Stormborn Babe

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[dorothyoftoto]

I don’t know you...

I gently push the door in. My step is soft, the layer of dust on the floor swallows all the noise. Footsteps leading forward and there, there’s a mark of a pirouette under the dome of your asleep soul. Moonlight breaks through the dome’s stained glass, paint me blue and golden, like the night sky of your dreams. My heart pulses, creating disturbance in the dust of years around the place, stirring up memories from the corner, and each speck carries you within. This one’s witty. That one is humble. A taste of fright. A pinch of bravery. A sense of purpose. A touch of foolishness. You yourself are an entire universe.

Flashbacks of a girl you kissed first, the first time being cross, the shade of light on your cheeks, relieved when you knew at last it’s all gonna be okay when she clung onto you like a promise of never letting you go.

Yet she did. I watch your heart shatter. The shadow shifting over your face permanently. What a ghostly scene as it replays on the edge of your subconscious, miles deep down in this dream. Unsettled and lost you raise your gaze at me, a familiar sensation crawls over you. Almost like a deja vu. I stand still, smile. Crystal blue dahlia dressed in golden lace and starry eyes observing you patiently. Your eyes close and your mouth give shape to a silent prayer.

I kiss you softly, carefully. Feeling your chest expand as you breathe in, reducing the distance between us. I inhale you. Fill your lungs with fantasies of summer sunset kisses that taste like strawberry champagne. Hiding under the same blanket on a snowy winter afternoon by the fireplace sipping on Irish hot cocoa. Photographs of you and me dancing in a swirl of petal shower late spring. And the ever-changing shades of colours of my love I feel for you just like autumn leaves bathing in September rain.

I don’t know you, but all I know is that I want to. The second you bump into me by the door of the little English Café by the main road, flashbacks roam through my veins and take my breath away for a split second.

All I know is, that I want to.

[dorothyoftoto]

Selflessness is letting him go and encouraging him to get on with his life even if he is the only one keeping you sane.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

And tell me, how much courage does it take to let someone down slowly while erasing the contours of the two of you without them ever noticing it?

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

Sometimes you choose to let people go. Not because you want to but because they need to be set free even if they don’t know it yet.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

One day you will forgive me. But it won’t matter because I won’t want your forgiveness anymore. I was yours to keep but you have lost me and I have found myself, and that’s how our story ends.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

As I laid there listening him slide from this land to his imaginary, I have been shamelessly thinking about you. His breath slowly regulated as he fallen asleep, feeling safe enough with me to do so. But in a parallel world my pulse was shaking the ground and everything was spinning out of control. He wasn’t you, and I couldn’t t help but feel guilt resonating within. Although you never quiet been brave enough to call me yours, but I knew from just the way you looked at me how dear I am to you. You have been scared to fit me into your fragile little world, afraid I might just disappear into thin air. Easy come, easy go. And now I am looking in the mirror, wondering where did I loose myself. It is remarkable how doubt and destruction - like kisses exchanged in the sand - can be also passed on to one another. It is one of a kind catastrophe when you are breathing so peacefully, yet deep down falling into pieces.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

You showcased yourself as ordinary.

But you were a force of nature, darling.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

It’s a curse really, that I know you like no one else does, but I cannot know you the way everyone else does.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

You know you will never know all the damage you have caused within me. And I made peace with that. Because he came around so quietly, so gently. My river, my everything. Entered into my cracks and filled me in with emotions I thought are gone for good. I have dissolved into him. And I am never looking back again. Farewell.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

Experience

Chase me through these old woods, darling. I will make you feel the cool drops of the morning dew as we rush through the forest, barefoot. What a raw sensation of living and experiencing. And you know you never felt so alive before, when your lungs burn the air through so quickly that you breathe in. The kiss of the dawn-sun as it breaks through the branches, the shadows of the leaves framing your sweet face as the warm breath of wind fondles your cheeks and leaves you with a smile.

And I am mesmerised. Quietly filming this moment in my mind, scared to make a move. Watching the sunlight born in your eyes each time you blink is all the magic they whisper about in those dirty city alleys.

So tell me darling, do you hear the drums over those mountains? It echoes like hoofs on the ground, urging and calling. Hurry, hurry little ones! So I lead you to this meadow, hand in hand. Crickets chirp all around performing their last concert until later tonight. I lift my hands above my head and shut my eyes as I turn my cheeks towards the sky and start dancing for the song of the blackbirds. And I feel so high. Drunken on the crisp morning air I spin and spin. Spinning around until I feel your arms around my hips gently slowing me down all the way until I stop. And the second I open my eyes and you gaze into me, you know I am the drum. The heart within this flesh, the one that beats for you. And you are home.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

Phoenix

Since you left with each day passing I feel a little less alive. Like a moment frozen in time forever. This old clock on the wall with its battery nearly running out, yet still trying to force itself to make the next move. It only wiggles, doubtfully observing the future as if one step further would unleash something wicked.

My lungs never fill up with air fully anymore. Thunderstruck. Between these lavender-scented sheets I remain forever restless. I am in this constant stage of steady, waiting for a sign: a gunshot into the air, a wave of a flag... or maybe it is just you these hazel eyes seek.

Only a touch of you could breathe me back to life. You could colour the veins in my arms green, the red of my lips like tulips in springtime. You would paint a phoenix in flames across my heart too. And I would wear it proudly, making everyone see that I eternally belong to you.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

Truly

I rember how we talked whole night.

The smile you have given me.

How my cheeks hurt afterwards.

The three tiny words lingering in the air.

But remained hidden, safe in your pocket.

Instead you let me read your mind.

And the whole thing was so damn intimate.

So where are you now?

I wish you dropped this cloaking spell.

I am not going anywhere.

I am here to stay.

I am yours.

Indestructible.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

But no matter how many times I have detached myself from you and cut you off with my harsh words, deep down I have never given up on you and I don’t think I will ever be able to.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

Have you ever been so hungry for love it keeps you awake...?

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

I don’t know what have I done wrong but I am sorry.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

I am the sand between your fingers. The more you try to hold onto me the more you loose of me.

| - Dorothy of Toto

[dorothyoftoto]

A poem is a conversation with self. But in my head all my words are directed to you, forever unspoken.

| - Dorothy of Toto