i will never give you peace

26yo. too depressed and in autistic burnout to be a functional adult. too functional to be considered disabled. any-fucking-way. you can find me elsewhere but in this account.

[empires]

— since our story is a crime itself | g.f.

[empty-written-feelings]

friendship is not supposed to be convenient.

[empty-written-feelings]

friendship is not supposed to be convenient.

"we really wanted you to feel better, to be happier, freerier, etc and it didn't work out."

yikes. yes, you're right. it didn't fucking work out

[empty-written-feelings]

friendship is not supposed to be convenient.

[lady-bee-holmes]

babe are you ok you’ve been listening to the entire 2013 album Vessels by Twenty One Pilots on loop

[nevver]

Black hole sun, Fiona Finnegan

[lostmf]

[repulsive-doll-deactivated20221]

[empty-written-feelings]

My bones had always been cold.

I wasn't born like this, but nights filled with screams and hateful words did. It's an ancient story. Not worth to tell.

My hands had always been cold too.

Fingers too small to reach, hands too small to play any instruments.

My chest had always ached like this.

Like someone had taken my ribs and ripped them off until bones broke inside, lungs bleeding.

My eyes had always been sad.

But I see you walk in and I'm suddenly not sad anymore. You lay there, on the right side of the bed and suddenly I'm not cold anymore. My chest feels light.

I feel you just being, just breathing and talking and smiling by my side and...

Honey, I want to hear your voice as my lullaby. I want to hear all those ideas you have about stories you'll never write, and every subject you're studying for university. I want to know if you slept well last night, if you need a hug to feel better.

Because you laugh with my stupid jokes and I feel like I belong somewhere. All those lonely years longing until I found you.

Honey, I want to own you. I want to show you off like my favorite book on the shelf. I want to taste you and savour you in my throat like poems, words spilling like thick honey.

I want to be everywhere you are, even when I don't belong there.

I want you to hate me, step on me and left me burning. I want you to destroy me with your bare hands, choking me until I cannot breath anymore.

If I can't love like this, would it actually be worth it?

[lungthief]

stumbled across this essay in my university’s arts library and i literally cannot stop thinking abt it

[violettomcat-archived]

*smacks you over the head with a poorly put-together history textbook I made in crafts* LEARN BISEXUAL HISTORY BEFORE YOU ACT KNOWLEDGABLE

“Bisexual—being emotionally and physically attracted to all genders.” - GLSEN in fucking 1998

“Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature [...] In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.” 1990 Bi Manifesto

“But there are also many bis, such as myself, for whom gender has no place in the list of things that attract them to a person.“ 2002

“Bisexual people are those for whom gender is not the first criteria in determining attraction.” 2003

“Assuming that all bisexuals are never attracted to trans or genderqueer folk is harmful, not only to bi individuals, but to trans and genderqueer individuals who choose to label themselves as bi.”

“Bisexual: A person who is attracted to people regardless of gender (a person does not have to have a relationship to be bisexual!)” 2003

“These data support the argument that, for some bisexual individuals, sexual attraction is not gender-linked.” 1992

[violettomcat-archived]

Now that we’re approaching 20,000 notes I want to share what I’ve learned since this post first gained traction.

It is increasingly apparent that only a select minority of certain communities are willing to listen to this post and accept that bisexuality’s inclusivity and definition are not up for debate, and that this definition and inclusivity are not new to our community.

It is equally difficult to get through to people who have chosen Latin meanings over history, a hypocritical stance they don’t take up with words like gay or lesbian.

I’ve had more people deny this post’s truth than recognize it as history. I’ve spent hours having to reply to people who do not care about bisexuals than I have talking to people this post helped.

This post is not my opinion, it is a collection of sourced quotes. Despite this being stated over and over again, the content of this post is treated as discourse that is original and unique to my blog.

[petalsbleedingbeak]

This all is okay as long as you don't use it against other minor identities.

If you respect bi people and you use this post to pay that respect, good for you and well done.

If you use this post to erase, harass and bully poly- and pan folks, you are a piece of shit and deserve to have a sharpened broom handle stained in hydrochloric acid shoved up your ass before you're sat upon a trampoline inside a moving elevator.

[werewolf4vampire]

what is it with inclus always wishing severe sexual violence on others

[werewolf4vampire]

"i'm not wishing sexual violence on them, i'm just wishing them a slow painful death (that happens to be sexually invasive)"

[acquaintedwithrask]

Honey, the fact that you derailed a post on bisexuality to talk about harassing poly/pan people, which no one was doing, and harass bisexual people instead and talk in weirdly explicit detail the harm we might “deserve” (because, what, we have concerns with our label being belittled and our community split along inappropriate/misleading lines, which only serves to contribute to more biphobia?) is WILD clown behavior

[werewolf4vampire]

"anti queerphobia" they say while wishing for bi people to get raped to death

[bisexualvelvet]

petalsbleedingbeak isn’t even bi or pan so like where did that even come from? what is it with biphobes who aren’t bi having the MOST to say about bisexuality?

if bi people are talking about bisexuality (history, resources, etc) and your immediate thought is “oooh this is about how much those stupid fucking bis hate pannies!” there’s genuinely something wrong with you. you need to get off the internet because you are associating being bisexual with “violence” against pan people, and subsequently wishing physical and sexual violence on bisexuals. absolutely fuck you, you are disgusting.

