Do you ever think about og Ning Yingying?
Do you think Ning Yingying, naive and young and sweet grieves , upon the death of her old master in the Palace of the man who slaughtered him ?
Do you think she knew her insistence that he never touched her will be disregarded ? (Its never implied canonically that she claimed her master to bear inappropriate feelings towards her , it was a tidbit added by the Palace Master to ingratiate his image of a lecher even more , no prosttitute is questioned , no other documents about his slave contract or even Qiu haitang's origin is presented . This is a stage and Ning Yingying has no place ). Do you think she was angry and hurt and she wanted to save her shidi when she couldn't before ? Do you think it never occurred to her that her shifu , great prominent and untouchable could have ever required saving ?
She was cajoled by Luo Binghe . Who was lost for five years . Who she'd effectively raised . Who she loved , her shidi and then grieved , alone on a peak that celebrated his death . Do you think she took her anger , braided it into a thick chord and suffocated her younger self ? Do you think that when her little shidi came back , dark robed and angry like the caricatures of fallen gods , his mark of sin as brilliant as the blood she wiped off him when he was little , when she too , was little , was hopeful . And she's been angry for so long . At injustice to him by the shifu she holds such regard for . At the disregard to her personally simply because she's only a ditzy girl , she found comraderie? Hand in hand she loved him , as she had all these years. Her grief making a desperate woman out of her she agrees to wed him . To do whatever he says . That she was empathized with , no matter how false , for once. And she would do her utmost to uphold it .
Do you think when her sect razes in flames and screams of her shidimei and shige ring in her ears and her shidi , Husband now , comes covered in ashes and his other , other wives beside her follow him gleeful at the carnage she realises that it was never about justice . That's she was implicitly involved in burning down her home with innocent people inside ? That her shidi , Husband only wanted revenge. That's he's not who she remembers? That she was , and still is a tool . It only changed hands . And he intends to use her to further doom the man who raised her .
Do you think Ning Yingying finds trophies from his shifu's house in her husband's rooms . Do you think she does not know how to grieve the people she'd stopped loving long ago but she was wrong about it ? Because Ning Yingying loved her sect , loved her shifu , loved the Qing Jing disciples . They were a family , through Luo Binghe had never become a part of it . Even if she began resenting then , she never did stop loving them .
Do you think she looks at Liu Mingyan and wants to kill her ? The traitor to her own sect , the girl who killed her own shifu , who got Ning Yingying's shifu killed , married to her husband not for live , not for aid but simply for revenge . Do you think she finds the anger turned grief turned rage inside her once shimei and finds a twisted sort of empathy there ? Do you think she flinches at her sight , knowing she could have become that ?
Do you think Liu Mingyan despises Ning Yingying's Qing Jing greens that she'd taken to wearing lately , now that the insurmountably exhausting size and drama of the Harem keeps increasing. Do you think it's a way of somehow , somehow rekindling her friendship, her love with her husband , who brings home new women every week ? Or is it her own quiet rebellion? Her own way of grieving ? Because Ning Yingying is exhausted and this is all she can do .
What does she make of Qiu haitang ? Does she realise the similarities between them ? Does she realise that she was a placeholder to her shifu ? That even to him she'd been but a tool , a thing . That her shifu had much regards for the woman who doomed him to a death worse than that of a pig ? Does she weep ? Does she try to change herself desperately ?
Do you think she ever finds courage to visit the water prisons that holds her Master ? Alive or dead or otherwise ?
Do you think once Luo Binghe returns from the other world , he spends more time with her than ever before? Do you think it's her cold eyes ? Her stolen fans painted by her Master's undefeated hand ? Do you think she becomes, in a desperation to change herself, someone else ? ( And who else could she becomes but him ? )
I am the shape you made me . Filth teaches filth . Father .
Do you think she dooms herself?