I do doubt that my fanfic, Left of the road comic memes, and various injuries and useless celebrity sitings will be worth the bandwidth. But at least I won't have to get addicted to Farmville too
absolutely hate it when the pleasurable activity procrastination hits. i’m going to do something fun that brings me joy but not yet. yeah, not yet. not yet. maybe i shouldn’t do it at all, it’s not that fun
Pov you walk into a pitch black room and you see two creepy glowing android eyes, two flashing red lights, and the fucked up thing cats' eyes do in the dark
Further hc that Data can't actually see in the dark either.
He's just never thought to mention this because he has a photographic memory and direct neural access to all of the Enterprise's schematics, and therefore doesn't actually need sight to know where everything is.
Ok but imagine the Enterprise goes to help people on this planet where everyone lives underground in the dark because of radiation or something. Like it's bad enough that hundreds of generations have lived underground and, over the course of time, have adapted to the darkness so well that light sources actually hurt them. So Picard has to figure out how to help them without sending people in with lights.
And the obvious answer is to send Geordi down, but the settlements are so far down the communicators cut out and Picard isn't sending anyone into that alone.
"Data and I should be able to handle it," Geordi says. "Neither of us need light to see and Engineering can manage fine without us for a few hours."
Picard nods and is on the verge of sanctioning the mission with his trademark, "Make it so," when Data speaks up.
"Actually, my visual sensors are designed to be as much like the human eye as possible," he says. "They only process information transmitted by the reflection of light off physical surfaces. My ability to function onboard Enterprise in unlit spaces is due to my memorization of both the ship's schematics and the design preferences of those whose quarters I visit regularly."
Behind his visor, unbeknownst to the rest of the crew, Geordi blinks as he tries to process this new information. He's almost about to apologize to Picard and Data for the assumption when Data continues.
"However, I would be able to integrate the information from our tricorder scans to navigate without much difficulty. I could accompany Geordi to the settlement and provide some level of assistance."
Picard looks a bit confused at the correction, but nods. "Make it so."
Later, when they've beamed down into the caverns, Geordi asks why Data never mentioned that he couldn't actually see in the dark. He would've turned the lights on if he'd known.
"I did not need it," Data answers simply, as if that was explanation enough.
"Data, most people like the lights to be on, even if they don't need it," Geordi points out. "It's a comfort thing. And polite, too, I guess."
Data pauses, processing. "I was not uncomfortable, nor did I find the lack of light to be rude. I enjoy our conversations in the dark."
"Huh." Geordi stops, watching as Data continues down the tunnel a bit further. "But you keep your quarters dark sometimes, too."
"Spot is nocturnal," Data explains. "I have read that it is important for cats to maintain a sense of routine, including a regular day and night cycle."
Pov you walk into a pitch black room and you see two creepy glowing android eyes, two flashing red lights, and the fucked up thing cats' eyes do in the dark
Further hc that Data can't actually see in the dark either.
He's just never thought to mention this because he has a photographic memory and direct neural access to all of the Enterprise's schematics, and therefore doesn't actually need sight to know where everything is.
Ok but imagine the Enterprise goes to help people on this planet where everyone lives underground in the dark because of radiation or something. Like it's bad enough that hundreds of generations have lived underground and, over the course of time, have adapted to the darkness so well that light sources actually hurt them. So Picard has to figure out how to help them without sending people in with lights.
And the obvious answer is to send Geordi down, but the settlements are so far down the communicators cut out and Picard isn't sending anyone into that alone.
"Data and I should be able to handle it," Geordi says. "Neither of us need light to see and Engineering can manage fine without us for a few hours."
Picard nods and is on the verge of sanctioning the mission with his trademark, "Make it so," when Data speaks up.
"Actually, my visual sensors are designed to be as much like the human eye as possible," he says. "They only process information transmitted by the reflection of light off physical surfaces. My ability to function onboard Enterprise in unlit spaces is due to my memorization of both the ship's schematics and the design preferences of those whose quarters I visit regularly."
Behind his visor, unbeknownst to the rest of the crew, Geordi blinks as he tries to process this new information. He's almost about to apologize to Picard and Data for the assumption when Data continues.
"However, I would be able to integrate the information from our tricorder scans to navigate without much difficulty. I could accompany Geordi to the settlement and provide some level of assistance."
