welcome to the weirdness

We purely have this blog anymore to mass-like and reblog our partner.

[entomophobia-system]

So I'm making my own reverse CRK au that I REALLY want to talk about but my atychiphobia says no, but while rambling about it to one of our partners (@theeldritchvespero) we just said "eternal sugar is a non-lethal John Kramer" and... I'M KINDA RIGHT? AT LEAST IN THAT AU???

[theeldritchvespero]

An interaction between our roommate @theowlsarchive, our partner system @maggafun, and our system.

Roommate: I got a sourdough loaf for you from the grocery store. They finally have it in again. Millennial Tree (Ours): Oh sourdough? What a joyous occasion! Roommate: ... Wind Archer (Boyfriend): ... Millennial Tree (Ours): ... Fire Spirit stop laughing. Fire Spirit (Ours): *laughing so hard he's wheezing* WHAT A JOYOUS OCCASION! YOU DO NOT GET TO LIVE THIS DOWN. Wind Archer (Boyfriend): You sound like a Victorian boy getting tuppence for his hard work! Millennial Tree (Ours): Please cease... Fire Spirit (Ours): Okay, boomer. Millennial Tree (Ours): I am older than the concept of Boomers. Fire Spirit (Ours): That's not helping your argument, dinosaur. Wind Archer (Boyfriend): No, he's the silent generation. Millennial Tree (Ours): And I am unable to leave... How joyous...

I wish we could make this stuff up. We get more AU fodder from just hanging with our boyfriend than from looking through canon!

[entomophobia-system]

What a joyous occasion -Wind Archer

[the-wings-of-eternity]

this is getting fucking ridiculous

every other fictive we have there’s only one. Then there’s just. Them.

[the-apartment-complexxx]

FINALLY SOMEONE WITH THE SAME PROBLEM AS US

WE HAVE 14 OF THEM 😭😭😭 lowkey thought it was just an us thing

[the-wings-of-eternity]

OH MY GOD help

we can all have.. many many Shadow Milks…

[theeldritchvespero]

We are getting... like...

Our Cookie Run subsystem has to be 150 at this point. We don't bother counting anymore because they pop up like weeds. We have like five Vanillas

Cookie Run is just really, really split-able apparently

[the-wings-of-eternity]

no because Shadow Milk is very plural-coded and I guess that plus our very very intense hyperfixation made the brain run with it

[theeldritchvespero]

Oh the plural-code on that man is so bright it might as well be lighthouse morse code. He's not even trying at this point XD

I think we have... Hold on... Shadow, Kalei, Nightshade, Berrymilk... At least four???

It's impossible to avoid them TwT

[entomophobia-system]

........the amount. Of shadowmilks. We have. Our glorious partner helped reveal who we THOUGHT was a weird pure vanilla WAS ANOTHER SHADOW MILK WHO WAS PRETENDING TO BE PURE VANILLA.

I HATE IT HERE /j

[theeldritchvespero]

The snake still chews its tail even if man thinks it destructive.

It ask not permission from the upright.

Who are you to mistake transformation for ruin?

[entomophobia-system]

Honey are you ok-

[theeldritchvespero]

Playing It Takes Two with our boyfriend @maggafun for the first time. Here goes nothing! :D

[theeldritchvespero]

… Quote of the day comes from our system’s Puppeteer AU Silent Salt alter:

“Daddy wants to kill himself, beloved.”

(He really, really hated this one saw parkour obstacle in the Toolbox section and every time both players died we had to do it AGAIN. He was not amused.)

Otherwise we were enjoying ourselves until our connection died. XD Going in again!

[entomophobia-system]

It was funny as shit asking how he was doing after the 5th death and hearing "daddy wants to kill himself" in the most deadpan voice imaginable! -puppeteer au shadow milk

[theeldritchvespero]

You telling me to double jump at every opportunity just landed me face first into another saw blade. So yes, Daddy wants to kill himself. And preferably if you’re going to make me do parkour, do not do so while it is raining nails.

… Also that book can perish in a wood chipper. Dr. Hakim is going to stop undulating his hips at me or Shadow is going to have to stop me from committing funeral pyre on the living.

