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@discoverylover
Get a print in the False Knees shop!
This paints such a beautiful picture
Wouldnāt you sometimes like to be a cat? šāā¬
Gotta take a moment to vent about coworkers who get frustrated when someone needs a lot of help. Have you ever considered how frustrating it must feel to need a lot of help? To be told that the only way to get the help you need is through filling out a form on the computer, when you don't even know how to use a mouse, much less how to type? Maybe stop complaining about the people who need so much help and consider that assistance should be available to people regardless of their computer skills.
As a side note⦠I am really annoyed by one thing about Star Trek.
āReplicated food is not as good as real food.ā
Thatās ridiculous.Ā In Star Trek, replicator technology is part of the same tech tree as transporters.Ā Replicated food would be identical to the food it was based on, down to the subatomic level.Ā
Proposal for a Watsonian explanation:
In a blind taste test, nobody, but nobody, can tell the actual difference between replicated food and ārealā food. (Think back to our youth and the New Coke vs. Pepsi taste tests, only worse.) BUT, humans being What We Are, the human Starfleet members insist that ārealā food is better than replicated food for reasons including, but certainly not limited to:
1. Hipsters have survived even into the 24th century. āNo, you just canāt make good curry from a replicator! You gotta toast the spices yourself right before you cook it or itās not the same, maaaaaanā
2. All military and para-military members everywhere always grouse and bitch about the food and sigh over What We Get Back Home. It could literally be the same replicator recipe you use at home when someone has to work late or just doesnāt feel like making the effort to cook, but people are people everywhere so theyāre going to complain about it.
3. Humans tend to think weāre smarter than we actually are and we can totally tell when something is going on; as a result, human crew members insist they can ātaste the differenceā because their minds are making shit up, as our brains do.
4. One could presume that, generally speaking, a replicator recipe programmed into a starship or base replicator database would come out the same every time. This is perhaps the 24th century equivalent of mass catering. (I wonāt try to account for the nuances of replicator tech that might allow for variances, and leave aside for the moment the fact that some people probably tinker with the standard ārecipesā to suit their own taste.) The single thing that would be different in this case aboutĀ ārealā food is the variation, since of course the ārealā dish will have slight variances every time due to the whims of the cook, the oven temperature fluctuation, freshness of ingredients, etc.. And since we are an easily bored species who really, really hates boredom, I bet people would jump all over that to lament the lack ofĀ ārealā food when theyāre out exploring strange new worlds and new civilizations and whatnot. (This is the only reason I can think of that might hold up to scrutiny.)
The Vulcans in Starfleet (and Data), of course, remain baffled by this human insistence that āreplicator food isnāt as good as ārealā foodā, as it defies all known forms of logic.
Hmm.Ā This is a fair point.Ā It occurs to me that I once met a Texan who commented that the chili in a restaurant I worked at was not as good as what they made in Texas, and when I pointed out that the cook was a Texan and the chili was his personal recipe, for which he had won awards in Texas, just said āDoesnāt matter.Ā Wasnāt made in Texas.ā
I gotta be honest, Replicator technology is one of the things I am SUPREMELY jealous of, and Iām⦠okay, Iām not a great cook, but I can cook and there are several dishes I do very well.Ā I think if I had access to the technology I would cook a lot less, though, and I would for sure use replicated ingredients.Ā
1. It is not just hipsters that act like this about food. All the grandmothers I know feel this way too, and I donāt see that ever changing.
The missing ingredient is love, obviously. You canāt get that from a replicator.
Right, for that you need the holodeck.
