Untitled

[eldengourd]

It's that time of year again. My good friend Jonathan Harker is on his annual business trip to Castle Dracula.

[hickeywiththegoodhair]

“why are you, as someone in their 30s, still on tumblr” oh so you think you’re gonna be normal when you’re my age? you think you’re gonna be CURED?? you think the witches’ curse will have been lifted by then?? cmon now

[common--loon]

(removes the heating pad from my lower back) also baby this is my house???

[starlight-shadowbanned]

how old are you

under 30

30+

Voting ended onMay 12

[yorgen-sh]

[underwaterfraulein]

[sophia-helix]

listen fandom I need “breeding season intern” to become a thing immediately

[starwarsgenerator]

you are not immune to the gungans

[kosmogrl]

[gay-hrithik-roshan]

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

shoutout to my brother for setting me up for this

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

guys if you keep reblogging this i’m gonna have to tell him it blew up on tumblr and my credibility from this comeback will instantly plummet

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

oh no this is still getting notes

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

this broke 10,000 notes so

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

results are in. no I can’t tell him about this I can’t do it

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

I’ve made a mistake

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

OKAY

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

well he believes me now!

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

ABORT ABORT ABORT

[theaudacityofswope]

[funny-pictures-uk-deactivated20]

“Would consider going back”

[knitmeapony]

tag from itoldmanymanypeople: in yelp reviews as in all things eliot spencer is tough but fair

I NOW WANT A SET OF YELP REVIEWS FROM ELIOT

“Floor to ceiling windows give an open ambiance but very little cover from sniper fire. Creative appetizers and a limited but well selected wine list. Excellent prices. Four stars.”

“Production values at this theater are very high and the classic 1950s construction makes it very easy to contain hand to hand combat in a hallway.  They give back to the community and host amateur theater productions all winter long.  Five stars.”

“Unflappable staff members are friendly and ready with a book suggestion or a pressure bandage, even right before closing.  Free coffee is a nice touch.  Sorry about the armchair.  Four stars.”

[smokeandsong]

#i am WEEPING at the COMPLETE ACCURACY of this post #eliot ‘if i’m not honest with you you can’t improve’ spencer #always seeking out teachable moments #a true believer in honest feedback #and real constructive criticism #i bet eliot is that person who actually fills out the comment cards in hotels #like in between accidentally trashing them during a fight and fleeing the scene #i bet there is at least one barista in the town of portland who has gone home and been like ‘so my day was weird #this hot guy with huge arms came in and ordered an americano and then brought it back #and insisted on coming behind the counter and showing me what he said was a better way to pull espresso shots #he told me he learned how to do it while waiting out an assassination attempt in italy?! #then he jumped over the counter and walked off yelling DAMN IT at his friend it was v strange’ #eliot spencer stops fights in the street and teaches both sides of the tussle how to better utilize their strengths #eliot spencer always logs online and fills out the customer surveys when the bottom of a receipt requests it #in that episode where hardison runs the con and gives them all an evaluation sheet #eliot hands it in covered in writing front and back and only 15% of it is bitchiness intended to rile hardison up #(it would have been 10% but hardison came over and started bugging him while he was finishing it) #ONCE A YEAR ELIOT SPENCER SITS DOWN AND WRITES A COMPREHENSIVE LETTER TO HIS CONGRESSMAN #a terror in the streets a sub in the sheets and TRULY HOPING TO HELP YOU DO YOUR VERY BEST the rest of the time (gyzym)

[yuri-puppies]

it’s been about a year since this post and i’m still not over the genius of #a terror in the streets a sub in the sheets and TRULY HOPING TO HELP YOU DO YOUR VERY BEST the rest of the time

[nuffnotsaid]

World's most dysfunctional polycule

[haruki-stars]

them

[vedajuno]

the “morbin time” tweet gets its dues for tricking Sony into making a movie bomb twice but we don’t talk about how there is a billion dollar cost franchise of films in theaters right now that only exists because James Cameron saw this tweet and got really really mad

[ssavaart]

Ooh. This is SO GEN X.... hopefully some of you younger ones will get it too.

[honeysucklepink]

I can't believe they left out the most important one...

Things We're Never Gonna Do:

[butterfly-sapphic]

[unclefather]

[superepicchan]

[javascript-official]

I am sorry I am not very good with bussiness, is it good when the market looks like this.

[javascript-official]

you people have one joke

[thepoisonroom]

loudly going "YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE GOOD" to myself to ward off the memory of every embarrassing thing i've ever done

[elmerseason-deactivated-deactiv]

[0gl1tch0]

I actually learned a fun therapy trick for this!

The statute of limitations on arson is 6 years.

So whenever I remember an embarrassing or shameful thing I’ve done, I ask myself if it was worse than arson. If it wasn’t, and it was 6 or more years ago, I forgive myself.

Also just the comedic shock of going “well, that was a stupid and mean thing I said, but 6 years is the statute of limitations on arson” helps.

[paxdemon]

Niina Petrõkina skates to Cell Block Tango featuring victims Ilia Malinin, Junhwan Cha and Tim Dieck.

[skarabrae-stone]

[magiclilybean]

I think this might be the most beautiful meme I've ever seen. I just spent five minutes extolling all its virtues to my husband:

It doesn't even mention Julius Caesar or the Ides of March.

It's from a very different segment of the play

It's not even the famous part of that segment that everyone knows by heart

The "I'm just sayin'" attitude of all the Seinfeldians in the screenshot (although if memory serves, what they're actually saying is, "not that there's anything wrong with that")

It just comes at the whole situation in such an oblique fashion

I don't think I've ever seen an Ides of March meme do anything like this before

I love it and I love you for bringing it to me.

[catasters]

[catsithkelpie]

I cannot describe how much I laughed at this.

Sound is VERY important.