Yet another obsessed fangirl

Fandom stuff, anything you can think of! Female, early 40's, is Transgender and Pansexual. Really into Shadowhunters right now, and getting back into Assassins Creed. Always into Doctor Strange. Also do RP on request, just ask!

[estel619]

It's my 9 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[estel619]

I want to thank @rubyc7 for liking and reblogging todays special thing. You rock!

[estel619]

It's the 1st anniversary of DemonRose, the ship that @spiritsncrystals and I created. It's the crossover of Aki and Jehu. Thanks for all the support so far, and here's to another year of fun.

[gaymerexe]

Hey! You just caught a pokemon! What could it be??

Everyone who reblogs this will get a random pokemon based off their blog and url! I’ll also provide a detailed analysis of why you and the pokemon go together.

[estel619]

Now that we have Sera in Duel Links, next unlockable character? Her brother Diva. Because Cubics do actually look like an interesting deck archetype.

Who's with me on this?

[estel619]

I heard that someone has turned 16 today.

Happy Birthday @spiritsncrystals hope I smashed last years offering for you~

[ask-the-multishipper-blog]

oh god what did i do

IT SUMMONS MAIL EVERYONE TRY IT

[nyfian-deactivated20150105]

HOLY FUCKING COW.

[carverly]

OKAY IT’S TRUE

[lookingforpack-deactivated20181]

WHAT

[imivi]

???

[kittyluvr69]

I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE

WHAT HOW

[daxin-freeborns-news-feed]

I’ve been wondering what message it sends for awhile now, apparently it’s random?

[kynisme-blog]

oh?

OH

[ohcaptainmycaptain1918]

#lmfao no way #why do i reblog these things #hahaha #urban legends #tumblr myths #im so gullible 

nO FUCKING WAY THIS JUST

[followpearlpinesnotthisblog]

gUYS NO JOKE I GOT “motor oil” IN MY ASK BOX I’M SCREAMINH

[goopy-amethyst-deactivated20250]

I HOPE U GUYS DON’T LIE 

[goopy-amethyst-deactivated20250]

THIS SHIT FUCKING WORKS WTF

[stach3nscarf3n]

you’re shitting me

HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORL-

[blustrology-deactivated20180312]

i wanna see what happens

[annotateee]

it looks fun i guess

[little-white-noises]

Where did this even come from

[thefutaking]

This sho

[eddie-bullshit]

Wierd :o

[starlightdealer]

I want in

[mysterygirlsofficialtumbler]

I call doubt

[edeneye30]

Hmm

[amethysts-pants-official]

I D I D T H I S A N D I G O T A N A S K T H A T J U S T “ P A N T S ”

[nertleturtle]

i s2g-

[nertleturtle]

i fUKCIGN REBLOGGED THIS AND DAMN IT

[raging-kitten-deactivated201708]

I dont believe this

[thathighclassbitch]

My anon is off. Bout to catch this fucker.

[a-birdy-talks]

I don’t think it works like that…. It’s probably more like a deer, it won’t come out if it’s going to be caught… whatever it is that’s sending the messages x’D

[thathighclassbitch]

..what if it shows up as anon anyway?????

[a-birdy-talks]

O . O Then we know it’s a real myth and not just followers seeing you post this and sending random messages…. xD 

[angrybeardedbastard]

Hmmm

[katuki-yuri]

GUYS THIS SHIT WORKS

[lavendericy]

yolo

[decendedinhell]

I’m sure that this ain’t gonna work for me. Prove me wrong.

[totallynaf-deactivated20200218]

Hm.

[vampirojoto-remade-deactivated2]

ok i believe

[cuddlefights]

shrug emoji

[the-milk-was-expired-deactivate]

BITCH FUCK ME UP

[vorpalmango]

DROWN ME IN YOUR MESSAGES

[lvulic]

what is this mahogoney.

[cliche-ask-max-deactivated20171]

Dude wtf

[a-boy-and-his-gem]

((i am utterly confused))

[tabii-search-history-deactivate]

oh))

[neeancy-search-history]

Yeah right, as if it’s real…

(But I am actually desperately lonely and hoping it is)

[flowerscout-davey-search-history]

*rolls eyes* suuuure

[phoneykin]

//:^)))

[euphorickie]

pls

[retrostan-deactivated20180915]

NOT EVEN A MINUTE LATER

NOPE IM OUT

[sweetseaveydreams]

wot in tarnation 

can i get a hoopla

[themostbeautifulthing123]

Q?