Picard looks a bit confused at the correction, but nods. "Make it so."
Later, when they've beamed down into the caverns, Geordi asks why Data never mentioned that he couldn't actually see in the dark. He would've turned the lights on if he'd known.
"I did not need it," Data answers simply, as if that was explanation enough.
"Data, most people like the lights to be on, even if they don't need it," Geordi points out. "It's a comfort thing. And polite, too, I guess."
Data pauses, processing. "I was not uncomfortable, nor did I find the lack of light to be rude. I enjoy our conversations in the dark."
"Huh." Geordi stops, watching as Data continues down the tunnel a bit further. "But you keep your quarters dark sometimes, too."
"Spot is nocturnal," Data explains. "I have read that it is important for cats to maintain a sense of routine, including a regular day and night cycle."
I just. I just… i have discovered something. And I have laughed too much. I have laughed every time I have tried to explain it to someone. I cannot get through this.
Look. Okay.
There are two things you need to know, here.
First: There’s a style of Greek pottery that was popular during the Hellenic period, for which most of the surviving examples are from southern Italy. We call them ‘fish plates’ because, well, they’re plates, and they’re decorated with fish (and other marine life).
Like this one, currently in the Met:
Or this one, currently in the Cleveland Museum of Art:
They’re very cool. We’re not 100% sure what they were for, because most of the surviving ones were found as grave goods, but that’s a different post.
The second thing you need to know is that when we (Classics/archaeology/whatever as a discipline) have a collection of artefacts, like vases, sculptures, paintings, etc. and we do not know the name of the artist, but we’re pretty sure one artist made X, Y and Z artefacts, we come up with a name for that artist. There are a whole bunch of things that could be the source for the name, e.g. where we found most of their work (The Dipylon Master) or the potter with whom they worked (the Amasis Painter), a favourite theme (The Athena Painter), the Museum that ended up with the most famous thing they did (The Berlin Painter) or a notable aspect of their style. Like, say, The Eyebrow Painter.
Guess what kind of pottery the Eyebrow Painter made?
On the second watch through I am even more appreciative of the "compare and contrast" between Muriel's utterly transparent first attempt to blend in on earth, Aziraphale sitting there valiantly trying to keep a straight face
And showing us very shortly after that how much of the same excitement and naivety is still present in Aziraphale's "I'm a newspaperman!" act.
did I ever tell you bout the time I made a dude rage quit in a /k/ star wars thread?
some dude made one of those “WHO WOULD WIN?” generals, and it was 5 Panzer Tanks vs an AT-AT and one dude kept sayin the obvious AT-AT but most of us are SW fans so we were all “nah, the shields only protect from blaster fire” but this dude INSISTED “ACKSHUALLY, ITS SUPER CARBO-STEEL, IT SAYS HERE ON THE STAR WARS WIKI, ITS SUPER STONG DURRRR” and I fuckin blew his ass out with one simple image…
and then he said “The films arent canon” and everyone in the thread immediately shit on him til he stopped posting
THE FILMS. AREN’T. CANON.
The films - the entire reason Star Wars exists at all as a massive franchise, the entire basis for all other pieces of lore… are not canon.
STAR WARS - of which the majority of people have ONLY watched the movies (more have probably seen the shows nowadays, but still) - of which was the ONLY real lore, be it how Disney rendered various pieces of media non-canon or because nobody wanted to read 100 books to try to catch up all the stuff… THOSE are not canon.
What. The. Fuck. What the fuck was canon in this dude’s head? The WIKI? The wiki that specifically mentions the movies? That has all the characters that people give a shit about? The ones that people will get into MASSIVE ARGUMENTS with you out of nowhere because of how they feel the movies handled certain things and plot points and character actions… THOSE are not canon.
What is in this person’s head? What is their logic? Like, I understand not LIKING certain movies - after all, before the prequels and sequels, Return of the Jedi was considered the worst of the trilogy partially BECAUSE a bunch of teddy bears were able to overpower the Empire… but nobody declared them NOT CANON.
I know I shouldn’t be going off on this but it’s so bafflingly stupid, so incompetent and nerd-snooty hipstery dumbass that I cannot fathom anyone actually saying or believing it.
The thing about romance is, it makes a good story.
