Extrasexual or Supersexual Pride Post
As a person who has always had an unusual interest in sex and sexuality, and a high sex drive to match…I’ve often felt othered by my peers and culturally pressured to suppress that aspect of myself.
In fact, the stigmatization is so bad it took me almost 30 years to notice that all the words we have to talk about highly sexual people are exclusively for disordered sexuality. This led me to work on creating an identity and flag for people like me, who are highly sexual, but not in a way that negatively impacts life.
Flag Meaning
Green represents consent, communication and respect. It takes up the most space, and is in the center because consent is the foundation of healthy sexuality.
Purple represents sensuality, intimacy and vulnerability
Warm pink represents raw sexual power, and carnality
Black represents support for safe, sane kink exploration
FAQ
What is extrasexual and what is supersexual?
The terms can be used interchangeably. A supersexual or extrasexual person is someone who is highly sexual, but not in a way that is causing them distress or damaging their life. This is contrasted with hypersexuality, which is a term meant for people who have a disordered relationship with their high sex drive. It may be easiest to think of extrasexuality and supersexuality as the opposite of asexuality.
Isn’t that just ‘horny’?
While it’s true that extrasexual and supersexual people are often horny, the word horny is not an identity, it’s a feeling. As such, people of all identities, (even some ace people) can feel horny. Extrasexuality and supersexuality are terms exclusively for people with a much higher than average sex drive or interest in sex/sexuality.
Why do these identities need to exist?
First, to combat stigma. The stigmatization of sex and the people who are passionate about sex in our culture is often so pervasive that it’s invisible. It’s easier to bring attention and respect to these issues if we have terms that people can take seriously.
Second, to create community. It’s useful to have terms and a flag to rally under, so people who have suffered in similar ways can connect and offer each other the kind of support you can only get from people who understand your experience directly.
Are extrasexual and supersexual 'queer’? Are we doing LGBTQIAES+ now???
No. Though many queer people are also extrasexual/supersexual, having a high sex drive alone is not enough to warrant inclusion under those labels. While extrasexual and supersexual people experience stigma and shame for who they are, that shame is not rooted in homophobia. The communities can support one another effectively as allies.
What ways are extrasexual/supersexual people stigmatized?
To begin with, many of the world’s largest religions mandate modesty, chastity and sexual purity. Women in particular are considered heathens or sinners for engaging in perfectly consensually and safe sex, especially outside of marriage. All throughout human history women have been stoned to death, burned alive and otherwise killed in the name of sexual purity. Even today, many women feel extreme shame about their own bodies, and guilt for enjoying sex.
Men are often expected to be extrasexual, even when they are not. They’re pressure to pursue sex in unhealthy and coersive ways in order to establish social standing. As a result, men who are extrasexual may be rewarded if they are considered conventionally attractive and socially intelligent in their social circles. For extrasexual men who are not considered conventionally attractive, or live with nuerodivergency like autism however, are likely to be considered inherently predatory if they even mention sex.
Sexuality has also been legally controlled in a myriad of ways, from the criminalization of sex work, to decency laws controlling what types of bodies can even appear in porn.
Aren’t overly sexual people dangerous?
Anyone, regardless of their personal relationship with sex can violate consent. Consent is especially important when it comes to the topic of sex and sexuality because bodies are highly personal to us. While sex has the potential to be a very intimate and bonding experience, it’s that same vulnerability that can create risk. Many people have had experiences where their bodies were not respected, and as a result have been hurt or now live with trauma. Being extrasexual/supersexual is NEVER an excuse not to respect consent. That’s why the color green, representing consent, is in the center of the extrasexual/supersexual pride flag, and also takes up the most space. It’s the absolute foundation of a strong community that prioritizes reducing harm.
Sadly, it’s the stigmatization of sex that has led people to feel afraid to have the open dialogues that are required for creating a strong consent culture. It’s led people to feel ashamed to seek help when something has happened to them. https://www.consent.academy/book.html is an invaluable resource on how we can work together to build a consent culture that works for everyone, supersexual/extrasexual or otherwise.
