for NHL fans only: without looking it up or asking anyone, do you know what "dick trick" or "rooster" means in a hockey context?
yes
no
Remaining time: 1 day 23 hours
if "yes" I would appreciate additional info in the replies/tags about your age or generation, how long you've been an NHL fan, and whether or not you were active on hockey twitter back in the day
(trying to figure out how much this joke broke containment—I wanna put a reference to it in my superpowered-hockey novel and I think it might be too obscure by now but I REALLY WANNA lol)
Sometimes I think I'm done learning about all the white boys and I can't possibly learn about another new one so this is definitely the max I will ever expect myself to acknowledge and then like clockwork some kid crawls out of the woodwork like "Hi I'm Crasher Orkney and I love to golf. Witness me."
Next thing I know I'm squinting at a blurry offseason group shot of twelve identical dudes in backwards hats that has inexplicably come across my socials and I'm just like oh sweet Crasher caught a big fish
hello one and all, this is ur local toff fan to make the toff primer, people say they know toff but do they really? I feel like people have a lack of actuall toff knowledge, they dont understand him and how silly goofy he's ALWAYS been! so this is ur local me making the toff primer to inform yall abt our funcle tyler toffoli.
ENJOY!!
Tyler Toffoli (full name) was born on april 24th 1992 (old) in scarborough ontario canada. He has two older sisters, his dad also was the general manager of the toronto jr. canadiens where toff also played during that same time. (Wikipedia contributors, 2026)
even with a gm as a dad he didnt grow up with a lot of wealth and was financially supported and sponsored by harvey sharpiro who had a kid the same age who toff was friends with and so noticed how good he was as a kid. (Godin, 2020).
even at this time he was known to be very laid back.
“Tyler is a quiet kid, but he’s a competitive kid,” Rob Toffoli said. “He’s competitive, but you wouldn’t know that because Tyler is a very laid-back guy. He’ll talk to anybody, he’ll help people, he’ll see people after games if he’s needed or whatever.”
in the 2008 OHL draft he was picked 7th overall by the ottawa 67s, he was named part of the first all star rookie team that year. in 2010 he was drafted by the kings 47th overall.
he played in manch for the monarchs (kings ahl team) for a good bit, he didnt make his nhl debut until 2013, which was actually against the sharks where he also scored his first goal. that year he also won the AHL rookie of the year award!
that year he also made his stanley cup playoff debut in game 5 against the blues but didnt play much more that season. until the 13-14 season, he started that year in manch again but got permanently called up in november. that year he was a big part of the kings playoff run and assisted on the cup winning goal !!
during his time w the kings he was apart of the 'that 70's line' which was a line w jeff carter, tanner pearson and toff, they were nicknamed this because they all wore 70's numbers and they were soooo good and so fun.
the that 70's line in 2014 LA that consisted of him, jeff carter and tanner pearson that was that important it has a wiki article about it were toff was described as the happy go lucky one (article source)
talking abt them, him and tanner pearson were boy best friends who actually disliked eachother when they were rivals in the OHL
and then both got drafted by LA and were at eachother's wedding at posed like this during it bc theyre normal.
they were at mach and the kings together and then both got traded to the canucks (toff for like 10 games) after so they played together for ages and they love eachother and I feel like this gets forgotten, anyway hes w buffalo now and also unsigned and mike grier are you listening!!
the third part of the that 70's line is jef carter, important about that is him and mike richards (I made a richiecarts primer a while ago go read that) but its important to understand how crazy richiecarts was because toff was cart's rookie, that was his guy, he grew up in the nhl with one of the most insane duo's in hockey history like nothing weirdo gay will ever shock toff.
he was raised by a man who had threesomes w his captain and wore black armbands bc his favorite bar closed like toff GETS it and can handle whatever, those weirdo shark children are nothing compared to what toff has seen.
when he was with the kings he also got the cupcake nickname when he was with LA because he did promo for a local cupcake place (article source)
during his time w the kings he did SO much promo he was very well loved w the media and there's a bunch of fun video's and articles you can find about him doing fun stuff.
he also played for team canada at the world championships in 2015 and won gold with them!
in june 2018 he got married to cat belanger! and I love them sm they're so fun together, cat has a podcast that is very sweet and they have a lil dog and I just really love them. I cant really find out when they got together but I did some cat insta stalking n the oldest picture I can find of them together is from around 2015.
then in 2020 toff was traded to the canucks (AFTER TEN YEARS!!!!!!! I will never forgive them)
he only played for 10 games bc covid season and then he got injured but in those 10 games he put up 10 point bc hes just goated like that
important to remember how loved he still was by his teammates even after he was traded
then in october 2020 he was traded to the habs. he was goated and loved here sm. he became really close with the habs players especially nick who he actually says is the reason he wanted to join the habs
he's still friends with a good few of the guys and was very loved and respected.
