Enneagram Sanctuary

A safe space to ask questions about the Enneagram, get help finding your type, or discuss any thoughts or reflections you have about the Enneagram. After extensive study, I have created this space to help people in a compassionate way. My use of the word 'sanctuary' is intentional; I aim to respond to asks in a way that is kind, loving and inclusive. 

[enneagramsanctuary]

Yooo, I just wanted to ask how you would interpret each types core fear! There is a lot of different ways people describe them all, and it becomes kinda confusing, but I would really like to hear how you see it or word it <:) Sorry if you’ve done this already !

Hello, what an interesting question! Well, here's a mock-scenario of each type's 3am worries if they woke up in the middle of the night, based on real-life experiences and observations.

1: If only people could just do things the right way. God, the world is so frustrating. I'm the only one who knows what's what.

2. What if nobody ever wants me? Why do I always feel like the one who cares more? I wish I was good enough for the people I care about.

3. I need to keep going; it doesn't matter that I'm exhausted and my eyes are aching. I HAVE to keep hammering away at this and do my best. It will be worth it. I need to prove myself.

4. What if everything is meaningless? The feeling of futility is overwhelming.

5. It's easier to stay on the sidelines. I don't want to get out there and actually plunge into the mess; better to just observe.

6. The world is so unsafe. Look how dangerous people are. What if nobody really has my back? What am I going to do?

7. This isn't enough, I need more. I'm just not satisfied. /Things are getting real dull around here. Why is everyone such a downer?

9. Everyone is fighting and it's making me upset. / Nobody will ever notice me; I don't count.

[enneagramsanctuary]

I'm so glad I found your blog! So I have typed myself as a type 8 ENFP....I know it's a rare pair, so I've given it a good amount of thought. Still question it sometimes though - my question for you is, can an 8 be kind? Like come off as a genuinely kind person? (with definite aggressive moments - not like, meek) I've switched from business to social work as my career and I see this partially as reaching the healthier side of my type, but so many 8 descriptions seem like you have to be an asshole all the time. I definitely used to be...

Hello, thank you for this question @spacebutgay, it's an excellent opportunity to talk about the beauty of healthy 8s!

8s can absolutely be kind. Every type has the capacity to feel and show kindness and compassion! A family member I love dearly is an 8 and she has used her confidence, self-assurance and power to give disadvantaged children an education, rescue a girl from forced marriage, save a man from losing his leg, give food to the poor, and pay the medical bills of people who can't afford healthcare. She is one of my heroes!

Mother Teresa is also an 8. The Enneagram writer Richard Rohr initially typed her as a 2 because her whole life was about service and benevolence. But he later found out, after interviewing people who worked with her closely, that she was actually an 8 who used her power for good all her life. Martin Luther King is another example that comes to mind - his commitment to non-violence and peace overturns the 8 stereotype of mindless aggression. I believe there will always be generous, kind and compassionate 8s to learn from and be inspired by, because 8s are movers and shakers in our society - when healthy, their power for positive impact knows no bounds :)

Congratulations on moving into social work, that sounds like an incredible life decision and I hope it's everything you dreamed of! If you have any other questions or thoughts, feel free to share :)

[enneagramsanctuary]

How would you identify between enneagram 5 and 9, especially if it is a Ti dom type. There are times where I feel that enneagram 9 types ( especially istps) don’t really care much about conflict or peace compared to Fe users or Fi users.

Oo interesting! Yes, non-feeler 9s may not come off as 'peace-loving' in the same way as high Fe or Fi users. However, a 9 and 5 will still be distinct in their core struggles and motivations. Imagine a 9 and a 5 shying away from conflict. The 5 may have a general dread of feeling 'used up', having their emotional reserves drained, and being uncomfortable with raw emotional disclosure. The 9 may have a general dread of having their inner sense of calm disturbed, feeling a sense of disconnection or separation from those around them, and losing their sense of unity and harmony with the environment. The two behaviours may look the same on the outside (withdrawing, retreating, not showing up fully with relationships) but the motivations and fears are different :)

[enneagramsanctuary]

How to tell the difference between a 3 and 5? Especially since both want to be competent.

