Musings

[cassolotl]

I’m auctioning a shawl I made, with profits going to the Transgender Law Center

[ Link to Ravelry Project Page / Link to Twitter Auction Thread ]

WHAT’S GOING ON

The situation for trans people in the US is looking rough right now, and I recently made this shawl and knew that I’d probably auction it off for charity sometime soon, so all profits from the sale of this shawl will go to the Transgender Law Center.

HOW DOES THIS WORK?

I’ll periodically update the Twitter auction thread and Mastodon auction thread with the current highest bids. You can place a bid by DMing me here, or replying to the thread on Twitter or Mastodon, or DMing me on Twitter or Mastodon.

At noon UK time on Sunday 28th October 2018, whoever’s placed the highest bid wins and will pay me by PayPal. Postage worldwide is included.

WHAT’S IN THE SHAWL?

It’s 55% wool and 45% cotton. Allergy-wise, I don’t smoke but please do be aware that I have a cat.

HOW CAN I HELP?

You can share this post on Tumblr and elsewhere. You can also retweet the Twitter auction thread and/or the Mastodon auction thread. If you think you might know someone who’d be interested in placing a bid, please do send them the URL somehow!

Thank you! <3

[dededeaaacccctivated]

🍀may giveaway🍀

I‘m giving away a brand new binder ✨✨

One from gc2b.com, where you can choose between every style or colour the website offers and i’ll cover shipping to everywhere.

You get a chance to win by rebloging this post and at the end of the month I will contact the randomly selected winner of the binder :)

You don’t need to follow me or anything, just reblog that I can see that you are interested (only once please, multiple reblogs do not mean multiple entries) 😊

This is only for trans-, nonbinary- and genderfluid people who can’t afford or have no access to a binder. So please no cosplayers.

❤I hope I can help you, and if you have any questions feel free to send me a message ^.^ ❤

[eachdubh]

Disclosing That You're Trans When Dating

I keep coming across people talking about dating as a transgender person, and when/how/whether to disclose. There's this idea that seems to be really prevalent in the online trans community that disclosure is bad. There's this idea that if you disclose and the other person no longer wants to date or have sex with you, they're transphobic. There's this idea that the person you're seeing should just roll with it if the pants come off and they find that you have genitals other than what they were expecting, *especially* if that person identifies as bisexual or pansexual.

Those ideas are very, very toxic.

First, genitals can play a part in sexual attraction. Take me, for example; if you have a vulva (whether you were born with it or had lower surgery) *I don't want to have sex with you!* And that's okay. I'm not sexually attracted to vulvas. If you have a penis and balls, and I am otherwise sexually/romantically attracted to you *I will probably want to have sex with you!* And that's okay, too. I find penises to be sexually attractive. If you have some other genital configuration, we'll have to talk about it. And that discussion is going to happen with our clothes on, before we ever have sex. Because the last thing I want is to feel rejected by my partner when they're surprised by my genitals, or to make them feel rejected when I'm surprised. In general, I tend to think that sex should be talked about before it happens, but that's another talk entirely.

Now, genitals don't play a part in sexual attraction for everyone. Some people are sexually attracted by femininity or masculinity, and genitals play little to no part. Some people are attracted to androgyny, and genitals play no part. And that's okay! But it's also okay for genitals to matter for sexual attraction.

My being sexually attracted or not to your genital configuration is NOT transphobic.

What would be transphobic, you ask? For me to say "I would never date a trans person, because they're [insert insult or slur here]." THAT would be transphobic. But it's perfectly fine to not be sexually attracted to me because of my current or past genital configuration.

Okay, now let's talk about disclosure. I keep seeing people defend not disclosing that you're transgender by saying "but they might attack you!!!" And... Okay, let's say that you're afraid someone is going to violently attack you because they found out that you're trans. My first question is: "why are you even dating this person???" And then I'd ask, "would you rather disclose this to them when you're clothed and able to better defend yourself and/or escape, and in more control of the distance between the two of you? Or do you think it's better to disclose when you're fully or partially naked, and possibly in close proximity to this person you're afraid will attack you?" From a safety perspective, I think it's much safer to disclose BEFORE the clothes even begin to come off.