- Puppeteer AU Silent Salt

[entomophobia-system]

Nonono you need to steam him alive not burn him, otherwise he won't feel nearly as much pain as he deserves. -Puppeteer AU White Lily

[theeldritchvespero]

Playing It Takes Two with our boyfriend @maggafun for the first time. Here goes nothing! :D

[theeldritchvespero]

… Quote of the day comes from our system’s Puppeteer AU Silent Salt alter:

“Daddy wants to kill himself, beloved.”

(He really, really hated this one saw parkour obstacle in the Toolbox section and every time both players died we had to do it AGAIN. He was not amused.)

Otherwise we were enjoying ourselves until our connection died. XD Going in again!

[entomophobia-system]

It was funny as shit asking how he was doing after the 5th death and hearing "daddy wants to kill himself" in the most deadpan voice imaginable! -puppeteer au shadow milk

[earthbreadreconstructed]

So... are we going to address the fact that milk is apparently groundwater, cheese is mined out of the earth, Mala Sauce has sausage hair, and you can fish up caviar and oysters in the sea outside the Creme Republic?

In a dessert only world?

No?

... Mkay. I guess we'll handle that later.

[theeldritchvespero]

Normally we'd write out the full essay for our side blog right now, but we're on call for our EMS job and we don't want to get interrupted mid-flow. Seriously though... This has some implications???

... All of this because we were designing a Legendary cookie for our boyfriend...

Yeah, we're not even touching where the meat is coming from yet.

That's a tomorrow job.

[entomophobia-system]

We are the boyfriend in question lol (awww you mentioned us).

[theeldritchvespero]

Boyfriend! :D

Hi hi hi hi hi! Love you! MUAH!

[entomophobia-system]

:D gay

[earthbreadreconstructed]

Introducing Honeyed Sourdough Cookie, head of the Historical Accuracy Division!

Well... a wip of them, anyway.

Added the starting sketch and the more finished concept. We're still trying to figure out whether they're a she/her, a she/they, or a they/them, but hey!

They're going to be the sona for this blog once we're done with them! :D

We studied like four different kingdoms trying to make their design and we'll get into their design inspirations at a later date, but here you go!

We also have other characters for this division of the TBD but they will come later...

Expect to have your clothes double-checked and your lingo corrected before you head out on your paradox mission, especially if there's a chance of cookie to cookie interaction!

Stay informed, stay safe, and for the love of the Sugar Swan, please stop introducing synthetic fibers to pre-industrial timelines.

[theeldritchvespero]

Oh my poor man

I would gladly take some drinking water. Don't feel bad, we showed up randomly QwQ

You are a fantastic host

This is not helping the third-world country feudal lord allegations

... Hold on. Cookies drink water?

[earthbreadreconstructed]

So... are we going to address the fact that milk is apparently groundwater, cheese is mined out of the earth, Mala Sauce has sausage hair, and you can fish up caviar and oysters in the sea outside the Creme Republic?

In a dessert only world?

No?

... Mkay. I guess we'll handle that later.

[theeldritchvespero]

Normally we'd write out the full essay for our side blog right now, but we're on call for our EMS job and we don't want to get interrupted mid-flow. Seriously though... This has some implications???

... All of this because we were designing a Legendary cookie for our boyfriend...

Yeah, we're not even touching where the meat is coming from yet.

That's a tomorrow job.

[entomophobia-system]

We are the boyfriend in question lol (awww you mentioned us).

[earthbreadreconstructed]

Witch Magic & The Silver Kingdom

Part One: What The Fudge?!

You know, our first post was going to be fixing cookie biology because canon can’t seem to decide whether cookies have organs or not. It’s… actually incredibly funny to see sources go cookies work because magic and then Silent Salt say, “The Cookie heart.” Picking a lane would be great, my guys. 

So we opened the Cookie Run Kingdom wiki page on Cookies, the species. This was a mistake. Honestly we wanted to cry. We love the wiki, don’t get us wrong. Fantastic source of information. The reason we wanted to cry is because it’s a conglomerate of all of the information over the years, and Cookie Run is infamous for being inconsistent. All right, cool. Where to start? 

