This is just a rant into the void, but I feel like people will probably relate to it. You can skip, I'm just gonna use my dead tumblr blog for my sake
I'm in my second year of college and it is hard. So much that I feel sick when looking at some of my grades sometimes. It mainly anxiety but still.
Anyways, I'm home for the holidays and the time have to go back come up, so I give a date and they (My mom and older female cousin) groan playfully
So I jokingly say, "Fine, I guess I'll stay in this town forever and just get married and have a kid at 21." Because I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. I like college still, I want to learn and get my dream job.
And for like a second it felt like they weren't joking
And this whole thing makes me realize, I'm scared to be a mom
Not in the, "oh babies are gross and sticky" way either. Like, I'm genuinely terrified of being put down to only the label of "Mom"
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate kids either, I know I'd be a good mother. But this fear of being nothing until this one thing happens, which will cause me excruciating pain, disfigure me permanently, and probably also risk my life to get, is more important than my college plans? My career plans? My solo dreams?
I don't know. Its probably one of those things that's just gonna scar me forever that they will never think twice about