gymnastics class! He's very proud of it! And my daughter, Cass, is cast for a solo in her next ballet, I'm so excited to see it. Tim loves the new videogame you suggested for his console, he just can't leave it! Damian thinks the shirt you gave me was nice. Oh, and I cannot forget mentioning my Jason! Yes! My little boy was so clingy today. He won't let me leave to go on this date! He's sick as of last night. Oh, my poor baby..."

Hal is so sick with cuteness aggression, so when things get serious between Bruce and him, he insists that he MUST meet his kids.

Well...

He did not expect Nightwing to drop hell on him, like full on knee-drop from the stratosphere. His name is Dick Grayson, and he is part of a gymnastics class!!!...... as the teacher.

And Cass is, in fact, a ballet student.... THE SENIORS DANCE COMPANY..... she is also batgirl and she's the few creatures to remind Hal of what fear is.

Tim is Red Robin, and yes he thanked Hal personally for the videogame suggestion, before promptly threatening to castrate Hal if he ever breaks his dad's heart.

Damian was ALMOST forgivable. He's very much baby-sized. But he's also Robin and an Al-Ghul and Bruce get your child away from me he's threatening to duel me for your hand- STOP LAUGHING.

Jason? Jason is the worst. Bruce made him out to be this clingy, soppy wet cat of a child that cries when left alone too long and whose biggest problems is crusts on the sides of his plate. Turns out he's the Red Hood and also 6"5 and built like a barn. He also has dry humor. And guns. Lots of it.

.

.

.

Hal: You said you had 5 babies???

Bruce: Yes, 5 babies 😊

Hal: [staring at the 5 miscellaneous death threat notes he got from the trained operatives that are his boyfriend's attack dogs]

Bruce: Aww, they made you love cards! 🥹

Hal: One of this is from Dick. He says to remember to lock my door, just in case....

Bruce: He's feeling protective! 🥰

Hal: [opens Tim's letter, pretty sure what just fell out is a crawling camera] Uh-huh.

[anymal28]

Tim: You know, Bruce is getting up there in age...maybe we should start thinking about letting him go...

Jason: What like making him retire? Hang up the cowl? I don't know about you Baby Bird but I don't think any of us have the ability to take Batman from Bruce.

Tim: Please, I'm not an idiot. I just meant more of a...peaceful...mostly permanent letting go...

Jason: ...

Jason: EUTHANASIA????

Tim: Well-

Jason: YOU WANT TO OLD YELLER BRUCE??? HE'S ONLY IN HIS 40/50s!!

Dick: Who wants to do WHAT to Bruce???

Tim: Just listen-

Jason: I knew you were cynical, but that's just down right murder Timothy. And trust me, I know murder.

Tim: Well would you rather have him go suffering? At the rate he's going he'll be in chronic pain the older he gets! I'm just saying maybe we should let him go now before that happens!

Damian: Let him go on a good day rather than a bad day. I have seen many a equine owners say this. I agree with Drake, we should not let Father suffer, he deserves to go peacefully.

Jason: Damian wha-

Dick: What the hell Tim. I mean you have a point, but still isn't it a little early to think about this? He's still got a few years left in him.

Jason: WHY ARE YOU AGREEING???

Tim: It's never too early to look at our options. I'd rather be prepped and ready than do it all last minute and risk messing up the timing.

Jason: WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BRUCE! BRUCE WAYNE! BATMAN! OUR FATHER?!?!

Dick: Expenses shouldn't be an issue, but we should also decide if we should do it ourselves or have a professional. We can make a fund for it just in case.

Jason: I'm dead. I died again and this is hell. Why am I the only one on Bruce's side here.

Tim: I'll get it set up. I'll make sure he doesn't know about it, I don't want him dreading about it.

Damian: Yes, we should try and enjoy this fickle time we have left with him.

Jason: That's it, I've finally gone insane.

(Loosely inspired by multiple recent conversations I've had about my old Mule. Stand strong Charlie, i know you still got a few years left to ya, and God knows Death is terrified of ya)

[papayafromtv]

honestly the whole deal of the batboys dressing up as each other for JLA business is, objectively, supremely funnier if their identities aren’t even hidden anymore. they don't need to fill in for each other, the kids just like annoying everyone. they'll swap outfits and lie whenever they can, just to see how long they can go before one of them gets caught out. they'll always get found in the oddest moments and it never fails to piss off everybody else at the Watchtower.

-

Wonder Woman: -oh, and thank you to Red Robin for that piece of insight you gave us last week, it was very helpful.

Damian dressed up as Tim, has no idea what she's talking about: ....no worries.

Aquaman: oh i wasn't here last week, what did you say?

Red Robin:

Red Robin: ....if you... sprinkle cinnamon on your window-ledges, then spiders aren't as likely to come into your house...?