We end up scrolling, and there’s a section called Divergences. Interesting, what’s in here? Well, the list goes as follows: 

Fig and Nutmeg Tiger - sure, centaurs definitely are divergences

Candlelight - not sure how a being made of wax counts as a cookie, but sure

Goblin - has extra pronounced fangs, good for them I guess

Merfolk and Tearcrown residents - yep, merfolk definitely count on this list 

Candy Diver - … that’s just a ghost with an attitude 

Aurora Candy - we would argue this is not a cookie, but you do you, Devsisters, we’ll handle that later 

Mercurial Knight - “though appearing to be of a standard Cookie body made of mercury-infused dough, can melt into liquid mercury at will (Cookies, Cookie Run: Kingdom Wiki)”

Choco Flounder - we’re just going to file this under Merfolk and call it a day because why? 

Did you catch it? No, not the centaurs. Not the wax. Not the ghost. The mercury. Apparently Mercurial Knight has the ability to melt into liquid mercury at will. What?! 

This dragged us down a bumpy ride that started in excuse me, why do you have that ability, sir??? and ended in why are the Witches even in this story right now??? Click below to keep reading as we show you through Alice’s rabbit hole to the truth of the invasive predators of Earthbread.

You might be wondering why Mercurial Knight’s ability to change into liquid mercury even matters. He is Mercurial Knight Cookie, after all. That’s kind of his thing. 

Well, here’s the problem: technically, it shouldn’t be possible to begin with. 

Let’s start from the beginning: Who is Mercurial Knight Cookie? 

Mercurial Knight Cookie was released on February 7th, 2024 for the second half of the Secrets of the Silver Kingdom update. He’s an Epic Charge cookie, and the general of the Silver Knights who defend the Silver Tree in the Silver Kingdom. (Which… technically isn’t a kingdom because there is no king, only a Guardian by the title of Elder, which may also just… be his name(?) possibly. Not to mention it’s called four separate names by canon materials depending on whether it’s feeling political, ecological, magical, or just particularly indecisive that day, but we don’t need to get into that rant right now. For the sake of everyone’s sanity, we are going with the Silver Kingdom for today—the name of the actual update—and moving on.) His ability is called Mercurial Knight’s Oath, and fun fact! It has an extra buff that triggers whenever Silverbell is in battle with him called Silver Knighthood that also affects Elder Faerie and White Lily. That’s… not exactly relevant to the discussion right now but we discovered this by reading the entry on his ability and thought it was cool, so… the more you know. 

Now I’m sure we have some readers looking at this going, why are you telling me all the stats stuff? Why is this important? Because none of this is setting off any red flags. 

A general. 

A knight. 

A strong Cookie. 

Sure, maybe he’s a little odd, but there is a Space Doughnut running around with a cookie made of Stardust. Oddities are a dime a dozen here. 

But when you start looking into his military title, what his ability does, and exactly what the Silver Knights actually are, you start… noticing things. Nothing much. Just little… inconsistencies that don’t quite line up. Details that make you pause. Answers to questions that were never asked to begin with… and make you wonder why they needed to be asked at all. 

Let’s pause our look at Mercurial Knight Cookie for a second and go look at his knights, yeah? 

Returning to the Cookie Run: Kingdom Wiki, you will find a beautiful page on the Silver Kingdom. Like, the wiki crew is legitimately impressive for collecting all of this and putting it up like this for people to read, and we do actually recommend reading it if you’re curious after this post. (Aside from the map. We’re not touching the canon map today. Not unless you want me to rant for three hours and end up throwing my favourite tea cup at the wall.) It’s even split up in helpful sections! Geography, landscape, history, culture, denizens, and known denizens! Is it a little sparse on information? Yeah, but it’s Cookie Run Kingdom. That’s not on the wiki makers, that’s on Devsisters. We’ll likely expand all of the known locations later to have their own ecology and cultures, but that’s not today’s goals. 

We’re going to focus on the Culture section right now. It has three sub categories: Silver Tree, Silver Tree Knights (with its own sub category of Known Silver Tree Knights), and Faerie Library. Wonderful! We already have our work made easy for us! The wiki has this to say on the Silver Tree Knights: 

“The Silver Tree Knights are an order of knights dedicated to preserving the seal of the Silver Tree and protecting its guardian, Elder Faerie Cookie. Cookies in this order can be blessed with Silver, trading their unique flavor for the strength to carry out their mission. A prime example of this sacrifice is Mercurial Knight Cookie, whose flavor and scent were traded for cold metal long ago. According to Mercurial Knight Cookie, all Silver Tree Knights eventually grow to "look one and the same," and yet, he and Silverbell Cookie are visually distinct from the hordes of identical Knights seen throughout the kingdom. The knights have most likely disbanded after the events of Beyond the Horizon as there is no longer reason to protect the now empty Silver Tree.” 