Also, people say that "nobody should have expectations about genital configuration, and especially if they're bi/pan, it just wouldn't matter." And, okay, but... People do have expectations, built around what's most common. It's most common for a dude to have a penis, and a chick to have a vulva. I'm gonna be honest, even if I were equally sexually attracted to all genital configurations, finding out that the guy I'm seeing has a vulva when we're preparing to get busy would definitely put a halt to sexy time. For a number of reasons. One, I'd be surprised and offended that it didn't come up beforehand, because this would definitely be something I'd want to be prepared for (just like I'd want to talk about kinks, boundaries, etc, rather than having them sprung on me, even if I'm okay with them). Two, I'd want to make sure I knew how to proceed with his genital configuration. Not all trans men like to be played with in the same manner as cis women, and same with trans women and cis men. Some trans people have specific words they use our avoid using during sex. I'd want to discuss that. These are not outrageous or unrealistic expectations to have.

Personally, I disclose early and often. I talk about sex, what is ok, what might be an issue. I will continue to do so after surgery, even if my genitals appear to be cis (which they may, but likely won't). I don't want a partner to go into sex with me not knowing what to expect with regards to my genitals, because, seriously, having sex for the first time with someone new has enough bumps and uncertainties.

I really hate seeing young trans people being counseled not to disclose that they're trans before sex. I hate the fearmongering, the alienation, and the bashing of cis people. The bad, toxic things that are said to support that bad advice.

[writing-prompt-s]

You’re happily going about when you vanish in a cloud of smoke. Suddenly, you’re standing in a ring of candles. A sorcerer holding a tome looks pleased at your arrival. Turns out Earth is Hell, and we’re the demons, and you’ve just been summoned.

[eachdubh]

The sorcerer who summons me is going to be sorely disappointed.

The sorcerer looks smugly at me. "It worked! Now, Demon, you will help me become the most powerful man in the world!"

I begin to laugh hysterically. "Oh- oh, that's- wow! That's hilarious. Don't you know what my talent is??" And I proceed to double up again in laughter, nearly falling to the floor.

He begins to falter, and looks confused. "W-what?"

I slowly bring myself under control, and I wipe tears of laughter from my eyes and straighten. "I-" I chortle, "oh my. Ah, I cause anxiety over practically nothing!" With that I begin to giggle again, soon bubbling over with laughter.

The sorcerer is watching me, clearly getting more nervous the longer I laugh. "I command you to stop!"

Somewhat affronted, I stop laughing and stare at him, now completely silent. This doesn't appear to help his nerves, and he begins to fidget. "Hey now," I caution, "don't you mess this up. I don't want to be loosed on you any more than you want me to be. Just send me back. And... Maybe do your research better next time."

He fidgets some more, and opens his spell book, commanding me to return to my home. The last thing I see is his anxious face. Poor sod. He doesn't know yet that it will never go away.

[dededeaaacccctivated]

🌼 March giveaway 🌼

I‘m giving away a brand new binder ✨✨

One from gc2b.com, there you can choose between every style or colour the website offers and i’ll cover shipping to everywhere.

You get a chance to win by rebloging this post and at the end of the month I will contact the randomly selected winner of the binder :)

You don’t need to follow me or anything, just reblog that I can see that you are interested (only once please, multiple reblogs do not mean multiple entries) 😊

This is only for trans-, nonbinary- and genderfluid people who can’t afford or have no access to a binder. So please no cosplayers.

❤I hope I can help you, and if you have any questions feel free to send me a message ^.^ ❤

[artemis-entreri]

Rations for various RPG Races

[[ Source. Original creator: wats6831. Additional information and images linked under each one. ]]

Universal:

Homemade artisan herb bread, home grown and dried apples and prunes, uncured beef sausage, munster cheese. Made a small bag from cheesecloth and tied it closed.

Discussion thread here.

Dwarf:

Garlic chicken livers, smoked and peppered cheese, spiced pork sausages, hard tack, dried vegetables, dried wild mushrooms.

Discussion thread here.

Elf:

Top left to right: Evereskan Honey Comb, Elven Travel Bread (Amaretto Liquer Cake with custom swirls), Lurien Spring Cheese (goat cheese with garlic, salt, spices and shallots), Delimbyr Vale Smoked Silverfin (Salmon), Honey Spiced Lichen (Kale Chips), and Silverwood Pine Nuts.

