Figured I'd do one of these things if you happen to stumble upon my blog...
You can call me Max! My blog doesn't have a specific aesthetic, honestly. I'm just here to post random things and talk about whatever's on my mind. :P
Current Fixation: my own fuckass ocs
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Arcane Side Blog: @max-of-progress
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I've got a long list of old fixations/fandoms but if you wanna chat, don't hesitate to! I'm a lot more approachable on the internet than in real life! :D
It's so funny seeing Mexicans and Koreans (and others) be all sad about the Mexico v Korea World Cup game today. Saying like "but we're amigos! That's my 친구!"
Meanwhile at my Korean/Mexican household my parents are like "You WILL pick side." And are so adamant about their team CRUSHING the other team.
It's so funny seeing Mexicans and Koreans (and others) be all sad about the Mexico v Korea World Cup game today. Saying like "but we're amigos! That's my 친구!"
Meanwhile at my Korean/Mexican household my parents are like "You WILL pick side." And are so adamant about their team CRUSHING the other team.
And I don't just mean "oh, my little work mistake is actually nothing compared to a fiery crash that kills people," either. The reason commercial flight is so many orders of magnitude safer than any other form of transportation is because after every accident and incident, an independent regulatory body investigated it with the express goal of figuring out exactly what happened, why, and how to prevent the same thing from ever happening again—not to root out which person deserved the blame or the liability.
It's a simple, shockingly effective idea. It's also worlds away from how most people approach their own mistakes and the mistakes of others.
Because it’s never just one person’s fault. And even when it is, it still isn’t.
The sharpest, best-trained pilots make worse decisions when they're tired or sick or stressed out, so there's two of them. The most dedicated and experienced air traffic controllers garble an instruction over the radio sometimes, so pilots are trained to always repeat clearances back to catch misunderstandings quickly. The best and brightest maintenance mechanic still overlooks a screw or misconnects a wire once or twice in her career, so aircraft systems are built with two or three or four layers of redundancy, and pilots are exhaustively trained to deal with failures safely.
Everyone eventually has a bad day. Every component breaks down. Every computer gets a bad a Windows update and spirals into a reboot doom loop. If it’s possible for one person’s mistake to domino into a mushroom cloud of a fuckup, then that task is too critical to be one person's sole responsibility. The accident sequence starts with the design of the system—so how do you improve the system to keep it from happening again?
oh yeah. The “modern commercial aviation is the safest form of transport” thing only applies to planes, btw. A helicopter is a beautiful metal horse that wants to break its legs and die so so so badly
Do you and your sibling(s) have a matching set of first names?
yes, there is a distinct logic in how our parents named us
not specifically but our names have similar vibes
no, our names sound very different
multiple siblings with multiple cases
nuance / only child / see results
Voting ended onJun 17
By that I mean if you and your sibling(s) are all named after the same fictional story or group of people, have alliterating names, named in alphabetical order—anything that intentionally indicates you are from the same family. I see it with fictional siblings all the time, but barely know anyone like this in real life.
On one hand I find people shipping Ryland Grace with everyone and their mama hilarious, but on the other hand, my aroace ass can't help but feel like people started to ship him with random characters because they had to ship something and couldn't just let him be aroace.
calling myself aroace but also having never dated anyone or been like,, pursued or courted or whatever the fuck is soooooo funny because it's like "are you actually aroace? or is it just easier to accept that label than to accept that you'll never be desired intimately by anyone ever because you're an ugly piece of shit?"
because it really does feel like that sometimes
like am I just using that as some sort of excuse? to like,, better explain why I've never been in a relationship before? so that it's like not exactly my choice that i've never been in a relationship before? like it's just something out of my control and not just me being undesirable in every shape and form to literally anyone, whether their intentions be good or bad?
people are always warning me about public transportation (because I take it a lot) and are always surprised when I tell them I just take naps on trains and buses, but it's like,, they don't even understand i'm not even worthy enough to be fucking harassed.
the most i've gotten is people pretending to have a crush on me and telling me, to my face, that the only reason they said that shit was because they actually had a crush on my sister and were using me to get closer to her. the only reason why they weren't saying that they were crushing on my sister was because they had a friend who was and they didn't want to hurt said friend's feelings.
but fuck mine, right?
like does claiming i'm 'aroace' just make the loneliness and rejection hurt less?
it's just so fucking annoying when family talks about me being in a relationship. I've been living in Korea for the past half year now and family (both in the States and in Korea) and family friends back at home were always saying shit like "Oh, what if you find someone in Korea!" I'd just awkwardly laugh or make a joke about that 'someone' being the snacks I can't find at Korean supermarkets anymore – but it's just so stupid to hear that stuff from them. Like I'm not desirable in the States, what makes you think that I'll be desirable in KOREA of all places? Plastic surgery capital of the world??
