Fate Keeps Happening.

Emma. Bought a house in Rochester, New York. In love. Married. "Mama" to two amazing children!

[1000drawings]

by Sofie Kampmark

[emmakribs]

Proud mama moments:

I just wanted to take a moment and express my pride for the harmony that exists within my home. 

We’re all yellers, we’re all loud and we’re all (with the exception of Michael) heavy walkers so it’s normally pretty noisy in our home. But... What is truly wonderful, is that 70+% of the time the animals, the children, the adults are all living in peace. We’re all doing our own things, showing kindness and acceptance and love to one another. Right down to the cat (we all know how cats can be the wild card) but she’s relaxing, lounging confidently or she’s actually sweetly playing with the dogs.  My heart is full. The children are watching blue planet and Yurik (5y/o) gets up and gets a blanket. Now he could have easily just wrapped up by himself and been super cozy, instead he brought it over to his sister (7y/o) and offered her to cover up too. Which she did, and thanked him. 

OH MY HEART!  I am just so satisfied in life when these moments happen. <3 

[emmakribs]

😍😍😍

[emmakribs]

I AM FEELING SO OVERWHELMED. I just don’t know what to do. 

[emmakribs]

Tumblr Review

Is literally making me review every picture I’ve ever posted because it may violate their community rules.  Ummm... Most of the pictures you’re having me review are of my children (some nudey pants but most of them clothed) No nipples, no vaginas, no penis’, no butt holes, like... seriously... No reason to make me review them all and block them from being seen. 

No one even looks at my tumblr. What’s the point??? It’s only for me, really. 

[emmakribs]

When you don’t have anxiety

About your husband running errands and grocery shopping. ♥️

[cwote]

the only person you should compare yourself to, is yourself. 

[remanence-of-love]

[leikamei]

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VSG or WLS

Please like/reblog this if you have had vsg or wls or are even in the process of it. I’m in the beginning stages right now and would love to follow more people who are going through the same thing

[emmakribs]

My hope is VSG this spring. <3 

[emmakribs]

They were digging a new foundation in Manhattan And they discovered a slave cemetery there May their souls rest easy now that lynching is frowned upon And we've moved on to the electric chair And I wonder who's gonna be president Tweedle Dumb or Tweedle Dumber? And who's gonna have the big Blockbuster box office this summer How 'bout we put up a wall Between the houses and the highway And then you can go your way And I can go my way Except all the radios agree with all the TVs And all the magazines agree with all the radios And I keep hearing that same damn song Everywhere I go Maybe I should put a bucket over my head And a marshmallow in each ear And stumble around for another dumb numb week For another hum drum hit song to appear People used to make records As in a record of an event The event of people Playing music in a room Now everything is cross-marketing It's about sunglasses and shoes Or guns or drugs You choose We got it rehashed We got it half-assed We're digging up all the graves And we're spitting on the past And we can choose between the colors Of the lipstick on the whores 'Cause we know the difference Between the font of twenty percent more And the font of teriyaki You tell me How does that make you feel? You tell me what's real They say that alcoholics are always alcoholics Even when they're dry as my lips for years Even when they're stranded on a small desert island With no place in two thousand miles to buy beer And I wonder is he different Is he different Has he changed What he is about? Or is he just a liar With nothing to lie about? Am I headed for the same brick wall? Is there anything I can do About anything at all? Except go back to that corner in Manhattan And dig deeper Dig deeper this time Down beneath the impossible pain of our history Beneath unknown bones Beneath the bedrock of the mystery Beneath the sewage system and the path train Beneath the cobblestones and the water main Beneath the traffic of friendships and street deals Beneath the screeching of kamikaze cab wheels Beneath everything I can think of to think about Beneath it all Beneath all get out Beneath the good and the kind and the stupid and the cruel There's a fire that's just waiting for fuel There's a fire just waiting for fuel There's a fire just waiting for fuel There's a fire just waiting for fuel There's a fire just waiting for fuel There's a fire just waiting for fuel There's a fire just waiting for fuel There's a fire just waiting for fuel There's a fire just waiting

Ani Difranco

[emmakribs]

It might seem ridiculous but I want to transform. I have always loved myself. (Or I try to) I’m funny and smart. I have always made room for love for my body even if I didn’t like the way it looked. I want to be one of those weight loss success stories where the people I knew years ago might not even recognize me. Mostly because I don’t want to know them anymore if they aren’t still active in my life. But also because I want them to be like “Damn, she looks great. Good for her!”