Discussion thread here.

Halfling:

From upper left: “Honeytack” Hard tack honey cakes, beef sausage, pork sausage mini links, mini whole wheat toast, cranberry cheddar cheese mini wedge, mini pickles, pumpkin and sunflower seeds, lower right is my homemade “travel cake” muesli with raisins, golden prunes, honey, eggs and cream.

Discussion thread here.

Half-Orc:

Wrapped in cheesecloth and tied in burlap package. Forest strider drumsticks, molasses sweet wheat bread “black strap”, aged Munster, hard boiled eggs, mixed wild nuts.

Discussion thread here.

Orc:

Orcs aren’t known for their great cuisine. Orcs prefer foods that are readily available (whatever can be had by raiding), and portable with little preparation, though they have a few racial delicacies. Toughs strips of lean meat, bones scavenged from recent kills, and dark coarse bread make up the bulk of common orc rations.Fire roasted rothe femur (marrow is a rare treat) [beef femur], Strips of dried meat (of unknown origin) [homemade goose jerky], foraged nuts, only edible by orcs….nut cracker tusks [brazil nuts], coarse black bread, made with whatever grains can be pillaged [black sesame bread], Pungent peppers [Habanero peppers stuffed with smoked fish and olives].

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Gnome:

Pan fried Delimbyr smelt, spiced goat cheese (paprika crusted hand pressed Fontina), Gnome shortbread (savory pistachio), glass travel jar filled with Secomber Red (wine), hard boiled quail eggs packed in rolled oats (to keep safe), dried figs from Calimshan, and Southwood smoked goat sausage (blood sausage).

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Lizardfolk:

Lizardfolk are known to be omnivores, forage for a surprising variety of foods found within the confines of their marshy environs, in this case the Lizard Marsh near Daggerford. Fresh caught boiled Delimbyr Crayfish on wild chives, coastal carrageen moss entrapping estuary brine shrimp (irish moss, dried brine shrimp), Brackish-Berries (blackberries), Blackened Dart-Frog legs (frog legs) on spring sprouts (clover sprouts), roasted bog bugs on a stick!

More images here. Discussion thread here.

Drow:

From top left: Menzoberranzan black truffle rothe cheese (Black Knight Tilsit), Donigarten Moss Snails (Escargot in shallot butter sauce), Blind cave fish caviar in mushroom caps (Lumpfish caviar), faerzress infused duck egg imported from the surface Realms (Century egg), Black velvet ear fungus (Auricularia Black Fungus Mushroom).

More images here. Discussion thread here.

[aughtpunk]

Drow will also eat A Fucking Rock if it’s goth enough

[pajamaslam-deactivated20190101]

#this rules to such a ridiculous degree im aghast

[cheaphalloweencostume]

you know what im gonna reblog this to my main as well as my aesthetic blog because this post kicked my ass

[eachdubh]

This is really well thought out! And also it all looks delicious.

[eachdubh]

I don't usually make baby blankets. I kind of hate making them, and I tend to assume someone close to the pregnant person (like their mother, mother-in-law, sibling, and/or grandmother) is going to make them one. When my son was born, we were basically overwhelmed with baby blankets. So nobody was more surprised than I when, late last year, I was asked to make a baby blanket for someone I barely know, by someone I know only slightly better, and I enthusiastically agreed to do it. Not only that, but I've remained excited about it.

The person who asked me to make it bought the yarn for me, otherwise I'd have said no, I couldn't do it. I'm on a pretty tight budget, and at this point the only time I'm buying yarn is for work purposes (that is, if I'm getting paid for it). So here I am, making a baby blanket, and hoping the recipient likes it as much as I do. I'm modifying a pattern that was written for a big rectangular wrap, which I've been dying for an excuse to make, and so far I have to say, I'm in love. I think I'll make something similar for myself some time. Maybe even write a pattern for a big wrap like it.

[bob-artist]

Voice inside my head: There’s a reason you’re not more popular and successful as an artist.  The things you care about creating aren’t things that the general public cares about.  You should use your warmup time to do stuff that’s more crowd pleasing, like half-nude sketches of your prettiest characters kissing each other.