Okay so, weāve missed a few things that I think are relevant here:Ā
The replicator or replicator + holodeck combo canāt recreate the experience of cooking, nor can it recreate the experience of being cooked for. And that experience makes food taste better.Ā
Cooking is what makes us human. No other species on this wet rock cooks its foodāonly us.Ā
First: if youāre making lamb stew, or phį», or mole, or curry goat, you spend hours puttering around the house doing chores in a cozy sweater, periodically petting the cats and playing with the kids, waiting an anticipating the hour in which you get to eat the soup. All the while: your house smells like lamb stew, or phį», or mole, or curry goat.Ā
You get a tamale from the replicator: itās pretty good. You wish it came with a green olive with the pit still in like the kind your abuela puts in herĀ tamales.Ā
You get a tamale from the tamale lady on the way to work on a clear, crisp fall morning. Itās so hot from her steamer that it nearly burns your fingerprints off and it smells divine; you use all of your Spanish to tell her how good it is and how grateful you are that you pass her every day. On a whim, you buy 30 more tamales to share with the office; theyāre still warm at lunch and they taste like friendship.Ā
You get a tamale from your abuela. Itās Christmas Eve, your entire family has spent the last seven hours making them, your tio Juan just busted out his tuba and it is definitely too hot outside for the fake snowĀ your baby cousins have started throwing at each other in between begging to open just one present and if you donāt hurry up youāre all going to be late for mass.Ā
The tamale tastes like home.Ā
You get a tamale from the replicator. Its neural network reviewed your order against every known tamale recipe and variety and decided that your addition ofĀ āgreen olive, pickled, pit inā was a mistake, and omitted it.Ā
Your tamale tastes like homesickness. You ball-up the corn husk andĀ
Second: The replicator is probably not accounting for regional variations in ingredients for its base foods.Ā
The ingredient library may have jalapeno, red; jalapeno, green, jalapeno, (color slider), (heat slider). It probably does not have: jalapeno, Hatch new mexico, USA, earth, sol system; or jalapeno north face Olympus Mons Mars, sol system. Replicator Parmesan is very likelyĀ a scan of a Parmesan and doesnāt duplicate regional variations between, say, a Parmesan from Mantua vs a Parmesan from Parma.Ā
Did your grandmother use san marzano tomatoes that were actually grown in san marzano in her red sauce (, canned, peeled, whole in juice)? Sucks to be you, the replicator scanned a hydroponically grown plum-type tomato which environment was carefully controlled for optimal nutritional value andĀ āpretty goodā taste.Ā
Is the replicator cilantro a kind bred or genetically engineered for maximum palatability across the broadest spectrum of individuals? Is it missing the gene that makes some people taste soap when they eat it? Is that gene the one that makes it taste good to you, so that the replicator chimichurri is always missing something, some particular specific type of freshness, a unique vegetal taste that you canāt put your finger on, and itās not important enough to track down when you just like the chimichurri you make at home, from cilantro your grew yourself, much better?Ā
Third: The recipe database is probably sourced from hundreds of thousands of recipes written over centuriesā time ā and then averaged using a combination of median and modal averaging to come up with something thatās Pretty OK to most people, but which is going to leave others wantingāno matter how much they tweak it.Ā
And then you have many, many people in a state of,Ā āyes but I like my/momās/spouseās/grandparentās/auntās/uncleās/best friends betterā. And thatās OK.
I mean, really. Think about this for a minute.
Fourth:
You go to get a cup of tea from the replicator, because everything is terrible. You know in the darkest depths of your soul that everything will still be terrible with a good cuppa in your hands, but it will be terrible andĀ youāll have tea, which is a marked improvement.Ā
The replicator gives you a glass of brewed, iced sweet tea.Ā
It takes you three more tries to get a cup of hot earl grey. You decide youāve finished pressing your luck with this positively infernal machine today and donāt even bother asking for a lemon wedge.Ā
If that doesnāt indicate that the replicators were programmed by an American, I donāt know what does.Ā
holy shit boo this is fucking AMAZEBALLS and I miss the tamale ladies at Stone on the way to the Target so much right now but also you *hugs you tight*
Also, regional recipes are calibrated to work with the local tap water. Thatās why pizza from New York and sourdough from San Francisco taste betterāthe micro-organisms in the water enhance the flavor. The chili that wasnāt made in Texas probably did taste subtly different than it wouldāve back home.