[emmakribs]

Book

I  have so may book ideas but I’m a terrible writer. Ugh. :(

[emmakribs]

1.3.2019

Good morning... 

I know no one reads this blog so I will continue to just use it for myself. To get things off my chest. Use it as a sounding board. etc. 

Here goes;

In December (2018) I was told that the cysts/tumors on my ovaries have become benign. That was the best gift I could have received this holiday season. 

In 2018, I started looking into weight loss surgery. I was so fed up with nothing working for me and honestly I felt so completely helpless. All the depression over the last few years has caused me to put on a lot of weight. - Don’t get me wrong. I have always been a bigger girl. But it was getting out of hand. I was having trouble breathing, sleeping, moving, having any motivation for anything. When I would run around and play with my children I had to stop almost immediately because I felt faint or out of breath. OUT OF CONTROL. 

I have tried everything. Diets, exercise, meal plans, personal trainer, life coach, etc... EVERYTHING. Nothing worked for me. I just stayed at the same weight or gained. 

I truly blame depression. My mental health state was out of this world. I felt like I always had to be on the defensive. I didn’t want to get up in the morning. I didn’t even want to spend time with my wonderful and loving husband because my mind had decided he was against me and all I had was myself. 

Unfortunately this was my life. Everything hurt, emotionally and physically. My husband was unhappy because I was unhappy. I was unhappy because he was unhappy. It was a terrible cycle. 

This continued for much longer than it should have. After my 30th birthday in March, I started trying super hard. Making little changes, not for weight loss, or for my self image but for my mental health. I started speaking more outwardly with my husband about what’s going on in my head. I started telling him about the little things that hurt and/or annoy me. I started asking him for help. I started letting him in. 

This was a turning point. 

In the 9 years of marriage, I realized that I took on EVERYTHING on my own. All the scheduling, the planning, the decision making, the bills, the purchasing, the cooking, the cleaning... EVERYTHING. 

Why though?

Why was I doing this? I couldn’t explain it... Honestly, I still can’t. 

So, after 9 years of marriage I started asking for help. At first it was a lot of arguing. Not because he didn’t want to help me but because I wanted it done the way *I* do/did it. I had to figure out how to let go. Stop controlling so much. Stop feeling like if it’s not done a certain way, it won’t work or it’ll ruin it all. 

I will admit I still struggle with this everyday but it’s gotten much better.

In fact; so much better that my husband was able to truly surprise me with some things for xmas. It was so sweet and I love him so dearly. He’s amazing... 

Ok. We’re getting off track a little bit. I LOVE MY HUSBAND. Ok. Done for now. 

Now that I’ve started to allow my husband to help me more and I’m not taking on everything (by choice) myself it’s been a complete life change. 

This man works all day long. Comes home exhausted, but still finds time to ask me if I “need anything” or asks me if he “can help with something” at the very moment he walks in the door. He’s done this before, but I used to be in such a tizzy that I never heard him or I brushed him off because I didn’t want to add to his day. 

Now we both realize we want to help each other. We love each other. 

We still argue. We still fight. We still get annoyed with each other on occasion but overall we love and want the best for each other and ourselves. 

We already have had a pretty stellar sex life but somehow it’s gotten even better. The connection when you really see the other person is amazing.

ANYWAY... Since this HUGE revelation. 

I have been happier. My depression does not control my everyday. It’s still there. It checks in every once in a while but it’s no longer cloud over my daily life. I want to get out of bed in the morning to see what my day will bring me. I think that I relate better with my husband, my children and all others. I don’t feel like I have to CONSTANTLY be faking a good attitude or perspective. I actually have those now. It’s amazing. 

