i am struggling with identity and memory, trying to figure out who and what i am; this blog is like a public journal where i don’t need to mask or fear.
i may post journal entries or excerpts, poetry, pictures, drawings, and i’ve thought about covering some music and posting that as well. only time will tell.
i am trying to get back into my creativity by posting on a public blog. perhaps this will go no where, or maybe it will. that is your decision, dear reader.
i will generally be sfw, but in the occasion i post something 16 or 18+, i will moderate my content.
about me
i originate in northern appalachia, and absolutely love the mountains and forests and nature in general. i’d love to explore west and maybe live in washington for a while.
i love the rain, especially early summer thunderstorms; they’re my absolute favorite. i feel most connected with the divine and unknown when i’m in nature (and listening to ethel cain).
i am struggling with my mental health, as mentioned previously, and i am trying to sort out my brain. i used to draw and write and read, but its been hard finding the motivation and joy in those hobbies.
i’ve always had an interest in music, so perhaps i’ll venture into that curiosity and do some covers of songs and post them here or on youtube.
other media
i am also on pinterest and youtube, but i am yet to really post anything. i plan to…eventually.
youtube: domesticatedcryptid555 ("hazielle")
pinterest: snowcovered_roadkill (“hazielle”)
dni
as i mentioned before, i am generally sfw and will moderate if i am not. even when i am sfw, minors, you may follow and like and reblog and all that, but please do not reach out.
for those who are 18+, please do not reach out unless you have questions about what i post. i will not answer any questions about my personal life or try to be friends. i am not here to make friends, i am here to cope and attempt to create something.
for those who are only looking to cause harm (verbally or physically,) do not interact with my page or other socials. you will be blocked.
if you do anything rude, offensive, gross, etc, you will be blocked.
“i want nothing more than to rip my teeth into warm flesh and feel a high so damning, so deviant, god will realize he didn’t make man, he made another animal, conscious and sentient and hungry.”
for the longest time i thought i would find my passion and carry on with my life doing that passion.
i would find a loving husband who would support and love me unconditionally, encourage me to do anything and everything, allow me to be free.
i would be a teacher, guiding children and showing them the wonders of reading and writing and creating.
i would raise my own children, being there when they spoke their first word or took their first steps. cleaning up their messes and crying tears of fulfillment when i hear their sweet, pure laugh.
i would grow up with my children, watching them age as i age with my husband. i would support my children in their hobbies and activities, teach them to be confident in themselves and not let others beat them down.
i would attend their graduation and weddings, cry more tears of fulfillment with each milestone.
but i also want to create, not only life, but art.
sure i carry life in my womb, but my hands ache to create.
i want to dig my fingers into clay and sculpt my muse, getting every detail painfully right i imbued a piece of a soul into it.
i want to drag paint across a canvas, portraying the greatness of the earth and cosmos, how wonderfully small in comparison to it all.
i feel stuck in place. i have so many ideas and aspirations but i can’t find the motivation and will to achieve it.
what is wrong with me?
why can’t i get out of bed until 2pm and fall asleep until 2am?
am i even supposed to be a human?
what kind of person am i, if i can even be called that?