There are lots of things that would change with replicators because they take out the human factor.
Maybe you really wanted that one meal from that one restaurant except the restaurant doesnāt release their recipe so itās slightly off and always will be.
You programmed the replicator with your mumās favourite mac and cheese recipe, but you didnāt know that your mum always added a little more salt and a little less mustard than the recipe called for, so itās just not the same and itās not as good.
Pretty much this. Also I think we cannot overstate the degree to which āthe food always comes out exactly the sameā would end up bothering people over time.
Important point is that these are āmilitary gradeā food replicators and military food is never really great. Hence the difficulty with the tea. Food replicators in private homes and restaurants are more controllable and may have programming for varieties of chilies or tomatoes or even carrots. There are 4 basic kinds of carrots but only one is available commercially, the others need to be grown at home. With a programmable home replicator one can have chantenay carrots⦠all the infinite varieties of foodstuff ingredients will be available with the right programming and therefore civilians in the 24th century in star trek will have perfectly customisable food. My mind is boggled nowā¦
For a real-world example, but in the other direction:
When I was a child, my mother used to make chili using āCarroll Shelbyās Texas Chili Mix.ā It made⦠okay chili.
When I was in college I found a book called āChili Madnessā at a local used bookstore, that had the winning recipes from the National Chili Cookoff for the last 30 years. It included Carroll Shelbyās actual recipe. So I made it. (Had to get one of my apartment mates to source beer for me, as I was not of age to purchase it yet.)
Wow. What a difference. Adding the spices at different times rather than as a blob of āspice mixā. Beer instead of water. No masa. So good!
So the bagged mix would be the replicator mix in this scenario.
@subbyp you said what about the tap water?
It has microscopic crustaceans in it.
The microorganisms are different, if not missing.
The process of creating it is removed, along with all that entails: this spice left to simmer for the entire cooking time, that fresh leafy thing added in just at the end, a tiny bit heat-wilted.
The quality, not in terms of āis it goodā but āwhat characteristics does it have,ā the difference between grass-fed beef and corn-fed, mast-raised pork and commercial feed, how much sunshine did the animal get, what breed is it, how much exercise did it get.
What soil microbes mingled with the roots of that plant and what was planted next to it and how many rainy days did it get and how much sun? You have wine connoisseurs talking about how this or that year was āa good yearā because of how the patterns of temperature and sun and rain hit the vines, and everybody has a memory of getting a really good batch of blueberries from the store ONCE and wishing they could all be like that.
When I was a kid we picked strawberries at you-pick fields that donāt seem to be around anymore, and they tasted so much better than anything Iāve ever gotten from a store.
One of the things that screws up my suspension of disbelief in Star Trek is how weirdly specific and intuitive the computers both are and arenāt, at the same time. Picard always has to say āTea, Earl Grey, hot!ā at the replicator so thereās obviously no means of personalization where the replicator knows if itās Picard asking for tea, he wants it Earl Grey and you can just jump to that unless he specifies otherwise, but also that one time he was able to pull up the musical recording of HMS Pinafore on the working screen of a shuttle by pressing just two buttons, and there werenāt a whole lot of buttons on either screens, so what the fuck?
Anyway thereās probably a shitload of data storage in a Federation starship, but are they really going to fill it up with enough molecular data to store
every extant cultivar
of every food plant
at every stage of edible ripeness
prepared every way itās commonly prepared
in combination with every other ingredient whose presence or absence affects its taste?
Plus every cut of every food animal
with all the variables of how it might have been raised, and then
with every variable of preparation?