I'd like to tell them to screw off and that I'm aroace and they shouldn't expect me to ever be in a relationship, but at the same time, I also want to tell them they're fucking stupid for thinking something like that because what makes them think suddenly I'm going to be in a relationship after years of not being in one or showing any interest in one? Or what makes them think that I would be someone people would want to be in a relationship with? Like the years have made it so fucking clear that I'm not deserving of that type of love or intimacy.
like I love being so proud about that aroace label. I've been calling myself that for like nearly four years now and i found peace in it. but there's that little voice in the back of my head that's always like, "but if someone showed interest in you now, you'd jump at it, wouldn't you? how could you truly know if you've never been in a relationship before?"
and sometimes i think they're right.
either way, there's something inherently fucking wrong with me and i want it out
i think it's bad that people of any age feel pressure to find a romantic partner. i think giggly "who's your crush" questions at age 9 are weird. i think young people getting into bad relationships because "it's what everyone does" is shit. i think that marriage should not be emphasised as the pinnacle of a relationship and frankly i think that marriage should not be expected at all from romantic relationships. i think that there needs to be more embracing of qprs and friendships and simply not getting a romantic partner. i think it's weird that half the time when you do something nice for someone people wonder if you're flirting. i think that people can and do care deeply about each other without needing to subscribe to the mainstream ideas of love. i think that there should be less of an emphasis on "love" in general. i think the idea of what is "romantic" versus "platonic" is different for everyone and therefore doesn't really have a use except to evoke vague ideas about social customs
Fucking hate influencer culture, fucking hate all of it. I wish people had shame, I wish people were paranoid about the shit they put on the internet. I don't know how these people give their full ass names and film their whole ass faces and the insides of their homes and their locations to millions of strangers on the internet. Fucking wish the Internet was what it used to be, now everything feels like an ad or a promotion or a challenge or discourse or clickbait and it's so fucking stupid and tiring. It's so stupid that these people get paid for shit, that they get invited to events, that they have an actual voice and opinion on stuff they shouldn't be having. I just fucking hate them. "Bestie come with me to-" Don't fucking call me 'bestie,' I'm not your bestie, you don't even know me. You people don't even know how to use "POV" right or which 'your/you're' to use. They treat brands like they're friends, like what?? Are people really that miserable that they either 1) feel the need to film themselves doing basic ass things for the world to see or 2) actually find these types of videos to be entertaining or something?? Like sometimes I feel like an absolute chud for my interests and then I have to remind myself there's people out there who like,, actively follow celebrities and influencers and care about them and shit. Like I'm always getting so frustrated at myself for all that's wrong with me that makes life difficult for myself, and there's people walking around with zero personality. Fuck.
Talking/ranting about the whole Wasian stuff going on as an American who is 'Hispanasian' or 'Koreacano' as my family likes to call ourselves.
So my experience, being half-Asian, but half-Asian and brown (not at all white-passing) in America.
First off, kudos for finding community with people – I get that it's a super important, like opportunity to have and just a wonderful feeling to experience, especially as someone who is mixed and might not feel fully accepted by anyone at any given time. Finding community, in anything, is just inherently human and just so fulfilling.
I understand that - I've felt that literally all my life being Korean and Mexican, because back then, it wasn't a really 'popular' pairing like it suddenly is now. I didn't have mixed friends growing up - they were either all white or all Asian - and it wasn't until high school that I was really in Latino spaces because my hs population was like 98% Latino. I know that feeling of "not being [blank] enough" from both sides.
I grew up in Korean churches, but people were only nice to my siblings and I because we were the pastor's kids. Had we been other than, we definitely would've been shunned and clowned on for our inability to speak Korean like everyone else. My dad's own family gives him grief over my siblings and I not being able to speak Korean, so much so that we don't really visit them at all because my grandparents piss my mom off and stress out my dad.
However, most people (typically not Asians) will point out how "Asian" my family looks. They'll even assume my mom is Filipina because I guess my siblings and I don't look like we could be anything BUT a mix of Asians. Every time this happens though, I wonder if they've even ever seen an Asian person before because I personally don't think we look very 'Asian' at all. Like I've been living in Korea for the past 6 months, I know I don't look like the typical Korean and I know that they probably don't see me as such.
In that sense, while yes, I'm not white-passing, I know that I benefit from having an Asian last name and features because in America, Asians are the 'model minority.' A term I was aware of as a young kid, but didn't realize it was a micro-aggression until my Mexican mom pointed it out to me.
