good luck lmao

reese. 25. she/her listen, i’ve been here since i was 14 okay?

[byjove]

pictures of snakes that have just swallowed an egg never stop being hilarious and delightful

[broken-horn-of-equius]

Me: where'd my egg go?

Snake: i dunno

[chromaticabrasions]

you know what actually thank god im a mortal and so cant be summoned anywhere goddamn

[chromaticabrasions]

what the fuck is jury duty

[myswimmingpewl]

This has probably already been done multiple times but oh well

[deathtokillian]

10/10 dad joke

[hyrude]

:(

[hyrude]

[lesbian-toddhoward]

an asparagus looks on in horror as their four adopted children encourage his tomato husband to commit mass suicide

[lesbian-toddhoward]

why is this bplowing up again

[residentevildash-moved]

another car opinion is that they shouldn't have touch screens

[residentevildash-moved]

if you need to do something with your car (ex: adjust the AC) you should be able to do it based off of touch and minimal sight; without knobs and buttons for tactile orientation youre ... staring at an ipad while driving? awesome trend we've started

[miyoriia]

*totally doesnt have a piss fetish voice* you look a little dehydrated, here's a cup of water

[miyoriia]

dont do this to me. not over my piss kink

[sleaterkinnie-deactivated202412]

very cute that both people and animals tilt their heads when confused

[sleaterkinnie-deactivated202412]

literally the physical equivalent of going "?" and it needed to be expressed through the entire animal kingdom the same way bc it was that cute

[sleaterkinnie-deactivated202412]

this is like the bang of a gong

[enemy-viv-deactivated20240228]

[thealgerian]

Both were filled at the same time with the same water, only one had oysters.

[flagellant]

:/ The next time you think it’s okay to be nonbinary, remember the cost. We are killing our planet 😔

[beannewpage]

Wtf. No, be who you are. This doesn’t define you.

[lindsaysblue]

I offer some context

[solitarelee]

that context was DESPERATELY needed thank you

[muffinlance]

We've been working with toddler on using his words instead of screaming when something happens that he doesn't like

Which has lead to:

Toddler, upon accidentally dropping a toy: ANGER ANGER ANGER!

[muffinlance]

This got over 600 new notes in the past few hours. We're all vibing with Toddler on this Wednesday I see.

[whydidisavethistomyphone]

5 year anniversary of the miette post \o/

[seafoampearlygirl]

I like how we all just knew Miette was a cat

[louisinart-like-cuisinart]

Anyway if you see this you have to reblog and tag with a delight from ur day -- even the littlest thing counts

[slygirlboy]

we shpuld make a tumblr bar with drinks like sonic screwdriver and the baker street mule

[slygirlboy]

just got out of my time capsule btw

[keepcalmandcarriefischer]

Super! Who locked you in there?

[i-am-dulaman]

[miametropolis]

and what if I told you nine was less afraid of love than ten. what then.

[miseria-fortes-viros]

for a moment i lived in a beautiful world where doctor who didn’t exist and this was simply a seven-ate-nine joke too layered for me to understand

[stereocyon]

first apartment checklist

i know lots of you might be worrying about what you need to move into your first apartment. that’s why i put this little checklist together! 

fog machine

[stereocyon]

this 5 year old post continues to get funnier every day i haven’t moved out of my parents house btw