Me: Yeah, I hear you.  But what I really need to do today is paint fingernails onto a photo of raw hot dogs.

[eachdubh]

I keep coming back to this post. Like, on one hand (haha) I'm really repulsed by the fingernails on hotdogs. Eww. I think this would turn me off hotdogs for a while if I could actually eat them (which I can't, so I guess the point is moot).

But on the other hand, the skill it takes to make these hotdog fingers look so realistic, even adding in the indent in the skin at the base of the fingernails! I'm, like totally enthralled and impressed and I keep examining the picture (while trying not to let the flips my stomach is doing distract me) to marvel at the details.

[dededeaaacccctivated]

🌈February giveaway 🌈

I‘m giving away a brand new binder ✨✨

you can choose between one from gc2b, or a france based company called ‘pas mon genre’. There you can choose between every style or colour each website offers and i’ll cover shipping to everywhere.

You get a chance to win by rebloging this post and at the end of the month I will contact the randomly selected winner of the binder :)

You don’t need to follow me or anything, just reblog that I can see that you are interested (only once please, multiple reblogs do not mean multiple entries) 😊

This is only for trans-, nonbinary- and genderfluid people who can’t afford or have no access to a binder. So please no cosplayers.

❤I hope I can help you, and if you have any questions feel free to send me a message ^.^ ❤

[eachdubh]

I bind, but not with a proper binder. So... Reblogging with fingers crossed.

[eachdubh]

Support

It's been 3+ weeks since I announced to my people that I had decided to go by Avery, instead of anything resembling my given name. And in those weeks, my little world has been rocked to its core. I used to count 6 people in my core group, people I could go to and talk to when things got hard. My husband, for everyday things. My sister for family things. My surrogate parents for anything related to plants and animals. My brother and my best friend for practically everything else, depending on what kind of support I needed.

When I came out as trans, I felt like I slowly lost my best friend. I was doing something they badly wanted but would never allow...I was transitioning. I was out of the closet. I think they found it hard to understand and empathize. I was sad, but didn't begrudge them. My sister and I, who were never exactly close despite me considering her one of my core people, let me know early on that she was having a hard time with my transition, and while I struggled with that at first, she's maintained an even keel and I feel confident that our relationship will mend... Some day. I'm actually pretty ok with how things are going there.

With every step I've taken in my transition in the past 14 months, my brother has become less and less willing to accept my transition. The most recent, of course, is the name change, and he's been downright awful to me about it, using emotional blackmail, manipulation techniques, avoidance, and direct confrontation. He's refusing to use the name I've asked him to use, and every phone call in the past month has ended with me in tears, angry and depressed.

My surrogate parents haven't talked to me much in the past year, which isn't really abnormal, so I thought little of it. They've liked some of the posts I've made on social media, including ones about my transition, and have been friendly every time we've talked. Until I announced that I was going to change my name. They stopped responding to me, about 4 weeks ago, for a couple of weeks... Then they dropped the bomb. They just couldn't see me as anything other than a woman, and wouldn't even think of using different pronouns or a different name.

So in the past year, I've stopped feeling like I could confide in anyone but my husband, of my old core support network. Fortunately, several months ago, I began to confide more in another friend. So... Now I've got two. My support network has crumbled down to two people. With the bombshell from my surrogate parents and the emotional violence from my brother both coming in the last 3 weeks, I lost a huge chunk of my support network all at once. I'm half convinced my brother feels the same way my surrogate parents do.

I have a really hard time reaching out to people in general, and an even harder time opening up to them, so this feels a bit like drowning to me. In the last two weeks alone, I have struggled with suicidal ideation, panic attacks so strong that even my meds aren't keeping me even keeled, constant anxiety, and constant depression. And I feel guilty because I'm leaning so heavily on my husband and the one friend I feel like I can actually talk to. I don't even have my therapist to lean on, because he left the VA about two weeks ago, suddenly and without warning. I'm constantly on the verge of tears, and feel like I have nowhere to turn.

Some of my friends and acquaintances, and even some friends of friends, have reached out to me, trying to be supportive, but...I just don't trust people, in general. The people I trusted enough to lean on before now in the hard times, well... It's going to take a long time to replace them, and to fill out my core support network again.