[trashyeds]

I wanna see if something actualky happens

(UPDATE) it actually works

[finns-curls]

only doing this to see if something happens

(UPDATE - LMAO IT ACTUALLY WORKS)

[woahidiot]

OKAY LETS TRY IT

[vi-bi-bye]

Not even some magical being can make me get something on my inbox, that shit’s a fucking desert

[beep-beep-beverly]

Askbox empty will wait to see what happens

[beep-beep-beverly]

Ah it works I’m not having a crisis or anything I’m so confused

[vitalhemmings]

hm

[be-more-heidi-hansen]

they said “sorry, got caught in traffic” I’m knDJSMSN

[sluttykacchan-deactivated201910]

hm doES it really work?

[monkel-in-the-bathroom]

What the hell is this

[let-me-puke-in-ur-mouth-em]

If this works it will be the second thing to ever be in my ask box oof

[diego-hargreeves-official]

Aight let’s try

[tiso-heart]

i have tried this multiple times before and they all worked

i’m gonna be surprised if they still come in

[my-i-dont-even-know-mess]

Let’s try this bitch

[crab-07]

Let’s see if this still works

[charlessoda-deactivated20200226]

dont trick me, ya dingle

[lillypad-moved-deactivated20210]

I know for a fact that if I do receive something I’ll be super freaked out for no reason.

[theitalianscribe]

Let’s see what happens. I’ve lived long enough anyway.

[edaryn04]

Come at me

[dark-eyed-harmothoe]

I wanna

[so-lovelee]

please

[schrodingers-fyke]

Hmm… Maybe?

[strixton]

Holy shit it works!

[tech--romancer]

Ive got mail!

[itsmeeve1220-blog]

Let’s go gaymers lmao

[inkedmyths]

Why not? Will it bring people out of the woodwork?

[zonai-of-the-lost]

I want to see what will happen X3

[zonai-of-the-lost]

WHAT!?

HOW IS THIS REAL????

[allthatdivides]

bls

[mpleaff]

OwO

[nerdingatthespeedoflight]

hmm? does it still work?

[estel619]

It's this important boi's birthday today!!!!

[estel619]

A random thought

When I first started playing Duel Links, my first ever event was Yubel.

I guess that explains alot.....

[estel619]

I have a few colour by number apps, because they are relaxing etc. This is the most beautiful one I have coloured so far, a Kitsune girl, or nine tails fox, whichever one fits. I hope I get to do more like this one day.

[gaymerexe]

Hey! You just caught a pokemon! What could it be??

Everyone who reblogs this will get a random pokemon based off their blog and url! I’ll also provide a detailed analysis of why you and the pokemon go together.

[estel619]

A year ago today, I got talking to someone who not only loved GX like me, but rped as the opposite person to who I rped as.

It's been a rollercoaster of a year, with many amazing rps of all different kinds.

@spiritsncrystals, thank you for being my friend, and for making my boys happy.

Happy 1st anniversary of friendship! Heres to the next year, and beyond!

[estel619]

It's this dorks Birthday today.

[spiritsncrystals]

"I will not let you put yourself at risk."

Judai was a little surprised to hear that from Johan “why not?” he’d done it in the past but Johan had never said anything about it before.

[estel619]

“Because I realized how reckless you have been in the past…. And that it’s mainly been my fault for the reason why. I just… Don’t want to lose you.” He sounded sad.

[hero-neos]

He could feel the sadness in johan’s voice

Ok judai knew he could be reckless but he wasn’t idioticly reckless (in the sense of literally doing something that he’d no doubt end up getting killed from)

He gave a reassuring smile to the other replying with a reassuring tone.

“Ok i know i have been Reckless before and i still can be but I’m not reckless enough to actually get myself killed. I promise you that whatever i do i wont let myself be killed. And if i happen to break it then.. Well you have full permission to call me and idiot or something on my grave”

[estel619]

Johan choked up at that. “So getting yourself possessed by a genocidal king isn’t reckless? Or using a spell card to fuse with…. That?” He was almost screaming by then.

[hero-neos]

Ok Johan had a point. Those weren’t his finest moves.

More getting possessuth than the fusing because lets be honest if he hadn’t he’d practically be the only person alive living sadly with yubel.