Aquaman:

Wonder Woman:

Woman Woman: i was referring to the fact that you checked our suspect list and absolved Leonard Woodgate from suspicion due to his documented presence in Gotham during the incident.

Red Robin:

Red Robin: ah.

Wonder Woman, glaring at him: Damian.

Red Robin: fuck.

-

*Nightwing, on his phone at the meeting table*

Green Lantern: hey, Dick, can you pass me my coffee?

Nightwing: *doesn't glance over*

Green Lantern: Dick.

Green Lantern: Diiiick?

Green Lantern: RICHARD? DICK???

Batman walking in: you called me?

Green Lantern, looking between them: w- oh for fucks sake- WHERE'S BRUCE?

Dick as Batman, shrugging: honestly i didn't even ask- hey, Tim, where's B?

Nightwing: *still doesn't look up*

Red Hood, showing up in the doorway: did you say my name?

Dick as Batman, now also slightly confused: ...oh is Jason me today?

Jason as Nightwing, finally looking up: oh- sorry, what? completely zoned out there.

Tim as Red Hood: yeah man, i'm Jason, Jason's you, and you're B while he's at the dentist.

Dick: ...huh.

Green Lantern: IF YOU CAN'T TELL HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO?!

-

Robin, walking into the room: i'm here, are we starting the meeting soon?

*The rest of the league not giving him a second look*

Superman: ah, hello Damian. yes, sit down, we're starting soon.

Robin:

Robin:

Tim as Robin, angrily: oh fuck off- I AM NOT SHORT ENOUGH TO PASS AS DAMIAN.

The JL:

Damian as Red Robin, walking into the room and muttering under his breath: told you, you loser.

-

bonus:

*Red Hood, pouring himself a coffee in the Watchtower kitchen*

Arsenal, coming up behind him and pinching Hood's ass: hey sexy, you coming to mine after this thing or am i coming to yours? we went to mine last time, but i dunno the weather in Gotham this week, so your choice.

Red Hood:

Red Hood:

Arsenal: what?

Dick as Red Hood: this cannot fucking be how i find out you're fucking my little brother, Roy.

Arsenal:

Arsenal: are you fucking- STOP DOING THIS.

Jason as Batman, walking into the room and looking at them for a second:

Jason as Batman: please tell me-

Dick: you treat my fucking brother with respect, Harper.

Jason as Batman: *loses his shit*

Arsenal, staring at the ground chastised, as Batman cries from laughter on the floor across the room: ...yes Richard. I will.

[ilytimdrakeugayball]

bruce whos been awake for 56 hours: cass can you pass me the case file?

damian: ...what

bruce: sorry i mean jason,wait no, dick. uhm Stephanie, i mean tim, no wait duke. alfred? no uhm barbara. wait ace.

damian:thats our dog father

bruce:alfred pennyworth the cat?

damian:

bruce: damian, i mean damian.

damian: leaves.

bonus!!:

bruce whos been awake for 56 hours: cass can you pass me the case file?

tim whos also been awake for 56 hours: sure thing clark one washing machine coming up.

[papayafromtv]

i really like the concept of damian not being handed over to bruce, and rather being dropped off near him and then told to go make his introductions alone, because fuck it opens up the possibility for the funniest misunderstanding ever.

au where Jason was supposed to make sure Damian gets to Bruce safely but gets sidetracked by his crime lord/Joker revenge arc, and so on the night he was supposed to take Damian over to the manor he gets called away and tells Damian to just go over there alone, except Damian happens to spot Batman and Robin on patrol anyway and figures he just go and meet them there instead. which he does, and he goes home with them, and he settles in as a Wayne boy, eventually inheriting the Robin mantle from Tim, and it’s all normal and fine except for one thing.

Bruce has no idea Damian is his biological son.

Like, from Bruce’s perspective he just happened upon a small child with dark hair and an odd desensitisation to crime/violence with no other place to go and an interest in becoming Robin. that is literally how he acquired every other child he has adopted, this was Not unordinary behaviour from him. on Damian’s part, he had presumed that Talia would have alerted Bruce that he existed before sending him to Gotham, so he was under the impression that Bruce already knew Damian was his kid and this didn’t feel the need to overtly mention it. he just kinda showed up in the middle of Batman fighting a group of muggers, helped take them down, said he no longer had another home (he forgot the code to Jason’s apartment building and is too stubborn to ask for it again), and followed when Bruce told him to get in the batmobile.

i think Tim, Dick and Bruce would just assume that Damian is the product of some kind of trafficking ring/other horrible background that led to him being homeless on the streets with a decent hand to hand skillset, so they probably just. assume that Damian doesn’t want to talk about it. thinking that Damian will come to them when he’s ready to talk about where he came from, they just ask that he’s safe and nobody from his past is going to come for him. but the thing is, Damian knows from Jason that Batman and the League of Assassins don’t see eye to eye, so he presumes these questions are just about the probability of Damian meaning more league members are going to pop up in the Batman’s territory. so Damian, being honest, just goes ‘no- well unless you count Red Hood, but he defected so i’m not sure that counts’

so now Bruce not only has no idea he’s accidentally adopted his own fucking son, but he is under the impression that Damian is on the run from the Red Hood. and Damian is just increasingly confused by his family’s reactions to -in his mind- normal scenarios.