I've heard that self preservation 3's are less boastful and image oriented and aim to achieve a sense of security which seems fiveish to me.

Hey anon, this is a great question and a chance to bring in new Enneagram theory :)

The idea you are referring to comes from Beatrice Chestnut's work on countertypes, which suggests that each type has a variation that goes against the core motivation of the type. This idea, while popular in the Enneagram community, has been brilliantly deconstructed as illogical by a newer group of Enneagram scholars on their podcast. I recommend watching their debunking of the self-pres 3 countertype idea at minute 39:10 here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dJ6WltI5gA&t=1347s&ab_channel=BigHormoneEnneagram

As they say, the idea of a self-effacing, modest 3 really makes no sense because the 3's entire type structure is built around external validation for their competence and achievements. It is not possible to be detached from your type's core desire and still be that type. Chestnut's self-pres 3 description is really more of a mix of 6 (wanting security) and 1 (wanting to be 'good' and not show vanity or conceit). Beatrice Chestnut was writing at a time when there was only limited information available on the Enneagram. Her contributions are valuable, but her countertypes theory now needs to be questioned for its lack of logical validity.

Here's a good example of a self-pres 3: https://vimeo.com/585325100?fbclid=IwAR1pF_1eWn5HAVnKC9NOKQgmJZ5orMJ83Bs0r-GbZ8Rmk9nIlm-5vASl4io You can see how this celebrity chef's exhibitionistic, theatrical, attention-seeking and accolade-loving energy (oriented around self-pres themes of the body and food) is quite different from the withdrawn energy of 5s. Feel free to ask if you'd like any more clarification on this and thank you for the question :)

[enneagramsanctuary]

The 5w6 anon

The thing is, all of these nine core fears make sense. People tend to fear them at all times. And in almost all cases, the fears tend to overlap.

1. I don't like it if I don't have control over a situation. I fear losing control. But here's thing, the reason I hate losing control over something or someone is because I don't want to be put in a situation where I can't fix something. If I have control over it, then I can decide how much effort I need to put to maintain it.

If you see this example, there are so many fear coming together. I fear the loss of control like an 8. My need to be able to judge how much effort I should put into something brings out fear of 5. But if you notice, controlling something by yourself means you're trying to find a convenient pattern that you can recreate at your pace. Doesn't that sound like the fear of 6 ? Cause you are controlling to introduce a constant into that issue ?

2. I sometimes crave for the sensation of a feeling. I don't really know how to put it into words but it's like reading a romance novel just to watch the development between the two characters. You don't fall in love, but fall in love with the intensity of the love between the two characters. I tend to expect this from tons of people. Some people horribly lack this, which gives them a fake aura. They seem ingenuine with all the actions they do. They're always careful about what they say and how they fit in, which is extremely annoying. This comes off as 4 to me. I want to fit in with so many people but sometimes they feel so neutral that I can't seem to create a bond with them. It makes me wonder if my core fear is being expressed as a need or an expectation.

But once again, I know for a fact that if I ever get an opportunity like this to enjoy the intensity, I would backout. Cause, even though it's soo appealing, I'm so horribly scared of the fact that towards the very end, I might put myself in a mess that I can't clean up. That, the person might leave me in a position where I can't pick myself up. The world would not help me when I can't help myself. So I need to be there for myself. I can't afford to depend on people or on anything that would not be there with me forever. I don't really know if this is a core fear of 5 or 6, cause 6s fear uncertainty, which in this case is the uncertainty of the entire situation.

3. I tend to apologize a lot- cause I'm scared of the fact that if I don't, then the person infront of me would always be grumpy about it and would demand me to apologize in a way that would be extremely unfavorable to me. I also don't like to deal with a person's bitterness cause it ruins my mood. But unlike 9s, I don't really hate conflict. I tend to forget my emotions once I'm done dealing with them, but an angry or annoyed person who keep bringing up things that I have pushed aside. So I learned the habit of apologizing to shut them up and stop bothering me (I know it's very wrong, and I'm slowly unlearning it).

I don't really know if this would help or if it's all unwanted information, but thank you so much for trying to help me with my type!