“Alright you have a point.”

[estel619]

He calmed down. “I understand the fusing, that was to save us all. But Haou? And what he made you do? I just don’t get it.”

Not that he wanted to. He knew that Judai had ‘killed’ four of their friends, or rather Haou did, but it didn’t make it look any better.

[hero-neos]

Nobody must have told him the full story about that and that’s when the smile had completely faded from his face.

“I Guess nobody Told you the Full story about it.. Although i have my reasons for not taking about it”

Whilst it was only partly his fault what had happened he still felt very guilty about it all. In any case really it was Brrons fault that manjoume, kenzan, Fubiki and Asuka had died because of him.

[estel619]

Johan noticed that the look on Judai’s face had changed. “So… It wasn’t you who did it then?” He asked hesitantly, still not sure what to think.

Mind you, he had done something equally as bad, but through no fault of his own.

[hero-neos]

“Well… Partly… I didn’t even want them to die.. After seeing manjoume go i even tried to prevent the others getting killed by not attacking brrons monsters but he found away to force mine into attacking his Aswell as directly.” his face grew more uncomfortable as he continued it wasn’t exactly pleasant dwelling on such a memory.

“if id had something that could’ve countered him being able to do that i would’ve used it but i didn’t… And i guess that’s when i kinda lost it..” the tone of his voice seemed to droop as he seemed to slow down in his words almost breaking them off from each other within the sentence that wasn’t exactly the proper trigger but it was still impactful.

[estel619]

Johan nodded, not sure what to say or do. He didn’t even know what was going on at the time. Seeing as he wasn’t even there. He moved over to Judai, and gave him a big hug, trying to comfort him.

[hero-neos]

Tears started dwelling in his eyes. “i just remember being so enraged and bloodthirsty wanting to kill brron for it…” it really did hurt emotionally recalling all of it “he would’ve killed sho too if he’d been in the exact same spot as they were i was really relieved when i saw he was alive but the relief was really short lasted as…” he seemed to pause as in hesitance for a moment he guessed he could probably describe this bit as the start of the trigger

[estel619]

“Hey… Shhhh. You don’t need to say it if ya don’t want to.” Johan said softly, knowing how distressed Judai appeared. He hugged the other tighter, letting him cry it out if he needed to. “Let’s just try to forget this whole thing happened, and vow not to be so reckless, hm?”

[hero-neos]

The brunette just seemed speechless after that as he hugged back tightly almost sobbing onto the others shirt. Judai really couldn’t help getting like this whenever these memories made a frequent return to him. There was just so much guilt and despairity from it all and it seemed to reduce one who would usually seem as confident and full of energy down to a literal emotional wreck. He wanted to forget it all but its really hard to forget such a traumatic thing as it would sometimes bring back PTSD for him every now and then “i.. Don’t know if i can forget it…”

[estel619]

He just let the other cry it out, being there for him, as a comforting presence. “Have you ever thought about getting some sort of therapy for it?” Johan said softly, not wanting to sound patronising or offensive. “Because it might actually help.”

[hero-neos]

While what Johan was suggesting did seem to be a good idea, Judai, on the other hand didn’t exactly know how to feel about it.

He’d gotten therapy in the past as a child and as a result from it he’d ended up forgetting yubel which at the time of remembering about them and the stuff they had caused whilst they were a child and the action he’d taken in response probably had added to the guilt and other things he’d felt after returning from that dimension without johan returning himself.

It wasn’t really that he didn’t think therapy was a good suggestion, it was more that he was afraid of what would happen, thinking that if he ended up forgetting something vital and as a result a concequence would lead to another problem for a lot of people because of it which he was just very scared of what if it did happen"

He’d keep it in consideration for now but Judai felt like he needed a second voice about it, anothers opinion before his own.

So he lifted his head off the others shoulder, quickly drying his eyes that were now slightly red aswell as a little puffy from crying, taking a deep breath before looking directly at the other in the face with a gentle yet weary and sorrowful expression “I’m not sure… Johan can i please have your opinion on it first, as in do you think i should?”

[estel619]

Wow, he was not expecting that. “You want my opinion on the matter?” He asked softly. He thought about the pros and cons of it. After a while he finally spoke. “I think it would be a good idea to. But make sure this time that nothing gets forgotten, so nothing bad can happen his time.” That was the best answer he could come up with.