… Right. Okay. So who here was aware that the Silver Tree was blessing its knights to eradicate their scent and flavour until they have nothing left but metal? Because that seems like something the Silver Kingdom updates kind of glossed over, yeah? 

Let’s dissect this line by line. 

The Order of the Silver Tree, or the Silver Tree Knights, are a group of trained individuals who serve the purpose of defending Elder Faerie Cookie, the Guardian of the Silver Seal Tree (as called in Beast-Yeast Chapter 12 - The Silence of Conviction by Silent Salt), and the actual Silver Seal Tree itself because the Beasts have gone insane and abandoned their virtues. Mhm. Kay. Normal thing to do. That’s fine. 

Now the wiki says that cookies in this order can be blessed with Silver, trading the flavour in their dough for metallic strength. This specific word “can” will be disputed in a line or two, but we’re going to focus on the fact that this is acknowledged to be normal. Why? Do you understand the implications of this? Cookies are flavoured dough organisms with jam innards and soul matrices—a debate for another time—that find individualism and family jamlines through said flavour. And the Silver Tree removes that. Right. That means you are anatomically disassembling and reassembling each Silver Knight to remove all traces of the former recipe, whether it be Witch-made, Wizard-made, or Sugar Swan-descended (again, a topic for another time) and replace it with inedible Silver in such a way that not only does not destroy the cookie, but allows them to continue moving and functioning as if they were a normal cookie. 

“But it’s magic!” I hear some of you crying out. “Magic does that!” 

Yes, our dear readers. It is magic. That is not our concern here. The how is easy to explain. Where they got magic with these capabilities and why it is being used is not. But we can get into canon’s… lacklustre explanation in another post. Because yes, we do have thoughts on the matter. 

The prime example of this Silver Blessing process is apparently Mercurial Knight Cookie. We just addressed that Mercurial Knight can melt into liquid mercury. No other Silver Knight can do this. Um… That’s not a small detail, and definitely has implications that might be best saved for a part two because this is already 1440 words long at that number and there is so much evidence packed into this post alone that it would be actively unjust to try and fit it all here in one post. But trust me, we have some lore to continue digging into on Mercurial Knight. 

Keep in mind that nowhere in canon does it state that Elder Faerie does not also receive the Silver Blessing. An odd note for later. 

This next line we are going to treat as what it is: a quote from a potentially unreliable primary source. “But why?” you may ask. “Mercurial Knight does say that.” Yep! He does! That’s the reason we’re treating it like this. 

Quick sidebar: Primary sources are fantastic places to get information about an event, process, or anything else you are trying to research. They tend to be stuff like testimonies, witness accounts, and other sources that were there at the events. There’s still an issue with this: primary sources can lie or be incorrect. If Jack says he jumped the candlestick when he actually burned himself, then he is a primary source that has false information. That doesn’t change the fact that he’s a primary source. It just means that you need to check the source against other sources of information, like an art book (sometimes) or a text in-world. 

Why is this important? Because the line in the excerpt directly states and acknowledges a contradiction: Mercurial Knight says eventually all Silver Knights grow to “look one and the same” but this is a direct violation of Mercurial Knight and Silverbell having both unique names and unique abilities. Either Mercurial Knight meant, “we all look like silver knights because the tree makes us silver and so we are one order,” or something is very specifically different about Mercurial Knight and Silverbell. Likely the latter, considering that Mercurial is able to, and I stress this again, melt into liquid mercury, which Silverbell is definitely not able to do. 

Also this line implies that the Silver Blessing’s transmutation of flavour into metal might be a slow, gradual process over time? That… That doesn’t make us feel better, Devsisters. That’s actually worse. 