In September I went to my referral for weight loss surgery. I fit all the necessary guidelines for my insurance to cover most, if not all, of the costs. So I started. I went to a nutrition class in October, and again in November. I had a psychiatric evaluation in December and was cleared for surgery. Dec. 28th I had my one on one with the nutritionist (I forgot my workbook, and food diary so I have to go back the end of January for another one on one.) and she felt like I was on a good track, she gave me a list of things to work on and that by the time I return in January I should get the “ok to go.” After that I will set my appt with the surgeon and as long as everything goes well I will be scheduling my surgery. 

*Quick side note, since my newly adjusted life mentally, emotionally and physically (I haven’t done much exercise - but being less lazy/depressed) I have lost 20 lbs since Thanksgiving. Woo!

I think everyone needs a little help. I needed a change of mind. 

[emmakribs]

September 29th 2015 (this was drafted) 

Moved into our new home. Odessa started school and LOVED it. Yurik stayed home with Mike or I as we worked opposite shifts. So much has changed since then. 

[emmakribs]

It’s been a while

Hello... ***Written & Drafted November 3rd 2016

I don’t know who will even read this, or if I even have any followers anymore who give a crap buuuuuut...

So, it’s been a while since I’ve made a post. I apologize. I think I’ve just been so busy and to be quite honest, depressed. I haven’t felt like anything I write will be of any worth to anyone, so why write. Right?

The last couple years, I’ve just been posting (and not very often) pictures, and quotes. I wanted to kept those who wanted to know up to date at least via photos. I will post more later because I realize I haven’t posted any self or family photos in over a year. 

Here’s what’s been up.

I’m just going to recap the last 2.5 years or so;

Ready? Ok...

Michael, the children and I decided to up and move to Rochester, NY.

We moved into a crappy little apartment while Michael attended Welding school and I returned to my favorite job ever and started working back at Hot Topic.

Going back to work helped the postpartum depression. It helped me get back out into work world, making friends, doing more things are me after being a strict stay at home mama for over 3 years.

We struggled financially and accrued a good amount of debt after just paying most of it off before we moved. But we were working towards a goal.

*That goal being more financially stable.

Michael finished his schooling and went to work. This career was/is not as financially appealing as we were made to believe. This was a stock and upset us for a while but we both realized we just need to grit our teeth and make it work.

I continued to work during the days at Hot Topic and he worked overnights at a company called Gorbel.

Michael does not get the pay he deserves for the work he does, just because he didn’t have the experience (or lie about having experience) that the other guys doing the same job have. He works so hard, killing himself every night, working in a very dangerous field. He comes home with “sunburns” on his arms, chest and face because they’re rushed to get product out and even though they’re told to be safe, and are given safety gear and guidelines the supervisors care less about safety and more about how much product gets shipped off. Even though he has his grief with what he does sometimes, he loves it at the same time. He is such a loyal and hard worker. So he works overnights, that’s 11pm-7:30am, he’s done this for now over 1.5 years, and it’s still so rough. Sleep is almost impossible for someone with such a demanding day life. His schedule looks like this most days; -Works really hard ALL nights, 11p-7:30a -Gets home between 8:30-9 because he leaves work just as AM traffic begins -Eats breakfast -Some days he showers but most days he’s so exhausted that he collapses wherever he falls/sits first (approx. 10/10:30am-1pm) -He tries his HARDEST to wake up every day in time to get our children from school at 2pm -Like the wonderful daddy he is, picks them up, and some days takes them straight to a park to play, or goes to see friends or family, or takes them to the mall to see me -Brings them home, does home work -Cooks & feeds children dinner -Does bedtime routine (brush teeth, books, songs, and bedtime) -Then FINALLY he collapses again, back to sleep 7pm-9pm

Summary: he never gets enough rest but still works so hard every day.

This has caused a HUGE strain on our relationship.

Between him and I both struggling with depression, missing each other (because we work literal opposite shifts and don’t even get to sleep next to each other) and lack of sleep or relaxation... Let’s just say, we’ve had some serious issues. We had some rough times. We had some time apart and we decided to work through these issues and make things stronger/better.

We bought a house. It’s gorgeous. September marked our 1 year in our home. The neighborhood could be better, but it also could be A LOT worse. We have nice neighbors. We are pretty central to everything. We have so much space.

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