As soon as Neil described season 2 as "quiet, gentle, romantic" I figured we'd be in for it, because as he's the first to point out, writers are liars. And the best way to decieve is with truth.
Season 2 is romantic. The trappings of romance are everywhere. Crowley tries to set up Nina and Maggie by trapping them under an awning during a rainstorm, a classic cinematic bonding technique. Aziraphale's chosen method comes from his beloved books: the ball, the dancing, appearing as a pair in public, hands held as you twirl gracefully with your heart thrilled and racing. If they can set up a sensational kiss that will unlock the happy ever after. They've lived on earth, they've studied the tropes, they know how romance works.
The problem is a story is only a story.
Nina and Maggie had the classic romantic setup completely by accident before Aziraphale and Crowley ever began trying to interfere with them. They get locked in Nina's coffeeshop. They can't escape or communicate with anyone else, they end up talking by candlelight because there's no electricity, Nina offers wine. Maggie mentions how she'd hoped for a chance to talk to Nina, and now here they are. It's every bit as much a standard as what Aziraphale and Crowley attempt to arrange. Blanket scenarios galore exist because of that starting point. We love that story. And there's nothing wrong with that!
But it's still only a story, it's not enough. Because once that moment of connection is over, however lovely it was, all the rest of the world comes flooding back in in the form of dozens of angry text messages. Nina's messy entrapping relationship hasn't magically gone away just because she and Maggie shared a romantic encounter.
And it's so tempting think oh well, that's easy. We'll just give them more romantic encounters and eventually those will overhwelm the rest of the baggage. Must do, because it'll make them fall in love, and once they realize they're in love that trumps all other considerations, right? So it'll be fine. Love Conquers All.
Neil also mentioned Pride and Prejudice.
Darcy knows he's in love early on and makes a disasterous proposal that shows that he has no understanding of Elizabeth's perspective, possibly hasn't even thought about it. They've been meeting in forest lanes for walks, conversing, had tete-a-tetes in the sitting room, danced at a ball. And while his turn of phrase isn't as flattering as he thinks, he's still offering her everything he thinks she wants and needs: affection, security, his good name, wealth, an escape from the embarrassments of her situation, the world. How can there be anything to object to? Why would anyone ever refuse so much of value?
Elizabeth quite rightly cuts him to pieces. He lashes back with a few hard truths of his own and they separate. During that separation, he thinks and he learns. He takes to heart the criticisms she offered, re-examines his assumptions, opens his eyes. Thinks about her perspective and how sometimes the only difference between pride and arrogance is where you're standing. He does the work. When they meet again he tries to demonstrate that he's learned--not in order to court her again (yet), but because the only real apology he can offer, the only one that would have weight, is to show that he's grown, he listened to her. He changed.
Elizabeth of course has her own journey, accepting that many of her own conclusions about Darcy were erroneous because they were formed without her having the full picture to hand, and once she's done that she has to apply it to her own situation as well. She loves her family, but they do place her at a disadvantage on a number of levels, leading eventually to full-out disaster as her younger sister carelessly ruins all of their reputations. It's hard to admit, it's mortifying, but Darcy was offering her a great deal she needs. His offer did have worth for all that she dismissed it as an insult. And as she learns to value his own character more highly, and then as she sees that he did listen to her even though she insulted him so thoroughly...well, she grows too. And when they do eventually come together it's not because of courting and balls. There's a big romantic gesture in his rescue of her sister but even that isn't why they'll get their happy ever after. It was just the catalyst for the conversation. They win because they've learned how to understand each other and how to communicate for the future. How they can strengthen and support each other, how to balance their strengths and weaknesses. The films leave them at the wedding, but the book shows a bit of their marriage too, and during it they keep learning from each other. Their relationship is held up as a superior love story for good reasons.
The end of season one was romantic too. Crowley stopped time rather than face a world where Aziraphale would never speak to him again, Aziraphale walked into hell to protect Crowley, they dined at the Ritz and toasted the world. But then they stopped. Sure they spent time together, talked, enjoyed each other's company. But if they were talking about important things would Crowley still be living in his car? They had a bit of respite but all that real world baggage that exists outside of the romantic moment hasn't been faced, none of it. Four or five years sounds like a long while but for beings who are quite literally older than the earth? That's just an intermission.
