These are words on a page...

[divatron]

Lily of the Valley.

Drawn in by a promise,

a hand crafted life. Solitude took placement.

Tethered to the taste of a bitter potion of poison,

dressed with a label guaranteeing lavish love.

An intoxicating scent of blood pushing persuasion

a torn throat granted the gain.

Falling into the acidic fantasy,

a broken heart began beating,

balancing on broken branches bound to break again

once the bottom of the bottle ran dry.

A momentary step in the sun.

Hungry for more,

capsized in anguish,

darker days dawned,

and the eternal night returned.

Stray wind swept through my cell.

Condemned to return to a frayed fait,

gruelling for more, contempt fell flat.

The vial vanished to a sand.

Prisiums shun under the final sun rise.

Cursed by a cosmic or chemical emptiness,

tress lay down.

Grass grew greay.

All punished to the soil.

I can't bair to see it...

[divatron]

A letter of many.

To my love...

The witches are beginning to gather, and the wind cries for you. The rose gardens threaten to shred anyone who dares question its beauty. All the roads I've followed always lead back to this spot, and insanity only finds those who are lost.

The directions we drew are now but ash to the fire. Fairwell letters are meant to be the end. So why am I trapped writing you back. Each page laced with the story of your ship crashed on my shores. The cliffs scream my name when you're mentioned in passing.

It all returns to the sea. No amount of sorcery or chants could conger your spirit. The salt steams from my eyes, drowning the willows.

The nights are growing longer with you gone. The cold seeps through my skin without you there to hold it. The truths still mascarading. I wonder if you took the plans and flead without me.

The phantoms that loom tell me I was the weights on your ankles. I'd staple myself to the table, endless writing so long as your reading. One more moment with that smile is all I need to move forth. Nights, you'd just hold me like clouds before the rain deprives me of reaching the keys to escape my torment. I'll stand waiting for your letter till my skin rots and my bones snap.

[divatron]

Do you ever...?

My sequin tears fall at the saddest discos. The girls in flairs keep doing shots, and the mirror ball reflects my opportunities. "I only want to know he's alright," I splurge out before adorning the dance floor in glittery pools of my soul. I didn't use to get dizzy under the neon lights, I guess spinning alone is more unstable.

Your cold words dance behind how you used to kiss my forehead, how you promised me that night in July, this wasn't how it'd end. Your hair is still in my room, and the pillow glistens where you used to lay your head. Do you really think I'm better off? I'm not, I promise you I'm not...

There hasn't been a night I didn't see you standing in my dreams with your hand in mine, wearing your black shirt with blue an orange flower. I still hear you wisper. "Let me see those beautiful blue eyes," the final time we lay together. What happened to my favourite person? The man in front of me doesn't care if I live or die.

I seek gratitude in not lying to myself anymore. What do you tell your friends? Do you tell them how I loved you unconditionally? Or do you silently weave a story of silk? Something to gather sympathetic remarks like trophies. How "it hurt you to hurt me"? All the times I painted pictures of a life with you look uncomfortable in the rundown gallery. Don't worry, I still visit. I worked too hard to let it go that fast.

We both taught each other things. I taught you how to be loved, and I learnt how to hurt. There was never a sign? Now I take issue with traffic lights. When I recalled a story of us, "my boyfriend" almost escaped my breath, and the devastation rolls back in like fog...

I white knuckle grip, "That's why I love you," like a life raft after you got rid of me like stone in your shoe. I never got to say, "I love you." You desolated me. I want you to know I still reach for your hand when I'm scared. And tonight, I'll cry myself to sleep once again. The last question to echo my mind is...

Do you ever think of me?

[divatron]

Love ever encompassing

This night goes forever, a sweet dream of romance. My hands on your our fingers intertwined. Your voice is my favourite song, never let the disc stop spinning. The disco goes till we stop dancing, and I dont see an end in sight. You're a chemically stupid idea, alchemy I'd choose every time. Basophobia can't find me when you call my name. The further I climb, the faster I'll fall for you.

How long can we mascarad around one another pretending it's not, Let's call it what it is "love." Now I'll give you an optimistic chance with my glass heart, feel how it beats for you and you alone. You're so rare. Cosmic space dust follows where you go, I'm enamoured orbiting your star. When we're apart, I'll look up and see you all around. Can we share this sky forever?

Love isn't a drug. It's not some finite resource another has to mine. It's a gift, a quiet understanding, a good night punctuated with a kiss. It's a risky game to weave you into the fabric of my life. With you, I like my odds. You're my winning horse. I bet on you without exception.

