Probably why we can't have nice things.

Call me Shark or Finn. 28. He/him please! Bi, polyamorous, enby. Personal tag is shark talks. @electricpool on bluesky. DM me for my Discord. Icon is by wei-ning and background is by dualclock.

[riverpiracy]

[mrsmummifikation]

This time of year can be frustrating for people in the aro/ace community.

I will be here, whenever you need to talk. 

transcription under the cut:

Keep reading

[this-is-multigenderphobia]

Hard relate because the discussions with peers where I tried to bring up asexuality and that some people dont want sex ended with “if you’ve never felt sexual attraction by 50 then maybe, but you’re too young to know now”

I dont think I need to wait my whole life to feel attracted to someone so I can go ‘oh silly me, all the experiences I had before this point have magically vanished since I was mistaken all along!’.

On a nicer note, the classmate next to me this week went “you know, thinking about it, all the crushes I had were actually just admiration that I mixed up with attraction. Do you think that happens often to others?” And I had the pleasure to introduce him to the label aromantic and explain what it was, and he was genuinely interested in understanding and very happy to learn. I explained that I feel that describes me and my experiences and said he could use it too if he wanted. It was genuinely a nice exchange that gave me a bit more faith in others’ perception of aromanticism and asexuality.

[zootycoon-archive]

i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck

[loseremo]

[syzygy-yzygy]

THE ORIGINAL? ON MY DASH

[this-too-too-sullied-flesh]

this post led to a series of events that had martin scorsese himself reacting to his alleged movie goncharov and it has less than 400k notes almost 3 years later?

[fairycosmos]

why is it so hard for people to grasp that disabilities disable and chronic illnesses are chronic. yes even when it inconveniences you. yes even when your patience runs out

[biohorror-human]

i feel bad and horrible and maybe the answer is to go outside and sprint full force to the nearby park

[biohorror-human]

reheating rice and then moving to the park at this speed

[koobiie]

i feel strongly about this

[ailurinae]

[mcnostril]

It is a great tragedy that donuts are bad for your health.

It is equally tragic that Stop, Drop and Roll hasn't been invented yet in this setting.

[frogwhomp]

A collection of flags i’ve made!

from top to bottom, left to right: Rainbow Lavender flag (just a fun redesigned pride flag that has the flagship lavender flower as a community symbol) Trans lesbian, Black lesbian, Trans bi, Black bi, Trans gay, Black gay, Black trans, and Black nonbinary

aaannd if you wanna donate ^_^ https://ko-fi.com/frogwhomp

[frogwhomp]

they’re like a family <3

(these are in order the; Black Trans Fem flag, Black Trans Masc flag, and Black Trans Genderless flag)

You can buy the stickers here!

[human-pet-they]

Your therapist asks you "Who in this image do you see yourself as?" and then shows you a drawing of two shirtless skinny anime catboys with a thread of saliva going between their lips

[sour-charity]

It was actually just an ink blot but thank you, this gives me a lot to work with

[amberautumnfaebrooke]

has anyone noticed recently that it's expensive

[sociallyawkwardrevolution]

times like these really make you appreciate pouring river water in your socks

[gutsandeverythingg]

Who are you and why do i follow you

do i really have to do this every time. you are a mindless ghoul. i own you. you dig my endless pit. BACK TO WORK

[theelectricdreamsofddx]

I think instrumence should be free for those who are pure of heart

[theelectricdreamsofddx]

u should be able to put ur hand down and let the instrument sniff u and if it smells a beautiful quality in ur heart and spirit that's ur instrument now. stray tumpet follow you home.. bwaa

[tonguethief]

Sniff my hand, sweet bwa bwaa.... You will be safe with me

[b0tster]

its WHAMP!!

WITCH

HAT

ATELIER

MONDAY

(and also)

PRIDE

😃🪄🏳️‍🌈

[tboy-trash]

"[thing associated to trans women] but for transmascs :3" and other ways of making something immediately worse on multiple levels

[tboy-trash]

asking for the blue version because you cannot possibly just relate to women once in your life

usually transmisogynistic

even when talking about something like art, and even if not done in an explicitly transmisogynistic manner, self-evidently derivative and i've yet to see somewhere where it didn't become instantly less interesting than the original concept

have you ever had a single original thought

"what about men :("

[tboy-trash]

there is absolutely nothing barring you from engaging with transfem culture as a non-transmisogynized person btw. i read countless books and articles from trans women and transfeminized people, follow multiple comedians, go to events where non-transmisogynized ppl are allowed, etc etc etc. they're neat. and turns out when you don't go around whining about the poor forgotten men nobody has a problem with it

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

if you leave this kind of comment on any fanfic writer’s work or if you think this shit is okay and isn’t the reason more and more writers are choosing not to share their works with your entitled ass for free anymore, you should be ashamed of yourself.

if you suspect a fic is ai and if that bothers you, quietly close the tap and leave the fic. no one forces you to stay.

[despairreblogs]

And don't do that either:

If you (general "you") create this kind of collections you aren't helping anyone, you're just being rude.

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

the irony of people like this thinking they're fighting against ai when all they actually do is harming and tearing apart writing community and innocent writers. at this point they're harming the community more than ai does

[scribefindegil]

I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.

[geese-in-flight]

I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.

She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.

[softness-and-shattering]

Not a tool exactly, but a related thought - I've had this discussion with some ace friends (Im also somewhere aspec) about foundational pillars of a relationship, specifically a Partner/Significant Other relationship. For a lot of people, one of those absolutely foundational pillars is good sex. It is *vital*, possibly more than anything else. This seems to explain imo couples who dont seem to have anything much in common, who dont share hobbies or interests and you look at them like is it just the attraction? Seems like for some people yeah thats the most important thing.

Whereas for a couple (or polycule) who are anywhere from sex-repelled to sex-neutral, sex might not be a pillar of the relationship at all, maybe its not present whatsoever, maybe its an occasional cherry on top when the stars align. Their relationship will be primarily built on other things like shared interests, shared passions, shared emotional support etc.

And for some relationships sex is a pillar but its not foundational. I think if its foundational for one person and not at all relevant for another, it wont work out that's incompatible. Monogamously, at least, and then if one person - with full knowledge and consent - looks for sex elsewhere, you can run into the issue where people tend to prioritize their sexual and romantic partners over non-sexual and/or non-romantic partners, which isnt inevitable but it does happen.

I think the difficulties are when sex is more foundational to one person than the other, but not at the two extremes. Because at the extremes theres not really anything to reconcile I think. But when its differingly important and theres a libido gap, thats when its like, this isnt insurmountable probably, but how do we surmount it? And I dont have a good answer. I think it would help to identify what the foundational pillars of your relationship are, and focus on those. Is it share faith, do you love jogging together every evening, do you play videogames together, are you both passionate about local wildlife, what was it that brought you together to begin with, what do you admire about each other, focus on that. I dont think it will solve the sex mismatch, I dont know what will, but I think it might help you feel connected and valued and in sync in other ways, so it doesnt become all about the sex. Like thats one thing that is a tension and a frustration but its not everything. If you focus on the things that are foundational to you, that might be enough, or at least helpful, in keeping you together. Obviously it might not work I dont know of any more that might be helpful. Just this foundational parts of a relationship v "extras" is not a common framework that Ive seen. Ofc every relationship is different. This also isnt unique to ace folks, any couple can have a libido mismatch, just because, or due to menopause, or antidepressants, or stress levels etc. I dont know whats recommended for those situations.