Dunno what to put for an intro. I'm depressed. I have BPD. I'm plural.
- System name: The Coven.
- Main fronter(s): Me, Sylvia
Mainly the only other one here is Sylvia, my in-sys sister. Couple of others, but they don't interact externally much. Been plural our whole lives, without even realizing it. Questions open.
I'm Poly. Married, and things have gotten a lot better from when I first joined tumblr. Might vent about that here sometimes. I'll try to keep it realistic, but BPD loves to fuck with reality, yknow?
I like to write. I'll put some creative writing here and there.
I also like to RP. Feel free to message with starters, or message in response to a starter.
I'm open to a lot. Relationships. Flirting. Chatting. Music swap. Roleplay. Q&A. If you aren't sure, it's alright to ask.
That's it I guess. Later.
Edit update: ugh fuckit its too much work to check profiles for ages. If we interact here's your warning: I curse a lot, I try to CW stuff, and if you still follow me for whatever then know it's not really kid-safe so whatever
vvv Things I talk about vvv
I post a lot of random crap. Trippy / alt / unreal visuals that i vibe with. Various mental health/well being/self love/emotional intelligence shit. Couple of tech stuff. Some memes. Ask games. I enjoy guro and gore but I try not to post that here for everyone else's sake, since I have to be in a mood for it.
So, i received conflicting information and im trying to figure something out.
Labels. Identities. Labels you identify with.
If a label doesn't fit you, you dont use it, right? Labels are "opt-in", you choose them. You get to choose how you identify. It's a choice.
But. You can't change who you are, you can only use labels to define who you are so people can understand what you're about.
If there happens to be a label that matched your description, but there are pieces of that description that you disagree with, what do you do?
Do you use the label anyway, and specify you aren't THOSE pieces?
Or do you find a different label for yourself?
Or do you forego labels altogether?
Im too tired for this bullshit. Ive always hated labels because no one label fit well enough to define who I am. I started using them because people here would use them, and specifying "lol not THAT part tho"
But it's all an us vs them. Faction verses faction. "Oh ew you're one of those" No, I am not, because there's a lot about parts of the label that I disagree with, but based on your judgement alone I'm gonna go with "i certainly aint whatever you are either"
Im having an autistic fucking meltdown because people dont use the actual definition of things because "society" tacks on all this extra bullshit meaning to simple WORDS like what the fuck do you mean I can't day "its fine" because everyone around me will think im pissed off??
Rumination is probably the most common type of OCD compulsion, but I rarely see anyone talking about it. I've talked to multiple people diagnosed with OCD who didn't even recognize it as a compulsion.
Basically, if you have OCD you have terrible intrusive thoughts. They can be about anything, but common themes are fear of being a bad person, fear of hurting someone, fear of contamination. etc.
Rumination is when you get stuck in a spiral. Rumination is when you spend hours catastrophizing, overthinking, analyzing, telling yourself it's going to be okay.
I'll say it again:
Rumination is a compulsion.
Rumination is a compulsion, and that means you have to stop doing it.
I did ERP (exposure response prevention) for my OCD with a therapist! For 9 months! And it did help, but the idea didn't really click until I found this website a couple years later.
And Oh My God. It made things make so much more sense, and I was able to pull myself out of an episode even though I wasn't in therapy or on meds at the time.
Genuinely if you have OCD, or even if you suspect you have OCD, I'm begging you to read some of these articles.
Like this was genuinely life changing for me.
Here are some of the ones that were most helpful to me:
Just want to add that if you're on the spectrum, you may also experience Autistic Rumination, which is distinct from the obsessive variety, despite the two having some overlapping characteristics!
Every time i think i have a commonplace opinion on something, i check the comments. It's more accurate to say I always have the opposite opinion of everyone else.
forgive the version of you that didn’t know what to do and could not have foreseen what the right choice was, if there even was one. forgive the version of you that made a choice and regretted it.
Ok but like. What the fuck is there to do on the internet anymore?
Idk when I was younger, you could just go and go and find exciting new websites full of whatever cool things you wanted to explore. An overabundance of ways to occupy your time online.
Now, it's just... Social media. That's it. Social media and news sites. And I'm tired of social media and I'm tired of the news.
Am I just like completely inept at finding new things or has the internet just fallen apart that much with the problems of SEO and web 3.0 turning everything into a same-site prison?
You're right that the internet is smaller than it used to be, but there's still some cool stuff left in the corners. I'd recommend checking checking out Neocities if you haven't--it's an independent web hosting platform like Geocities of the old web, and there are hundreds of interesting and active pages discoverable both through their search function and through web buttons (links attached to small pictures with the title of a website) within the websites themselves. Here are three examples of web buttons you may find in link pages:
Most Neocities websites have link pages or button collections with anywhere from tens to hundreds of these. Don't be afraid to explore!
If you're looking for something more like a search engine, I can point you towards Marginalia. It's not a particularly smart engine, but it's perfectly usable if you've ever been taught to use search engines back when they were mostly run through keywords instead of full sentence comprehension. There's also an "about" and "tips" section on the front page with more information. The algorithm of Marginalia can be filtered by the user to allow, disallow, or require JavaScript depending on your needs, plus there are filters designed specifically to prioritize web 1.0 sites or mostly text-based ones. It is possible to search for modern websites with it, but it can return websites from just about any decade (since the invention of the web, obviously) so long as they contain the information you're looking for. For example, here are some random interesting sites I've found using Marginalia:
Native Languages of the Americas: Native American Cultures
BASIC HTML COMPETENCY IS THE NEW PUNK FOLK EXPLOSION!
