On College Housing and Uncertainty
I hate to say it, but I fantasize about Barnard housing every year. Part of the draw of Barnard, silly and mundane as it may be, was the allure of sitting in a quaint little NYC dorm in the winter. Getting to people watch outside my window between homework and cooking meals. Getting to complain about all the little “quirks” like roaches and mice and leaky pipes and broken radiators. It was exciting to move into a new dorm every year. It was exciting to plan which of my houseplants to place on which windowsill, getting to decide what to put on my walls, where to put my things, how to arrange my room to best suit me. Before fall semester started, I was in my usual swing of dorm dreaming. I had been placed into CG with one of my best friends. We simultaneously rejoiced over getting a dishwasher and a lounge piano and lamented over the walks we’d have to make through the blistering winter winds of New York City to get to class. She even made the trek to CG to scope out our soon-to-be rooms from the outside.
“You’ll definitely have enough sunlight for your plants, don’t worry. And the street isn’t too noisy. I think we’re good.”
And so the dorm dreaming began. I envisioned waking up on Monday mornings and groggily making instant coffee (milky for me, black for my friend). I began strategizing the layers I’d wear on my way to class in the winter - enough to keep me warm, but not so much so as to make me look like one big blob of sweater. I looked up all the shuttle routes, all the nearby restaurants, the nearby greenspaces. My friend and I made a scooter pact - we’d both purchase kick scooters so that we’d never be late to class and so that we’d never look lame scootering on our own. I was so excited for what CG and the semester had in store for us.
And in one email, it all disappeared in an instant.
In one email, a whole reality ceased to exist. I wouldn’t be living in CG. No one would. I wouldn’t be coming back to the city for fall semester.
Now, it’s approximately one semester later. I’ve filled out my housing application for the spring. We should be getting our housing assignments in the next few weeks. I want to be excited. I want to be. But all I feel is dread. Will housing be canceled again? Should I be looking for an apartment right now? Are my friends looking for apartments right now? Are my friends looking for apartments without me right now? Should I be preparing yet another letter to convince the housing committee that I am worthy of a dorm this year? Should I be preparing myself for another semester at home? I want to be excited. I’m not. I’m more worried than anything else.
ellievsbear
andulkaphoto
dededos
vaporwave
kaledo-art
origamiaround
titsay