Once it's all over, I'll walk you home in the absent light. Don't stop holding my hand. In the morning I'll make your tea how you like it. There isn't a day that passes you don't cross my mind. Where will we be in a year? Or two, even ten? I know I'm jumping the gun, but I'm not going anywhere. Do you picture it too?

Tell me your secrets like I'm a lock box of old letters. The things I do, I do for you. No amount of words will encompass my abundant love for your smile, your drowning blue eyes, and contrarian mindset. I'll always be your parallel line. I'll always be beside you, to the right side that is...

I love you.

[divatron]

Arsonist

I've a crystal heart and glass veins.

"If you love something, let it go." How could you say that when you're all I wanted? Now I'm tasked with gathering the shards, ever beautiful how they glamour in the light. My hands weep crimson as I fumble to glue it back together.

The cuts go deep and your word sits shallow. Poetry writes itself and the pathetic fallacy didn't go unnoticed. Each step brought a new breath of devastation. I guess you get what you want but it's never how you'd expect, I always wanted a kiss in the rain, I never thought it would be the last...

why do you hate me? I'd crucifie myself at your request. I gave you all I had, and it still wasn't enough. Will anyone be enough? Bewilderment and a faint whisper you'll change your mind echoes through the last of my heart.

In a twist of fate, you caught me off guard. Made your way into my future and burnt it all down. I grasp onto the ashes. They're all I have left. You won't kill me. You can't. I know I'm the first of many of your cynical beliefs.

Tragedy washed over me as I read those final few words, your feelings antithetical to mine. I'll sew up the gash but the scar will always ache when you cross my mind. If only it were as simple as hating you? The worst of what you did sinks into the shadow of euphoria I felt beside you.

[divatron]

They're only thoughts

Thinking of self-sabotage is like a game of Russian roulette alone, no one wins you just drag it out as long as you can. I wouldn't say I'm guarded with my emotions, they're just hidden. A few hints and you've found them.

It's like I'm waiting on the other shoe to drop, to hear the door close after a goodbye to never hear back. I'm aware that it's unnecessary self-preparation. The validation of being able to say "I told you so." I don't think that moment's going to come, I can't help but wait... I'm anxiously waiting at a birthday party for the balloons to pop! If I anticipate the bang surely it can't scare me? Right?

I fill the silence with questions aimed to hurt me before you can. It's a sad truth, but it's my truth.

I'm so far in this, what if I'm lost? What if you're not waiting for me? Is this too much? Am I too much? If I hold back how much I like you, you won't feel guilty leaving me. God, I'm such a people pleaser, rather than admit how deeply I care for you I'd rather hide it in case I'm not what you want. If I don't express it you don't have to feel so bad leaving.

Why am I like this? I've got a fear of abandonment and an overwhelming care for you, I'll make it easy to leave me over making you feel bad for doing it.

I know I can talk to you, sometimes I like to suffer in silence. How do I explain this weird duality? I don't want you to leave me but I'll make it easy. There is no reason for both of us to hurt. I don't want to pain you paining me.

All said I don't think you're going to run, I can't help catastrophizing and plan in anticipation. One last thing I don't know if I'm being too much, I want to talk to you about my life but I don't wanna burden you with my problems.

I need told what to do, what's my best course of action? I can talk because we're great at communicating our problems. Actually, it's always me who brings them up. I feel needy. It's like I'm the only one who has issues, overthinks or has insecurities. I don't want you to constantly reassure me as much as I would love it.

I want you to open up. I think the only way that's going to happen is if I'm vulnerable first however that requires me to drop my problems on you.

I don't want my problems to be the ball around your ankle or for you to feel overwhelmed, that you need to help fix my issues. Listen and I'll do the same.

[divatron]

September

It's been almost a year since I met you, your sweet smile and ridiculously attractive cowboy hat. Looking back on it, I wish in that moment I'd placed my hand to close to yours. After a month your friends became mine.

You were the only one who still made me nervous. The anxiety of being caught staring. One of our first conversations around how you're not "scary" (which let's admit at the time you were, at least to me) immediately after saying "I'm not scary" You rhymed off several instances where you in fact were scary

I love that this is one of our first interactions that became our first inside joke, it still gets brought up now from time to time.

On that first morning we meet you told me this is where we'd be I may have believed you, but how we got from A to B would be my first question. I'm still not exactly sure.

Within 365 days you went from someone I've never spoken to, to someone I couldn't imagine my life without.

[divatron]

It could be me?