[paintedluck-blog]

Our Autumn Knots Hood pattern has just been published to Ravelry, and is on sale for one week (through January 13)! Go check it out, and cast on a quick and warm project for yourself for the new year.

This hooded cowl is knit seamlessly from the top down, so no sewing or grafting required! It features a cable rope along the opening of the hood, and a cabled trellis spices up the back.

[eachdubh]

It's finally done testing, and has been published! So exciting!

[eachdubh]

Respect vs. Understanding

I'm having some trouble with my transition and people I love. Every time there's a big decision regarding my transition, I hit a snag (or many snags) when it comes to telling my loved ones of my decision, especially when it involves change in speech. With my recent name change, I've hit a lot of snags. It's been hard. And recently I've had to talk about respect more than I'd like.

I've found that when it comes to transitioning, some people will say "I respect you" while simultaneously saying "I don't accept what you're telling me about yourself." What these people seem to mean is "I respect the idea I have of you, which I have built and treasure above any revelations you may provide about yourself."

So, let me give you a scenario.

You meet a person with their back to you, who has long hair, and who appears to you to be a woman. That person is in your way, so you say, "excuse me, miss." That person turns around, and suddenly you realize they have a beard, and they embarrassedly tell you that they're actually a man. Do you speak to that person as though they're a woman, because that was your initial impression? Or do you speak to that person as though they're a man, because that's what they revealed themselves to be? Which would be more respectful? Would either be disrespectful?

The person introduces himself as Gary, and the two of you developed a friendship. One day, Gary reveals to you that his first name is actually Leonard, but he goes by Gary to avoid confusion because Leonard also his father's name. He also tells you that he doesn't really like the name Leonard. You respect your friend. Do you now call him Leonard, because that's his name? Or do you call him Gary, because you know that's what he prefers? Which would be more respectful? Would either be disrespectful?

In this scenario, it's easy to say "well of course I'd treat him like a man, and call him Gary. He was a man all along, and Gary is just a nickname, so what does it matter???" But in reality, you thought he WAS a woman at first, when his back was to you. And his name is actually Leonard, and there's no way you can even imagine that Gary is a short form of Leonard.

There have been numerous studies showing that people who are transgender have no real choice in the matter. They are born that way. Some can hide it for a time. Some manage to hide it for their entire lives. But hiding it makes it no less true of them. I am, and have always been, mainly male-identified. I struggled with my identity as a kid, as a teen, as an adult. I hid it, or tried to, for many, many years. Now that I'm revealing this part of myself, it is NOT respectful to try to deny its existence. It's hurtful. It's harmful. I was a guy all along, I just had my back to you, so you didn't realize it.

Even if you don't understand me, if you truly respect me you'll make an effort to call me what I'm asking you to call me. If you don't make that effort, if you can't find it within yourself to even try to call me Avery or to try to refer to me as a guy, then I will call you out when you try to tell me that you respect me. I will call you out, because it's not me you respect, it's something else. I'm opening myself up to you. I'm revealing something about myself I hid and felt ashamed of for most of my life. And for you to reject that part of me and then try to play it off like you respect me? That's not okay.

You don't have to understand. Most of my people don't understand. But I will ask you to respect me and accept me if you want to stay in my life. I get that acceptance will take time, and I'm willing to give you time, but you must respect me enough to try.

[eachdubh]

Names 2

Last night, I went ahead and changed my name on social media over to Avery. I posted about it, as sort of a forewarning, a week or so ago. My thought was to give people some time to adjust to the idea of calling me something other than my given name, before I actually made the change. It also gave me some time to call people (I still have one person to call) and let them know that I was changing what I want to be called.

Calling and texting my close friends and family was... Interesting. Reactions were a pretty mixed bag. One couple refused to even respond to my texts asking when was a good time to call, so I didn't actually tell them ahead of time. My brother was very angry and lashed out at me pretty hard. My sister was very accepting and understanding. My sister-in-law was kind of horrified, I think because she has a hard enough time with the pronouns, and now I'm throwing a new name into the mix. I tried to reassure her that I'm not going to be mad or upset at mistakes. Most of the others I told before I enacted the change on social media were really supportive. I got questions about nicknames (I'm fine with nicknames, fwiw), and compliments on the name I picked.

