[shes-a-girl-anachronism]

trinity always walking around compeltely shirtless at home, and at first dennis will always really dramatically slap his hand over his eyes whenever she does it and stay like that until she puts a shirt on, until eventually shes like, 'dude, if you can walk around without a shirt on, why cant i?' and he actually cannot think of an answer.

cut to them both sitting on the couch watching like drag race or smth in matching pyjama pants and nothing else

[cupcakesandhags]

harris has a hockey gear kink and he loves rough sex and being manhandled and gets turned on by sweaty guys in locker rooms and jerked off to nhl posters as a teenager and now his boyfriend is an actual literal nhl hockey star and i just think we should all take a moment to appreciate this

[wannabetonthat]

I will make a lot of jokes about Shane Hollander, Mr. Landlord, who bought a whole building so he could have clandestine gay sex with his rival at the age of 22 bc he is a freak who wants to beg without the neighbors hearing it

But also this is profoundly sad and heartbreaking that this is a 22 year old man who considered buying a building at 21 (when he wasn't even making that much money he had two seasons on him and the salary cap for rookies isn't letting him make millions that soon) because he was so fucking scared, terrified and mortified at the possibility that he would be found out, and he needed a place where he could let go and relax to do this one thing that brought him pleasure, without him having to look over his shoulder over and over again in his own home, constantly scanning for any trace or proof of what he's doing that any guest could see.

Yes Shane Hollander bought a fuck pad at 22 to get fucked in because he's a loud freak

But also yes Shane Hollander bought a fuck pad at fucking 22 to get fucked in because he's a loud freak he can't afford for anyone to know

[ofknownbounds]

I have this TLG AU that I've been thinking about writing based on how me and my brother act. I'm gay, he's bi, we both affectionately call one another faggot/whore/ho/slut/cocksucker/ect. So.

It's before Troy comes out, but he after he and Ilya visit the Kingfisher. They have taken to joking call each other the above names as a haha funny in joke, but only where the others can't see. One day, in the weight room, they are joking back and forth, and forget that Harris is doing a live stream that afternoon/lose track of time.

So ofc Harris walks into the room just in time for the camera to pick up Ilya saying "is okay Barrett, many of us know what a little whiny bitch you were when in Toronto, not much has changed"

Only for Troy to reply "Faggot"

And Ilya is grabbing at his chest as if hurt, "ah this hurts, suck words from a cocksucker"

And this is where Harris cuts off, having stood there in horror for a number of seconds.

What I'm trying to decide is if it's funnier if they both post an apology video, and then the canon events happen, or if they both independently decide to come out, and then have to release statements that they aren't dating when the internet inevitably goes wild for #barroz or whatever their ship name would be Shane and Harris are both badly hiding their jealously and desperate hope at the situation respectively

[suchsitestoshow]

I think it'd be really funny if Luca had, like, a sort of intimidating boyfriend. Like, a 25 year old tattooed metalhead with a resting bitchface and a krallice shirt. He may or may not pick Luca up from a practice on a motorcycle. The rookies are sort of scared to talk to him. Ilya is fighting the urge to ask him what his intentions are with luca. Harris is the only one who chats with him because a case of RBF has never stopped him before.

[deja-b00]

it’s their first season playing together and a video goes around of ilya calling shane sweetheart on the ice. it sparks a dumb controversy where people are calling them unprofessional and speculating that their teammates are uncomfortable having a couple on the team.

cut to their next game where the centaurs have assigned each of their players their own unhinged pet name. bood is big daddy. hayes: snookums. troy is doll face. luca is obviously baby boy.

when asked about it in a press conference, coach weibe is just like, "every player in hockey gets a nickname or two. the centaurs are just a little more creative than most teams. why, is it making people uncomfortable?"

[mapetitefeedeslilas]

Post-outing Shane loving every time someone shovel-talks him, more or less menacingly, or compliments him for bagging someone as wonderful as Ilya, especially after he's had everyone before more or less judging negatively his choice upon finding out.

Svetlana squaring him up and down promising his ashes will never be recovered if he hurts Ilyushka? Perfectly understandable, he wholeheartedly agrees with the sentiment

Marleau slapping him on the shoulder "Legendary pull, Hollzy! You'll take care of my guy, right?"? New friend unlocked, a delightful goldmine of embarrassing stories and anecdotes about his husband.

Attentive Hazy, with his all knowing goalie-eyes, smiling kindly "you two are a goalie's worst nightmare and the absolute perfect match"? Might even go easy on him during training. But like only once...for half the session.

Sweet baby faced Luca stuttering all embarrassed his congratulations for his engagement with his amazing Cap and childhood idol, and admitting he always thought they'd make a good match? Where are the adult-adoption papers?

[hutsonwoolyums]

Sorry, I am spiraling a bit, but I actually think we haven’t said enough about Ilya here. I know we focus on Shane because he’s experiencing first time anal, but Ilya is clearly on another planet.