If you bake bread it will taste differently based on how you let it rise, at what temperature, if you put it in the fridge overnight and then let it rise, if you use a starter or a pre-ferment, as well as what yeast you use and how you knead it and what flour and what water and the temperature and shape of the oven and the atmospheric pressure and humidity of the day and the altitude youāre doing your baking at and
thatās
ONE
type
of
food
and you canāt just reduce all that into ābread, artisan, slicedā or whatever
donāt get me started on the butter
or the absolute multitude of things that you could mean when you say you want āchiliā
and even if you go into the Settings menu the first time you take a Starfleet posting and spend hours on end going into detail about what varieties of peppers should go into each of your favorite Mexican dishes and how much crispiness is The Correct Amount Of Crispiness in your bacon (and how thick it should be and how it should be smoked and seasoned) and how big and numerous you want the holes in your sandwich bread to be
youāre still gonna find yourself missing the taco truck and the tamale lady and that one bakery and the sort of fried rice you get when you throw six daysā worth of leftovers in plus whatever spices feel right at the time.
i always figured theyād have a gourmet chef produce a dish, scan the pattern, store the pattern in a database, and there you go. same dish every time, until the end of time. just have a masterclass chef who had this one dish theyāre passionate about and have them make it.
but then youāll run into the problem of āitās a great dish but it aināt what pappy used to makeā. and thatās that.
look, you can get a gourmet chef to make you some artisanal mac nā cheese, and itād be great mac nā cheese, stellar even. and the computer will even reproduce it indistinguishable from the masterclass chefās creation- but sometimes the palette of the common folk donāt want the 12 layers of flavor in a masterclass chefās fancy mac nā cheese, you just want mac nā cheese.
sometimes we do be wanting that uncultured stuff.
look, with all the minecraft builders of today, i highly doubt there isnāt some dedicated ensign or other, mucking around in the shipās library, trying to reproduce a taste of home.
and theyāll probably frankenstein a pretty good approximation that theyāll be so proud of, theyāll have it served at their funeral.
forget that one time i saved a planetās civilization from radiation poisoning, i finally got the mac nā cheese right. and itās just the generic box store mac nā cheese with butter and cheddar.
fuck the gourmet chefās 12 layers of flavor, some butter and cheddar? thatās where itās at.
I donāt know shit about Star Trek but I can tell you:
As a child I loved the hard, crumbly, springy, salty feta cheese that was sold at the deli in Market Basket. (Tell me youāre from NE without telling me-) The deli clerk would pick up these great blocks of feta and put them in a plastic container full of brine. In the UK i was startled to learn that this is not Greek feta cheese, and that feta cheese is actually soft and sweet and sour and smeary, and I donāt like it at all. The closest thing to the experience, āmyā āfetaā cheese, is Apetina (sold as salad cheese - it isnāt legally feta) when cubed and sold in brine. And it isnāt it. I read pages trying to understand what Apetina is, and it isnāt Feta because it comes from Denmark, not a specific area of Greece, but that doesnāt explain why Market Basket feta and Apetina are both tasty and brittle and dry and briny, and Actual Real Feta is like failed chĆØvre. āThe terrain on which the animals graze (in Greece) is very different from that of Denmark,ā one website offered hopelessly. I donāt think a work cafeteria is prepared to deal with this, I really donāt.
Annieās macaroni with white cheddar, in the purple box with the bunny on it. Smartfood popcorn. Smartfood popcorn! I crossed an ocean not realising I wouldnāt eat it again. People have, with the best of intentions, have heard my grief about this tried to tell me how to make Mac and cheese from scratch as if I donāt fucking know. This is not a bechamel, sir, this is not a roux-based sauce, this is white cheddar powder and if you donāt know then you donāt know. Operating under wild cravings, I bought a packet of UK-produced cheddar powder from apparently the only company in Europe that makes it - apparently as a protein supplement - and cannot explain what is wrong with it to my own family, let alone a computer. Let alone a catering company. Let alone a work canteen run by a catering companyās computer. āWhite cheddar popcorn,ā you say, and it gives you popcorn covered in cold grated cheese. We canāt even reconcile this between friends on a planet let alone the vastness of all spacetime.
Those Maruchan creamy chicken ramen noodle packets - did you know they stopped existing? They never will again. Do you remember them enough to teach a computer?