[hero-neos]

He felt a sense of relief hearing that from the other, he was just glad that johan had put in consideration about what happened the last time he had gotten therapy because it really was crucial that his memory stayed in tact this time for Everyone’s safety. “Thank you.” while he was more assured about getting therapy he knew to himself that it was not something he could do alone if he was going to do it he needed someone to be there with him. “Johan.. If i get therapy… Would you…” he paused for a moment trying to get the words out “Would you come with me?.. It might seem stupid but i feel like this is something i can’t do alone..and if i wanted anyone to help me go through with it… It’d be you Trust me it does feel stupid of me to want it but i can’t help it..”

[estel619]

“You don’t even need to ask silly. I made a promise to protect you, and support you, not matter what.” Johan chuckled a little. He was glad that Judai had agreed to his idea. “I have a feeling this time will be better, and nothing bad will happen.”

[hero-neos]

He wasn’t as sure as the other was about his feeling but for now he decided to trust the others feeling “I hope so” he then tightly hugged johan starting to tear up slightly again but rather this time they were mostly happy tears, tears of relief “Johan, thank you so much… I’ll do it then, im glad to have someone like you as a boyfriend” a small smile had crept up on his face as well.

[estel619]

Johan smiled back. "Its what I'm here for. And I'll happily support you in any way I can." He hugged the other back, relieved that Judai had agreed with him after all.

[spiritsncrystals]

"I will not let you put yourself at risk."

Judai was a little surprised to hear that from Johan “why not?” he’d done it in the past but Johan had never said anything about it before.

[estel619]

“Because I realized how reckless you have been in the past…. And that it’s mainly been my fault for the reason why. I just… Don’t want to lose you.” He sounded sad.

[hero-neos]

He could feel the sadness in johan’s voice

Ok judai knew he could be reckless but he wasn’t idioticly reckless (in the sense of literally doing something that he’d no doubt end up getting killed from)

He gave a reassuring smile to the other replying with a reassuring tone.

“Ok i know i have been Reckless before and i still can be but I’m not reckless enough to actually get myself killed. I promise you that whatever i do i wont let myself be killed. And if i happen to break it then.. Well you have full permission to call me and idiot or something on my grave”

[estel619]

Johan choked up at that. “So getting yourself possessed by a genocidal king isn’t reckless? Or using a spell card to fuse with…. That?” He was almost screaming by then.

[hero-neos]

Ok Johan had a point. Those weren’t his finest moves.

More getting possessuth than the fusing because lets be honest if he hadn’t he’d practically be the only person alive living sadly with yubel.

“Alright you have a point.”

[estel619]

He calmed down. “I understand the fusing, that was to save us all. But Haou? And what he made you do? I just don’t get it.”

Not that he wanted to. He knew that Judai had ‘killed’ four of their friends, or rather Haou did, but it didn’t make it look any better.

[hero-neos]

Nobody must have told him the full story about that and that’s when the smile had completely faded from his face.

“I Guess nobody Told you the Full story about it.. Although i have my reasons for not taking about it”

Whilst it was only partly his fault what had happened he still felt very guilty about it all. In any case really it was Brrons fault that manjoume, kenzan, Fubiki and Asuka had died because of him.

[estel619]

Johan noticed that the look on Judai’s face had changed. “So… It wasn’t you who did it then?” He asked hesitantly, still not sure what to think.

Mind you, he had done something equally as bad, but through no fault of his own.

[hero-neos]

“Well… Partly… I didn’t even want them to die.. After seeing manjoume go i even tried to prevent the others getting killed by not attacking brrons monsters but he found away to force mine into attacking his Aswell as directly.” his face grew more uncomfortable as he continued it wasn’t exactly pleasant dwelling on such a memory.

“if id had something that could’ve countered him being able to do that i would’ve used it but i didn’t… And i guess that’s when i kinda lost it..” the tone of his voice seemed to droop as he seemed to slow down in his words almost breaking them off from each other within the sentence that wasn’t exactly the proper trigger but it was still impactful.

[estel619]

Johan nodded, not sure what to say or do. He didn’t even know what was going on at the time. Seeing as he wasn’t even there. He moved over to Judai, and gave him a big hug, trying to comfort him.