Hi there again anon :)

1. You are right about how all of us carry all the nine fears within us and different fears can sound similar. So to pinpoint your type, look at how you are framing and understanding the fear. Your wording of wanting to control things because you don't 'want to be put in a situation where you can't fix something' and want to control the amount of 'effort you put in to maintain it' centres around 5 themes of competence, energy-control, and self-sufficiency. If you were an 8, your desire for control would be about being the biggest presence in the room, dominating the flow of energy in the room, and bulldozing others to take what you want. If you were a 6, your desire for control would be about distrusting others' intentions, fearing the danger in the world - but keep in mind that 6s also frequently consult others and seek to form alliances to help themselves feel safer, so for many 6s it's a ping-ponging between 'Nobody can be trusted' and 'I must have support!' As you can see, any type may experience a desire for control, but the roots of that desire and the nuances of how that desire manifests will differ.

2. That's interesting, anon - have you learned about the sx instinctual variant? There are 3 instinctual variants that can change the flavour of a type, and the sx instinct involves a desire for intensity in emotional connection. Sx-users desire 'psychological nudity' which means no-filter, deep, intense bonds. This is also tied up with attraction, I don't know if that resonates with you but your longing for intensity could mean that you're an sx user who is simultaneously mistrustful of people because of 5 and 6 working together as a core and wing. Also, when you say 'So I need to be there for myself' this sounds more 5 than 6 because 5s are much more comfortable with self-reliance and the idea that they should be autonomous because nobody else will be there for them. For 6s, healthy self-reliance and independence is something they have to *work* to attain at high health levels. 6s hate feeling like the world is not dependable and it is a source of anxiety for them. They spend time trying to build sources of stability and security in the outer world to compensate for their deep-seated sense of uncertainty and insecurity. 5s, meanwhile, pre-emptively check out of this game because they assume by default that nobody will be there for them and that it's better to withdraw and depend only on themselves. So a big part of a 5's self-growth is learning to engage with the outside world in a generous and trusting way, while a big part of a 6's self-growth is learning to trust themselves and find an inner anchor of security within. Does this make the difference more clear?

3. Yep, this sounds like a preoccupation with your own boundaries and needing others not to intrude on you emotionally, which matches core 5's drive not to get too involved. You may also have 9 in your tritype if you often find yourself wanting to avoid conflict for the sake of maintaining a sense of inner calm/serenity/harmony.

Hope that helps :)

[enneagramsanctuary]

I hope you’re having a wonderful day. I need your help to find my type. Here are a few things I think might help:

1. I hate owing things or deeds. If I owe something, it means that there’s a probability of me being blackmailed to do something I don’t like.

2. I need a lot of space, but at the same time, at my lowest, crave for connections. These connections aren’t for the sake of security, but it’s more about being able to feel things freely. A connection were I can just breath, enjoy myself, and sit and deal with my emotions. It’s like having this thing or person to which you could pour all your emotions to.

3. I’ve huge issues with being incompetent. Even if I’m in an extremely serious situation, my first instinct is to try figuring it out on my own. Somehow, trying to do things on my own gives me this sense of security- I can do it and so I won’t have to depend on anyone. If I can do this, then I can control it to be the way I want.

4. A lot of these sound like 5, but then here’s the issue: I’m very reckless with my energy. If I see something that matches with what I want to accomplish or it’s something on my todo list, I’ll do it even if I’m extremely overworked. Unlike 5s I don’t understand my energy levels that well and I’m extremely prone to overworking myself. That’s pretty much the same with something I would like to eat, or something really beautiful looking. If it’s nice, and if I want it right now, I’ll get it, no matter what happens.

