Electronic Ink

Glimpses of my soul.

[electronicink]

someone: i have endopsychosis, that means i spirtually identify as having schizophrenia even though i don't hallucinate

tumblr: that's fucked up

someone else: i have endonarcissism, that means i spiritually identify as having NPD even though i have high empathy

tumblr: that's fucked up

a third someone: i'm endogenic, that means i spiritually identify as a system even though i don't have trauma

tumblr: idk maybe we should hear them out :/ can you prove they DON'T have a system? ok then sit down gatekeeper

[endo-phobic-blog]

Endogenics are ableist and make a mockery out of my disorder. They also arent real or valid.

[electronicink]

All Systems are Valid

NO THE FUCK THEY ARE NOT.

DID is a mental illness. You cannot choose to have it. You cannot develop systems on your own or naturally. Anyone who claims to be #endogenic is mocking a community of mentally ill people who struggle and fight everyday. I don’t see anyone saying they “identify as schizophrenic”. So stop watching our youtube videos as fuel for your imaginary self and GTFO of our support groups. We are trying to heal. You are just trying to be more interesting.

[fraeuleinrabenschwarz]

People try their hardest to be ‘different’ While I’m desperately trying To fit in.

(via fraeuleinrabenschwarz)

[wuppydog]

[the-unlucky-thirteen]

I’m unsure whether I feel disconnected from the world or never learned how to feel connected to begin with

[electronicink]

I don't like looking in the mirror.

That girl is not me.

They say that I'm a "we".

I've been told it's DID.

[postapocalypticbonsai]

Being the family scapegoat

It’s like working in customer service. You’re ignored, sneered at, insulted. People treat you like a child, an enemy, an idiot.

But they also expect you to be an all-knowing saint with no needs of your own. An everlasting fount of joyous and life-giving energy. You’re expected to know all, understand all, forgive all. You’re expected to make them feel good about themselves even as they’re being obnoxious. 

All the rights are theirs. All the entitlements are theirs. What’s left for you is squalor, harassment, and a constant barrage of obligations.

And then they tell you to smile more.

[electronicink]

I've never related to anything more.

[electronicink]

I’ve always been a we.

But wait, I am me.

But who are you?

You are me?

We are me.

Multiplicity.

[electronicink]

Depression Sucks.

Even when you take your meds

Even when you receive good news

Even when you're loved

[electronicink]

Spring Forward

With raw hands deep in soil,

knees protected by dirty blue threads

given to her by Apollo himself,

she drew the weeds out from her bed

One by one,

she dug to the bottom of her earth

to remove the parasitic roots

that clung desperately to her foundations

But the buds on the daffodils

were already starting to bloom

and there was no more time

to waste in complacent compliance

to those free riding sponges

For the last frost had finally passed

and under her sun’s radiance,

that snow that had been

melted and returned to her

as the blood of regeneration

Now it was time to grow again

so she sowed the seeds

of a familiar rebirth

as she waited to welcome

a new heart into her garden

And as he had done

and would do again

Apollo stood by

to see her blossom once more.

[electronicink]

For Sara

We are disco balls

That shine brightest

In a windowless sunroom

[caughtinyourhipster]

[electronicink]

I almost miss the gloom now

[electronicink]

New Friends

I’m real fucking tired of basic bitches

I’ve been saying for a while how I want to make some new friends

So I’ve been out and about and all around town

And I think maybe I’ve found a place I could settle down

There’s a few people there who I really admire

Of whose love and affection I could never tire

 There’s the girl with eyes so deep

In them I would surely drown

And a teddy bear with a maze for a heart

Please never make him frown

Then there is Sir William of the theatre

Who does that thing with his heart where he touches it to yours

And a little shy autumn month of a girl

Whose purity glows from deep in her core

The Master of this house, well deserving of his title

I don’t pray to false gods, but I would erect him an idol

Finally there’s an angel, a devil, all wrapped up in one

She is the goddess of my spirit, my soul come undone

So I think I will stay here with my new family

We’ll dance and we’ll sin, and damned will we all be

[electronicink]

I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY

What is this

What happened here

What did you do

A dance in the living room

Kisses on my neck

Tickles in the bedroom

Laughter on the floor

Crying in your arms because I don’t know how to express what I’m feeling

Because I swear I’ve never felt it like this before

I swear it’s never been this real

[electronicink]

I wrote you a poem, Daddy

Thank you for your kisses

And thank you for your hugs

Thank you for doing my dishes

And letting me experiment with drugs

Thank you for holding me when I cry

And for never letting me fall

Thank you for all the tears you dry

And always giving me your all

I’m so happy that you’ve found me

I really don’t know what I’ve done

To deserve all of the love you bring

You’re a prize I haven’t yet won

I wish I had better words to say

All that I’m grateful for

So please accept this thank you poem

Until I can give you more

[electronicink]

Divine Self

I looked into the mirror that night

And I saw Athena herself

I saw the strength of an army in her shoulders

I saw the wisdom of the great philosophers in her eyes

I saw the courage known only to woman in her heart

And then I saw myself

And I saw that she and I, are the same.

That the power of the divine lives within me and manifests upon its realization