[sawasawako-archived]

do u ever like feel so absurdly reluctant to do things. like it ain’t even procrastination or laziness anymore u just physically and mentally can’t bring yourself to do anything. u really, really just wanna binge watch youtube until your mind numbs completely or lie on the floor and stare into the abyss. and it’s not like u don’t have “motivation” or anything or even that u don’t want to do it, it’s just. u can’t. idk how ppl just. Do Things. get up and go at it. i have to have an entire existential crisis and like, watch a goddamn motivational film or something first before i do the smallest thing. and it’s june for fuck’s sake.

[bowsersex-deactivated20220424]

I think about the line from the Muppet Movie, “there’s not a word yet, for old friends who just met” constantly. Sometimes I’ll hear a song or see a piece of art, and I had just found it, never seen or heard it before, but I’ll be overcome with such intense emotion cause it feels like it’s a beloved memory from my childhood that I never had. Like I just met you, but it feels like I haven’t seen you in years and we’re finally meeting again and I’ve missed you so much. I know “having nostalgia for something you’re just now seeing” is basically “just liking it.” But I don’t know, I wish there was a word for “something I felt like I’ve known forever but I’m just now experiencing it.”

[jjapplepie]

thank you tumblr urser bowsersex

[bowsersex-deactivated20220424]

I’m sorry can a man who loves Bowser Sex not be emotional every once in awhile? I might have the tumblr url Bowser Sex, but I experience other emotions too…

[meangirlnurse]

i’ve started replacing “i want to die” with “i feel overwhelmed” in my internal monologue, which is usually more accurate and more productive

[philonotis]

ive been working on replacing ‘im so stupid’ with ‘im so silly’ and it has the same effect!

[shrunkencannelini]

“I can’t do this” -> This will be a challenge for me, it’s normal to feel intimidated

“I hate this” -> This is a tough situation to handle and I’m doing my best

“I hate myself” -> I’m struggling with low self esteem right now, I need to support myself as I would a friend

“I can’t believe I forgot again” -> It’s tough to balance so many things, maybe I need to let go of some of them

“They’re not going to like me” -> I don’t have to perform for anyone, my personality is valid and loveable just as is

The list could go on and on…

Redirecting the “blame” from yourself and recognizing that you are a human suffering through normal, difficult human experiences is important. Support yourself like you’d support any of your close friends if they said these things.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

I can’t tell you how delighted I am to see Actual Scripted Examples!

I’ve known I need to modify my self-talk like this for three+ years, and I’ve been trying for that long, but I never know what to replace it with. So the examples are super incredibly helpful, thank you so much. ~<333

[hollowyon]

undertale x hollow knight…. crossover

(they could be great friends)

[anggeese]

X

[gaycommunist]

losing a friend (for the one that got away) 1/3

part 2 , part 3

@frenchtoastlesbian //personalmessage.blogspot.com // @linguinereid // trista mateer // unknown // richard siken // ocean vuong “on earth we’re briefly gorgeous”// unknown // unknown

[ID:

A tumblr post by user frenchtoastlesbian, reading: losing people is so interesting because like. no i don’t want to speak to you ever again. yes i think about you on your birthday.

“The number of hours we have together is actually not so large. Please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.”

A drawing of a book, with the words ‘it takes two to be a stranger’ on the cover.

A tumblr post by user linguinereid, reading: also today is my old best friends birthday (we just grew apart) and it’s so weird how you can go from talking every day to just sending a little “happy birthday! i hope this year treats you well!” to them. like i know everything about you, but also nothing.

I’d rather think of this / as a confession: / you are still the first person / I want to share new things with. 

Graffiti on a wall, reading: “If we ever stop talking.. Send me a song”

Sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them. - Richard Siken, Editor’s page: the long and the short (...)

A tumblr post from memoryslandscape, reading: “I miss you more than I remember you.” - Ocean Vuong, from On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous (Penguin, 2019).

A handwritten note, reading: I always see stuff and think “oh you’d like this” / I hope that you see stuff and think that I would like them, too.

Maybe someday / we will be two /people meeting / again for the first time.

A tumblr post by coffeeacademia, reading: i find it so beautiful how we all read the same poetry and miss different people /end ID] [ID1: A tumblr post by user frenchtoastlesbian, reading: losing people is so interesting because like. no i don’t want to speak to you ever again. yes i think about you on your birthday. / end of ID]

[antisisyphus]

the torn-up road by richard siken - geoff mcfetridge