5. I’m also mildly fearful. I tend to play worst case scenarios in my head, like what if the cars crash and topple and hit you while you’re standing on the sidewalk. But I barely or never act on my fears. I also tend to act like cp6 at times, if something bothers me, I’ll jump right in and fix it. The reason I do this is because: it’s thrilling. I’m extremely scared, but the rush that you get once you start doing it is just..awesome ? ( it’s also because I forget to think of the consequences but it’s mostly this)

6. At my lowest, I’m very vengeful to the point I can’t think. I’m so blind with anger that it sucks all the energy out of me. I hate feeling like this cause I just can’t control it. It’s all over the place, ends up making me physically sick. I end up becoming that type of a person who believes in giving exactly what has been given to me. If you’ve behaved like this with me, I want you to experience and feel all my emotions with the same intensity that you made me feel. (I’m like this even in normal setting, but it gets worse)

7. When I’m normal: I’m boring. I don’t have much energy and have a very sleepy vibe. My emotions don’t get to me ( it feels good). I have weird interests and I don’t bother much about how others in front of me perceive it. I love watching things from far, observing and learning everything from it. The presence of people I don’t like mildly annoys be, but in general I don’t care much about people. I’m content and happy sitting in my own space, doing my own thing.

Thank you for starting a blog like this to help people !

Hello anon, thank you for these details! Hope you're enjoying your typology journey :) It would be good to hear a bit more about your core motivations and fears before pinpointing a type (see my points below) but based just off this, 5w6 seems like a possibility.

1. I hate owing things or deeds. If I owe something, it means that there’s a probability of me being blackmailed to do something I don’t like. - This sounds like a combination of the 5 drive for independence with a 6 wing's distrust/suspicion of other people's motivations.

2. I need a lot of space, but at the same time, at my lowest, crave for connections. These connections aren’t for the sake of security, but it’s more about being able to feel things freely. A connection were I can just breath, enjoy myself, and sit and deal with my emotions. It’s like having this thing or person to which you could pour all your emotions to. - This could be a typical pattern of introversion and socialising rather than a specific type.

3. I’ve huge issues with being incompetent. Even if I’m in an extremely serious situation, my first instinct is to try figuring it out on my own. Somehow, trying to do things on my own gives me this sense of security- I can do it and so I won’t have to depend on anyone. If I can do this, then I can control it to be the way I want. - This points to 5.

4. A lot of these sound like 5, but then here’s the issue: I’m very reckless with my energy. If I see something that matches with what I want to accomplish or it’s something on my todo list, I’ll do it even if I’m extremely overworked. Unlike 5s I don’t understand my energy levels that well and I’m extremely prone to overworking myself. That’s pretty much the same with something I would like to eat, or something really beautiful looking. If it’s nice, and if I want it right now, I’ll get it, no matter what happens. - The tendency of a 5 to 'withdraw' doesn't necessarily apply to items on a to-do list; you can have 5s who overwork themselves in their office. 'Withdrawal' refers more to specific areas of your life where you feel you need to stockpile your resources (could be material, relational, emotional, intellectual). For example, I know a 5 who is fiercely hardworking at her job but cagey with every ounce of her emotional and relational energy. I know another 5 who is very guarded with his intellectual knowledge and afraid to give it away. Regardless of your work ethic or your drive to fulfil your immediate wants, think about whether broader patterns of avarice or disengagement (the Achilles' heel of the 5) are underlying your life.

5. I’m also mildly fearful. I tend to play worst case scenarios in my head, like what if the cars crash and topple and hit you while you’re standing on the sidewalk. But I barely or never act on my fears. I also tend to act like cp6 at times, if something bothers me, I’ll jump right in and fix it. The reason I do this is because: it’s thrilling. I’m extremely scared, but the rush that you get once you start doing it is just..awesome ? ( it’s also because I forget to think of the consequences but it’s mostly this) - This sounds like a 6 wing moving in and out of phobic and counterphobic (I agree with Enneagrammer's theory that 6s are rarely either phobic or counterphobic, but embody a mixture of the two).

6. At my lowest, I’m very vengeful to the point I can’t think. I’m so blind with anger that it sucks all the energy out of me. I hate feeling like this cause I just can’t control it. It’s all over the place, ends up making me physically sick. I end up becoming that type of a person who believes in giving exactly what has been given to me. If you’ve behaved like this with me, I want you to experience and feel all my emotions with the same intensity that you made me feel. (I’m like this even in normal setting, but it gets worse) - This isn't enough information to go on as it could be an anger management issue or the effect of negative life experiences. If you regularly feel this way, it could indicate an 8 in the tritype.