The final line states that the Silver Knights have likely disbanded after the Silver Tree stops needing defending. This is actually evident in one of the 5th Anniversary gallery painting cutscenes for the Silver Kingdom where Mercurial Knight states that he’ll likely wander the land trying to defend people. We do not know where we would get the full quote for this right now so if anyone knows where we could verify this, we’d really appreciate it as we tried to go and find it in our game and couldn’t remember where the completed paintings were stored. But direct parallels to the Salt of Solidarity aside, that implies one thing: this Silver Blessing is not reversible once the process finishes. You are a Silver Knight permanently, no matter what. Were the Knights aware of this before they signed on? If so, why does this culture just normalise getting your identity removed? If not, that seems like something that should be in big red ink at the bottom of the contract, yeah? 

That one passage is doing so much work. Just the one paragraph reveals systematic reconstruction of a cookie’s entire biology and social identity to guard this one tree. The psychological horror of that statement alone is wild. Isn’t this supposed to be a kids’ game?! 

(Funny story: we ran this by some friends to make sure we weren’t crazy. They stared at us in horror before one of them pulled up a photo of Starlight Glimmer’s village in MLP:FiM and how she removed all of their cutie marks for equality. We laughed so hard realising the similarities between the Silver Tree’s knights and this village. Like… he isn’t wrong. I just don’t think the Silver Tree is so easily reversible.) 

“But it’s the Wiki! Wikis can be wrong! Surely this isn’t canon,” we hear some of you protesting. 

Well… 

Mercurial Knight Cookie’s in-game description: “... Blessed by Silver, he cast aside his former flavor, scent, and memories (and mastered the sacred art of Amalgamation). … Perhaps the gravity of his mission has changed the very nature of his crispy Cookie dough.” His soul jam description: “It's seeped with silver till its deepest core, with the original color no where to be found.” (Yes, it is “no where.” We are choosing to blame the game’s proofreaders on that one.) 

Yeah… Yeah no, this is canon. Which means we have plenty to dig into in future parts: 

Why is the Silver Tree doing this? 

What is the source of this magic? 

How are Silent Salt and Elder Faerie involved? (And why their involvement alone is not enough for this to occur.) 

What happened to Mercurial Knight? 

What does this mean for Silverbell? 

And if this was Witch magic… what does that mean for the Witches themselves? 

But this is a good place to stop for today. We need tea and I’m already falling asleep at my typewriter. 

We hope you’ll stop by again as we dig deeper into this beautifully fractured mess of canon and start rebuilding from the bottom up. Toodles!

[theeldritchvespero]

Welcome to Earthbread Reconstructed

This was supposed to be an AU to fix the villains. You know, something simple and silly—give them motivations that don’t devolve into “attack everyone because villain gotta villain.”

Then we started noticing more.

As we dug into the lore to build our stories, we kept running into implications, inconsistencies, and details canon never expanded on. The kind that make you stop and go, hold on, what?

We tried to ignore them. Smooth them over. Work around them.

Then we sat down with the map.

The map looked back.

We took that personally.

So here we are.

Let us say this clearly: This is not a hate blog.

This game has brought us immense joy over the years—watching it evolve, anticipating updates, crafting theories we never shared, and then seeing some of them come true later. (The voices in the Soul Jams? Incredible.) We love this world, and we’ve done our best to follow its story as it grows.

This is a project to rebuild that world from the ground up and see what happens when you add biology, geography, psychology, and more to the core idea:

What if the fable of the Gingerbread Man became an entire world?

That’s the foundation Cookie Run is built on. We’re just making sure it holds

See you around as the castle is rebuilt.

If there’s something you want explored, come Poke The Builder. If you’ve got broken lore or beloved pieces of canon, drop them off at Material Drop Off.

We can’t promise we’ll get to everything—but we’ll use what you bring to refine this cathedral into the glory it deserves.

Come on in.

Just mind the scaffolding.

[earthbreadreconstructed]

Oops! Posted this to the wrong blog!

Timeline stability restored. Hope you didn't fall into any Time Pockets on the way here!

[sleepingcatemojis]

hi, could you do wing flag emojis with these wings that ill attach to this ask except the eyes (of the wings) are red? if possible could you also give them antenna like the picture ill attach and red eyes /nf? its for a headmate, thank you!

here you go!