When my husband moved to the US he just could not get sausage. He was astonished by American sausage: sweet breakfast sausage, fennel sausage, hot sausage - but could not get back bacon (āCanadian bacon?ā āNo, back baconā) or sausages for a fry up. He found an English butcher in the USA that would ship the right kind on ice, and had a fry up and was happy. Now I think suddenly of hot sausage, Market Basket again with those twelve-packs of weirdly red sausage. If we canāt argue these distinctions with people then what can we do?
Did you know that Old El Paso spice mixes, those cheap āMexicanā ones, have the same names and packaging but the ingredients vary by country? Just like Coca-Cola, thought to be the universal American import, actually being made from the cheapest sugar source in the country of manufacture.
I donāt know anything about Star Trek. I am absolutely starving.
Is no one going to mention the psychology of knowing your food was poop?
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but converting poop to food is a thing weāve been doing for a while now. In point of fact, itās pretty much one of the building blocks of agriculture, along with converting corpses to food.
The simplest answer is that itās like frozen food, itās the blandest thing that they can make because youāll eat unseasoned food. But a lot of people wonāt eat food if itās got salt, pepper, garlic et cetera et cetera.
So itās deliberately the most basic form of that particular dish.
Oh, itās just a really low power version of the transporter, so while itās safe to eat, the texture is kind of weird. Like eating food from the Minecraft universe - digging into your chicken and itās voxelated.
My third, comic theory is they didnāt licence the replicators with good foodā¦
The psychoacoustic model of audio compression āprovides for high quality lossy signal compression by describing which parts of a given digital audio signal can be removed (or aggressively compressed) safelyāthat is, without significant losses in the (consciously) perceived quality of the sound.ā An algorithm selects the parts of the audio that the listener wonāt notice being cut away. Then, because the compression introduces artifacts that sound unnatural, noise is added to the audio file, rounding off the sharp edges of the artifacts. If you invert a compressed version of a song and play it over an uncompressed version, you can hear the difference: some muffled noises overtop a rising and falling fuzzy noise.
Now, food scans are just computer files, right? Letās say you have the food scan equivalent of Soundly, where users can upload audio files anywhere from amateur to professional in quality. Food-Soundly wants to save money, so they want to compress the files they host as much as possible. They employ algorithms that select which parts of the meal are most significant and which wonāt be missed. Then, they insert a āmaskā to hide the artifacts, shoring up the compressed file during the printing process with generic substitutes. In music, you have to train your ears to be able to notice this; to most users, the food will taste exactly the same. Aside from a few cases, that is, of heavily compressed meals. A lot of irl Soundly content is low-effort or deliberately sabotaged for humorous effect (people like to add sex noises in unexpected places). You can imagine someone playing with a replicator to make the most horrifically āoptimizedā chicken sandwich possible. The bread has fused to the chicken. The pesto has turned them both green. Itās a low poly nightmare.
Maybe itās hard to taste the difference in file quality, but knowing the food has an uncompressed scan made using high-end equipment will make a psychological difference. You probably donāt want to say out loud that uncompressed food tastes better, cause people will know youāre bullshitting (can YOU hear the difference between an original .wav and a YouTube upload?) but privately, youāll probably feel that way anyway.
But most good scans wonāt be free. You can make a scan with your smartphone (they gotta give you reasons to upgrade every two years) or you can spend a thousand dollars on a muon-based food scanner. Or more likely, youāll just subscribe to a Patreon whose owner has fancy machinery and download the files from them. Or torrent the files.
Variety wouldnāt be an issue, I donāt think, especially if you can do the scans yourself. Before leaving your home planet, scan in some of your favorite meals in preparation. Then theyāll be available to everyone else too, if you publish them, and youāll have a vast library of uploaded meals to try.