7. When I’m normal: I’m boring. I don’t have much energy and have a very sleepy vibe. My emotions don’t get to me ( it feels good). I have weird interests and I don’t bother much about how others in front of me perceive it. I love watching things from far, observing and learning everything from it. The presence of people I don’t like mildly annoys be, but in general I don’t care much about people. I’m content and happy sitting in my own space, doing my own thing. - This could indicate the 5 stance of a withdrawn observer, preferring to watch from afar, but you need to reflect on whether your preference for observing and learning speaks to more deeply-rooted fears of engaging with the world.

So, overall, the info you've given me leans towards 5w6, but some of it is too generic to determine core motivation (that is, we need to think about *why* you act the way you do, not the actions in themselves). So feel free to send me further info if you'd like more input/clarification. Above all, it would be good to reflect on your fundamental fears and desires in life. When you look back at all the times you've been scared or anxious, what core fear has been driving you the most often? Do you often experience the desire to stay detached, keep your head down, stay on the sidelines, avoid risk, hoard or stockpile resources (information/skills/knowledge), and rarely feel ready to directly engage with the world (5 tendencies?) Or is there something else that drives you?

Don't worry if finding your type takes some time - it sounds like you’ve already made a great start with this list! Remember to look at the root causes driving your behaviours over the majority of your life. Recalling your childhood, adolescence and early 20s can help as these stages of life often show up type in a raw and unfiltered way. Good luck, my friend, and I’m here if you’d like further support :)

[enneagramsanctuary]

That’s really cool ! I’m still struggling to find my type ! I know I’m a sexual subtype of the IV , and I’m pretty sure of the fact that I am a 5, but sometimes I’m just way too reactive ?

Yes I need a LOT of space, I get overwhelmed very fast and do have huge issues with sharing information with other people ( “how’s knowing that about me going to help you ?”, not having the need to explain what I’m doing or even eating). Like my biggest fear, is giving too much information/ stuff/ affection. I’m scared of the fact that I won’t get anything back. That they would keep taking it.

But here’s the thing: unlike 5s I’m very impulsive. If I want something, I have to get it right now. And I will get it. I love new stuffs and just can’t accept the fact of missing out on them cause there’s so much to know and learn. A fear of missing out on crazy experiences and cool information. I love the intensity that comes with picking up new things to study about. Sometimes, I reach a point where I’m all over the place, constantly jumping from one information to another. And yes, this eventually makes me look like a workaholic.

I’m extremely blunt as well. If something doesn’t go my way, I have to point it out, I have to solve it . Withdrawing when I have a lot in my mind is very exhausting to the point I end up feeling physically sick. I feel a lot, but don’t understand anything that I feel and at times, refuse to acknowledge a particular feeling. I’m extremely competitive and, can be extremely vengeful when I’m angry. And yeah, any form of emotional discomfort starts with anger.

Another thing is that eventhough I hate people, I need to be around them. Not for emotions, friendship or support, but more because each individual has an interesting thought or opinion, and it’s actually fun reading more into that. I’m soc blind, so I fail to care about the consequences of trying to push people out of their boundaries for my own sake.

All these sometimes make me sound like a 7w8. There was a point where I thought I was an 8, but I don’t have a huge huge need for control. Yes, I would like to deal with things my way, but I’m more of that type to do my own stuffs alone without letting people know than actively telling them to do things this way.

Hey there @anime-addictt, great to hear from you :) You sound pretty self-aware already, and it's awesome that you have a solid sense of some of your preferences around your relationships.

I have a question for you: have you considered how your MBTI type may be coming into play here? A lot of this sounds like Ne (extroverted intuition). All the new things you said excite you revolve around *intellectual* stimulation - new things to learn, jumping around from one topic to another because everything feels fascinating, intense engagement with study, seeing people as sources of interesting thoughts and opinions (aka, an intellectual focus).

Keep in mind that 7 descriptions can sound similar to descriptions of high Ne in terms of wanting to consume new possibilities, fear of missing out, rapid bouncing between this and that. The difference is that for Ne-users, these patterns are about intellectual stimulation ('Guess what I learned today!' 'Someone told me this cool theory!' 'Ahh, I want to read about EVERYTHING!').