[hero-neos]

Tears started dwelling in his eyes. “i just remember being so enraged and bloodthirsty wanting to kill brron for it…” it really did hurt emotionally recalling all of it “he would’ve killed sho too if he’d been in the exact same spot as they were i was really relieved when i saw he was alive but the relief was really short lasted as…” he seemed to pause as in hesitance for a moment he guessed he could probably describe this bit as the start of the trigger

[estel619]

“Hey… Shhhh. You don’t need to say it if ya don’t want to.” Johan said softly, knowing how distressed Judai appeared. He hugged the other tighter, letting him cry it out if he needed to. “Let’s just try to forget this whole thing happened, and vow not to be so reckless, hm?”

[hero-neos]

The brunette just seemed speechless after that as he hugged back tightly almost sobbing onto the others shirt. Judai really couldn’t help getting like this whenever these memories made a frequent return to him. There was just so much guilt and despairity from it all and it seemed to reduce one who would usually seem as confident and full of energy down to a literal emotional wreck. He wanted to forget it all but its really hard to forget such a traumatic thing as it would sometimes bring back PTSD for him every now and then “i.. Don’t know if i can forget it…”

[estel619]

He just let the other cry it out, being there for him, as a comforting presence. “Have you ever thought about getting some sort of therapy for it?” Johan said softly, not wanting to sound patronising or offensive. “Because it might actually help.”

[hero-neos]

While what Johan was suggesting did seem to be a good idea, Judai, on the other hand didn’t exactly know how to feel about it.

He’d gotten therapy in the past as a child and as a result from it he’d ended up forgetting yubel which at the time of remembering about them and the stuff they had caused whilst they were a child and the action he’d taken in response probably had added to the guilt and other things he’d felt after returning from that dimension without johan returning himself.

It wasn’t really that he didn’t think therapy was a good suggestion, it was more that he was afraid of what would happen, thinking that if he ended up forgetting something vital and as a result a concequence would lead to another problem for a lot of people because of it which he was just very scared of what if it did happen"

He’d keep it in consideration for now but Judai felt like he needed a second voice about it, anothers opinion before his own.

So he lifted his head off the others shoulder, quickly drying his eyes that were now slightly red aswell as a little puffy from crying, taking a deep breath before looking directly at the other in the face with a gentle yet weary and sorrowful expression “I’m not sure… Johan can i please have your opinion on it first, as in do you think i should?”

[estel619]

Wow, he was not expecting that. “You want my opinion on the matter?” He asked softly. He thought about the pros and cons of it. After a while he finally spoke. “I think it would be a good idea to. But make sure this time that nothing gets forgotten, so nothing bad can happen his time.” That was the best answer he could come up with.

[hero-neos]

He felt a sense of relief hearing that from the other, he was just glad that johan had put in consideration about what happened the last time he had gotten therapy because it really was crucial that his memory stayed in tact this time for Everyone’s safety. “Thank you.” while he was more assured about getting therapy he knew to himself that it was not something he could do alone if he was going to do it he needed someone to be there with him. “Johan.. If i get therapy… Would you…” he paused for a moment trying to get the words out “Would you come with me?.. It might seem stupid but i feel like this is something i can’t do alone..and if i wanted anyone to help me go through with it… It’d be you Trust me it does feel stupid of me to want it but i can’t help it..”

[estel619]

"You don't even need to ask silly. I made a promise to protect you, and support you, not matter what." Johan chuckled a little. He was glad that Judai had agreed to his idea. "I have a feeling this time will be better, and nothing bad will happen."

[spiritsncrystals]

"I will not let you put yourself at risk."

Judai was a little surprised to hear that from Johan “why not?” he’d done it in the past but Johan had never said anything about it before.

[estel619]

“Because I realized how reckless you have been in the past…. And that it’s mainly been my fault for the reason why. I just… Don’t want to lose you.” He sounded sad.

[hero-neos]

He could feel the sadness in johan’s voice

Ok judai knew he could be reckless but he wasn’t idioticly reckless (in the sense of literally doing something that he’d no doubt end up getting killed from)

He gave a reassuring smile to the other replying with a reassuring tone.

“Ok i know i have been Reckless before and i still can be but I’m not reckless enough to actually get myself killed. I promise you that whatever i do i wont let myself be killed. And if i happen to break it then.. Well you have full permission to call me and idiot or something on my grave”

[estel619]

Johan choked up at that. “So getting yourself possessed by a genocidal king isn’t reckless? Or using a spell card to fuse with…. That?” He was almost screaming by then.

