Strawberry Shortcake Cart

you may not have asthma but if I strangle you you'd technically still have trouble breathing I’m in college rn

[derangedfish]

Ryland “I’ve been in the shrimp position for 48 hours and now I must crack my back in every possible way” Grace

Vs

Rocky “I can hear, feel and see every one of your bone movements. If you do that, I’m going to blow up the Hail Mary”

[skelesass]

anyway happy code veronica announcement!

[derangedfish]

This is probably one of the weirdest things I’ve ever brought up, but I’ve never seen anyone bring it up..

But is there an RE equivalent to 911 and if so, was Leon there for the stopping of it or the aftermath of it?????

This has been in my brain for the past month thank you and goodbye 

[m6cabre]

my two types of men:

[derangedfish]

And I want both.

Different time

Same time

I’m not too picky

[vendetta06]

they invented Leon Kennedy so we can all be perverts together

[derangedfish]

I know it’s not my usual content, but I just can’t get the thought of Leon being a girl dad to like a weird kid out of my head,

And he’s worried that they’ll be bullied so he teaches them basic self-defense and instead of being bullied, they’re just teaching all the other girls self-defense….

And then a teacher or someone finds out and makes a complaint to Leon and he has to come in and he’s worried that it’s because his kid’s getting bullied only to find out that they taught a kid who fought someone out of self defense..

[derangedfish]

“Sorry English isn’t my first language..”

THIS IS ABOUT TO BE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FANFIC IVE EVER READ!!!!!!!

[thedarktowerdames]

[l0adingout]

[derangedfish]

I’m going to need a fanfic of Jason Todd reacting to the new Wuthering Heights movie and pointing out all of its inaccuracies and consistencies

Thank you for coming to my TED talk

[derangedfish]

EVEN MORE DC HCS!!!:

- Barry’s JL chair is plastic so he doesn’t end up shocking himself or others when he get antsy

- Whenever Kon’s on a mission, no matter who’s watching the feed, he will always look at it like he’s in The Office

- Bart demolishes DDR, Wally, however can’t..

- Most gala articles about Tim are about how they think he’s been drugged bc he’s got that 100 meter stare

- Damian is actually so fucking funny but no one believes Jason or Jon

- Bart, Cassie, Kon, and Tim all did a pole dance class together (no powers obvi) Bart was surprisingly the best 

- Jason and Roy once had to do drag for a mission with Dick, Dick had never laughed that hard

- Tim is a little emo music boy at heart, Jason loves jazz, Dick enjoys classical, Damian secretly likes indie rock, Bruce loves some heavy metal, Cass delves into bossa nova, Steph encourages alt metal, Barbara could kill to R&B, and Duke will defend country

- Tim has a folder of all the drawings Damian gives him and Damian has a folder of old photos Tim took

- Tim keeps making friends with birds on patrols and missions and no one know how or why

- Kon and Jon once got scared of a scarecrow in the field one night

- Damian is good acquaintances with Pamala and Harley

- Tim and The Riddler beef with each other on Twitter and TikTok

- Clark once had to stop Jon from eating a bar of soap as a toddler

Thank you for coming there will probably be more

[derangedfish]

IDC IF ITS A GAY SHIP KEEP IT GAY

I DINT COME HERE FOR YOU TO TURN ONLY ONE OF THEM INTO A GIRL?!!!

MAKE THEM LESBIANS OR KEEP THEM GAY!

(I don’t actually have a problem with this I prommy)

[derangedfish]

More DC hc:

- Kon hates the sound of cracking bones so whenever he ragebaits Tim to hard, Tim just cracks his back

- Bart and Wally have tried to run in heels…. It didn’t end well

- Tim can fight in heels and it lowkey annoys Steph

- If Bruce pisses off Alfred he gets decaf

- Dick has the worst understanding of his injuries like

Broken bones: 😐😕

Paper cut: 😩😭💣💥🚑

- Sometimes Clark joins Kon in rage baiting Lex

- Damian has like twelve animals nobody knows about

- Both Tim and Kon are ambidextrous

- Kon isn’t exactly lactose intolerant but it doesn’t work well with him…

- Wally cant bake but is really good at cooking

- Lian loves going to Jason’s bc he’ll make proper meals that taste good

- Alfred has an article of clothing from when each of the boys were at their youngest

- Damian has Tim’s old camera as a way to feel closer to him

- Bart LOVES the drums

- Cassie, Cissie and Artemis all have a night where they complain about the boys

- Jon adores Kon and Kon adores Jon back

- Ma and Pa keep trying to teach Kon and Jon how to cook, keyword try

- Tim has the strongest Gen Z stare ever

I’ll probably have more later till then

Toodles!!