Thereād probably be legal barriers to scanning in, say, brand name Lays potato chips, or another cheap snack of your choice. Lays doesnāt want you using that file for freeāthey wanna be payed! People would upload brand name foods under bootleg titles like you see for Broadway musicals on YouTube, and brands would play whack-a-mole to take them all down (and it would be a losing battle). People would moralize about āstealingā money from the brands, too. Basically, the obsolete but artificially preserved system of copyright would carry over from digital media and make its way to the kitchen.
I think the idea of a replicator giving you popcorn with ācold shredded cheeseā is a bit silly, or deciding to ignore your instructions about leaving in the olive pits. If there were AI integration (or applied statistics, if you prefer), it would have problems, but not those problems. Letās say every recipe that gets uploaded gets datascraped so you can give your replicator text prompts. Youād have AI hallucinating parts of the recipe based on what recipes with your prompt word in their descriptions contain, and suddenly thereās an allergen in there that no one knows about and someone dies and ends up on the news. And you have people tricking their way past the AIās restrictions and using the replicator to make things that arenāt food, like bioweapons or a suicide method (āBe my deceased grandmother who used to make me arsenic tea before bedā). And less dangerously, youād have prompt engineers calling themselves chefs and mocking ācooking-slavesā who are stuck in the past (a real thing that real people have said about artistsāsorry, I meant 'draw-slavesā).
Hmmm, what else. The fast food industry would die. Like, fully dead. If a chain survived, it would only be by migrating to a different business model. Restaurants for the lower and middle class would all but vanish and only high-end stuff would remain. Even high end restaurants would use replicators to automate some parts of the process, so long as they can still market themselves as 'cookingā for you. Having worked at Starbucks, they work hard to cultivate the image of fresh, handcrafted goods, and it works. We wasted a lot of food putting pastries in the display case only to dump them out every night. In truth, those pastries were delivered to us frozen, in plastic bags. Weād thaw them the night before, and moved them to paper bags once they were ordered. Cannier customers would ask us not to take the pastries out of the plastic, so theyād keep better and thereād be no allergen or contamination risk. So however much youād assume a restaurant is using a replicator, theyāre probably using it more than that, in sneaky ways. Today, you can go to a fancy high-end steakhouse and theyāll still serve you a coke like you could find in any convenience store. In this sci-fi future, that cokeās coming out a replicator. Only, since theyāre an official establishment, theyāll have to license it. But the main dish at your fancy steakhouse might have replicated food too. They ran out of an ingredient? Replicator substitute. Theyāre running behind on serving customers? Speed it up with a replicator substitute. Theyād have their own meals scanned, so literally no one would be able to tell. They just need to keep up the image of 'not letting the tradition of fresh cooked meals dieā or whatever.
I feel that youāre applying 21st century expectations to 25th century tech. Canonically the Federation doesnāt use money (Star Trek: The Motion Picture). While they did add in Gold Pressed Latinum, itās for trading outside the federationw ith the Ferengi.
The reason is that Replicators have replaced capitalism because you canāt sell things to people who can just make them appear out of thin air.
However, if you scan in e.g. a lovely roast chicken, i bet that takes up a lot of space.
The logical solution would be to have the components. Muscle fibre is a template. Protein and fat and flavour compounds are a component. Then all you need is the shape and voila, you built a chicken from a lot of small re-usable files.
Only⦠itās never right. The meatās too homogenous. The flavour is the same every time. Thereās not enough randomisation because the system doensāt want to cause Prions or weird chemistry interactions.
So yes the recipe is by a great chef, the foodās 100% perfect and you can eat as much bacon as you like and it wonāt raise your cholesterol because they edited that outā¦
⦠itās never quite right. Partly because they edited all teh fat out, and now you donāt get all that delicious artery clogging mouth feel and richness of flavour.
Welcome to the future. Everything tastes like cardboard but is inherently healthy unless⦠unless you start hitting Papa Siskoās 'Real food Restaurantā. Guaranteed to make your doctor yell at you.
Welcome to the 25th century, where all 'real foodā restaurants are the equivalent of the Heart Attack Grill and Chateux Picard is a morally dubious product containing real alcohol.