[hero-neos]

Ok Johan had a point. Those weren’t his finest moves.

More getting possessuth than the fusing because lets be honest if he hadn’t he’d practically be the only person alive living sadly with yubel.

“Alright you have a point.”

[estel619]

He calmed down. “I understand the fusing, that was to save us all. But Haou? And what he made you do? I just don’t get it.”

Not that he wanted to. He knew that Judai had ‘killed’ four of their friends, or rather Haou did, but it didn’t make it look any better.

[hero-neos]

Nobody must have told him the full story about that and that’s when the smile had completely faded from his face.

“I Guess nobody Told you the Full story about it.. Although i have my reasons for not taking about it”

Whilst it was only partly his fault what had happened he still felt very guilty about it all. In any case really it was Brrons fault that manjoume, kenzan, Fubiki and Asuka had died because of him.

[estel619]

Johan noticed that the look on Judai’s face had changed. “So… It wasn’t you who did it then?” He asked hesitantly, still not sure what to think.

Mind you, he had done something equally as bad, but through no fault of his own.

[hero-neos]

“Well… Partly… I didn’t even want them to die.. After seeing manjoume go i even tried to prevent the others getting killed by not attacking brrons monsters but he found away to force mine into attacking his Aswell as directly.” his face grew more uncomfortable as he continued it wasn’t exactly pleasant dwelling on such a memory.

“if id had something that could’ve countered him being able to do that i would’ve used it but i didn’t… And i guess that’s when i kinda lost it..” the tone of his voice seemed to droop as he seemed to slow down in his words almost breaking them off from each other within the sentence that wasn’t exactly the proper trigger but it was still impactful.

[estel619]

Johan nodded, not sure what to say or do. He didn’t even know what was going on at the time. Seeing as he wasn’t even there. He moved over to Judai, and gave him a big hug, trying to comfort him.

[hero-neos]

Tears started dwelling in his eyes. “i just remember being so enraged and bloodthirsty wanting to kill brron for it…” it really did hurt emotionally recalling all of it “he would’ve killed sho too if he’d been in the exact same spot as they were i was really relieved when i saw he was alive but the relief was really short lasted as…” he seemed to pause as in hesitance for a moment he guessed he could probably describe this bit as the start of the trigger

[estel619]

“Hey… Shhhh. You don’t need to say it if ya don’t want to.” Johan said softly, knowing how distressed Judai appeared. He hugged the other tighter, letting him cry it out if he needed to. “Let’s just try to forget this whole thing happened, and vow not to be so reckless, hm?”

[hero-neos]

The brunette just seemed speechless after that as he hugged back tightly almost sobbing onto the others shirt. Judai really couldn’t help getting like this whenever these memories made a frequent return to him. There was just so much guilt and despairity from it all and it seemed to reduce one who would usually seem as confident and full of energy down to a literal emotional wreck. He wanted to forget it all but its really hard to forget such a traumatic thing as it would sometimes bring back PTSD for him every now and then “i.. Don’t know if i can forget it…”

[estel619]

He just let the other cry it out, being there for him, as a comforting presence. “Have you ever thought about getting some sort of therapy for it?” Johan said softly, not wanting to sound patronising or offensive. “Because it might actually help.”

[hero-neos]

While what Johan was suggesting did seem to be a good idea, Judai, on the other hand didn’t exactly know how to feel about it.

He’d gotten therapy in the past as a child and as a result from it he’d ended up forgetting yubel which at the time of remembering about them and the stuff they had caused whilst they were a child and the action he’d taken in response probably had added to the guilt and other things he’d felt after returning from that dimension without johan returning himself.

It wasn’t really that he didn’t think therapy was a good suggestion, it was more that he was afraid of what would happen, thinking that if he ended up forgetting something vital and as a result a concequence would lead to another problem for a lot of people because of it which he was just very scared of what if it did happen"

He’d keep it in consideration for now but Judai felt like he needed a second voice about it, anothers opinion before his own.

So he lifted his head off the others shoulder, quickly drying his eyes that were now slightly red aswell as a little puffy from crying, taking a deep breath before looking directly at the other in the face with a gentle yet weary and sorrowful expression “I’m not sure… Johan can i please have your opinion on it first, as in do you think i should?”