Earthbound Text Labs by Bill Eager
The possibilities for discovery are truly endless.
Now you might want to know about directories. These make browsing for websites easier, but require you to read through and judge which ones to visit, as there aren't algorithms ranking the sites besides the whim of whoever coded the directory. Some of them have themes, others don't. Here are two that I've used:
Yesterlinks Directory
Ichigo Directory
Directories can be harder to come by just by surfing the net, but they aren't impossible to find. Many personal websites have their own directories of interesting sites hidden within them.
Webrings are similar to directories, but are actually more community-based. You have to register your website to be a part of a webring, usually by sending an email to whoever runs it and meeting some kind of entry criteria. For example, my personal website used to be a part of a webring called Sweet Dreams, which was for websites that heavily utilize color palettes and images of cute things, particularly sweets. Webrings will give you access to a widget upon entry that allow visitors and other members to browse between the registered websites in a massive ring, ergo, where the term gets its name. Webrings can have any theme or criteria for entry. If you can make a website about it, you can find a webring for it.
Now, you might be wondering about social media alternatives. I can't offer much, but I can nudge you towards the idea of forums. Here's one I found that could really use some traffic. I also browse a bit on MelonLand forum, which is actually closed right now--it's currently closed on Mondays--but on any other day of the week, you can find a fun community there dedicated to web revival. You can find it through MelonLand's main page. I'd also recommend checking out SpaceHey, which is a MySpace clone that's customizable and easy to use.
I hope this is of some help to you. The internet may feel less magical than it used to be, but that doesn't mean that the spark has completely died out. These types of indie websites need more attention if we ever hope to reverse the damage done to the internet by centralization and corporate interest. People are trying to make the web a cooler place to be, but we're going to have to do the work of finding and interacting with these projects in order to get them off the ground someday.
ALSO you should consider browsing Virtual Pet List and seeing if there are any pet sites you might be interested in playing. There is a whole genre of browser games right under your nose
they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"
Donna Tobias - the first woman to graduate from the US Navy’s Deep Sea Diving School in 1975.
Brave women of the Red Cross hitting the beach at Normandy.
Dottie Kamenshek was called the best player in women’s baseball and was once recruited to play for a men’s professional team.
Kate Warne - Private Detective. Born in New York City, almost nothing is known of her prior to 1856 when, as a young widow, she answered an employment advertisement placed by Alan Pinkerton.
She was one of four new agents the Pinkerton Detective Agency hired that year and proved to be a natural, taking to undercover work easily. She had taken part in embezzlement and railroad security cases when in 1861 the Pinkertons developed the first lead about an anti-Lincoln conspiracy.
Catherine Leroy, female photographer in Vietnam.
The three women pictured in this incredible photograph from 1885 – Anandibai Joshi of India, Keiko Okami of Japan, and Sabat Islambouli of Syria – each became the first licensed female doctors in their respective countries.
The three were students at the Women’s Medical College of Pennsylvania; one of the only places in the world at the time where women could study medicine.
Female Samurai Warrior - Onno-Bugeisha - Female warrior belonging to the Japanese upper class. Many women engaged in battle, commonly alongside samurai men. They were members of the bushi (samurai) class in feudal Japan and were trained in the use of weapons to protect their household, family, and honour in times of war.
One of the most feared of all London street gangs from the late 1880’s was a group of female toughs known as the Clockwork Oranges. They woulde later inspire Anthony burgess’ most notorious novel. Their main Rivals were the All-female “the Forty Elephants” gang.
Maureen Dunlop de Popp, Pioneering female pilot who flew Spitfires during Second World War. She joined the Air Transport Auxiliary (ATA) in 1942 and became one of a small group of female pilots who were trained to fly 38 types of aircraft.
In 1967, Kathrine Switzer was the first woman to run the Boston marathon. After realizing that a woman was running, race organizer Jock Semple went after Switzer shouting, “Get the hell out of my race and give me those numbers.” However, Switzer’s boyfriend and other male runners provided a protective shield during the entire marathon. The photographs taken of the incident made world headlines, and Kathrine later won the NYC marathon with a time of 3:07:29.
Hey, quick point - your image for Onna Bugeisha is actually a kabuki actress. I know, because I’ve used the image for presentations on the subject. In her stead may I introduce Niijima Yae, aka Yamamoto Yaeko.
Born in 1845.
In 1868, fought at the Battle of Aizu. Her father was the gunnery instructor, and she was trained on a Spencer carbine, which she used to defend the castle.
1871, divorced her husband and went to Kyoto to find her brother, who had been taken as a POW.
1871-1898, remarried a western-educated man, co-founded two schools (including a girls’ school), became a certified Tea Master and flower arranging instructor.
1890, following the death of her husband, became a Red Cross nurse. Served in the First Sino-Japanese War (1894-5) leading a team of 40 nurses, and the Russo-Japanese War (1904). Decorated for her service in both.