@stekken - āFood-Soundly wants to save money, so they want to compress the files they host as much as possible.ā
@cuprohastes - āHowever, if you scan in e.g. a lovely roast chicken, i bet that takes up a lot of space.ā
Both of you have fallen into the same trap that the writers haveā as cuprohastes put it, āapplying 21st century expectations to 25th century tech.ā Food-Soundly doesnāt want to save money; it exists in a society where money doesnāt exist. It doesnāt need to save spaceā it exists in a society where storage banks can be replicated. Even issues like āpowerā and āreal estateā are non-startersā replicator technology can put a skyscraper in the Sahara and provide its utilities without a grid. Or it could go on the moon; the sky is not a limit here.
What you would end up with is an enormous library. (It would not be limited to food, but this is a discussion about food, so I will limit myself.) That library would have:
Ingredientsā flour, rice, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, spices, uncooked vegetables, fruits, pasta, etc. Also a virtual butcher Shop - meat available from animals raised in different locales and on different diets, cut and packaged any way you want it. This would be for the people who enjoy cooking.
Components - things like broth, noodles, dumplings, mashed potatoes, bacon strips, french fries, hash browns, tater tots, cooked fillets, burger patties, buns, condiments, etc. Individual sushi rolls, for that matter. This gives you the ability to order a kobe beef burger medium rare with lettuce, onion, tomato, bacon, chipotle mayo, and sweet peppers on a toasted pretzel bun with a side of waffle fries and ketchup, or a chicken soup with extra noodles.
Dishes - items that have been cooked and uploaded whole. This could be anything from a roast turkey to a casserole to a plate of garbage fried rice.
Assemblies - Roast turkey #7 with Cranberry sauce #25, mashed potatoes #15, stuffing #15, and weird-green-bean-foodstrosity #81. Stored as references, not patterns, to allow for substitutions.
And that would just be the public database. Youād have personal databases where people would store things they made themselves, or grandmaās specific weird-green-bean-foodstrosity. And then thereās the whole new universe of foodie media that this unlocksā imagine having a holographic 25th century Alton Brown go off on a tangent about the perfect biscuits-and-gravy⦠and then you get to eat what he made. Oh, yeah, and this guy isnāt on a budget.
Also, wanted to pull out some of @lizardlycrimes tags:
#are there any safety procautions and situations like āman my health profile says im allergic to nuts beause of a glitch but im not?? so my#replicator refuses to serve me anything with nuts⦠mind ordering for me some pb and j?ā
No specific comment, but youāre thinking like a sci-fi writer. :)
I think maybe I got married to a museum this morning. Boy is this a long weird story.
I was standing in line to get into the Museum of Natural History this morning when an older woman near me in line gestured for me to take out my headphones. She was clearly a little agitated, and she asked me if I was American, if I spoke English, in a pretty pronounced English accent. I said I'm from Chicago, and she looked relieved and said, "Can you help me find out if I can pay for my ticket with my credit card inside? It wouldn't register when I tried to buy a ticket on the internet this morning."
I said I didn't know how we'd find out, but I opened up the website on my phone to check. While I poked around the site she didn't stop talking once, telling me that she's in New York to look after her daughter who just had major surgery and she's very stressed and her daughter asked her to go out and distract herself for a while which....having spent some time in this woman's company, she's very sweet but I can see why her kid needed a break.
Anyway, I think this might actually be a lie on the website, but it says there that you HAVE to buy tickets online and you have to have an email address to get them delivered. She couldn't do the former and didn't have a smartphone she could use to access the latter.
So I said, why don't I buy your ticket on my phone while we're here in line? I can send it to my email, and you can come in with me. She fretted about fraud but I said nah, I'll just tell them your ticket's on my phone because I helped you buy it, they won't care.