[estel619]

Wow, he was not expecting that. "You want my opinion on the matter?" He asked softly. He thought about the pros and cons of it. After a while he finally spoke. "I think it would be a good idea to. But make sure this time that nothing gets forgotten, so nothing bad can happen his time." That was the best answer he could come up with.

[spiritsncrystals]

"I will not let you put yourself at risk."

Judai was a little surprised to hear that from Johan “why not?” he’d done it in the past but Johan had never said anything about it before.

[estel619]

“Because I realized how reckless you have been in the past…. And that it’s mainly been my fault for the reason why. I just… Don’t want to lose you.” He sounded sad.

[hero-neos]

He could feel the sadness in johan’s voice

Ok judai knew he could be reckless but he wasn’t idioticly reckless (in the sense of literally doing something that he’d no doubt end up getting killed from)

He gave a reassuring smile to the other replying with a reassuring tone.

“Ok i know i have been Reckless before and i still can be but I’m not reckless enough to actually get myself killed. I promise you that whatever i do i wont let myself be killed. And if i happen to break it then.. Well you have full permission to call me and idiot or something on my grave”

[estel619]

Johan choked up at that. “So getting yourself possessed by a genocidal king isn’t reckless? Or using a spell card to fuse with…. That?” He was almost screaming by then.

[hero-neos]

Ok Johan had a point. Those weren’t his finest moves.

More getting possessuth than the fusing because lets be honest if he hadn’t he’d practically be the only person alive living sadly with yubel.

“Alright you have a point.”

[estel619]

He calmed down. “I understand the fusing, that was to save us all. But Haou? And what he made you do? I just don’t get it.”

Not that he wanted to. He knew that Judai had ‘killed’ four of their friends, or rather Haou did, but it didn’t make it look any better.

[hero-neos]

Nobody must have told him the full story about that and that’s when the smile had completely faded from his face.

“I Guess nobody Told you the Full story about it.. Although i have my reasons for not taking about it”

Whilst it was only partly his fault what had happened he still felt very guilty about it all. In any case really it was Brrons fault that manjoume, kenzan, Fubiki and Asuka had died because of him.

[estel619]

Johan noticed that the look on Judai’s face had changed. “So… It wasn’t you who did it then?” He asked hesitantly, still not sure what to think.

Mind you, he had done something equally as bad, but through no fault of his own.

[hero-neos]

“Well… Partly… I didn’t even want them to die.. After seeing manjoume go i even tried to prevent the others getting killed by not attacking brrons monsters but he found away to force mine into attacking his Aswell as directly.” his face grew more uncomfortable as he continued it wasn’t exactly pleasant dwelling on such a memory.

“if id had something that could’ve countered him being able to do that i would’ve used it but i didn’t… And i guess that’s when i kinda lost it..” the tone of his voice seemed to droop as he seemed to slow down in his words almost breaking them off from each other within the sentence that wasn’t exactly the proper trigger but it was still impactful.

[estel619]

Johan nodded, not sure what to say or do. He didn’t even know what was going on at the time. Seeing as he wasn’t even there. He moved over to Judai, and gave him a big hug, trying to comfort him.

[hero-neos]

Tears started dwelling in his eyes. “i just remember being so enraged and bloodthirsty wanting to kill brron for it…” it really did hurt emotionally recalling all of it “he would’ve killed sho too if he’d been in the exact same spot as they were i was really relieved when i saw he was alive but the relief was really short lasted as…” he seemed to pause as in hesitance for a moment he guessed he could probably describe this bit as the start of the trigger

[estel619]

“Hey… Shhhh. You don’t need to say it if ya don’t want to.” Johan said softly, knowing how distressed Judai appeared. He hugged the other tighter, letting him cry it out if he needed to. “Let’s just try to forget this whole thing happened, and vow not to be so reckless, hm?”

[hero-neos]

The brunette just seemed speechless after that as he hugged back tightly almost sobbing onto the others shirt. Judai really couldn’t help getting like this whenever these memories made a frequent return to him. There was just so much guilt and despairity from it all and it seemed to reduce one who would usually seem as confident and full of energy down to a literal emotional wreck. He wanted to forget it all but its really hard to forget such a traumatic thing as it would sometimes bring back PTSD for him every now and then “i.. Don’t know if i can forget it…”

[estel619]

He just let the other cry it out, being there for him, as a comforting presence. "Have you ever thought about getting some sort of therapy for it?" Johan said softly, not wanting to sound patronising or offensive. "Because it might actually help."