vent

trauma vent blog || he/him, 19 || csa/cocsa survivor, bigots/maps don't interact

[dogteethboy]

man, this whole quarantine shit made me realize i really have 0 future huh? was about to start a new job to go to college next semester but that's over with since i cant work :l

[dogteethboy]

if they don't need me why am i still here

if they don't need me why am i still here

if they don't need me why am i still here

if they don't need me why am i still here

if they don't need me why am i still here

if they don't need me why am i still here

[dogteethboy]

trying to help my friends who are varying degrees of depressed + suicidal while *also* being a varying degree of depressed + suicidal is a fucking train wreck honestly

[catscafecomics]

It all begins with yourself…

[dogteethboy]

my new counselor, who i was finally gonna open up ab my abuse to, after only one 45 minute session with me: i don't believe you've been sexually abused

me, a csa and cocsa survivor: you're right :)

[dogteethboy]

*same* counselor: don't you think your (transphobic) dad has a right to know that you're trans

honestly, one of the worst counselors i ever visited. i had to fill out a questionnaire and finally has the courage to put he/him and then he called me she/her and ma'am for 3/5 sessions until our fourth one where he finally looked at the questionnaire and then spent the *entire* session just talking about how he was *inclusive* because he had *gone to work shops* and then he made me explain trans issues to him for our full session and then the next session said that. mind you, i went in for anxiety and depression issues. glad i dont see him any more, since my college only has 5 free sessions.

[dogteethboy]

my new counselor, who i was finally gonna open up ab my abuse to, after only one 45 minute session with me: i don't believe you've been sexually abused

me, a csa and cocsa survivor: you're right :)

[incons0lable]

[euo]

I think I am a better ghost than I am a human being From the movie “Ansiktet” by  Ingmar Bergman (1958) Mikko Kourinki

[dogteethboy]

i want to feel like i’m worth something to somebody

[dogteethboy]

nothing feels real. i go through life like a robot

[dogteethboy]

parents should never force their children to go on a diet. tw for restricted eating, abuse by a mom, and emetophobia  under cut:

my mother used to force me to go on a diet while i was at her house called a “modified military diet” for a month and a half. i was so sick and literally starving, but it was “okay” because i was losing around 30 pounds in a month and a half.

diet lasted three days, off days was required to exercise and eat under 1,000 calories, all while being under sixteen years old.

i still gag and almost throw up when i even smell grape fruit.

[xinrest]

i wish you had broken me completely

so i would not have to live on

with you in my mind

[dogteethboy]

i feel like less of a person and more of a patch-work amalgamation of trauma

[fossickly]

people who live with their abusers are braver than any US marine

if ur still living with the people who traumatized u and u can't recover please know i love you and you're not alone.

i still depend on my abusers, and it fucking hurts. one day we'll put our plans to escape into action. one day we won't suffer at their hands anymore. 💫

[dogteethboy]

you ruined so much for me. so many memories, so many movies, so many things that should have been happy were *ruined* by you. and you don’t even seem to remember.

[survivor-positivity]

i hope 2020 treats everyone well but it's important to remember not to put too much pressure on a change of year to fix everything- take recovery at your own pace, no matter the time of year