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 7 (league days 1) masterpost here

Dick: oh yeah i see you guys, hold on coming in hot-

*grunt*

Dick: hey, who are we waiting for?

Damian: Hood is working on the other side of Gotham tonight, but we're still supposed to wait for father while he talks to Catwoman

Dick: *a groan* god, he always takes forever when he's talking to her, and i'm already bored!

Tim: yeah we've been waiting for twenty minutes.

Jasons, whispering: sucks to suck for you guys- oh SHIT-

*distant gunshots*

Dick, casual: did you just give away your position to insult us Jay?

Jason, strained: *gunshot* NO,

*more gunshots, a yelp*

*silence*

Dick: anyway i'm still bored.

Tim: wanna play a game me and Damian made up?

Dick: you two made up a game?

Tim: yeah after Damian messed up and accidentally revealed he was fun on the main line.

Damian: i don't know what you're talking about, i've never had fun in my life.

Tim: -we're calling it 'league days: yay or nay?'

Dick, amused: ok, what are the rules.

Tim: ok, so, the aim of the game is to find out stuff from Damian's league days, because he got up to a lot of insane shit over there. he wrote down any interesting experiences he could remember onto a bunch of cards and then got Jason to digitalize them into a randomizer,

Tim: and then we got Jason to come up with a bunch of fake experiences and mix them in with the real ones. Damian doesn't know what the fake ones are so he has no way to come up with stories beforehand. the rules are Damian has to use the app Jason made to shuffle a random card, read it out loud to us, and then we have to guess if it's real or fake. we can ask him questions about what the card says and he has to answer, and then we have to figure out if he's bullshitting or not.

Tim: Jason isn't allowed to play because obviously he was there for like, 90% of the truths.

Jason: but i am allowed to listen and laugh! fuck you guys by the way, i almost died and nobody checked up on me.

Damian: sucks to suck, Todd. are you playing, Grayson?

Dick, giggling: holy shit, yes, i'm in. read a card.

Damian: ok, hold on.

*a beat*

Damian: oh- *a strangled sigh*

Tim: you have to read it out loud!

Damian: i am!

Damian: 'when i was a child, Todd introduced me to pokemon games, and then convinced me that pokemon were real by painting a snail and telling me it was a very small magcargo. years later, this lie was then used to convince me that i should move to Gotham.'

Jason: *bursts out wheezing* OH MY GOD-

*continuous cackles*

Damian: we may have to mute him.

*more distant laughter*

Tim: please god, let this be true.

Dick, smothering giggles: and- oh my god- and we get to ask questions?

Damian, resigned: ask away.

Tim: so- hmm.

Dick: *wheeze*

Tim: the reason you came to Gotham...?

Dick, wetly: yeah that's- that's what i think we need clarification on. Jason... Jason told you pokemon were real, and then...?

Damian: so i was around five years old, and had never played a video game before, and Todd came back from a mission with one of those handheld consoles and an old pokemon game loaded in.

Tim: what, and he told you it was real?

Damian: he told me it was based on reality and that it was just very rare to see pokemon in real life, especially in the area that the compound was in. to be fair i'd never left, so i had no way to confirm that or not.

Dick: still though, painting a snail got you to believe it?

Damian: it was- i-

*a sigh*

Damian: it was a fairly competent art project.

Jason: *starts laughing again*

Tim: see this is a hard one, because i don't know if he's laughing because of how proud he is that he did it, or because of how funny he finds his own lie. he makes shit up all the time.

Dick: this is genuinely a tough game, what the fuck. ok. how did this correlate with you coming to Gotham? i thought Talia sent you?