I saw it as a good thing once upon a time. People would look at me and go; "Of course you have good grades, you're Asian!" and I wouldn't think much of it because like,, I liked having good grades and being recognized for it. But after a while, it was like,, no that's not why I have good grades?? I have good grades because my Hispanic mom pushes me to have them. My 'Asian-ness' has nothing to do with it, and even then I'm only half, so by their logic, I should be getting Cs! But it was always especially saddening to hear that kind of shit from other Hispanics because it was like 1) Why do you think you, as a Hispanic, can't also have good grades? Why is it inherently an Asian trait? YOU can get good grades too but also 2) Wait, you know I'm Hispanic too, don't you?
And every day I am so grateful for my mom because my dad grew up in Korea - he didn't grow up in America, didn't face discrimination or anything like my mom and her family did because of his race. And because he's the 'model minority' here in America, he hasn't faced the same amount of discrimination as my mom has, and often times, he has just turned a blind eye to the problems that other minority groups in America face outside of Asians because he had that 'Well, it's not my problem, I'm one of the good ones" mentality. Keyword: Had. With everything that's been going on as of late within the past decade, my mom has stood on business calling him out on his ignorance and making him and my siblings and I aware of these issues since we all benefit from "looking Asian."
And I think that's the thing. Wasians have the Asian 'model minority' parent and the white privilege parent. While yes, Asian discrimination is very real and has its own issues; it's like with my dad, Asians typically only care for their own (even within their cultures, like Koreans just looking out for Koreans and dunking on all other Asians; trust I know this is an issue). They aren't always aware of black and brown struggles (especially those that are mixed), or if they are, they don't care to really do anything about it because, in their eyes, it doesn't directly affect them. And of course, the white side isn't going to know about oppression and discrimination based on race in the States. They benefit from it! So like,, being a Wasian, I feel, you don't grow up around those things or experiencing those things either. It's like not in your line of sight.
But like, with Wasians, or any mixed with white mixed person, especially when you live in America, it's like,, "Why do you want to align yourself with white people?" Or like,, how hard is it, honestly, to assimilate into white 'culture' (especially when you're like half Asian because of that whole 'model minority' bs and Asians notoriously being biased towards whites and wanting to 'be white' sometimes) because let's be honest, it's not like you're being specific in your whiteness. Like it's just a generalized, 'white American' type of shit, unless, I guess, you're from a European country or something. Like hard "W" WHYTE. And honestly? How much 'culture' does that type of white really hold? Like language, cuisine, practices, traditions, holidays, etc...
Like,, it's not like you have to learn a whole new language to assimilate. Sure, you might have to learn like whatever Asian language the one of your parents speaks (if there's like a need for it), but it's not like you're trying to learn Gaelic or Italian or something. Like the other half of your family probably speaks English, that's like the dominant language in America (y'know other than Spanish), so it's not like you're being left out in conversations or anything because you don't know a language.
Like that's the reason why my siblings and I don't speak fluent Korean or Spanish. My parents never learned each other's languages, both of them spoke English, everyone around them spoke English, my mom's side of the family (while Spanish is their first language) speaks English and my dad's family that doesn't speak English live on the other side of the ocean from us, so there was never a need to learn anything outside of the basics in terms of Korean and Spanish. English was just the dominate language around us, the common denominator between my parents, so that's what we speak. And because of that fact, we're 교포 and no sabo kids because we don't speak the language fluently. Meanwhile, when you're half-white in America, you aren't missing out on connection through language–which is a huge part of ethnicity and thus, belonging.
So what is it?
You aren't missing out on food or anything. What holidays or traditions are you missing out on? Because my family never did Día de los Muertos, didn't give us quinces, we don't actively celebrate 추석 outside of just eating good food for those days, but pray, do tell, as someone who is half-white, what 'white' traditions and holidays are you missing out on? Nascar races? Groundhog day? Like, genuinely I want to know because I'm not in white spaces, I don't know what y'all do or like eat and stuff.
And someone pointed out - a point I didn't realize myself, but was like 'oh that's true' - was that EVERY other race (especially in America) has felt like they were not 'white' enough either. Especially if you're like someone who grew up in a predominantly white community (like in places in the US), like you already know how it feels to not be 'white' enough - or I guess you can also say not 'american' enough - and feel like you won't belong somewhere because you don't fit that dominant (white/white-passing) narrative that is so heavily pushed in the States specifically. But we feel that ON TOP OF not being [so and so] enough for whatever other groups we're a part of. Especially brown and black folks, like trust we are SO aware that America and its media caters to the white-passing and the whites and that'll never be us.
But that's like just the thing; when it comes to Wasians, their argument is always "I never felt white enough" or "I never felt Asian enough" (which, yes, valid, and I understand that), but what I tend to see is that that's the only issue they talk about. It's like the only struggle they seem to have faced growing up – and yeah, it's not easy feeling like you've never belonged anywhere, I know that not only as a biracial from two very different cultures but also as a neurodivergent, queer, trans person – because they don't tend to face colorism or classism like other mixed races do. Their issues are just like "not being able to find community or representation" (though the latter obviously not anymore because now Wasians are more prominent in media than like actual Asians) instead of like,, systemic injustice, gentrification, police brutality, and so on. I mean, unless you're like a brown Wasian, but of course, nobody talks about them.