[motherfrigginpsas]

LISTEN UP AGAIN KIDS STOP REBLOGGING THIS FUCKING GARBAGE POST. IT IS 100% FUCKING BULLSHIT AND CAN AND MOST DEFINITELY WILL LITERALLY KILL. DO YOU NOT SEE WARNING LABELS THAT SAY “DO NOT INDUCE VOMITING”? THEY AREN’T FUCKING AROUND. YOU CAN FUCKING BURN THEIR ESOPHAGUS BY CAUSING VOMITING, CAUSE CHOKING, DROWNING, OR MAKE IT WORSE! AGAIN DO NOT FORCE ANYTHING DOWN ANYONE’S THROAT. THEY. CAN. DROWN. IF SOMEONE IS LOSING CONCIOUSNESS ALL THE CHIT CHAT IN THE WORLD WILL NOT PREVENT IT AT THAT POINT THEY ARE IN SERIOUS DANGER. “Buuut i don’t wanna take them to the hospital!!!” WELL SUNSHINE GLAD YOU’D RATHER HAVE A DEAD FRIEND THAN A LIVING ONE BUT YOU’RE IN LUCK CALL FUCKING POISON CONTROL. THEY ARE NOT THE COPS. THEY WILL HELP YOU. AND IF THEY SAY GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL YOU GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL. NO EXCUSES. 0. NONE. I have seen this shit cross my dash SO MANY TIMES so PLEASE fucking reblog this and prevent some well meaning idiot from accidentally killing someone they love!

[feytaline-loves-deactivated2018]

For the love of god PLEASE REBLOG THIS

I see this stupid fucking post one a goddamn week and someone is going to literally fucking die from it

[abbessolute]

@oneshoeshort

[oneshoeshort-deactivated2021060]

IF YOU WONT LISTEN TO OP, LISTEN TO THE RETIRED PARAMEDIC WHO HAS SEEN PEOPLE DIE FROM THIS SHIT.

[sirro85-blog]

Poison control may advise diluting the toxin somehow like with water or milk, otherwise do not give them something to drink and take the empty pill bottle/ blister pack with you to the hospital.

[becausewedefinetheworld]

btw just searched it up, US poison control number is 1 800 222 1222

[arcadialedger]

REBLOG

[isearchedtheyooniverse-deactiva]

F U C K I N G

R E B L O G

T H I S

W H E N E V E R

Y O U   S E E   T H I S

O N   Y O U R   D A S H

[astro-so]

UM

R E B L O G

I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE

R E B L O G

[prick-o]

i felt like this was important idk

[rav3r-d0ll]

PLEASE REBLOG!

[whisperingsoup]

In Canada, 1-844-764-7669 will connect you with a national poison control center

[parttimepunner]

I found a list of poison center contact numbers around the world

Region1 Country Name of centre Address 1 Address 2 Address 3 Address 4 City Postal code Administrative telephone Fax Emergency telephone Ema

[valcaira]

What the actual fuck is wrong with you? "Martyred?" "MARTYRED??"

So, Gazans are just "noble savages" to you then? Their deaths are not tragic deaths but "glorious martyrdom"?

Fuck you. Fuck you and your shallow "activism". You don't give a shit about Palestinians if THAT'S how you talk about them.

[sharkface]

They are already selling data to midjourney, and it's very likely your work is already being used to train their models because you have to OPT OUT of this, not opt in. Very scummy of them to roll this out unannounced.

[writterings]

here's some instructions for anyone who doesn't know how to opt out:

login in on desktop, it's not available on mobile yet

click "Account"

click on your blog

go to "Blog Settings"

go to "Visibility"

Scroll down to the bottom option

turn the toggle ON, not off

you will have to do this individually for each sideblog you have too, no way to do it for each account in one go

[entomophobia-system]

It's now on mobile please go toggle this setting if you have mobile Tumblr and not desktop like I do

[cipher-of-the-round-table]

Right, considering the current state of corporate politics on this site, and that it seems that only those affected seem to be actively speaking on the matter, it is up to I, the only fucking cishet on tumblr, to drag this out to a wider audience.

REBLOG IF YOUR ACCOUNT IS A TRANSFEM SAFE SPACE.

We need to show these higher ups how much we truly value them.