Overall, I'm actually really excited and pleased with my name change. I'm going to start looking into making it legal, probably at the same time I change my gender marker on legal documents. But I'm also nervous about the fallout with some people, especially my brother.

[paintedluck-blog]

Happy New Year

For the new year, we have a big announcement! Starting today, we are accepting 1 commission or order for a physical item per month. That’s right! You can ask us to make an item for you, and since we’re doing commissions, you can even ask us to design something unique for you.

We’re looking forward to putting out some new designs this year, as well, beginning with our Autumn Knots Hood this Saturday! And we have a couple of other designs in the works already, so keep an eye out.

[eachdubh]

I'm really excited about this!

[princechickennugget]

My heart just broke

[eachdubh]

I am 30 years old, and I still go outside to play with my friends. So... Yeah....

[eachdubh]

Names

Some of you may remember that when I first came out publicly as trans, I mentioned the possibility of changing my name. I've never experienced much discomfort with the gender of my name (on the West Coast, and here in the Southwest, Erin and Aaron are typically pronounced the same), so it wasn't high on my list of priorities. However, I don't want to keep my name as Erin, because that's pretty commonly accepted as a woman's name, and it makes me uncomfortable (I know there are men named Erin, but it's uncommon enough that I've never actually met one, personally). And I don't want to change my name to Aaron, because that's my favorite uncle's name, and it's confusing enough as it stands.

Now, those of you who know me in person or on other social media platforms have probably noticed that a while back I changed the spelling of my name over to Aaron. Honestly, that was mostly a visual cue for people, because I've found it's easier for many of my friends and family to have a reminder of how to refer to me, and having a "male" name is one way to do that. But I haven't been completely happy with it, because... To me, that's my uncle's name.

So I've been quietly mulling over names. This is kind of a big decision, and even though it's something I've thought about off and on for YEARS (since I was a kid), I've never come up with much in the way of names I like. Unfortunately, my top pick, my favorite unisex name, is not commonly considered to be unisex in the US. Sure, I've met both male and female Leslie's, but... The male ones were nearly all foreigners, and often had become defensive about the gender of their name. So while I love the name Leslie, I don't think I'd be happy with the results of using it for my own name.

Today, I began discussing names in earnest with my husband. It's been a while since I settled on my middle name, and I honestly think he was a bit surprised that I was still thinking about a more drastic change than just the spelling change I've already done on social media. I am pretty set on a unisex name, so that's narrowed down my options some (I don't like most "boy only" names anyway, not to call myself). At the top of my list is Avery, followed closely by Taylor. I'm going to keep thinking on it, but in all likelihood I'll begin going by a different name in the near future.

[eachdubh]

7 weeks on T

I had meant to be more regular about this, but... You know, time got away from me. Anyway, here's some stuff that's going on since I started T. Cut because...NSFW, and because it's long.

So, I'm starting to grow facial hair! My moustache is coming in pretty decently, it's nice and even and even though The hairs are still pretty fine, it definitely looks like a moustache. My beard is progressing much more slowly. I'm getting, like, a goatee first, but it's still super patchy. Not worth growing out yet.

My voice is still getting deeper. I'm pretty happy with it, but not much going on there that's worth talking about.

My wee penis is getting bigger still. I'm SO excited about that. I've been really, really pleased with the growth, because it's grown more than I had expected it to in such a short time. I started out with a pretty decent-sized clit (I think?), So that helped I'm sure. I was asked if the growth would hurt, you know like if it got swollen, and so far it hasn't hurt at all. There's more sensitivity, of course, due to tighter skin and larger surface area, but no actual pain. I have experienced some discomfort with things like... The head rubbing on my underwear, but honestly? That mostly delights me, because it's such a very male experience.

I'm experiencing less anxiety and less PTSD, but only slightly. My memory hasn't really improved, nor has my concentration. My depression is generally better, except when I'm feeling really dysphoric. And my dysphoria is interfering more with my sex life, which sucks. This in-between stage has turned out to be really hard, because even though I'm seeing changes happening, I wind up feeling like I've become a really ugly dude and an even uglier woman. I'm sure I'm just in the ugly duckling stage, but in the here and now that knowledge doesn't help with my dysphoria. It was a lot easier to ignore my female body parts, or work with them, before I started T.