Whereas being a 7 is not necessarily about intellectual stimulation. How a 7's 'hunger for life' manifests depends on the user; you may have 7s who are keen on, say, physical experience or physical adventures ('I want to travel to New York and go skydiving and scuba-dive and AHH, my bucket-list is neverending!!') and aren't particularly interested in learning new things on an intellectual or philosophical level. The ultimate test of whether someone is a 7 is whether their Achilles' heel in life is compulsively needing to see the positive in every situation; being afraid of being trapped in negativity; struggling with acknowledging pain (an inability to 'dwell in darkness'); or being unable to endure the hard parts of life and skipping to gluttony (pleasure-seeking) or excessive positive reframing ('It's fine, it's great' when it's not fine or great). Do you struggle with those things?

If not, then what you said about your 'biggest fear' being 'giving too much information/ stuff/ affection' points to 5. I recommend going straight to your deepest fear, the thing that worries you and trips you up in life the most, as the easiest and most straightforward way to type. If you're a 5 with high Ne, it explains your love for new intellectual stimulation and your feeling of 'there's so much to know and learn'. That can give a 5 an inner sense of dynamism, vibrancy and energy, even if it is an emotionally withdrawn type.

Lovely to hear about your thirst for knowledge, by the way. That sounds like a gift which will always keep the world interesting for you :)

[enneagramsanctuary]

I've been hesitating between 3 and 8 bc I do care about success a lot but I can relate to 8 traits as well. Can you explain some differences between 8 and 3 with examples?

Hi there anon, thank you for your question - sounds like you're torn between two fascinating types!

3s and 8s are both assertive types who can achieve a great deal in this world. Both may enjoy competition and exude a confident, self-possessed energy. However, they aren't alike in terms of core motivations and fears. What do you fear more, being weak and controlled (8) or feeling like a failure (3)?

What drives you when you set out to achieve goals? 8s want to bend the world to the force of their will and exert their autonomy - they are usually the biggest energy in the room. 3s want to succeed and look good doing it - not just taking home the trophy, but hearing others applaud as they step on-stage.

8s charge through the world without much thought about how it looks or how they stack up against others ('I do what I want and that's the end of it'). By contrast, the 3 is constantly aware of how they are coming across, wants you to validate how successful or appealing they are, and is continually comparing themselves to others ('How am I doing? How do you see me?'). Both can be ruthless, but 3s are more prone to deceitful or devious behaviour than 8s, and 8s can be more 'blunt-force' and insensitive.

Examples: I have a 3 colleague who name-drops the celebrities he 'personally knows'; he's conveying that he has access to power and he wants us to see that and be impressed. My 8 colleague interrupted him and said, 'Where's the file for Monday? We need to get this done, now.' Full candour, assertive tone to the point of rudeness - also a display of power, but completely unselfconscious and with no regard for how it looked. Think about the difference between an 8's Gut Triad energy ('I react to the world instinctively') and a 3's Image Triad energy ('I am crafting an image that I want you to see').

Both 3s and 8s benefit from self-compassion (as we all do) but in different ways. 8s can grow through feeling safe to admit their needs, knowing it's OK not to be invincible, tamping down the instinct to 'bulldoze' others, and accessing their suppressed vulnerability. 3s can grow through feeling safe to be themselves, tamping down their urge to impress others, and knowing they are worthy and lovable regardless of what they achieve. When healthy, both can have tremendous charisma, willpower and benevolence to offer the world. Many of our greatest movers, shakers and leaders through history have been wonderful, dynamic 3s and 8s :)

If you have any more questions or further points of confusion, you are absolutely welcome to ask :)

[enneagramsanctuary]

I’m curious- what’s your enneagram ? How did you end up finding it ? Does your instinctual variant actually change the flair of your type ( more like have the same fear but bring it up differently?)