-

Bruce: and do you have a surname that you can remember?

Damian:

Damian, squinting: isn’t it… Wayne?

Bruce:

Bruce, tearing up as he prepares to contact his lawyers about adopting a child with no legal identity: i’m so glad you feel the same way.

Damian: ?

-

Bruce, the night they met Damian: and here is a guest room you can stay in for now,

Damian: thank you, Father.

Bruce:

Tim: that was quick. not even Dick’s at that stage yet.

Bruce: i know.

Tim: don’t expect that from me, buddy. i’m still kinda mad the fake uncle trick didn’t work.

Bruce: i know.

Tim: and i mean Dick left for Bludhaven, Jason ran for Ethiopia, i didn’t originally want to be adopted; it’s about time you found a kid who actually likes you-

Bruce: Tim shut up and go to bed.

-

Jason, interrupting them all on patrol: oh hey, you let the kid be Robin, cool.

Tim and Dick: *instantly jumping in front of Damian to shield him*

Dick: you aren’t taking him, Hood!

Tim: he’s free from you now and we won’t let him go, understand?

Jason:

Damian:

Jason:

Jason, side-eyeing them suspiciously: …aight. anyway, kid, you left your hoodie at my place. here.

Damian, catching the hoodie and sending Tim and Dick weird looks: thanks…?

-

i want this to go on for so long. like, i want Jason to be back in the family and him and Damian still not realising none of the bats know Damian is Bruce’s actual kid. i want there to be a really bad incident involving the JLA where Bruce gets poisoned/magicked in some way where the only cure that will save his life is blood/DNA from a blood-related donor, and everybody is freaking the fuck out because Bruce has no siblings and his parents are dead, so they have no options.

meanwhile Damian and Jason are like ??? fucking baffled at the panic, and Damian just starts rolling up his sleeve and turning to the JL like ‘ok, well, i dunno what they’re crying about, but do you wanna take my blood then?’ and the Justice League genuinely have no idea what the fuck is going on because Bruce said this kid was adopted.

[lyragoth]

Since the subject came up, would anybody be interested in reading an extremely self-indulgent fic (866 words) I wrote a while ago about Celebrimbor's dental anatomy and elvish teeth tissue and the impact it has on Annatar and why Finrod could fight a werewolf with his bare teeth? 😭😭😭😭

I know dentistry in the Silmarillion fandom is a very niche interest that probably nobody has, but I genuinely just love my job so much 😭

[bearcosmic]

Spleen Recovery Part 1

Damian: Timothy, now that we have we officially have a truce and are ‘brothers’ in definition if not in essence, I have prepared a present for you. Happy Birthday

Tim: Thanks Dami, i’m sure i’ll love it.

Dick: *tearing up* I love seeing you guys get along. Open it up Tim!

Tim, opening the present: . . . Damian is this what I think it is

Damian: Yes, you are welcome.

Dick: Is that— is that an organ Dames?

Tim: . . .

Dick: Damian? What!? How did you—WHY did you, WTF?!?

Jason: No fucking way

Tim: *tears in his eyes* this is the sweetest present i’ve ever got in my life.

Damian: I hope this will serve as a symbol of the new leaf we have turned.

Dick: Wait is that TIMS SPLEEN

Jason: I can’t believe the decrepit bastard actually kept it preserved in a jar. Where did you find it?

Damian: On a small stool besides his throne.

Dick: . . . Tim why don’t you open up your next gift. and for the love of God please put that away.

Tim: Wait i’m gonna be right back, I’m gonna go show B!

5 Minutes Later

Bruce: DAMIAN. DAMIAN CAN I TALK TO YOU PLEASE

[incompententententen]

MORE incorrect headlines!!!

[tobermoriansass]

Yeah, we're walkin' on a runway that goes straight to hell

‘If none can release us,’ said Maglor, ‘then indeed the Everlasting Darkness shall be our lot, whether we keep our oath or break it; but less evil shall we do in the breaking.’ ... Yet he yielded at last to the will of Maedhros, and they took counsel together how they should lay hands on the Silmarils.

The Silmarillion - J. R. R. Tolkien || SS26 - Charli XCX

(image sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)