Like he’s slack-jawed and staring like he can’t believe what’s happening. Yes, Shane pulls him in for a kiss, but he was going down anyway. I just keep thinking about how throughout this whole scene Ilya looks seconds away from just completely falling into Shane. Also, this face?? The way he just rolls his forehead against Shane’s?? He’s totally overcome by what he’s experiencing.

Anyway, justice for Ilya having his mind blown by Shane Hollander.

[scunthotter]

I know I've talked about Ilya being frustrated he can't brag about pulling Shane but you know who else would be frustrated about not being able to brag? Yuna Hollander would be so frustrated that she basically has the two best hockey players in the world in her family and she can't even bring up that now she has TWO sons in the mlh and oh what is your son up to Sharon? Hmm that sounds rough that you have to send him money every month. She's in meetings, maybe there are other players agents and managers and they try to bond by putting down Rozanov and she wants to go "your client couldn't even touch Ilya's points per game. Don't fucking talk about one of my boys." and she's so pissed off by the interaction she gets that player removed from the brand deal.

[reigning-catsanddogs]

[shillanov]

if u forget just how competitive shane hollander is just remember the moment ilya started sprinting up the stairs the man looked like he was fighting for his life

[dykekarkat]

eventually yuna's gonna b like "it's really upsetting u cant get pregnant because your children would've been the best hockey players of all time" and shane will look at her like she shot a dog in front of him

[waldemarstr]

Have we considered that between Ilya Slavanov and Mr. Autism 3000 this is probably how they look to the outside world even when they're as happy as can be 😭

[penandinkprincess]

sorry I’m headcanoning a universe where #Yuna is an even more avid snake person, her and Shane bond over it and so everything is the same as the HR timeline except during the parent meet up after the cottage and Shane is explaining things to his parents by the door Ilya jumps a foot in the fucking air because SHANE WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A SEVEN FOOT SNAKE ON YOUR PARENTS COUCH WHAT THE FUCK and Shane is like oh that’s just Alfredo she likes the feeling of the couch on her belly

and Ilya has to make a choice if he’s going to marry into a clearly INSANE family (Yuna has like 13 ongoing habitats)

retribution for ilya calling them all boring for so long lmao

[cliff-marleaus-left-toe]

One of my favorite cliff headcanons is that he is supportive of Ilya and Shane, but he doesn't really get it not bc of the whole 'Shane is boring Ilya is not' propaganda everyone on the internet is saying he thinks Shane makes sense for Ilya he just doesn't understand how gay relationships work, like he understands conceptually that people are gay and Shane and ilya are in a gay relationship he understands they are in love, and they fuck, and he isn't homophobic, but he has never seen a gay couple and especially a gay couple where both parties are Masc and all his experiences with romance are based on relationships with traditional gender roles so he thinks that's how gay relationships work also so when the summer after their wedding he calls ilya up like 'bro I missed you we gotta catch up and shit' and ilya is like 'I can't leave my beautiful husband to come see your ugly mog you understand' but Shane feels bad that Ilya had to leave Marley when he moved bc he is a good friend he was at their wedding and shit and Shane lowkey wants to prove he deserves ilya to marly bc ilya doesn't have any family left that isn't his asshole brother so sveta and marly are the closest thing he has to family, and he wants them to like him and its stupid bc it's not like if Marley doesn't like him anything will change they are already married, but he just needs this one thing to work out so bad so he is like 'why don't you invite him to the cottage I am sure he'd love to spend time there and I want to get to know him better he is one of your best friends.'

So Ilya invites Marley to the cottage and Shane brings his A game he is usually a good husband naturally, but he is trying to impress Marley so he brings flowers to ilya when he gets back from grocery shopping or cooks his favorite meals or is just being generally physicality affectionate in front of cliff like kissing his forehead and holding his hand while watching a movie that type of stuff bc he knows ilya likes being shown off, and he tries to do all the little house errands that need to be done himself so ilya can spend his time with cliff catching up and eventually when Shane is out of the house for like a commercial cliff finally is like 'dude why is Hollander doing all that I thought he was the girl are you the girl?.' And ilya is like 'first we are both men so what the fuck second if you say that about my husband again I will hit you hard.' And cliff is like trying to explain himself by saying he thought all relationships had one person who was the one getting spoiled and one person who spoils them and the one getting spoiled is always the girl based on his relationship with woman and ilya is like wow he is in a prison of his own making, and he tells Shane and Shane feels so bad bc it kinda reminds him of how he thought about relationships before he realized he liked man, and he doesn't think cliff likes men, but he still wants to talk to him about it, and they end up sitting down and talking about how if he wants quote unquote princess treatment he can just ask for what he wants and needs relationships are about compromise and just bc they are men doesn't mean they don't deserve nice things also and of course cliff understands him to an extent, but he is a little stupid, so his takeaway isn't 'I should ask for what I want fuck gender roles' its 'dating a dude is like having a best friend who fucks you and still treats you like a princess, and he is like maybe I should date a dude.' But Shane isn't there for the second part of this revelation ilya is so he is like 'yes you should.' And then cliff wishes them a good rest of their vacation and leaves and then when they meet up during the season 4 months or so later cliff sees Shane on the ice, and he is like an exited puppy so he goes up to him and tells him he's got a boyfriend, and thanks him for the advice and tells him how awesome it's been and Shane is stunned for the rest of the game but after the game ilya is like supper smug bc he knew this was going to happen and is like 'cliff invited us to meet his boyfriend.' And Shane is like 'fuck it I guess this is my life now at least cliff likes me.'