Hey there @anime-addictt, thank you for this interesting question. I hope you're enjoying your Enneagram explorations :) I'm a 6 and I found my true type after a great deal of questioning. When I initially discovered the Enneagram, I regularly mistyped because I went by surface behaviours - ‘I’m hardworking and goal-oriented, so I must be a 3!’ 'I don't like conflict, so I must be a 9!' 'I like helping people, so I must be a 2!' But I landed on my true type when I probed the core motivation underlying these fears. Why am I hardworking and goal-oriented? Because I have a strong sense of duty, believe in the value of effort and sacrifice, and want to ensure a stable, comfortable future for my family. 6 thinking. Why don’t I like conflict? Because people can get dangerous when they’re mad and could hurt me or someone I care about, or stop being trustworthy allies for me in the future. 6 thinking. Why do I like helping people? Because I’ve suffered from the level of danger in the world, I know what it’s like to feel scared and unsafe, and I want to counter the darkness of the world’s trauma by creating warm, inclusive, and compassionate spaces of sanctuary where people - both myself and others - feel safe, accepted, and protected. 6 thinking. Look at the core fears and desires underlying your behaviours and choices, not how they appear on the surface.

I also recommend looking back at situations in your life where you made a mistake, made yourself unhappy, or self-sabotaged. What key character flaw was tripping you up? For me, my preoccupation with security has sometimes led me to pick ‘safe’ options that don’t make me happy. I’ve put myself through unnecessary misery in my love life by dating people I didn’t really like because it seemed ‘pragmatic’. I’ve stayed in bad relationships and been reluctant to leave toxic work environments because 6s take their commitments seriously, can hold on to a misplaced sense of loyalty, and also because sticking it out can feel ‘safe’ or ‘practical’ or ‘sensible’.

The head energy of the 6 also puts me somewhat out of touch with my heart and intuition. When you’re always analysing and re-analysing things and making lists of pros and cons, you can lose touch with the instinctive ‘knowing’ or heart-based feelings that other types in the Heart and Gut Triads can access more easily. To find your true type, ask yourself what your Achilles’ heel has been throughout your life, and also which energy you can access most easily (heart, head, gut).

Instinctual variants do colour the flair or feel of a type, yes:

My Social instinct makes me passionate about creating safe spaces of belonging and inclusion. I feel very invested in the welfare of the community (eg. family, friendship group, workplace) and work hard to contribute to it. The innate tribalism of the 6 makes me care about ‘fitting in’ and being accepted (eg. memories of ‘not belonging’ in middle school are deeply painful for me, while memories of finding best friends in high school are deeply joyful and meaningful for me). However, the innate contrariness of the 6 will also make me rebel against any social/cultural norm I see as unfair or overly pressuring. Healthy Social 6s want everything to be on a level playing field and they will not hesitate to deplore bullying, violence, corruption, nepotism, etc. They will advocate for inclusion, fairness and transparency.

As a Self-Preservation user, I experience intense gratitude for having a roof over my head, running water, and food in the fridge, because these embody ‘safety’ in a way that makes my 6 happy and thankful. I’ve also had an irrational fear of becoming homeless and losing access to basic resources - irrational since I’m in a financially comfortable situation, but that’s sp-6 talking. I am extremely thrifty with money and dislike taking anything out of my bank account out of a preoccupation with ‘saving for the future’.

Sx-last means I don’t really go in for that primal sx energy in everyday life. Remember that sx isn’t just about sex, but rawness, intensity and psychogical nudity. For example, I can get uncomfortable if someone outside my closest circle tries to push me towards unusually high levels of intimate self-revelation beyond the ordinary boundaries of conversation, zero filtering, or in-depth disclosures about things that would be considered inappropriate in most social situations. Being a 6 colours my sx-blindness with the awareness that revealing too much or getting into overly intense situations can lead to danger, like people using the information against you or exploiting you.

I hope these examples help! If you have any more questions or thoughts, on your own type or otherwise, you are absolutely welcome to ask :) Have a great day!

[enneagramsanctuary]

Want a safe space to find your Enneagram type/talk all things Ennea? Ask for free here.

I’m excited to launch the Enneagram Sanctuary, a free ask service here on Tumblr for all queries Enneagram-related. Having studied and practiced the Enneagram for 3 years, I favour a compassionate and positive approach to typology. My use of the word 'sanctuary' is intentional; I aim to respond to asks in a way that is kind, loving and inclusive. Please send in your asks! You can ask for help finding your type, help with growth and integration, help with understanding/typing other people in your life, or share any general Ennea-reflections or questions that you want to discuss. All free, all inclusive. This sanctuary is open to all.