What's the price to hold you? I want to spend my days pacing the beach with you, lying on the warm sand while your head rests on my chest. I'll look you in the eyes, then kiss you without fear. We'll watch the sunset and begin talking about the stars, I can just listen.

Sleeping in tents my grasp holding yours, tight enough to feel safe. This is all I want. You tell me you want a "boyfriend," and I think it's going to kill me one way or another.

My Heart stops everything I read you're name on my phone. Maybe every flirty line is a joke or we're dead serious, who knows? I don't know if I'll ever tell you. I could be wrong... but I think it would work.

I'm thinking of saying something beside the fire. Only us two watching the sky lighten from the long conversation all through the night. I'll have to wait and see. No matter the response, I WILL DIE!

I'm definitely not melodramatic.

[divatron]

Wait, I didn’t get to say...

1. It could be me

2. September

3. They're only thoughts

4. Arsonists

5. Love ever encompassing

6. Do you ever...?

[divatron]

"I'd crucifie myself at your request."

[divatron]

"I think it's going to kill me one way or another."

[divatron]

"I'm so far in this, what if I'm lost?"

[divatron]

"to gather sympathetic remarks like trophies."

[divatron]

"I wish in that moment I'd placed my hand to close to yours."

[divatron]

"You're my winning horse."

[divatron]

The saviour

I forgot to pray, to thank you, to be grateful for your gift of my existence. Shall I worship the ground the profit walks on? Give my every drop of blood or ounce of life to a man who doesn't even know me?

Truth be told I've never been one for religion. I wish I could hate you but... honestly, I don't. You've never given a clear reason to despise you. It's only off-hand comments, so subtle it's the difference between auburn and maroon.

For being someone I live with, do you know I'm there? I won't put my faith in someone who's never been there for me. Any details you can scrape up about me gets warped till it's a dead-eyed soldier you can use while waging war on me.

I've a question for the man who's without sin. What does it feel like bringing someone into this world that's so apparently full of sin? I know I'm wrong, you've always made that clear. Can you honestly tell me you're proud to share blood? Do I embarrass you, make you feel like less of a man for raising a "sissy" of a son.

I'm using the word "raising" lightly. Being a father isn't becoming a higher power with a hunger for control over your subjects. Until you disappear again but always lingering in the halls like a trapped spirit.

After all the words you've thrown at me since I could walk, I cannot truly say I like or even tolerate you. When I'm not good enough I'll always have you to remind me, to tell me I'm a "good for nothing waste of space?" The words don't hurt like they did. I think I've grown to neglect the sounds that leave your mouth.

I'm sure somewhere deep down your needle-pointed words are sowing their way into me, I just can't feel it. Logical thinking isn't a skill you possess so I won't blame you for all the false narratives you fall for, but my god... I wish you had been tough self-awareness. A man-child with a refusal to be wrong is what you are.

How can you deny the moon's existence when it's right there? Is the sky a projection created to trap you in preventing you from proving it's not a god complex, you truly are the second coming of Christ. Unlike a saviour no one's building a monument in your honour once you're gone...

You love to tell me to look in the mirror and ask what I see staring back? Am I meant to be ashamed or upset? Do you think that's going to work? Now I'm begging you to do the same and think about the man you see.

To the god who never listens to my prayers...

Amen.

[divatron]

Are you mine?

...Are you mine? I feel you pulling back. There isn't a reason why, I can just sense it. I don't want you to lie to me, but I want to hear those sweet words of reassurance "I'm not going anywhere." Each syllable will ring on in my mind long after you've called it a night.

Get to know me, if I could have one superpower it would be to read your mind, if only to hurt my own feelings. I wish for the truth. Do you like me or do you like my attention?

Long are the nights I'm alone but, longer are the days I think you're fleeting like a low tide. Tell me! Tell me now, please...

Are you mine? In three months once your plane touches down and life sets in am I going to sit here waiting on you... collecting dust? In time will you forget me?

I need to know how this plays out if only to hold back my thoughts of the three words that would drown you with excitement or guilt. Am I villainising you to protect myself? Perhaps.

I just want to scream it to you. You make it so difficult for me to not say it and here I am questioning your intent. One last time...

Are you mine? Are you in this for the long term or does this end in whispers? There won't be a glaring reason only unopened letters. The time taken to respond will only come close to your short stay returns.

I know I said "One last time." But I'm going to keep asking till I get an honest answer. Should I jump or step back from the ledge and take the "fun" as it is? I fear my window for opportunity to turn back has shut from that first kiss. So I'm asking you...

Are you mine?