Nina's relationship ends, leaving her with a tangled mess; Maggie realises the sweet dream of love she's been longing for isn't as important as the real Nina. They talk. They plan. Nina will sort through her life, get closure, figure out what went wrong with Lindsay and what she wants from a relationship, learn how to ask for respect instead of just bending under her partner's demands. Maggie will support Nina the way Nina needs, which sometimes means helping her get oat milk for the shop and sometimes means giving her processing space. They're on the same page; they're going to do the work. That's why most likely they'll succeed. To quote one of my favourite fanfics: it's not happily ever after, but it's a chance. It's all going to be okay. (The Profane Comedy by Mussimm, who absolutely nailed this theme)
The romance is nice, it's lovely. We need it to keep ourselves going. To give ourselves the dreams that help us get through the days and nights. But it's not the relationship. It's not enough on its own. The wedding can be the grandest most beautiful ceremony ever with doves flying and sweeping music and bells ringing, but that doesn't guarantee the marriage will last.
Crowley and Aziraphale have had their romantic gestures, oodles of them. One wing raised to protect the other from falling stars, another to from rain. Shared ground, shared interests, hands offered in friendship and held on a bus. They've tried to get to the same page, they really have. They just aren't there yet. The biggest most important things still haven't been talked about, and season 2 showed there are even more of those big important things than we'd realised.
The show paints Maggie as Aziraphale's foil and Nina as Crowley's, even to the point of Nina casually calling Maggie 'angel'. But Aziraphale's baggage is Nina's. The toxic relationship has to be processed and understood and closed, and it hasn't been, despite season one. Lindsey never really liked Nina very much, for all that she tried to keep her trapped; Heaven never really liked Aziraphale very much for all that he believed in it. They both let themselves be used. But Lindsay left Nina and went to her sister's, whereas now the head of Heaven has reached out to Aziraphale and said here, we can fix this, you can fix this, don't you want to fix this? Others are already writing about that and maybe I'll add to it later, not sure. And Crowley, like Maggie, has had a sweet dream that he has to set aside. Maybe he'll be able to pick it up again eventually, maybe not. But sometimes you offer support by buying oat milk or rescuing your beloved from the legions of hell, and sometimes you do it by standing back while they sort through their shit.
Quiet, gentle, romantic. It was.
But that's only part of the story. Now they have to do the work. They thought they had, but they were wrong, because there's so much they just hadn't touched yet and tried to cover over with relief and sleight of hand and alcohol and forgiveness. The apology dance doesn't mean much without showing that you listened and learned. They've faced so much trauma already and that should have been enough, we wanted it to be enough and so did they and it's such a blow for it to turn out that there's still more to do, that the baggage hasn't just gone away and can't be hidden under blankets or soothed with cocoa. The texts are still coming in and demanding answers.
But it'll be okay. It will. It's still a chance. And one that in the long run makes them better, builds something real that lasts.
The best stories, the ones that last longest and become classics, are the ones that don't end with the kiss under the awning or the blanket scenario or the wedding. They're the ones that heal us while the characters heal themselves. It's hard to accept that there's still more to do. Harder to imagine how it can possibly work out. And yes, bloody frustrating to wait and see.
And we'll get through that interim by telling even more stories. Because the story is never just a story. It's how we get through the work, it's what we tell ourselves so we can do the damn work. Stories are what we cling to and how we remind ourselves we're human and connect. A book is a person you can carry with you. We're not alone, none of us, stories connect us because we love them and see ourselves in them, which means we see each other.
Aziraphale's back up in Heaven to deal with his unfinished baggage; Crowley left his behind long ago and it's clearly going to come back and bite him in the arse however much he tries to go his own way. And they can't help each other with that. Not yet.
The thing is, I don't think Aziraphale thinks of it as changing Crowley at all. To him, Pre-Fall Crowley and Demon Crowley are the same person, kind and fun and sweet and cool and equally beloved. So to him, there should be no difference whether Crowley is here on Earth or up in Heaven with him, he'll still just be Crowley, and at least this way they would be safe and protected.
All the while Crowley sees it as Aziraphale's long-term love and acceptance being conditional (like God's that was already ripped away), that Aziraphale has just been slumming it with him being a demon bc there wasn't anything they could do about it, and that he's jumping at the chance to fundamentally change Crowley the first chance he gets.
gummygunk
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2087
dededos