recently cat even got carey price so far as to show up on her podcast which says a lot abt how good their friendship is. with this team he also got to the stanley cup finals which they lost to the lighting.
then as part of the hab rebuild toff was traded to the flames in feb 2022
the flames were really not that good but toff had a new career high so ig some things are good in the world.
in june 2023 toff had reportedly requested a trade. at this time he was traded to the devils where he played for one season and scored 44 points in 61 games.
in the off season of 2023 he played in the world championships and captained the team to a gold medal!
in march 2024 he was traded to the jets and in july 2024 finally he was traded to the sharks we're hes been since and where he is on year 3 of a four year contract.
he is someone's who's always worn pride tape and joined in on pride nights and pride events with multiple of the teams hes been with using pride tape since he was with the kings.
anyway, idk what else to say, yall know the modern toff lore, he's old man buddies w the sharks kids. hes fun, hes our alternate captain, hes our toff and I need him to retire a shark for my own mental wellbeing.
anyway I high rec reading his full players tribune it's so fun and you can really see a lot of his personality through the way he talks about his career!
i bring a sort of “people are more critical of black players at large and will go as far as abstracting aspects of their games into meaningless bits in order to take away from their contributions to their teams” vibe to watching hockey that other hockey fans don’t really like
unfortunately claude giroux is just the guy of all time. enemy of the state and by state I mean the western half of pennsylvania. these days he is known primarily for a) never winning anything and b) being eerily good at making pigeon noises. as a teenager he had to pick between going pro at hockey and going pro at bowling. when he was 21 he moved in w a recently divorced father of three a decade his senior and regularly picked up the man's kids from elementary school. once got arrested for grabbing a male cops ass on canada day. met his current wife while playing beer pong w both his wrists in casts. the only reason his dick is not on the internet is a conveniently placed beer can. gets constantly bullied by his infant teammates who love to wear shirts w his face printed on them and zero context. his hometowns junior hockey team love him so much they switched their logo to a picture of him as a lumberjack. he used to (?) own two dogs who look exactly like him. he once sent out joint family christmas cards w the guy he lived with where they used a portmanteau of their last names. his wife's name is pronounced ryan. he is obsessed w grilled cheese sandwiches. the most goody two shoes golden boy poster child of hockey hates his ass w a vengeance. he is franco-canadian but he is Not from québec. he is ginger. he is lying about his height. during the 2024-25 nhl season his car got stolen twice within 3 months. he loves shania twain and likes wearing pink. he used to go into the eagles dressing room and ask to arm wrestle random football players. he is one of less than 60 out of 700+ active NHL players to wear a neck guard and it makes him look like a slutty dilf in a turtleneck.
not only that theres also a kid's song about what a guy named claude giroux could possibly do as his day job! not only is he a noted muse for the arts he inspires Range
please elaborate on your thoughts on wag labor if you feel comfortable. i also have many thoughts on this subject…
wellll not to be the friend that's too woke and also not to reiterate stuff ive already yapped about on discord but the whole framework of hockey mom -> billet mom -> older teammate's wife -> getting ur own wag -> she has ur kids and becomes their hockey mom.... chilling. its own form of time being a flat circle. anndddd it's an almost seamless pipeline that can be stitched together such that these dudes feasibly never really have to go without domestic labor from the women in their lives
also as much as we talk about the reinforcement and performance of masculinity in (m)hrpf, mens hockey is also very very much about a certain kind of female role and a certain brand of femininity for the women in their lives. the uniformity of physical appearance in their partners with very few exceptions... a real madonna-whore complex of Wife vs roadie hookups or Girlfriend Material vs puck bunnies. tate mccrae being the amy dunne Cool Girl who likes Sports so she became a safe acceptable answer for celebrity crush for all of them. et ceteraaa ad nauseammmm
anyway some recommended reading for the class: isles socials ask the players who does your laundry. let's all sit with this a bit
please elaborate on your thoughts on wag labor if you feel comfortable. i also have many thoughts on this subject…
wellll not to be the friend that's too woke and also not to reiterate stuff ive already yapped about on discord but the whole framework of hockey mom -> billet mom -> older teammate's wife -> getting ur own wag -> she has ur kids and becomes their hockey mom.... chilling. its own form of time being a flat circle. anndddd it's an almost seamless pipeline that can be stitched together such that these dudes feasibly never really have to go without domestic labor from the women in their lives
also as much as we talk about the reinforcement and performance of masculinity in (m)hrpf, mens hockey is also very very much about a certain kind of female role and a certain brand of femininity for the women in their lives. the uniformity of physical appearance in their partners with very few exceptions... a real madonna-whore complex of Wife vs roadie hookups or Girlfriend Material vs puck bunnies. tate mccrae being the amy dunne Cool Girl who likes Sports so she became a safe acceptable answer for celebrity crush for all of them. et ceteraaa ad nauseammmm
anyway some recommended reading for the class: isles socials ask the players who does your laundry. let's all sit with this a bit