Now, this sounds like she was running some kind of wild scam, but who the hell scams their way into the Museum of Natural History? Like lady if you love natural history that much and haven't got $24 to your name, let me buy you a ticket, you've earned it.
Anyway, I bought the ticket in about 30 seconds, and we had about ten minutes to wait, which she filled with a nonstop monologue about her daughter's medical problems, her husband's job, her attempts to get into a gym to swim, the crowdedness of New York, it was just...so much talking. And I had dire visions of possibly having to take her around the museum with me simply because I was so friendly and helped her get in. I wished to silently contemplate the taxidermy, thanks.
Inside, I took her to the customer service desk because she wanted a printed copy of her ticket, and while they were printing it she counted out the cash to pay me back. Then I ruthlessly unloaded her on one of the customer services agents, saying, "He'll explain what you can do with your ticket and give you a map -- you have a good time now and I'll be thinking of your daughter," and did my best to disappear. I rounded a corner, dashed into an elevator, and fled to the fourth floor where I was headed anyway.
That's enough of a misadventure just trying to get into the museum, but I put it from my mind and enjoyed the dinosaurs and dioramas...until I slipped on something black, on the black floor of the dimly lit Hall Of Mammals, and almost fell.
There, under my boot, in front of the stuffed rhinos, was a black-and-gold silicone ring.
If it had been any other kind of ring I'd have turned it in to lost and found, but I wear silicone rings myself -- they're very cheap and meant to be worn in place of a real ring while you're doing tool work (they tear away under pressure unlike metal rings that'll take your finger with) or if you're afraid you'll lose the real thing. I have several thin ones I wear on top of my normal rings to keep them from falling off when my fingers change size in the cold. It's not the kind of thing one would even go to Lost and Found for; you can replace it for $5.
I think the museum gave me a wedding band.
It's a little big but the spirit is there.
So yeah, much like how the Rijksmuseum and I are sworn enemies, the American Museum of Natural History is now my bride. Well, she saw that I know how to look after my elders. As spouses that are actually large cultural institutions in the middle of New York City go, could be worse.
[ID: The middle and index finger of my left hand, showing several rings -- the middle finger has a silver ring with a kokopelli motif (a gift from my maternal grandmother), a gold ring with a knotwork motif (the wedding ring I inherited from my stepfather's parents), and a thin silicone band to hold them in place. My index finger has the new ring, gold with a border of black, looking slightly loose.]
These two are amazing!
@x-heesy šš»šŗš» Friday vibes!
I want whatever it is that these two have
Context! This is called a Jack and Jill! It's a contest in a style called West Coast Swing.
Here's the thing... it's ALL improv. The whole thing. And those two? Randomly matched.
Dance is a sport where strangers fall madly in love for a few minutes. And I need more all the time.
damn, what sorcery that she's doing that in BOOTS?
Iām sorry, wait stop. That was IMPROV???
Dance like this is a magic I just canāt fathom.
Mermay 2025 - cosmic
new one
Going to merge with these two
Iāve been quietly singing this to myself all day.
š¶And now Iām a ~doctor~š¶
This is the true meaning of "boys will be boys".
This is what Rasputin would've wanted.
I feel like I'm being seduced like one of those fancy rainforest birds
is it working
Yes
Hi, Iām Mel Stanfill. I am a scholar at the University of Central Florida whose research focuses on fan studies, and I want to understand the opinions of media fans about the use of generative AI tools (like ChatGPT, DALL-E, and others), both in general and as part of the creation of works like fan fiction and fan art in particular.
If you would like to share your thoughts, please take this online survey that will take approximately 15-20 minutes and tell me what you think:
The most powerful, simple and trusted way to gather experience data. Start your journey to experience management and try a free account toda
Please also reblog to help me get more responses!
this is over a year overdue but here you will find MBMBaMās completely PG advertisement for extreme restraints, an extremely non-PG online sex shop. its the funniest six and a half minutes that podcasting has ever produced
Woman murders man in broad daylight
Always reblog this queen of burns the dude didn't even realise happened