Not Now Bicurious Mouse Thrall Hayden

THE ALPHA OF ALPHAS, THE APEX OF APEX PREDATORS, DEATH, DESTORYER OF WORLDS, THE DEMON WOLF deucalion or d • any pronouns who give a shit sideblog for academic discussion of my cringe ass interests ONLY.

[cuppydogshane]

has ilya rozanov seen dracula flow

[cuppydogshane]

i love ilya and i love shane i just cannot get over how much of a turbo bummer with a happy ending paint job the long game is for both of them and their relationship Lock Me Up i guess

[jesterlesbian]

imagine not wanting hudson to be awesomely bighuge as shane. could NOT be me

[chocolate-smash]

okay I can’t keep it in anymore. Shane may be autistic, but he simply Would Not have a problem with things being too bright or loud. This boy plays HOCKEY, he is a SENSORY SEEKER, there is NO SUCH THING AS TOO BRIGHT AND LOUD. In my HEART OF HEARTS I know that this man used to stand in the middle of arcades as a child and soak in all of the different sounds and lights and flashy bits and finally feel like he’s getting enough sensation to settle into his own skin. He sleeps under 2 weighted blankets and preferably also another giant 250lb hockey player. He’s not having a problem with too much noise and stimulation. He plays recorded crowd noises from other sports games to focus on stuff. He’s fine sitting in wet clothes for an hour if that’s how long it takes to finish sexting before he gets changed. He’s a SENSORY SEEKER. LET HIM SEEK.

[fuckrozanov]

i have MANY uncouth things to say

[awfulsweettobealittlebutterbi]

"and then they fuck about it" is to Hollanov headcanons what "stop" was to telegrams

[smokingrozanov]

Yeah man me and the bros are doing bets on a Hollander-Rozanov divorce on Kalshi. Yeah they fucked up my fantasy stats so I’m rooting against them

[smokingrozanov]

Never forget that after their first hookup Shane was in his hotel room like fuck. Fuck I’m such a failure. He swallowed & I didn’t even try to let him cum in my mouth. If spitters are quitters what am I??? A fucking loser that’s what. But definitely not a gay one. Next time I’ll swallow. In a no homo way.

[ticklefighthockey]

I do think it’s so funny that rose was like GOD I’m so tired of dating these actors who turn out to be closet cases! I’m going to date a hot pro athlete who plays the one sport where men are actually encouraged to knock each other’s teeth out on the ice as a sign of their aggressive macho man virility. and then shane is like 🥺 it’s ok that I have to fantasize about being being held down and railed by my big strong manly rival to get off when we have sex right? and rose is like oh my fuckinhhggg godddfddddddd

[cuppydogshane]

i do think Shane Hollander after the outing would finally cave to Rose begging him to listen to her good frienf taylor swift's album Reputation and he would rock with it. his beautiful ego would respond to it like nothing else.

[urie]

using ur dirtbag line cook skills how would you assign shane and ilya in a restaurant

i had to stew on this one bc i think my initial instinct is to make ilya a scummy line cook but its not correct. its not right. just bc its hot doesnt make it right

ilya is actually a bartender who then works his way up to foh manager and then gm and shane is a cook who works his way up to sous chef and then exec chef who did everything "the right way" aka he actually attended culinary school and takes the job very seriously and is always annoyed by the fact that ilya doesnt seem to take his job as seriously (even tho ilya does he just thinks its funny to pretend not to bc it pisses shane off)

always sniping at each other like "hollander what is for family meal? youre going to remember to feed us this time yes?" even tho shane has never forgotten family meal

shane is always mad at ilya for sending rush tickets that say "sorry ;)"

shane refuses his shift drink every night bc he doesnt want to spend time around ilya with his guard down any longer than he has to

ilya keeps ordering things that are 86'd that he knows are 86'd

ilya refuses to talk to shane while hes holding a knife and no matter what hes doing shane is required to put his knife down before ilya answers him

ilya is always suggesting extremely obscure russian dishes for seasonal menus (they work at a french wine bar)

ilya sends a long ticket back to the kitchen at 12:59am just before the kitchen closes and it says "just kidding!!!" over and over again

of course under all this there is deep respect and fondness but both of them would rather die than break kayfabe

i have much more to think about here...... i'll come back to this

[hr-rep]

How Shane vs Ilya talk about the other (they are in love)

[margall]

ilya voice shane take picture of me in my sunglasses i am like meryl streep in the devil movie haha i am also in prada yes and what a woman she is. have i told u cliff has asked her for a chance? yes just one chance no they havent met but he would be good at the gala of the met better than old scott hunter. yes they invited him. yes i told u about it and u forgot. its okay my baby i love u kiss. kiss. give me kiss my husband. kiss. okay thank u yes of course i would be better than cliff. bc i am in prada right now like meryl streep in the movie. haha. hahahaha. kiss. kiss me my husband. kiss.

[lavenderprose]

I think it would have been so fun and enriching for both Shane and Rose to have a little more time with Shane's situationship before the Hollanov Soft Launch. Neither of them ever went to college. They barely went to high school. They've been locked in on their respective high-intensity low-privacy careers since they were fifteen. Shane has been fucking with a fuckboi for seven years without ANYONE to talk to about it. Rose is just as starved for genuine human connection as Shane is.

They should have been given time to sit on Shane's couch while Rose plays Twenty Questions trying to get to the bottom of who Shane is fucking.

Shane should have told Rose about the Tampa hotel room and Rose should have hit him with a pillow and said, "NO. The fuck boy does NOT have a heart of gold, Shane Hollander."

Shane should have had the opportunity to text Rose, "I'm making a bad choice," and then two hours later, "Fuck I am DONE I am NEVER doing this again" because Ilya got up to shower too quickly and Shane hurt his own feelings about it.

There should be a series of texts in Rose and Shane's history that just say, "Relapsed," all of them sent at three in the morning accompanied by a selfie of Shane in Ilya's fuckass navy blue sheets. Rose's habitual response is Not a relapse if you never stopped 😐

They should have met up after Shane was up all night getting just absolutely railed into the mattress and Rose should have reached across the table to lift up Shane's hangover sunglasses and said, "That dick better be unbelievable," and Shane should have miserably said, "It is."

Shane should have gone incommunicado for four days after telling Rose that he was going to spend a long weekend in Boston and finally when Rose texts him a screen shot of an LAX -> BOS flight list and the words, "Proof of life or else." Shane just responds with a picture of Ilya's back turned and his hair a mess as he rummages in a cabinet for coffee beans. Rose responds, Whore. And then, two minutes later, Tell the fuck boy I said hi.

[summerhalder]

how do i explain to people that shane is a jock he is not sitting down and reciting a billion marine facts and reading encyclopedias

[aslongasitsblack]

hollanov should have one evil ass influencer daughter and that’s it

hollanov and their evil daughter who they defend with their lives, shes wreaking havoc in ottawa unemployed living at home and shanes like stroking her head at the end of every evening assuring her shes never done anything wrong in her life, ilya gives her the keys to their house in france and tells her she needs to take a break from working so hard (the work is being one of those girls who gets invited to clubs)

[swearphil]

SHANE WEEK | day 2: favourite look