[shanehollandersautismswag]

#myshane was a late talker. Like really late, like almost 5 years old and never spoke once late. Yuna and David were a bit worried about it but it’s not like he didn’t communicate at all, just not with spoken words. He could clearly understand what was going on around him, he nodded or shook his head when he needed to, he pointed at things he wanted or needed, he could already read pretty reliably, he just. Didn’t talk. They made a concerted effort to speak to him like a person, not just baby talk, and in both English and French, in the hopes that he’d understand both languages better, even if he wouldn’t or couldn’t speak them.

They were starting to get concerned about how he’d do when he started kindergarten in the fall, there had been a few late night conversations about if they should find a speech therapist if he was still non-speaking by the time he started school, but one day after they’re driving home from a Centaurs game, Shane suddenly pipes up from his carseat in the back,

“Mama, Daddy, I wanna be a hockey player when I grow up.”

It’s so unexpected that David slams on the brakes and Yuna spills the remains of her ginger ale on her lap. They both whip their heads around to look at the small boy happily kicking his feet in the backseat wearing the jersey that looks more like a tent on him (he’ll go through a growth spurt in a month or two and it’ll fit just fine) who has no idea he just did anything special.

Turns out, he was just waiting until he was sure of his language abilities and found the right thing to say. After that, he happily chatted away in perfect English and perfect French, pointing out cool rocks or asking about interesting things he sees when he runs errands with his parents, or (to Yuna and David’s both horror and delight) chirping players when they watch hockey together, pointing out their weaknesses and mistakes and just generally talking shit, even at 5 years old.

[writinginasnowglobe]

random low stakes hollanov things that are canon to me:

shane's Slutty Shorts™ that he uses as a sex signal at home

shane and ilya KILL at charades. the cens play this together for the first time at a bbq and make the mistake of letting hollanov be partners and since then have never made the same mistake again. they can read each other's minds. ilya knows the answer based on the way shane's eyebrow moves up. shane sees ilya's right pinky twitch and knows the exact answer without ilya acting out anything

ilya is somehow locked into all the drama happening in the league and shane (although he will probably deny it) is such a sucker for the gossip. after league events (the awards/all stars), they spend at least an hour talking about all the tea that ilya's collected while doing their night routine or while lying in bed and shane eats it up

shane loves tracing ilya's moles on his back when they're lying in bed (he will also sometimes trace out hockey formations with them and gets called out by ilya immediately every time) (ilya loves it)

ilya sometimes hides the sunscreen during summers at the cottage cause he wants to see more freckles; shane, however, always finds it cause he doesn't play about sun care and "no i'm not risking getting skin cancer just cause you like my fucking freckles, ilya"

ilya's lockscreen on his phone is a rotating album of shane and anya pictures; shane's used to be one of the basic default ones, but he changes it to a picture of ilya holding puppy anya like a baby the second they get home after their meeting with crowell

shane is chronically offline (duh) but importantly, that means that he almost always falls for every single tiktok trend that ilya tries with him (the only times he doesn't is when rose sends them to him first)

shane doesn't really ever post insta stories (see above) besides sponsorships and occasionally reposting the centaurs account BUT every once in a while (namely, when ilya does a sexy ad), his jealousy pipes up enough that he'll post a picture of him and ilya. usually without their faces but always very clear that it's them because he likes making sure the internet knows that ilya is his

ilya sees a video of the classic college girl dorm polaroid wall once and decides they need one so now everyone who visits their ottawa home gets a polaroid on the wall. but ilya and shane take so many polaroids of each other randomly that it becomes more of a collage of them (because the whole "we can finally take and put pictures up of us together in the house we share" of it all)

they're jock4jock !! also can turn literally anything under the sun into a competition (bood has a list of games in his notes app that have now been banned during roadies because of this btw)

[tinylilhollander]

During the post-cottage era when Ilya's still playing for Boston, Shane sends Ilya a text one night that's just like "Are you alone?"

And Ilya is like "No I'm out for drinks with the guys. Did you not see that we won, Hollander?"

And Shane texts back like "Of course I saw, that's why I'm texting." Then a few seconds later: "Download this app right now. Be discreet." with an app store link. And Ilya texts back like '??? 🤨 Shane, have you been hacked?'

And Shane is like 'Just download the fucking app, asshole. This is your reward. Username is Jane2481. Fucking HURRY.'

And when Ilya follows the link and finds out that it's the app that controls a vibrating butt plug, he nearly blacks out at the table before disappearing for a suspiciously long smoke break.