And I guess it's just something that happens to all half-white people, not just the Wasians (though it is mainly them because they usually don't have melanin on them). Like some of you have white passing names, you look white passing, you just HAVE automatically that bit of white privilege that other mixed people like me don't have and therefore benefit from that privilege.
That's not the issue or anything, like you can't help being whatever that you are, like you were just born into the world how you were born racially, but I think the issue that people are pointing out is just the blatant dismissal of the fact that they do have white privilege. Or just brushing things under the rug when other mixed people call stuff like this out. Like it's not all half-whites or Wasians, for that matter, some of y'all have sense and recognize and acknowledge that privilege, but like for others - they're like my dad before my mom knocked some sense into him and opened up his eyes to struggles others face.
Like I get it, Asians notoriously are unaccepting of other cultures (even other Asians!), and I know that because I'm Korean and Koreans are infamous for hating on everyone who isn't Korean - even other Koreans because they like don't speak the language and stuff. Like I know how difficult it is to fit into an Asian space despite being Asian yourself. But that's just like another thing! The Wasian big claim to fame of 'not belonging' AGAIN is a sentiment felt by FULL ON Asians too. We get as much slack as you guys get for not 'being enough,' BUT you reap the benefits of being palpable for Western media because you have that hint of 'exoticness' while still displaying the Euro-centric beauty standards industries crave.
And it's not just Asians, I'm sure other people, especially in America, feel a disconnect from their family's places of origin because they lived away from those lands. Like my mom has gone on record to say that she doesn't take us to visit Mexico because she doesn't like it. She has bad memories of it growing up, because since she was from Texas, and therefore American, her own family would make her feel 'less than' or left out because she wasn't like 'full on' Mexican. She's not even a 'no sabo' kid. She speaks Spanish (it's her first language!!), she grew up in Texas, which was Mexico before the border crossed us, she is someone who inspires me because she is so loud about and proud of her roots, and yet she doesn't feel at home where she should.
Like you aren't special in feeling that way, of not being 'enough' of one thing - and I get maybe wanting specifics, like I would love to one day meet another Korean/Mexican who isn't my sibling to discuss shared experiences - and so, I think that's why that gathering rubbed people the wrong way. Because it's like, if you want to connect with other 'half-ies' why not open it up? Why just center on something half-white? But idk, that's such a white thing to do.
Like they just get to have claim to the 'mixed' label, like it's some trend - getting to benefit from white privilege and orientalism of it all - but yet not doing anything to talk about real problems mixed people face.
But honestly, I know I can't say much because I fucking love Markiplier. Arguably he looks way more Korean than me, and I genuinely forget that he's Wasian sometimes, but like no joke, that man was the first bit of half-Korean representation I'd ever had in my life (or just someone who was popular and Korean for that matter before PSY came along).
I had no idea that Hudson Williams guy was half-Korean too at all. Like one his name (yes, Mark's last name is Fischbach but you have to understand Mark is such a fucking common 'English' name for Koreans) and two his face. Again, where that 'exoticness' and 'euro-centric' beauty standards come into play because suddenly this guy is like the sexiest thing since sliced bread. It wasn't until I saw a picture of him with his mom at some event that I was like "HE'S KOREAN?!" and then things just like clicked ("Oh that's why he looks like that"). But also, finding out that he was Wasian turned me off from Heated Rivalry all the more, because then it seemed like the only reason why his character was Wasian because it's "diverse yet consumable." Like if Heated Rivalry was about two brown and or black queer male leads, I guarantee it would not be as popular as it is. Like it's two white-passing leads of course it's going to be big. That and also the fact that apparently it's Stucky fanfic. Fuck Stucky. Such a straightass gay ship to have.
Anyways.
I digress.
But idk. My thoughts about it and experiences with it. But like specifically when we're talking America, because here white privilege is a driving force that impacts everyone daily and has for over two centuries now. I can imagine it's very different to be Wasian elsewhere (especially in like Asian or European countries, where it might be a lot more alienating) and not super common like it is in America. Like not to the point where they can have a whole ass gathering in the thousands or whatever. Like I doubt I could do that for my races – if I did, a bunch of babies would probably show up because my parents were ahead of the trend.
Love being asked by Koreans if I am Korean and telling them I'm half only to be hit by the, "Ooh, your mom is Korean?" and getting to hit back with an "ACTUALLY ☝🏼🤓 it's my dad who's the Asian one in the relationship, and my mom's actually Mexican. Crazy right?"