Damian: my mother gave me the option of going to Gotham to train with Batman, or to go into hiding with her and help during the league uprisings. i was unsure at the time because i had never met father before and didn't know what it would entail, but Todd obviously knew i would be safer coming to Gotham with him when he returned, so he took it upon himself to convince me to choose Batman.

Jason: *high pitched weeping*

Tim: see- SEE DAMIAN'S SMILING, i feel like he wouldn't find it funny if it was true, he'd just be angry that he'd ever fallen for it.

Damian: not necessarily. Todd has a very infectious laugh, i could just find his odd squeaking entertaining. you cannot base your answer on that.

Dick: so did you come to Gotham because he told you that there would be pokemon to see or something?

Damian: he told me that team rocket was active in Gotham, and that they were abusing pokemon. i have a fondness for animals, so obviously this angered me and i wanted to intercept.

Tim: it- *wheeze* it angered you-,

Jason: *silent gasps of laughter*

Dick: and what happened when- like, how did you find out he'd lied to you?

Damian: i figured it out on the boat to Gotham, about a day's journey away, and i was so infuriated that i pushed his motorcycle off the boat and sunk it. we were actually- it made us late, we were a day later than expected coming into Gotham because i sunk our ride from the boat to the city and we had to take public transport.

Dick: see but thats- like you told me before that the journey from the compound took two weeks, i can't imagine you being outside the compound for two whole weeks and not clocking that pokemon didn't exist in the real world.

Damian: i was busy with other things

Tim: bullshit, you literally said it was the reason you went!

*ping*

Bruce: apologies for the delay, i am three minutes out from your location. does anybody have any info on Red Hood? i've received reports that he may have been dosed with laughing gas. does he need backup?

Tim: he's fine, he's just an ass.

Jason, still struggling to breathe: ok- ok B's gonna ruin it now so i'm calling it. you have to choose, yay or nay?

Dick: THIS IS SO HARD!

Bruce: what's going on?

Tim: *groaning* god i so want it to be true... but i just don't buy the two week thing. i think you would have figured it out sooner.

Dick: i'm with Tim. i gotta go with nay. it's a lie.

Jason: *laughs slightly* *high pitched* alright, Damian. yay or nay, did this happen?

*silence*

Damian: *deep sigh* as much as i really wish it hadn't, this one was true. i did indeed, for a solid half a decade, believe that pokemon were real.

Dick: WHA-

Tim: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS-?!

Jason: *bursts out laughing again* *cheering*

Damian: i should have never agreed to play this game again.

Bruce: what on earth did i just come in on...?

[derangedfish]

My Dc hc:

- Wally, Tim, Jason, Alfred, and Kaldur’ahm actually have amazing singing voices but never really use them

- The first time Damian needed to go undercover as the opposite sex, Tim was the only one who could help from the Batfam

- Roy just uses Lian as an excuse to watch kid stuff

- Kori and Jason have an ongoing bet but neither actually remember what it’s about

- Kon will randomly go to other farms and see how they’re taking care of the animals

- Jon has about five favorite restaurants in the world

- Tim has two secret tattoos that he doesn’t even bother hiding, the others just haven’t noticed

- Dinah, Clark, and Bruce all have dinners where they lovingly talk shit about their kids/successors

- There’s a dart board with Ollie’s and Hal’s face on it in the batcave.

- Barry is everyone’s procrastination monkey (out of love tho)

- Cass has a hidden space in almost everyone’s places

- Tim, Steph, Jason, and Duke, have smoke sessions where they talk shit about the rouges of the week

- Dick has a problem not realizing that he’s not supposed to bend a certain way while in Civvies

And that’s it for now!!

I have more if it’s wanted

[derangedfish]

I need more depictions of the bat kids with piercings..

I feel as though there’s something missing in my life and that would fix it

[derangedfish]

I’m back with the Wally appreciation because I don’t have enough words to describe how drop dead fucking GORGEOUS he is in Absolute Flash

I don’t know if it’s bc I have a long lasting thing for dudes with mullet esc hair or if it’s the earrings or both

But he’s doing something to me…

I think this is one of the best renditions of Wally I’ve seen in a while

Anywho thanks :D