#negative cw

[mentally-ill-loser-rants]

the way I can go from.normal to suicidal is crazy

[radioactive-earthshine]

I think a lot of batfans very much underestimate how dispiriting it is and enraging it is when you are trying to celebrate a non-bat character, theme, or concept only to have a batfan swing in and instead make it about a bat character, theme, or concept.

This isn't something that happens "occasionally" - it is persistent and unrelenting and it makes fans of non-bat characters feel undermined and unheard. So yes, pettiness does come out because we. are. tired.

[sapphicautistic]

as my physical health deteriorates I am feeling more and more impacted by the autism stuff. speculating that running masking.exe is just too energetically expensive and with the brain fog and overall cognitive decline I don't have the RAM for socialskills.zip or many of its contents.

there are a lot of things i appreciate about being autistic but i hate having an invisible wall between me and most other people. it's getting thicker and that feels pretty bad.

it's worsening my social anxiety too which makes me clam up around people I'm not already close with. no idea what to say until long after the awkward convo ends.

i wish it was easier to be autistic. i wish i could easily ask acquaintances to be direct with me (without first laying tons of groundwork to help them see the benefits) and have a baseline trust that when they say they will, they actually will speak up if they want something to be different. and that they'll work on their ability to hear direct requests for something to be different without immediate defensiveness or shame.

i want it to be normal to have direct and honest conversations that involve disagreement or requests to change something without it feeling like an attack to most people (bc that's one big reason ppl DON'T speak directly. they think it would be mean!!)

i wish i could tell people there's no secret hidden meaning to what I'm saying and be believed.

i wish a flat affect wasn't considered rbf and that I could just tell people with words how I actually feel and be believed.

i wish all of this was just like fine and an accepted way to be and not off-putting to a vast majority of people!

[wolfpackmuses]

Can I be genuinely honest with y'all for a moment? I legitimately have no clue how some of y'all do this every day. I know the entire roleplay community as a whole is just a hobby, however, having a full-time job now does not help me understand how y'all can do this consistently, day after day, without being burnt out after a few years.

I started doing any sort of roleplay in general back in 2012. Which is maybe not as long as some of y'all, but like... I have sometimes considered just straight-up deactivating and leaving the RPC on Tumblr for good. This isn't to say I haven't had a great experience or met some great people, but again...

I'm just tired. I enjoy doing roleplay and interacting with y'all, and yet at the same time, I haven't actually been active or consistent for more than four months since 2022 (maybe a bit later). I guess it's just that I seem to have wild swings of doing something for three months, being addicted to that thing, then dropping it cold turkey and not even looking at it for multiple months. I'm sure there is a psychological reason behind it, maybe I have something and was never diagnosed, I dunno.

Again, I don't want to leave the RPC, I don't want to deactivate or anything. But I just can't help but wonder sometimes if that would be better for me? Because, in a way? I feel like I'm just wasting y'all's time by only interacting and being here for a month before I vanish for four months or more. I've left so many good threads out to dry because I just can't seem to do this as often as so many others.

I dunno. This was mostly just a rant more than anything, and I'm sure some of y'all will understand me.

[starpotentia1]

i'm sure this is just my brain being mean, but lately i'm just feeling a little ... idk. sort of like a spare part & like i'm bothering people. so if i'm quiet ooc / on the dash for a while, that's why, and hopefully i'll be back to our regularly scheduled nonsense soon.

[the-blonde-justice]

OOC: My Mental State

im typing this witu shaky unstable hands so Sorry if this doesj’t kaie any sehse. I’m incredibly sorry for nit beinf as active lately. I’ve been incredibly and increasingly mentally unwehlk as of late. Mainly having to do with ke bexoming mid in a disxord seever wnd having to step away due to the potential stress of law enforcement pissibly being envolged due to a sitaution that several mods and i are invokged in.

This isn’t me saying i’m syeppinf aaway ayain. If anything, im not. I’m craving any sort of reaction, whether it be roleplay related or not. Mainly rolepaky related. I’m just not in a good headspafe and need to he cheered up.

Tjis goes for alo my blogs, and I teaglly hate to ask hur— please share this around. please interact wity me. Please send in asks. I desperately need it rigut now

[alecxcxoxo]

lol art

Totally look at the neck

[thelasttimeiswear-realmythsmoved]

TLDR version: Being blocked in the RPC is never fun & sends me spiraling, but I need to work on that. I'm going to try my hardest to do so, so that I can have better mental health and more fun on this blog of mine. <3

I hate seeing that someone's blocked me when we had threads. Obviously, I'm fine with people curating their space. If someone doesn't want to RP with me anymore, okay. I just....being blocked always has me feeling weird like...."oops did I do something wrong?" Even though intellectually I know that being blocked on Tumblr is not a serious thing or anything I need to worry about. Especially since people on here tend to block just to break mutuals which...is fine. Still, I always have this feeling of "oops I must've done something wrong and this person now hates me and I suck aaaaaaah" which obviously isn't healthy. But that's a whole other non-RP related problem. heheh.

Obviously, it is not the fault of anyone in the RPC that I'm feeling negative like this. That's something I have to work on. And I'm going to try my hardest. I need to rewire my brain so that being blocked no longer makes me feel like I'm somehow a terrible person/RPer. The best way that I can think of to do this, is something I've already been trying to do which is define myself less by the number of followers/RP partners I have. Because perhaps then, when I lose one it won't send me into a spiral like this. Also, if anyone has any other ideas, feel free to let me know. I'm happy to take suggestions.

I genuinely don't feel like this on my personal blog either. For some reason, when I get blocked on there I'm just like "okay." But in the RPC, it feels more dangerous/more intrinsically tied to my worth, as dramatic as that might sound. Hence the spiraling. However, I am going to try my hardest not to do this anymore. Because it's not good for my mental health or for me having fun on this blog. <3