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[displacerbeastsandwarlocks]

Dnd themed blog main blog is @wizardwithashotgun

[animentality]

[eyesonjupiter]

Found that over at mastodon

[teaboot]

hardcore satanist grandma called u a poser

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i should wake up and automatically be restored to full health, that's how sleeping should work, what is this horseshit

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*waking up with a sore neck* where are my goddamn spell slots

[robot-roadtrip-rants]

Today at DnD the topic of snake penises came up and I have never been so embarrassed to know a nature fact before. 😳

[probablybadrpgideas]

Reverse railroad your players.

Under no circumstances let them get involved with the plot.

[jzargo]

"oh Astarion is SOOOO effeminate" wrong. You are judging Astarion by human genders. Astarion is first and foremost a high elf and by high elf standards he is actually INCREDIBLY masc. Other high elves look at him and he reminds them of that one annoying straight guy in their elf-economics (elfenomics if you will) class in elf-college who loved playing devil's advocate. And then they see him kiss a guy and they almost die of shock.

[tavs-brainworm]

If Astarion is an elf frat boy then Ketheric must be like, elf Arnold Schwarzenegger

[kroovv]

The Serpent Prince 🐍✨

[probablybadrpgideas]

Concept: "Evil" species just have reverse aesthetics to everyone else

An orc shows up in gold and white armour with angelic decor, everyone welcomes him in, and he burns down the local old person's home.

The next orc is like "What the hell? The dude was dressed like a supervillain, and I put on my red and black skull armour specifically to make it clear I was the good guy! How did you mix this up?"

[hexed-padlock]

Still super obsessed with the idea of Tav being part of the og party that killed Strahd and they just… dont mention it. At all.

Like, you’ve got:

Gale: Archmage of Waterdeep, wizarding prodigy, Chosen of Mystra herself

Karlach: frontliner of the Blood War and escapee from Avernus

Wyll: The Blade of Frontiers and son of Grand Duke Ulder Ravengard

Astarion: Vampire spawn of Cazador Szarr, and former magistrate

Shadowheart: Priestess of Shar, Lady of Loss

Lae’zel: Githyanki warrior and proud servant of Vlaakith

And my Tav’s canon: Slayer of the Dread Lord Strahd von Zarovich, currently trying to find a way to bring it up to the party and is 100% awkward about it because they died *after* killing Strahd and only because they tripped off a cliff and their old party thought it’d be funny to cast Reincarnate instead of Revivify.

The story everyone knows is that (Tav) died in the fight against Strahd as a “final heroic sacrifice for the greater good.” When in reality, they’re too embarrassed to correct anyone so they’ve picked a new name and literally made a deal with Neferon or Exethanter for completely different magic to what they used to wield and now they’re committed to the disguise/new life/fake backstory of being tricked into a Warlock pact. At this point, they’re neckdeep in this awkward situation where everyone believes they died a hero’s death, their old party is kinda just laughing about everything, and their BG3 party is completely oblivious.

Astarion: “It’s near impossible to kill a true vampire lord. Cazador is almost unbeatable.”

Tav the Strahd Slayer: “…I see.”

—————————————

Upon request, I’ve decided to start a short fic series of reveals—all just drabbles and oneshots since I’m not used to writing anymore.

Below will be a masterlist of the different posts once I begin with them.

“Do the Cattle not know you?” - Facing Cazador (Serious, Sassy Tav)

“A New Type of Vampire” - Raphael discusses the Ascension ritual and Tav remembers a similar story (Flashbacks, Traumatized Tav)

[displacerbeastsandwarlocks]

A wizard explaining how they are not an alchemist. I am a scholar not a drug dealer.

[philosophers-shwag]

alchemist explaining how they are not a wizard: do i look like a nerd to you?

[displacerbeastsandwarlocks]

You're still a nerd drug dealer making potions requires a lot of arcane knowledge.

[displacerbeastsandwarlocks]

A wizard explaining how they are not an alchemist. I am a scholar not a drug dealer.

[philosophers-shwag]

alchemist explaining how they are not a wizard: do i look like a nerd to you?

[displacerbeastsandwarlocks]

You're still a nerd drug dealer making potions requires a lot of arcane knowledge.

[evilwizard]

wyvern -> pretty cool

lycanthropic wyvern -> werewyvern (very cool)

time-traveling lycanthropic wyvern -> whenwerewyvern (incredibly cool!)

shape-shifting time-traveling lycanthropic wyvern -> whowhenwerewyvern (a bit much to be honest)

[sararasx3]

bike-riding shape-shifting time-traveling lycanthropic wyvern -> howwhowhenwerewyvern (getting a bit edgy)

[dr-awkkward]

electric bike-riding shape-shifting time-traveling lycanthropic wyvern -> watthowwhowhenwherewyvern (a bit of a stretch, and a little excessive otherwise)

[evilwizard]

now you guys are just being silly

[probablybadrpgideas]

Armor of Invisibility. Does it make you invisible? Better. It itself is invisible, which seriously confuses people who try to hit an "unarmored" enemy.

Well worth the months of your fellow players looking weirdly at you as you point out your character is naked repeatedly!

[rosslynpaladin]

You.... you wear a thick padded jacket under any kind of armor....

[probablybadrpgideas]

Maybe you do but some of us aren't cowards

[displacerbeastsandwarlocks]

A wizard explaining how they are not an alchemist. I am a scholar not a drug dealer.

[gayassalchemist]

I AM an alchemist in fact, would you perhaps wish to sample one of my brews? Or could I interest you in transmutation? Would you like to be an amorphous flesh blob for the sake of alchemy or would you like to be a hedgehog?

[displacerbeastsandwarlocks]

I don't trust your potions gayassalchemist

[displacerbeastsandwarlocks]

A wizard explaining how they are not an alchemist. I am a scholar not a drug dealer.

[probablybadrpgideas]

Magical ancient artifacts are objectively superior to modern incarnations not because they were made by an advanced civilization that went extinct--but because centuries ago several large investment firms bought up every manufacturing company, gutted them, and have been steadily decreasing the quality of swords, armor, etc. while raising prices to increase their profit margins and make investors more money year after year.

These mystical revered artifacts that adventurers find tucked away in dungeons or other places throughout the world were not special back when they were created; you used to be able to just buy a +2 Longsword of Annihilation at your local market for 2 copper.

Now that sword is a priceless artifact that sells for untold riches, even if it is rusted beyond repair because someone left it in a lake for 100 years--it's still better than any longsword you can buy today because the bar is just set so low.

*sets the "days since our last the big bad was capitalism" counter back to zero.*

-Pencil